I’ve been to BlogHer four times. I missed last year because, well, it was just a shitty year and I couldn’t make it happen. Now I’m considering going to BlogHer 2011 (in San Diego) – I WANT to go – but need some convincing.

For one thing, the expense. That’s a biggie, actually. There’s the $298 ticket (missed the Early Bird pricing, dammit), the $300+ plane ticket, and the hotel at roughly $215/night. And since I’d arrive a day early and leave a day late, that’s 4 days in the hotel. We’re talking roughly $1,500. That’s not even including any extras like food or sightseeing.

Now, yes, there’s the Party Pass, which is only $99, but I want to attend sessions, too, not just socialize.

For another thing, I’d have a DEFINITE need for a roommate, which isn’t exactly an easy proposition, me having a penis and all that. Still, a roommate would cut my hotel bill in half.  That would make the hotel stay $430, which still brings the cost down to around $1,100.

Then there’s the need for a new laptop. I’ve been saving up for one, but I don’t know if I can swing both a new laptop AND BlogHer.

On top of all this is my anxiety, which has been epic in scale of late. I’ve managed not to freak out (too much) each time I’ve attended the conference, but this year feels…different. Sure, I have my coping mechanisms – glomming onto familiar faces, sticking to small groups as much as possible, curling up in the fetal position – but the anxiety can’t be overlooked.

But I really, really want to go. I just need some convincing. Are you going this year? Would you be willing to let me hang with you, particularly when I’m shaking like a leaf? Do you know of anyone going that needs a roomie? I promise not to piss on the floor, or drink too much (which leads to pissing on the floor). Do you have access to some of the exclusive parties and can you get me in?

Let the convincing begin…now.

--- Thanks for reading! SecondHand Tryptophan

This is Movember, where I grow a moustache for prostate health. Prostate cancer is the #1 cancer affecting men. You can donate or just watch me grow a cheesy moustache all month. (Proceeds go to the Prostate Cancer Foundation and Livestrong.) To date, I’ve helped raise $60.

I’m also doing a 30-day meme, the whole of which can be found here.

Today’s photo of the ’stache-in-progress:

Day 18 – Plans/dreams/goals you have

• Finish this meme. Quite honestly, even this 30-day meme seems a lofty goal to me of late.
• Shave this freaking moustache off on December 1. Sure, it looks amazingly hot. I admit I can’t help but wink at myself in the mirror every time I go by, blow myself a little kiss…but my name still isn’t Thomas Magnum. LeSombre seems to feel that I look more like Ned Flanders, and I can’t disagree. Now let us download the holy Tweet of the Lord…

Is it Ned or Karl?

• Drive all of Route 66. I don’t know why this seems like such a cool idea, driving from Chicago to Los Angeles, stopping at all things corny and kitschy, but it does. Everything from Abe Lincoln’s home to the National Cowboy Museum to the infamous Cadillac Ranch and even the Grand Canyon…all of it just waiting to be experienced by me. I’d top this dream off more by adding good friends to go with. With 3 or 4 of us driving and laughing and jamming to tunes the whole way, it’ll be 66 different routes of fun. Who’s in?

--- Thanks for reading! SecondHand Tryptophan

This is Movember, where I grow a moustache for prostate health. Prostate cancer is the #1 cancer affecting men. You can donate or just watch me grow a cheesy moustache all month. (Proceeds go to the Prostate Cancer Foundation and Livestrong.) To date, I’ve helped raise $60.

I’m also doing a 30-day meme, the whole of which can be found here.

Today’s photo of the ’stache-in-progress:

Day 17 – Someone you would want to switch lives with for one day and why

Dave at TequilaCon 2007

I’m going with Dave of Blogography. Look at him, can you blame me? Why am I choosing Dave? Because the man has an enviable lifestyle (minus getting hit occasionally by vehicles), with all his traveling the world and visiting Hard Rock Cafes and meeting up with fellow bloggers all the time. He’s a talented mofo, that Dave, and like a Kit Kat bar, I’d like to break me off a piece. Hmm, maybe I’m 20% gay, too. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

--- Thanks for reading! SecondHand Tryptophan

Enjoyed last night’s episode of 2HRadio with Cissa, where we talked about all sorts of things, including last weekend’s SillyBring. She and Shannon both wrote about the weekend on their blogs.

We had six of us for Sillybring: CheekySweetie, Shannon, Cissa, Whostolemyzen, NoelleD, and of course myself. Even though I brought my camera, I didn’t get any shots (aside from when Shannon and I went to Gatorama).

