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This is not Karl.
My name is Dave, and I have my very own blog called Blogography.
I am here to kick off Karl’s annual “SUMMER OF LOVE” event, where Karl gets people to guest-blog on Secondhand Tryptophan so he can enjoy a couple months of summertime rest and relaxation while he cuts back to half-time blogging.
Or, as I like to call it, “SUMMER OF LAZINESS!“
As I recall, Karl’s invitation went something like this…
- KARL: Hey Dave, do you want to guest-blog for me during my Summer of Love?
- DAVE: Well, I’m working on three jobs right now and am starting five months of back-to-back travel, so I…
- KARL: So that’s a yes then? Great, just great! I’ll pencil you in for July 1st!
- DAVE: Errr… I dunno if…
- KARL: Thanks Dave! Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to tally up how much advertising revenue I made off my blog this month. Please keep in mind that if your guest-post sucks and my ad revenue drops, I’ll be sending you an invoice for the difference! Bye! =click!=
So here I am…
Trying not to suck because I don’t have the several thousand dollars that Karl makes in ad revenue every day.
But what to do? What is it that will ensure lots of blog hits? What is the one thing on the internet that nobody on earth can can resist?
Answer: ELIZABETH HURLEY NAKED!!
Except I don’t have any naked pictures of Elizabeth Hurley, so my only option is to post a naked photo of MYSELF!
No bullshit, I am posting an actual naked photo of me… one of those photos I’ve always feared will end up on the internet somehow.
Well, there’s no time like the present…
There… NAKED DAVE!
Now everybody click on Karl’s ads so I don’t have to sell my kidney.
But before I go, I made a badge that Karl’s guest bloggers can use to let people know that they’re blogging so Karl doesn’t have to…
And there you have it.
I sure hope that Karl did something entirely depraved and pointless with the time he saved by not having to blog today!
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Filed under Guest Post |57 Responses to “Nudity”
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The women (and Jester) will be swooning over naked Dave. And I’m making GREAT time with all this free time. Doing things like, um, sleeping and recovering from BrittCon.
Oh… *sigh*
The post was Hilarious! But the tiny, tiny, picture that you couldn’t make any bigger no matter how many times you clicked? Sooo disappointing…
You’re lucky I love the funny so I’ll be back to click on Karl’s ads and save you some money, haha.
(Awesome graphic, btw!)
Sure, and isn’t it a sweet *wee* cock Dave2 has, then?
Oh my my, it really *is* DaveCock! So like, did you pixelate that picture because you knew that someone would immediately open up Photoshop and try to um…zoom in on the image? Not saying that *I* did such a thing but yanno…*whistles*…someone might have.
(Thanks for the graphic too!)
I have really good eyes. I’m a happy girl.
By the way, the tongue in cheek was not lost on me…(subscribing, thus the double comment).
Hmm. That doesn’t quite look like the DaveCock that I remember.
Oh…shit. That was definitely TMI. How does this edit comment function work again???
Is that to scale?
Dave - Even though that is so wee, I can tell it is a good pose. I’d hire you for my life drawing group. You get paid twenty bucks and cookies. Now Karl won’t force you to sell your organs, just come to Massachusetts and stand still for people.
Karl - Did you still have guest posting space? In August, maybe?
I’m really curious how this picture came to be in the first place….
That was awesome. Good job Dave!
ha! a most excellent guest post, dave.
Karl, what? The rest of us can’t swoon as well? Fine! I see how it is.
I love the graphic!
I suddenly feel… bigger… than usual.
I’m sketching your portrait as we speak… exactly like in Titanic.
You didn’t expect someone with my bionic eyes, did you?
Wow, you must have balls the size of… Oh wait, no you don’t.
Dave - Sell a kidney??!!??
That would be for a good cause, right??
As for your naked picture????….
Why can’t anyone *else* see what I see??
I was able to make your picture a size that everyone could see it.
It clearly looks like this:
http://tinyurl.com/5teg6s
~NaughtyZZ
I am so disappointed. I really thought I might see a naked pic of Dave (one big enough to view, that is). Ah well. ::shrug::
Looks like some evidence of manscaping there!
Good think I cleaned my glasses this morning!
Holy shit… that’s funny. You are good with that Photoshop dodge tool.
And I am so using that badge when I guest blog here on July 31st (shameless plug)
Tease.
