So I mentioned that my Resolution this month hit a snag. Big time. Bottom line is, I got fired. From one of my gigs, not both.

Not that it’s a huge shock, mind you. After all, I haven’t worked in quite a while. I take the blame for that.

I won’t say exactly which site fired me, but it doesn’t involve travel blogging, and it might rhyme loosely with Brain Trawler.

No matter. It’s lit a fire under my ass. I plan on doing more travel stories until I find another gig to add to the hotel blogging. So if you know of anything, please let me know. Especially if it involves me writing more humor’ish, slice-of-life stuff. I’m also going to get my other little project going. I told you, I have ideas.

Course, this reaffirms what I’ve already said. TequilaCon is definitely out for me this year. And it doesn’t look good for BlogHer, either. Disappointing, to say the least. For you, I mean. Ahem.

In the meantime, I thought I’d write a little letter to any future employers I have. I’m sure they’re all reading this and are interested in anything and everything I have to say.

Dear Future Employers:

Hi, I wanted to take a moment to give you a list of things you might try in order to make my life with you more pleasant. Or more professional. Whatever.

1. You should know up front that I prefer being notified when I get fired. You know, as close to when you hire my replacements as is convenient for you. To clarify, telling me months later – only after I am ready to return to work – is just a tad late for my taste. I realize it’s a personal preference, but it’s MY personal preference.
2. If you simply must fire me, I prefer getting a phone call over getting an email 15 minutes before end-of-business. It’s more professional and, as an added bonus, it doesn’t make your company seem like it truly doesn’t give a fuck about their employees.
3. Please don’t try to explain your decisions for firing me, unless you’re giving me REAL reasons. I’m not as dumb as I look. For example, saying that it’s because of “budgetary constraints” when you only have a finite number of writing slots per day, and it doesn’t matter who writes them or gets paid for them, is kinda bogus’ish.
4. If you’re going to fire me, please do me the kindness of removing me from the company email lists first. I have enough email to wrestle with every day, I don’t need more.
5. If you happen to be in, say, the gossip industry, please don’t pretend to class up the joint by not using words like “butt” or “nude.” Especially if it’s a blog skewed toward mommies. Because moms happen to be nude a lot, and they also have butts. And they’re also there to read GOSSIP. Running a gossip blog – and again, this is only if you happen to be in that industry – and telling the writers they can’t use words like “sex” or “boobs” is a little like telling TMZ not to take photos. It can be done, mind you, but no one is going to want to read it any more. And I think the traffic reflects that. Or *would*…sorry.
6. I like employers who send me things like free coffee or Cherry Coke Zero. And massage gift certificates. Even without the Happy Ending added on, it’s still a nice perk.

I have other ideas, too, if you care to ask for my input. Most involve naked women, but I do have a great one that includes a shaved giraffe.

Sincerely,

Karl Erikson

--- Thanks for reading! SecondHand Tryptophan

February 1. Shit, why did I agree to do TWELVE resolutions this year? What the fuck was I thinking?

Gonna make this short and sweet. Don’t expect that on a regular basis. I’ve got a lot in the air right now.

February: Financial

I resolve to start working again. Two stories per day for Famecrawler, one story per week for Uptake.

Yes, I have actual writing jobs. No, I haven’t acted like it for a long, long time. Since Lisa passed on LAST February, truth be told. I’m tired of being broke and bitching about it when I’m the one who has the power to fix the fucking problem. So I’m doing it.

I’m fortunate that I haven’t permanently screwed up those gigs. And that I get to work from home, especially right now with Mom in bed most of the time.

So that’s the deal. I begin working in earnest tomorrow.

Over and out.

--- Thanks for reading! SecondHand Tryptophan

Yeah, it’s the first day of September. The Summer of Love ended yesterday. No more flowers in the header. *sigh*

And rather than write something, I went for a video blog post.

You should skip it. It’s boring. I’ll summarize.