So let’s go with a couple of good photo sets from Cissa and Shannon, because they had the presence of mind to take lots of pics.

Here’s Shannon’s photos on Flickr.

And Cissa’s.

And my photos from Gatorama, which include the grinning Pepe LePew, who is getting laid. Lucky fucking skunk. If I want to get laid, I have to recruit crack whores…and even they are a tad picky.

Because I’m lazy and undergoing a series of anxiety attacks the last couple of days, I’m going to bulletize SillyBring.

• Shannon’s first night in Sebring nearly brought a live possum to her chair on my front porch. It was a big fucker, too. I shooed it away like it was a dog, half chasing it across my yard so that Shannon wouldn’t freak. Fortunately, despite having a run of bad luck lately, this particular possum was not, in fact, rabid, and did not leap for my throat and bite through my jugular. I assured Shannon I’d never seen a possum before, let alone had one walk up my sidewalk straight up to me…I don’t know that she believed me.
• Gatorama once again proved to kick ass. It was the one time I had my camera with me throughout the weekend. I was too busy enjoying everyone else’s company beyond that. We both got to hold a baby gator and croc, see TONS of gators in the lake (all of whom seem to be Jewish, since they swam for bagels like they were heroine), and the fucking skunks (literally). Also hung around long enough to see the gators being fed, which was something else. All in all, a fun afternoon with a VERY Floridian activity. Gator jerky available in the gift shop, please come again.
• CheekySweetie arrived a day before SillyBring to hang with Shannon and I before the other ladies got to town. Love, love, love her and enjoyed having two of my fave women together in one location again. Her laugh always gets me to smiling and laughing myself…much needed.
• Met up with Cissa, WhostolemyZen, and NoelleD at the Blue Lagoon for lunch (corn nuggets!) on Saturday. Fun and hilarity ensued (for pretty much the next 24 hours). WhostolemyZen and NoelleD and the others soon realized that corn nuggets are much like crack. Cissa was not overly impressed. Witches, whaddya gonna do?
• The next few hours were filled with shopping at Ross Dress For Less, Michaels, and some other clothing store. Shannon has been losing quite a bit of weight, and wanted some girl power to help her find clothes. The mumu looked great, but she went with different looks for some reason.
• There was much Foursquaring going on all weekend, of course. Vying for Mayorships in new venues was exhausting, but I wound up Mayor of a couple more places, even if it meant ousting some friends in the process. That’s right, bitches, I’m now a Super Mayor!
• We all spent quite a bit of time in our hotel room…2 bedroom suite, 2 bathrooms. It was perfect for the 6 of us to gather and hang. We also spent some time in the pool and hot tub. Mmm.
• Dinner at Don Jose’s Mexican that night. My Mom joined us all. It was Angel’s first time at a Mexican restaurant!
• The Why Not Lounge was perfection that night. Ladies drink free from 10-midnight (y’know, thinking of my ladies) and the people-watching was out of this world. People straight out of “Deliverance” were at the next table. I was just waiting for the banjo music to start. There were lots of big eyes (as SillyBringers stared openly at family members grinding on each other during songs, incredibly drunk folks who couldn’t talk or sing but tried anyway, and an amorous couple getting it on in the ladies’ bathroom) and laughs. Oh, and branding…can’t forget the branding. Shannon and Cissa and I sang karaoke, while Angel, WhostolemyZen, and NoelleD said “There’s not enough booze on Earth to get us up there.”
• Next morning, the girls came back to Shannon’s, Angel’s, and my hotel room and hung out some more, doing girly things like hairwraps for Shannon and Angel. I figured I’d forego the hairwrap, since my hair is maybe half an inch long.
• We went to Bob Evans for brunch (yay for blueberry crepes), lots more laughter, and ultimately our goodbyes. We took a few more photos outside, hugged and kissed each other farewell, then Cissa and WhostolemyZen and Noelle D took off for home.
• Shannon and Angel and I hung out at my house for a little while before Angel went back home. Then Shannon and I, though sad to see everybody leave, kinda vegged out and napped. I may have uttered the words, “I’m too old for this partying shit” once or twice.

And that was pretty much SillyBring. Shannon stayed another day, we enjoyed some mindless TV after our naps on Sunday. She made a delicious steak dinner for my Mom and I. Think we played some more “Price is Right” on the Wii before hitting the sack, exhausted. Next morning, more mindless TV (including RuPaul’s Drag Show). Enjoyed Shannon’s company immensely.

