First of all, admire the new digs for SecondHand Tryptophan! Thanks to the lovely Rent a Geek Mom, the design went live last night and I’m really liking it. Hope you do, too. Caitlin did a great job. My bud, Mic, drew the header graphic for me, so a big thanks to him, as well.

If you see anything wonky or notice some weird behavior on the blog, please let me know.

Second, for all my mom friends, hope you had a wonderful Mother’s Day yesterday.

"I'd like to say hi to SecondHand Karl and congrats on the new design!"

So I started watching “Live with Regis and Kelly” (sorry, Shannon) this morning, and then President Obama sees the need to preempt everything at 10:00 AM to announce his new Supreme Court nominee. Snore. Why can’t Barack get a clue and start his press conferences at 7:00 AM or noon, when nobody gives a fuck about what else is on TV? Or maybe 6pm, when the news is ALREADY ON?

Sure, this Elena Kagan (whose last name is close enough to Kegel to make me giggle) may be helping shape the very laws of the United States one day. But she’s already irritating me by interrupting my morning TV.

For future reference, major flood or earthquake? Local tornado warning? Plane crash? Mud wrestling in the Senate? Karl winning the lottery? All fantastic reasons to interrupt TV with an announcement. Short of that, fuck off and wait until the noon/evening news. Or hey, how about showing that shit on the channels I expect to see news on, like CNN or MSNBC?

--- Thanks for reading! SecondHand Tryptophan

It took me forever to figure out what to write as a guest for Karl’s blog. It takes me forever to figure out what to write on my own, so this pretty much took me all summer. I asked Karl for help and he left me with the advice, “write something you wouldn’t write on your own blog.”

Cool, thanks, ‘preciate that, really.

Since my parents read my blog and are a little straight laced, I’m going to go ahead and write about sex or at least sexcapades. Just so you know, these aren’t sexcapades involving my husband Whit, because he of course rocks in the sack and a lady doesn’t kiss and tell. Oh wait, did I just tell?

One of the funniest sex experiences I had as a dating girl, you know back in the day, goes as follows.

I was “dating” this guy Eric at the time and he was really good in the bed. He really cared about a girl’s sexual experience.  He was a player and it wouldn’t do his reputation any good to just get it and hit it. No one wants to be known as a two-pump chump.

We were at my house and we’re in the middle of foreplay, yes, that’s right foreplay, and I can hardly think because he’s got me so riled up.

Then in the middle of all the goodness he stops and says to me, “recite me a poem”.

Me: Huh wha… I’m sorry, what?
E: You heard me. Recite me a poem and I’ll go down on you.
Me: A poem?
E: Yep.

Now all I could think of at this moment was “love” poems, and I was not going to recite a love poem to a player. There was no way in hell I was going to wax poetic about cream white rosebuds or violets. So what did  I say?  So you all remember the movie “The Princess Bride”. Yep that’s what I thought of. (all of this in about .25 seconds flat)

Me: Stop it, I mean it, Anybody want a peanut?
E: Okay, I guess that’s good enough

Deed was done! Woo hoo!

The second sexcapade wasn’t nearly as much fun.

This concerned my ex-husband, Steve. We were dating, and it was pretty close to the beginning of our relationship. I decided he needed a blow job. I did say it was at the beginning of our relationship.

So there we are, him on the couch, me on my knees, and it was at the happy ending that things turned sour.

You know when you go to wash your hair in the shower or even put on lotion and maybe you haven’t used it in a few days and it starts to get that thick ball of stuff on the opening and you have to take it off to get anything out.

Yeah, that was in my mouth, only it wasn’t shampoo or lotion. Suffice it to say I didn’t swallow. There I was, trying to be polite, trying to think of the quickest way to the bathroom to spit it out.

So yeah, now you know me a little better. . .

--- Thanks for reading! SecondHand Tryptophan

Hi there!

First off a big thank you to Karl for not making me beg too much for the honor of guest posting asking me to guest post for The Summer of Love Spectacular.

Second off, the answer to the question you’re all asking yourselves right this second. Who the hell am I? Well, in a nutshell, I’m Sheila of the not really infamous blog Charm School Reject. In a not so nutshell, well, okay, we’re not going to turn this into an all about me post because really, in the grand scheme of things, who gives a shit who the hell I am? Yup. My thoughts exactly.

