Oh No! Jack’s World is Dead

Sadly, yesterday morning I received some awful news.

Jack’s World is permanently closed.

That’s right. No more twats every day. You can rest easily. It’s done.

There was some amazing footage that I managed to capture.

I can’t believe those people were just walking along as if there’s no towering inferno all around them.

And there was much rejoicing as the world cried merrily “Yay!”

If you’re new to my blog, welcome. You may be wondering…what the hell IS Jack’s World? Well, if you’re one of those people that simply MUST know all the inside jokes, then you can find out about it in one of my BrittCon recap posts…or you can watch the epic video post here. But truthfully, it’s really much ado about nothing. Suffice it to say that there has NEVER been a more annoying string of 29 characters of text in the history of mankind. ‘Nuff said.

So I got a new iPhone. And there was much rejoicing as the world cried merrily “Yay!” OK, maybe *I* just cried merrily “Yay!”

Had to wait in line for 45 minutes at the Apple Store, but I got my 8GB iPhone in black. Would have loved a 16GB, but just couldn’t make that happen. You know, without kidnapping some young waif off the street, taking them to an abandoned hotel, surgically removing their kidney, and selling it on eBay. And you know *that’s* a pain in the ass. Fucking transaction fees.

I have heard from many people how excellent the Apple customer service is, and I have to say that, yeah, it’s true. While I was waiting in line, some Apple “concierge” dude came down the line with a handheld computer jobbie and asked if I was already an AT&T customer. I am. Then he asked for the last 4 numbers of my SSN and my phone number. I typically don’t give out that information until the third date, after we’ve already experimented with flavored lubes and diesel-powered vibrators, but for an iPhone? You better believe I gave up my digits. He looked up my account information right there, and said I was all set to go.

Then it was just wait. Wait. Wait.

Wait.

I found myself sixth in line. For 25 minutes. Then I was fifth. Then thank God…I was suddenly third because two guys were together! From there I was wishing that the two people ahead of me would spontaneously combust.

*coughing from all the smoke*

Concierge: “Oh my! What happened here?”

Me: “Well, apparently these people were here for an iPhone but their body temparatures simultaneously escalated to a ridiculously high level. I saw them start to smolder, and I was considerate enough to hock a loogey on them, hoping it would stop any conflagration, but no.”

Concierge: “That’s terrible!”

Me: (nodding) “It really is. Nothing we can really do now. But I’m next, right?”

Then I snapped back from my little fantasy and a blue-shirt Apple dude came up and said, “Are you ready, sir?” It was all smooth sailing from there. He was attentive, helpful, and efficient in every way. We went over to an Apple laptop and he quickly pulled an iPhone from the back room and got me set up in no time.

“You know that once we do this, your other phone will be shut off automatically, right?”

“Yeah.”

And sure enough, before I left the store my iPhone was my new phone and the old phone? Well, it’s a glorified paperweight.

“You’ll want to calibrate your battery,” said the dude.

“Calibrate it?” What the fuck? “What do you mean?” I’m picturing opening my iPhone and hooking it up to a voltage meter with black and red leads, maybe an oscilloscope to check the frequency and make sure I’ve got a nice wave pattern on it or something.

“You use the phone until it’s completely dead,” says the dude, “then charge it up fully, use it AGAIN till it’s dead, charge it up fully, and you’re good to go.”

Oh. That. I thought that was called training your battery’s memory. Because, you know, rechargeable batteries DO have memories. If you’re one of those people that routinely slaps your phone on the charger when it’s down to a half-charge then you’re going to seriously shorten your battery’s lifespan. Seriously.

I spent the next three hours going back and forth from the old phone to the iPhone, entering phone numbers and names…unaware that I could have imported my contacts from Google. But really? I don’t keep the Google contacts all that updated, except for email addresses.

So yes, I love my iPhone. Tell me, iPhone lovers, what are your favorite apps? Especially if they’re free. And how can I get my iPhone to sync up with the Google calendar?

Anecdotes and photos from my short trip to L.A. yesterday will come tomorrow. And the Summer of Love continues on Tuesday with more guest bloggers every Tuesday, Thursday, and Saturday this month. Sorry that one person backed out recently, but I’ve already filled Tuesday’s slot with a new friend of mine that I met at BlogHer, so it’s all good.