Then it was time to drive Shannon back to Orlando International to fly home. We listened to the Kick-Ass soundtrack on the way, having both LOVED the movie. Dropped her off at the Southwest check-in, hugs and kisses, and that was that. I drove home, sad to see Shannon go. Sad to see the extended weekend come to a close. Sad to be back in Sebring all by my lonesome.

And not to be a bummer, but my depression has really been taking a nasty turn for the worst, ramping up throughout the week ever since Shannon left. Nothing seems to be clicking for me…no matter what I try, I’m not feeling it. Reading, TV, music, being online, even rubbing one out – fucking anhedonia can suck my left one.

My naps aren’t all that great because (I think) of the Abilify. Which sucks, because naps are one of my escapes from reality. I feel paralyzed and overwhelmed, too. So much to do, some of it complicated, all of which led to anxiety attacks yesterday, where I had to constantly remind myself to breathe.

You’ve got to be a special kind of stupid to forget to breathe, yeah? I thought so, too.

--- Thanks for reading! SecondHand Tryptophan

Fresh from the heels of SillyBring comes another episode of SecondHand Radio. My guest tonight was here in Sebring last weekend for the prestigious event: Cissa Fireheart. There we are above, enjoying the festivities. Cissa regaled us with several songs at the Why Not Lounge on Saturday.

No karaoke tonight, just lots of fun chat. Here’s the scoop.

Showtime: 10:00 PM EST, 9PM Central, 8PM Mountain, 7PM Pacific. Chatroom opens 15 minutes before showtime.

Call-In Number: 724-444-7444, Call ID 23738

Show Link: http://www.talkshoe.com/tc/23738

List of future guests can be found here.

HIGHLY RECOMMENDED: To avoid browser problems (which some people tend to have with Talkshoe), you should do the following:

1. REGISTER AT TALKSHOE BEFORE THE SHOW.

2. DOWNLOAD THE TALKSHOE CLIENT.

3. If you have trouble logging in, feel free to call in and I’ll leave you on mute. You can listen to the show live that way.

The Talkshoe Live client works great and (for my money, though it’s free) offers a better chatroom experience. You just need to select it vs. the web interface when you’re about to launch the show.

Look forward to seeing you all there tonight. You’re all welcome to call in and chat.

--- Thanks for reading! SecondHand Tryptophan

No SecondHand Radio tonight. Just can’t see how to make it happen with Shannon here. Next week at 10pm.

With everything running off the rails lately, it’s been hard for me to remember the better things in life. Things like laughing and poking fun of strangers in the airport.

I’ve spent weeks preparing for Shannon’s visit and she’s sleeping away as I write this. Finally, now I can just enjoy her company. We both wore our “Prick Buddies Unite” shirts, which garnered a number of odd looks. When you’re wearing a shirt with your picture on it and the word “Prick,” well, you do the math.

We made record time from Orlando…her luggage came out faster than Ricky Martin. Mmm, bad analogy. Glaciers melt faster than Ricky Martin came out. Let’s just say the luggage came out lickety-split.

Driving the space shuttle home, we made it in just 90 minutes. Quickly got her settled into her room and went off to the Blue Lagoon for dinner (and beer).

Showed Shannon the wonder that is corn nuggets, which are like sweet corny bits of crack. And, oh, the fried corn on the cob, which is like corny bits of crack (just on a cob).

The laughs I experience with her around are some of the best I get. She’s infectious that way, and I’ve needed the laughter big-time. Playing “The Price is Right” on the Wii with her last night rocked…she even relinquished the Plinko game to me because she’s sweet that way. SillyBring is Saturday and, yeah, looking forward to it, but I’m glad I get some one-on-one time with the Bubblewench.

This morning, while she still slept away, I went off and got my blood drawn. This afternoon, I have the Matrix Therapist (long overdue…I hate having her every other week when there are moments of crisis popping up every other hour, it seems).

Now Shannon is in my shower – woo hoo! – and we’re about to watch Tuesday night’s episode of “Lost.” At some point, we’re talking about seeing “Kick-Ass” in the theater. May go to Gatorama, too.

It’s a godsend to me that she’s here now to help throw any drama onto the back burner. Oops, here she is now. Time to watch the Smoke Monster.