Clearly, however, I can see that there is no “manscaping” going on.
Also, why does it look like you’re in a crowd of people? Like Oprah’s studio, or something.
Dave…were you a stripper on Oprah??
And, um….greeneyezz? I am sooo glad my kids aren’t home this morning, because the noise of horror and disbelief from that photo of yours would have woken them up!
HEH. You are a very funny guy, Dave. Usually, I loves Photoshop. Today, not so much. Oh, well. At least “I” have a naked Liz Hurley pic. Hee hee.
I’m going to add you to my file of naked bloggers, right next to naked Karl. Tiny naked Dave is better than no Dave at all!
Karl… Heck, even I am swooning over Naked Dave!
Amber… Thanks for clicking on the ads… maybe I’ll only have to sell my Wii and get to keep my kidney thanks to generous people like you.
SJ… With all due modesty, I’m going to have to say “yes.”
Hilly… Nope… the photo hasn’t been modified in any way, it’s just been shrunk a little bit.
TSM… Can’t say that I blame you. Playgirl quality, isn’t it?
Hilly… Since I’m naked here, I’d appreciate it if everybody could keep their tongues to themselves… there’s no telling where they’ve been.
Iron Fist… Now that you know naked photos of me fetch big money on the internet, I’m locking up the camera next time we’re roommates!
Whit… If you blow it up to actual size, yes. It’s all me, baby.
PocketCT… It’s not really a pose… I was walking towards my girlfriend when she snapped the photo with my camera. And $20 and cookies?!? No thanks. Perhaps if it was chocolate it would be different…
Miss Britt… I had just bought a digital camera. My girlfriend was playing with it while I was in the shower. She snapped the picture as I was coming out of the bathroom.
Mike… Yeah, I know! We owe it all to my parents and genetics.
Kat… Yep! I’m awesome… no doubt about it!
Kapgar… Swoon away! But keep that photo away from Katie… I don’t want to be responsible for what happens if she sees it!
Bucky… I do too! Love that Bad Monkey!
NYCD… Which is exactly the opposite effect that my nudity usually has… how strange!
Jenny… I’M THE KING OF THE WORLD!!
Avitable… On the contrary, I was counting on it!
Whall… Yeah, saying they are the size of bowling balls is a bit much. But just a bit…
Greeneyezz… OMG! So the photo was already on the internet?!?
Gina… If you squint… you can just about make out my naughty bits…
Lady Jane… Which is another story entirely…
Lisa… I know! Not like you’d want to miss this hot piece of man-candy!
Marty… It was not altered in Photoshop in any way… except to reduce it a little bit…
Adena… There’s no people behind me… I’m in a hotel room (in Portland, I think?). And while I did strip for Oprah once, it was not before a live studio audience.
Winter… The only photos I have of Elizabeth Hurley naked are movie stills.
Fox… A little Dave goes a long way!!
quick, someone pass me a magnifying glass!
(well done, dave. just for that i will go clicky some ads. i’ve never done that over here. bad becky! will bad monkey spank me?)
I feel like I’ve been shortchanged somehow…
Adena - ooops…I probably should have added a Warning first, before adding that pic here!! *cheeks get pink*
I wonder how many guys *really* would like that??!! (Personally I’d say….Keep that Damn thing away from me…You’d kill me with it!) :)~
Dave - yes…that other pic has already made the rounds on the ‘net. I thought I would just do my civic duty and make that pic large enough so that *EVERYONE* could see you in your glory!
Quite impressive, I might add!
~ZZ
Wait, you’d take chocolate to be a nude art model? Don’t suppose you’d like to visit up north then? (in time for my post I have to do for Karl?)
Hello… Not exactly the kind of thing a guy likes to hear when people are talking about his genitals…
Finn… I took a little extra out for a tip. I totally deserve it.
Greeneyezz… No guy would really want that. I have a hard enough time finding pants with enough room in them.
Kyra… Yikes. Maybe I should! I don’t envy guest posters who have to follow me… how can you top The DaveCock? You can’t! Karl should have saved me for last.
How much are kidneys bringing on the open market these days? I could use some extra cash since Karl expects me to guest-blog for free.
Nice photo. I guess you wear small shoes?