Anyway.

Third off, the thing you are all here to read….my guest post. ::ahem::

Alright so I am sitting here at 10:00 p.m. on Thursday night trying to mush a bunch of words into a somewhat coherent guest post. My original thought was to tell you all about the grand adventures of how Karl managed to snag me a Third Class Ticket into BlogHer and all the fun I had. But then a little lightbulb went off in my head, uh, earlier today and I realized that that would not work out very well because (one) I can’t very well write a post about something when I’ve only experienced the first half of the event ; (two) Karl would totally kick my ass if this post weren’t set to publish at 12:01 a.m. Saturday morning; and, of course, (three) both Karl and I know that the chances of me being sober awake enough to actually type on Friday night when I get home from Day One are slim to none.

After I’m done with this here guest post, I need to finish klassifying my regular business cards into blog cards because, if you can’t tell from the previous post, advanced planning is not my strong suit. You see, I don’t have blog cards because I just decided last week to go to BlogHer so I didn’t have time to order any online and I wasn’t on the ball enough to have some printed by Kinko’s. I’m also really lazy and didn’t want to print the stupid things myself. Which, in hindsight was a big fat fail because handwriting my url onto the back of my regular business cards is a total time suck and makes my hand cramp. Luckily, I don’t have any high aspirations of being the Belle of the Blog so if I hand out five of those cards, I’d be surprised.

I also still have to straighten my insanely ridiculous hair and try and tame it into something presentable because something tells me that showing up with my usual bastard child of a pony tail just ain’t gonna swing it when I meet up with the BlogHer babes.

Anyway.

Since I cannot write about the awesome fun I had at BlogHer because I haven’t actually been there yet and my muse seems to be on a permanent vacation….[have you noticed the lack of regular posting on my own blog?]….I am using this space to write a fortune cookie of sorts.

I am going to go to BlogHer….well, okay, LobbyCon….and I am going to have a kickass time once I make like Ariel and get my Land Legs going. No, seriously, does anyone know where I can find Ursela? I need to get rid of this fin if I’m going to not be a fish out of water. Bonus Points : I have a really strange feeling that people will like me much better if I can’t talk. I have a tendency to be kind of an asshole and I’m really good at shoving both feet into my mouth.

….and they all lived happily ever after.

xoxo

[Okay, so I realize that this kind of turned into being all about me but at least I managed to squeeze Karl's name in there....]

--- Thanks for reading! SecondHand Tryptophan

I think I was late getting to the Podcast rally. Now that I have my iPhone/iPod, I’ve been making time for more podcasts in recent months. Thought I’d throw together a listing of some of my fave podcasts, complete with links to iTunes.

Shameless Plug

Clearly, the best podcast you can subscribe to is this little show called SecondHand Radio. Yeah, OK, it’s my show. I have a different guest each week and it’s an hour of fun conversation about anything and everything. The show is customized for each guest and there’s no set topic, but I think it’s entertaining to listen to.

Just last night, I had Karl Erikson as a guest. Not me, another Karl Erikson. Had a ton of fun learning about my better-looking doppleganger. He’s clearly living the life.

Friends You Should Be Listening To

Clearly, You’re Retarded. It’s Miss Britt and Adam Avitable going at it every week. A point/counterpoint type of show, there’s a controversial topic each week and Britt and Adam screech at each other for 60 minutes. Well, Britt does the screeching. Adam just laughs out loud on the inside and says, “Yeah?” a lot while Britt screams, “Are you fucking KIDDING me?!”

Lick! Slam! Suck! – the unofficial TequilaCon podcast. Granted, not everyone is going to TequilaCon, even though they should. But with Santa Fe only a week away, Dawg’s and Poppy’s podcast is a great way to get yourself acquainted with NM before you get there. (Sorry, can’t find the iTunes link, but the link above will get you to the Talkshoe page for the show.)

Podcasts I Listen to Regularly

This Week in Tech (TWiT). Full of weekly geeky goodness. All the tech/gadget news you can handle with Leo Laporte and weekly guests. Great show.