• I went to therapy today with the Matrix Therapist.
• She wants me to set goals and shit.
• I am broke.
• I need a new computer.
• I’m working again. Finally.
• Starting in a couple of weeks, I’ll be doing TWO episodes of SecondHand Radio every week. Thursdays, of course, but I’m adding a Monday episode.
• I need more guests for 2HRadio.
• You should suggest guests for me to get.
• The Birthday Dares Spectacular starts Sunday, September 13.
• Nobody will know which ones I’m doing until the videos go live.
• Don’t ask.
• I won’t tell.

There. Now you don’t have to watch.

But if you insist on torturing yourself:

Direct Youtube Link

--- Thanks for reading! SecondHand Tryptophan

So in one week, it’ll be time to kick off another season of The Summer of Love here at 2HT. The guest list is compiling and looking amazing so far.

For all of July and August, the goal is to have a different guest blogger every Tuesday, Thursday, and Saturday. And I’m going to attempt to get back on the blogging horse and blog every day in between. It’s been a long time since I left my daily blogging schedule behind…time to do something about that.

Then there’s reading other blogs again. Ugh. My feedreader should be on a respirator.

And yes, Black Belt Mama, I haven’t forgotten about your request for a video. It’s in the works. Hoping to make it happen in the next few days.

TONIGHT ON SECONDHAND RADIO, my guest is Mr. Josh Loposer, the newest guy in the Famecrawler.com stables. Josh is a hip, happening, young Green-loving dude who lives in Austin, Texas and writes for various blogs such as Green Daily.

He also happens to be a really handsome bastard. Look at him, all smug and shit, knowing he has the world at his compost-loving feet. Oh, and he’s married. Sorry, ladies.

Josh was a drummer in a rock band, AND he’s big into conspiracy theories! This is going to be a fun show. I don’t often get to talk to my coworkers at Famecrawler, since we’re spread out all over the continent.

I hope you’ll join us tonight at 10pm Eastern. Tell your friends!

There’s a live chatroom at Talkshoe (where you should register if you haven’t already) for your use during the show. And you’re ALL welcome to call in at any time to talk to Josh and I, ask questions, whatever.

Showtime: 10pm Eastern, 9pm Central, 7pm Pacific.

Show Link

Call-In Number: 724-444-7444, Call ID is 23738

SecondHand Radio in iTunes

--- Thanks for reading! SecondHand Tryptophan

Hope everyone had a great Father’s Day, whether you’re a dad or a dad-to-be or you just spent the day WITH your dad.

Thanks to everyone who entered the contest over the weekend for a free membership to Picnik.com. I drew the winners yesterday afternoon after 5, using random.org to randomly generate two numbers between 1 and 26 and came up with the following two winners:

• Lori Norton
• Mikkie

So congratulations to Lori and Mikkie! They win free 6-month premium memberships to Picnik and I’m sure they’ll be making lots of fun images. And my thanks to Picnik for providing those free memberships for me to give away.

Yesterday I went to go see “The Proposal” with my mom for Father’s Day. I’ve really been wanting to see “The Hangover,” but I thought the subtle humor might escape my mother, so we did the Sandra Bullock movie. Which I didn’t really mind, because I like Sandra Bullock.

Plus, you can’t go wrong with Betty White. Like Dave2, I have a major crush on Betty. And the movie also had Craig T. Nelson, Mary Steenburgen, and Ryan Reynolds, who really is very good in the movie.

Predicatable, as all romantic comedies are, but very fun and enjoyable. Great date movie, I’d think. Y’know, if I had things like dates. Mom loved it, too.

This week, I’m seeing “The Hangover” if it kills me. Not today, of course. Today I’m working hard at getting my ass to work again. I’ve been fitful since February and that isn’t helping me or anyone else. Because, you know, the gossip never sleeps.

For those of you that are new to 2HT, I write gossip for Famecrawler.com. And I appreciate everyone who clicks through on my stories because that’s my bread and butter right there.