Have you thought of using that as your new favicon? It’s just about the right size! The picture I mean…oh shit….I should just go now…
I was really excited after I read the post on your blog first, then I almost cried when it was too small to see. Oh well. A little DaveCock is better than no DaveCock
I’m joining Karl in the Summer of Laziness. I didn’t even click on the pic to see if I could make it bigger. Too lazy.
Um, yeah…that’s right. I didn’t click on it 3 times. Nope. Not me.
Is it wrong of me that I squinted and got REAL close to the screen? hahahahaha
wow Mr. Dave- it looks like you need to trim some bush there!
Xriva… I dunno, but I’d imagine you could get a pretty penny if your blood type matches some wealthy person in need of one. Might try Craigslist.
Penelope… Only every day of my life! I am totally hot naked! But I don’t want to intimidate anybody, so I’d best stick with what I have.
Amanda… As I said, a little DaveCock goes a long way!
B.E…. Hah! I’m so lazy that I’m not even going to reply to your comment! Beat that!
Sue… No. Not at all. I encourage it, actually!
Mrsk… Ummm… yeah… when I zoom in, it’s 1 pixel. The only way to trim one pixel would be to shave it off completely. I’m not that guy.
Damn you Photoshop! Damn yooou to HEEELL!
This could very well start a Summer Cock Off. That would be wonder… I mean, a terrible, terrible thing indeed.
Lalala. Yep. Just terrible. Lalala.
Anytime there are man bits out and about I’m there. Even this kind.
Bring back Karl and his big ass bottle. I loved that.
Haha. Guest blogger suckitude is not yours my friend. Hope it won’t be mine either. Nice job. Love the badge. : )
as always dave, you never fail to bring on the laughs
~~~~~~~~PLAWYK~~~~~
[...] subscribe to my RSS feed. That’s what all the cool kids do. Thanks for visiting!Thanks to Dave for guest posting for me yesterday and kicking off the Summer of Love with a bang. Tomorrow will be Karen Sugarpants, who I love [...]
Elfenkate… Wow! What did Photoshop ever do to you? As for the Summer Cock-Off, I think that’s a great idea. I hereby proclaim myself the winner and am awaiting my check.
Mocha… Man Bits sounds like a breakfast cereal!
John… Thanks! The DaveCock is a tough act to follow, so good luck to you!
Charlene… ~~~~~~QZYXXMP!~~~~
It’s Called BrittCon! Suck It!… I will not subscribe to your RSS feed! And it’s not because I’m not cool… it’s because I’m TOO cool.
Too obviuos. We’ll skip right over the easy comment and go straight to, “That’s what SHE said.”
About the picture, I mean.
Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
I just realized that photobucket removed that photoshopped pic…it says that I violated the TOS.
*Sigh*
~ZZ
Now, that you’ve peaked our interest…..we all have tried to enlarge that photo to see if it’s really you, ha!!!
Dave, you look so small. . . Wait, that’s probably inappropriate huh?
Very funny. I think I’m stealing that button.
I am SO glad i am nearsighted for the first time in my life.
I can see the small details so much better than other people.
Though SMALL might be the wrong word here.
Dave, I have new respect for you……when you coming back to Oslo? ;->
I put it in my photoediting program, increased the resolution to 1000 pixels per inch, made it so it was the size of a credit card….
And I still can’t see anything.
I do, however, concur with the people who suggested a bit of manscaping might be in order.
Rick… Because THAT’S WHAT KARL SAID!!
Greeneyezz… Yeah… that’s probably for the best!!
Patty… Good luck with that!
Black Belt Mama… But I’m big where it counts!
Karla… Oh I’d love to go back to Norway so I can explore the fjords along the coast… but it will take me ten years to pay off the first trip before I can afford to go again!
Janna… How can I manscape something that’s the size of a single pixel??
See how much joy your meat and two veg bring at that size? My God, Dave, the Stories must be true - that just by walking into a room naked all the
womenpeople go into a state or orgasmic frenzy!And I can keep a secret - you totally knew she had the camera ready for you?
[...] following Dave’s shocking nudity on Karl’s site it reminded me that I, in a brief moment of thinking ‘I am fantastic me’ agreed that I [...]
[...] of Love guest posting thingamajig that he has going on. At least not in the funny department. Dave’s, Karen’s, Kevin’s and SJ’s posts, to me, feel funnier than anything I could ever [...]