Today in iPhone. It is what the title indicates, only important if you have an iPhone. Lots of good information, including weekly app reviews.

Wordpress Weekly. More geeky goodness. Wordpress users only need apply.

The Official LOST Podcast. The creators/producers of “Lost” get together for regular podcasts during the viewing season. Some are just a few minutes long, some are half an hour. Most contain Q&A from fans. I love this show.

Stuff You Should Know. Totally off the wall at times, this is the podcast from the site HowStuffWorks.com. This show presents a different topic each time, some of them quite eclectic. Some recent titles include:

• Do Toads Cause Warts?
• Bizarre Ways to Die.
• How Aphrodisiacs Work.
• How Money Laundering Works.

The Adam Carolla Podcast. Funny, funny guy with great guests. This is a 5-day-a-week podcast and I can’t possibly listen to them all, but when I do, I always enjoy it. Recent guests include Family Guy’s Seth MacFarlane, Larry Miller, Kevin Nealon, and Danica Patrick.

How About You?

What podcasts are in your subscription list? Love to hear from you.

--- Thanks for reading! SecondHand Tryptophan

I suspected, but didn’t realize the full extent to which I’m addicted to television. I’m finding out now because my brand new HD DVR in the living room is fried. Now I have to wait 3 full business days before getting a replacement, which means no TV in the living room. That wouldn’t be so bad, except that the only other TV in the house is in my mother’s room and she is, shall we say, not exactly the night owl that her son is.

I took care of the big TV conversion, since I am the arbiter of all things technical in this house. I’m proud to say I’ve taught my mother a great many things to bring her into the 21st century. I’ve taught her computerey things like using the HOME and END keys on the keyboard to skip to the top or bottom of a web page. Hell, she’s even using Google Reader now, which is astounding.

I’ve taught Mom various and sundry things about using her cell phone…speed dial, setting the alarm clock, etc. And I’ve taught her the amazingness that is Tivo. OK, even if DirecTV doesn’t use Tivo any more, I’ll always call my DVR Tivo.

So basically, what I did with the TV situation was upgraded the living room to High Def DVR and then put a new Tivo in Mom’s room, which is standard-def. Slowly but surely, Mom is coming around to realize that you can press PAUSE at ANY time. AND fast forward through commercials for the taped shows. Soon I’ll have her hating live TV, just like I do, because you can’t fast forward through ads when it’s live.

But the DVR in the living room has been giving me fits almost from Day 1. And it finally croaked, after less than a week. Now I see on the DirecTV forums that this unit is plagued with problems. I’m not the only one suffering. The thing mysteriously reboots itself for no reason, locks up when I’m fast forwarding or rewinding, the remote locks up and doesn’t do anything until I reset it. It’s a mess. And I’m hoping that a replacement will fix all my ails.

In the meantime, I have to wait until WEDNESDAY to get a new unit. That’s fucked up. There BETTER be some serious bending over backwards and compensating me. I can’t even watch Saturday Night Live tonight until the morning because my mother has the annoying habit of having to sleep. I’m missing all kinds of TV and it’s making me insane.

I have the TV on all the time during my waking hours. CNN in the morning, followed by a little Regis and Kelly and then The View. Catch up on a couple of shows during the day. Wheel of Fortune and Jeopardy from 7-8pm…then the nightly shows. Argh! DirecTV should have this stinking DVR FEDEX’d to me!

And I can’t wait to get rid of this beard. Total non sequitor, I know, but it has to be said. It’s annoying, it’s itchy. It comes off after Halloween, of that you can be sure.

--- Thanks for reading! SecondHand Tryptophan

It always amazes me when I write something that I think is absolute shite and get a lot of positive responses about it. It just proves the point, yet again, that you never know what is going to be a hit and what’s not. You can’t predict that shit, I don’t care what we’re talking about. My last post? I thought it sucked. Thanks for all the cool comments.

I can never predict what is going to get a lot of comments. I never know what videos are going to be funny and what videos won’t be. Sure, you can get an idea that something is funny. But just because it cracks ME up, doesn’t mean it’s going to crack YOU up. My sense of humor is a tad skewed.