You can see all the stories I write there with this link. And every time you click on one of my headlines, Daddy gets closer to buying a new pair of shoes. Digg and Stumble those stories and I’ll love you forever.

And there’s Famecrawler on Twitter, too, which Tweets every time a new story is published on the site. All your favorite celebrity gossipy goodness.

If you’re looking to find me elsewhere on the Web, try those nifty little icons in my sidebar…Facebook, Twitter, Last.fm…links to most of my little hideaways.

Now I must consume loads more coffee and put my nose back to the grindstone. My nose is getting calloused now, so it doesn’t hurt as much as it used to.

--- Thanks for reading! SecondHand Tryptophan

For those that are too young to remember that quote, “Da Plane! Da Plane!” is from the original Fantasy Island TV show. And that particular line was from the midget known as Tattoo, Khan’s right-hand man. Or Mr. Roarke, whatever.

I bring up Tattoo because I may actually be getting my first tattoo in a couple of weeks. Not the TequilaCon variety of tattoo, which comes off within a few days, a REAL one.

That’s right, Mr. Wild & Crazy is tatless. But my pending road trip to Lexington, Kentucky for the party fest known as ConFab has me thinking about getting one. There’s going to be a tattoo excursion and I think I’m going along for it.

The problem with tattoos, for me anyway, is finding the right one. What the hell do you put on your body PERMANENTLY when you’re one of those people who bore fairly easily? It’s not like my desktop wallpaper, where I can change the picture dozens of times a day if I feel like it. Tattoos don’t come off. Not without lasers, at any rate, and I’ve yet to go peeling off layers of epidermis with laser beams…don’t feel like starting now, either.

So contemplating something cool enough to place on your body is difficult, especially when you’re thinking 40 years down the road. What’s cool enough, significant enough, to put on your arm or shoulder or the small of your back, that isn’t going to look positively ridiculous when you’re 82 years old and not the tight, lean, fighting machine you are today? (cough)

I don’t know the answer to that question, but I’m working on it. The only thing I can think of so far is to get the little cartoon smoking guy at the top of my blog. See, even when I quit smoking (and I will), I’m pretty sure that some iteration of the smoking dude will always appear here at 2HT. So that’s where I’m leaning at the moment.

Course, I could make that 14-hour drive to Kentucky in a couple of weeks and totally change my mind. I could wander into the tattoo parlor, see the needle, and say “No fucking way.” But for now, I’m feeling more and more like this may be my first ink. We’ll see. Thoughts?

Now for a meme. I got tagged by Kim for this Crazy 8’s meme. Haven’t done one in a while, so I thought I’d give it a go. I don’t tag people back, but feel free to yank it and put it on your own blog, of course.

To do list (i.e. “the rules”):

1. Mention the person who tagged me, and I did !!
2. Complete the list of 8’s, and I did !!
3. Tag 8 bloggers & tell them I tagged them!

Eight things I am looking forward to:

1. ConFab, June 11-13, roughly. Lots of friends, old and new.
2. Road trip with Jill TO ConFab.
3. Watching the “Reaper” series finale some time today.
4. The magical room-moving fairies that are going to clean my current bedroom and move all my shit into the NEW bedroom.
5. BlogHer ‘09, Chicago (July)! Rooming with Neil, a first time attendee, and a chick magnet.
6. SecondHand Radio tomorrow night. My guest is my buddy Mike. Gonna be a blast.
7. Sex. Just kidding, there’s virtually no chance of that happening any time soon.
8. iPhone 3.0!

Eight things I did yesterday:

1. Worked
2. Went to Walgreens
3. Had dinner with Mom & friends at the Olive Garden
4. Watched far too much television.
5. Hung out with Mindy and Sarah for a while last night.
6. Played a fuckton of Zombieville USA on my iPhone.
7. Listened to Adam Carolla’s podcast. Seriously? Best podcast on Earth.
8. Smoked.