With the Famecrawler gig, I can’t predict the big posts, either. I wish I could. I’d hit traffic bonuses all the time and that would be really nice. I try to pick some posts I think will be hits, but I rarely get it right. Mostly, I pick the ones where I can best use my snarky skills. Sometimes the jokes work, sometimes they don’t.

Like this one…I was being a total smartass and got called a racist. Don’t get me wrong, it doesn’t bug me. Much. I know I’m not a racist. The readers of Famecrawler don’t know me…most of them, anyway. Sometimes sarcasm translates well via written word, sometimes it doesn’t. Most of the people that read gossip stories are total whackjobs, at any rate. I should know – I read gossip myself nowadays.

Still, I love this job. Yeah, there’s a lot of stuff I don’t care about but there are tons of cute baby photos and the occasional crazy celebrities that I get to make fun of.

I had to go to the dentist yesterday and need a crown. Owch, that’s the fastest $850 I think I’ve spent in a hell of a long time. Fortunately, they took only half down and the other half when I get my crown in a couple of weeks. And there’s a lot more work needed. My mouth is a circus for dentists. To be more precise, it’s the sideshow of freaks. I see many dentist visits in my imediate future…root canals, crowns, fillings. Ugh.

Luckily, this guy was really good. Didn’t feel a thing. Mostly. I still hate the needle part, though. I’d be totally fucked if I weren’t working again. I don’t have insurance and Medicare doesn’t pay dental. Double ugh. Again, that’s why it’d be nice to get a lot of traffic bonuses at Famecrawler. So feel free to regularly click through on my stories there…Digg them, Stumble them, you know…

What I’d like is a brand new mouth full of beautiful straight unstained teeth. That’s my fantasy. Is that weird?

Right, onto a meme since I haven’t done one in a while.

Totally snagging this meme from Winter, who snagged it from Kevin.

Shit, for some reason I can’t upload photos to my blog. Shows up as an HTTP error. Bah, I wish I knew more techy stuff.

The Rule: Answer the questions using only one word.

1. Where is your cell phone? Desk
2. Your significant other? What?
3. Your hair? Reddish
4. Your mother? Cool
5. Your father? Funky
6. Your favorite thing? Tivo
7. Your dream last night? Bad
8. Your favorite drink? Guinness
9. Your dream/goal? Novelist
10. The room you’re in? Living.
11. Your hobby? Looking
12. Your fear? Alone
13. Where do you want to be in six years? Married
14. What you’re not? Happy
15. Muffins? Blueberry
16. One of your wish list items? Car
17. Where you grew up? Westhampton
18. The last thing you did? Blog
19. What are you wearing? Shorts
20. Favorite gadget? iPhone
21. Your pets? None
22. Your computer? Laptop
23. Your mood? Depressed
24. Missing someone? Kinda
25. Your car? Beater
26. Something you’re not wearing? Hat
27. Favorite store? Amazon
28. Like someone? Yeah
29. Your favorite color? Black
30. When is the last time you laughed? Tonight
31. Last time you cried? May

--- Thanks for reading! SecondHand Tryptophan

Thanks to those of you that tuned in for last night’s episode of SecondHand Radio. I apologize because there were some technical problems. People couldn’t get into the chat room, there were audio troubles. I assure you that’s not normally the case.

As usual, you can listen to the show on my Talkshoe page, download it, or subscribe and download it through iTunes. Just search for SecondHand Radio.

My thanks to Whit, a great friend and guest. We talked about a lot of stuff, including politics, gossip, TV, and ninjas. You can find Whit at all of the following spots:

I’m working on guests for the upcoming weeks. If you’re interested in doing a show with me, please let me know.

Dare #5 is coming. I’m filming it this weekend so I hope to have it up by Tuesday at the latest. In the meantime, you can find me at Famecrawler, here on 2HT, and now at Snackie TeeVee where I’m covering a few shows.

--- Thanks for reading! SecondHand Tryptophan

I love all sorts of movies, including bad ones. Hell, I loved “Teen Wolf” and “Rock and Roll High School” and “Flash Gordon” (great Queen soundtrack) and even “Grease 2.” All terrible movies, but I’ve seen them many times. What? Michelle Pfeiffer was hot singing about Cool Riders.

I’m a movie lover all the way around. But I just thought I’d admit to one of my guilty pleasures: romantic comedies. I just finished watching “Notting Hill” for the first time and really, really liked it. Course, I’m a sucker for Julia Roberts in most things she does, but I especially dig her in romantic comedies. I especially love the ones where the underdog, the geek, the socially inept guy gets the girl. Because, you know, that’s me.

I come out of a movie like “Notting Hill” feeling like anything is possible. Love IS out there for each of us, even me. Love prevails, it fixes the most ravaged soul, the most damaged heart. All is okay with the world, or will be. Or can be. We can do anything, solve any problem, if only we were able to see through those love-tinted lenses.

Three minutes later I’m alone again, faced with the harsh reality.

But, oh, what a glorious three minutes.

--- Thanks for reading! SecondHand Tryptophan

So yeah, it’s been a few days. Sorry about that. I still haven’t gotten a handle on this work thing yet. I don’t know how the hell Whit does it, working on FIVE different blogs/sites, because I can’t seem to find all the time I want to do everything I want to do.

Thanks again for all the support via Twitter and emails and comments about my mom. She says thanks very much to all of you. She’s doing great.

Today I went for what I THOUGHT was an eye exam so I could get the left lens replaced in my glasses. I go to the VA for my medical stuff and because the Sebring VA clinic is just that – a small clinic – I have to go to the main VA hospital for specialty consults. That’s in St. Pete, a 2-hour drive. It was my first time going there (I used to go to the one in West Palm Beach, the other Florida coast).

In short, I drove 2+ hours each way for what amounted to maybe 90 seconds. They took pictures of my eyeballs for a diabetic retinopathy test and that. Was. It. Apparently, I was given the wrong kind of consult. I need a consult for an eye exam and I was given a consult for the retinopathy thing. Don’t get me wrong, I NEEDED the test. Diabetics should get screened once a year. But what the fuck?! I need the lens in my specs replaced.

Now I have to call the Sebring clinic tomorrow, get another consult, and wait at least 3 weeks to go back to St. Pete. Ugh. I wonder if it’d just be cheaper to get the freaking thing done in town. Fortunately, it’s my LEFT lens that’s scratched all to hell (and I have no idea how it happened). My left eye is the weak one…the right does most of the work. Otherwise, this would not be doable.

I have a buttload of blogs to read and a buttload of TV to watch, including “Fringe,” which had its 2-hour premiere last night.

And I need to go through the Birthday Dares and get to cracking on the videos. *sigh*

So anyway, I’m still here. Thanks for the emails asking if I’m okay.

--- Thanks for reading! SecondHand Tryptophan

I’m at Florida Hospital in Orlando for Mom’s heart catheterization. She just went in to get prepped and now I’m in the waiting room with free coffee and wifi. Brought my laptop, of course, because there’s a chance I may have to stay overnight. If Mom needs a stent put in while they’re in there, she’ll stay overnight and I’ll be crashing over at Avitable’s house.

Now I can stay in touch and work here while I wait for her to be finished. Normally, hospitals creep me out, but this one’s not so bad. You know it’s a confusing hospital, though, when they hand out directions to the cardiac unit at the front desk.

“Make a right into the other lobby, take Elevator A down to mine shaft. Put on miner’s helmet, get in mining cart, and ride 25 minutes into the bowels of hell. Get out, head to second cavern on right, take Elevator G to 3rd floor…” Etc. etc.

I asked Mom as we were driving here whether she’s worried and she said she was a little bit. Being a nurse, she knows just what the procedure involves and what sorts of complications can arise. Me being the SON of a nurse, I have heard the word “catheter” before and that’s about it. Oh, and I’ve heard of a heart, too.

If you follow me on Twitter, I’ll keep you posted throughout the day. Keep your fingers crossed, say some prayers (if you’re so inclined), and I’ll let you know how it goes in tomorrow’s post.

And don’t forget to enter the Birthday Dares contest! I don’t have nearly enough entries! Pass the word!

--- Thanks for reading! SecondHand Tryptophan