Eight things I wish I could do:

1. Play piano.
2. Have sex, maybe on the piano.
3. Finish one of my frakking novels.
4. Heal relationships.
5. Travel the world.
6. Escape my depression forever.
7. Get a new pancreas so I can eat giant fishbowls full of Fruity Pebbles again.
8. Marry Jaime Murray.

Eight shows I watch:

1. Jeopardy
2. Fringe
3. Lost
4. Heroes
5. Extreme Makeover: Home Edition
6. Leverage
7. House
8. Criminal Minds

Eight favorite fruits:

1. Grapes
2. Bananas
3. Watermelon
4. Cherries
5. Pineapples
6. Oranges
7. Apples
8. Peaches

Eight places I’d like to travel:

1. Australia
2. U.K.
3. Netherlands
4. Spain
5. Hawaii
6. Canada
7. Africa
8. Alaska

Eight places I’ve lived:

1. Westhampton Beach, NY
2. Alamogordo, NM
3. England
4. Biloxi, MS
5. Dallas, TX
6. San Antonio, TX
7. Boca Raton, FL
8. Sebring, FL

--- Thanks for reading! SecondHand Tryptophan

Tonight’s guest on SecondHand Radio is a buddy of mine, Whit Honea from The Honea Express. Whit is a dad supreme, crazy as hell, and a professional blogger. I don’t know how he does it – he writes for around 138 blogs, including Famecrawler.

Showtime is 10pm Eastern, 7pm Pacific.

The chatroom opens 15 minutes early, so you can join in on the fun. Plus, you’re always welcome to call in.

Phone Number: (724) 444-7444

Call ID: 23738

Please join us. Tell your friends.

--- Thanks for reading! SecondHand Tryptophan

Video blog post because I’m too lazy to write something.

--- Thanks for reading! SecondHand Tryptophan

Hey gang. Just a quick reminder to tune in tonight for another episode of SecondHand Radio. My guest tonight is none other than the gorgeous Sassy Smith, one of my cowriters on Famecrawler. She also has a great blog you can check out.

Showtime is 10pm Eastern, that’s 7pm for you folks on the west coast. I hope you’ll come join us for all sorts of fun conversation. I’m sure we’ll talk gossip and who knows what else.

Come on out a few minutes early, when the chat room opens up…call in to talk to me and Sassy. Just be there, eh?

--- Thanks for reading! SecondHand Tryptophan

CONTEST

Don’t forget to leave me your double dog birthday dares on this post. Leave a comment with a dare and you might win a prize. Deadline is Friday at midnight.

Well, my first week at Famecrawler is already over. Hard to believe. I’m all loopy from a wacky sleep schedule, and sleep deprivation, but slowly learning the ropes. You have added Famecrawler to your feedreaders, right? I’m not saying that I get paid traffic bonuses or anything, but I’d sure appreciate you clicky-clicking on all my stories.

I’m confident that some time this week, I’ll actually get around to someone’s blog other than my own and Famecrawler’s. The feedreader, as always, is coughing and sputtering.

Thank God for my friends. Yesterday, 2HT was doing its own coughing and sputtering and done did died for a while. Long story short, I went insane for a couple of hours and then deactivated all the plugins, reactivating them one at a time and refreshing the blog after each add. It’s back up and running, thanks to Justin, Vahid,  and DutchBitch’s suggestions.

It’s officially September and that means my 42nd birthday is mere weeks away. Meh, I’m not all that jazzed about it, really. I’m sure I won’t be doing anything on the big day. Good thing I have those dares to look forward to.

I’m woefully behind on television, too. And with the new season coming up, I need to head over to the reborn Snackie TeeVee and see what the hell the new schedules are looking like. Surely you heard that Snackie TeeVee is back, no? Head on over there and check it out. It’s all shiny and new-like.

--- Thanks for reading! SecondHand Tryptophan