--- Thanks for reading! SecondHand Tryptophan

• Yesterday, another mystery ailment for the SecondHand Car. Came out to drive to dinner and the passenger-side window was rolled all the way down. I never touched the damn thing. Won’t roll back up.
• This brings me to the mechanic this morning, of course. Thankfully, no rain last night.
• LIST OF PROBS I GAVE THE MECHANIC. (1) The window, obviously. (2) The Swamp is beginning again. Find the fucking leak. (3) SERVICE ENGINE SOON light is off and on, off and on. Never stays off more than a day.
• There are 3 weeks until Shannon arrives. I need to get my shit together and get the bedrooms ready. Are you coming to SillyBring? April 24 is coming fast. So far, we have seven people, including me.
• There are a lot more Poison fans than I thought. Oddly, some of these people are friends of mine. Oddly, I still like them. The friends, not the fucking band.
• Then again, I like Rick Springfield, so who am I to judge?
• Tomorrow is not only Mom’s birthday, but my twin daughters’ birthday, too. April Fool’s! Mom is still 36 (she swears), yet I’m 43. There may have been a flux capacitor involved, I don’t know.
• Mom is doing well, by the way. This is her second week of physical therapy. Walking around, she even drove from the house to the restaurant last night. “Braking is a bitch.” Um, yeah, Mom. Let’s hold off on the driving, then, for a few more weeks. Braking? Sort of integral to the whole driving thing.
• I’ve had a couple of epiphanies of late. I don’t know what good they do me.
• Been digging “Lost” and its last season. IMAGINARY SPOILER ALERT, BUT ONLY IF I’M RIGHT. My guess for the ending is that Hurley and Sayid will replace Jacob and the Smoke Monster as guardians of the island.
• Almost caught up on “Life,” too. Great series from the same people at Discovery that came up with “Planet Earth” a few years back.
• I’m so woefully behind on virtually every series I watch that there may be no recovery.
• The Sickness. Still coughing and blowing my nose, but I’m relatively better. May start hitting the Y again tomorrow. Just in time for April’s Resolution (announced tomorrow).
• Shit, I really need to come up with April’s Resolution.
• I have the Matrix Therapist this afternoon. Doctor visit tomorrow morning. And a 2-hour drive to get my eyes examined next week. Hoping the car is fixed well before that drive. Having nothing but ordinary terrestrial radio available (should I need to take Mom’s car) is unacceptable.
• Taking mental inventory between now and therapy is gonna be tough. I don’t really KNOW how I’m feeling. Better? Worse? Same? Is the Abilify doing anything? It *might* be giving me more energy (thus, my greatly reduced nappage quotient), but it sure as hell ain’t improving my mood. I don’t think. Then again, the MT did say last time that I seemed “mellower.”
• On second glance, I think I may need to increase the dosage. Feeling like withdrawing from the Net (even like axing accounts) can’t be a good thing. Not for me, anyway. Just. Not. Feeling. It.
• I still get 20-30 “press releases” a day from people trying to get me to write about their celebrities. Hello? No longer doing the celeb thing. Please delete me from your lists. Thanks.
• I also get 10-20 emails a day telling me about Mommy issues. This is also residual ex-job stuff, but probably has some BlogHer mixed in there, as well. Your new nipple cream to help me with my sore nips after feeding my triplets? Thanks, don’t need it.
• After seeing Ben Folds with my friend, Tracy, she got tickets for us to see OK Go in May. She didn’t even ask me first. I’m not bitching. Another band I’ve never seen live. Here’s to hoping they have a giant Rube Goldberg machine set up on stage…or at least treadmills.

--- Thanks for reading! SecondHand Tryptophan

One of my oldest blogging buds, James, and I have a lot of commonalities, particularly our battle with depression (and bipolar disorder). He wrote a post, listing some of the things he’s grateful for. Think I’ll follow suit because the Depression is rearing its ugly head yet again.

Feel like withdrawing from society, ignoring all social media, etc. etc. You’ve heard it all before. You’ll probably hear it again.

Sometimes you need to take stock of the good shit in your life in order to maintain some semblance of sanity.

• Despite the last week-and-a-half, I’m relatively healthy. I’m normally not hocking up half a lung. It’s a good year for me to quit smoking, since I still have my health. (And yes, that will certainly be one of the Resolutions for YOR.)
• I have good friends. I may not touch base with them nearly as much as I should, but I know that they’re there for me should I need them.
• I have a working computer. It’s ancient, it crawls along, but it works. And that’s saying something for a 4-yr-old laptop. I’m currently in the process of what will likely be a 17-hour defrag. I’m praying this is the year for the replacement to come along. (MacBook Pro, anyone?)
• My brain works. Yes, I fight depression, PTSD, bipolar disorder, ADD, social anxiety, and who knows what else. But compared to many who have it far worse? I’m thankful that my mental faculties are pretty much operating at full capacity. Usually.
• My car works pretty damn good, considering it’s 10 years old. I’m not a person who gets hung up on vehicles, since they’re a utilitarian kind of thing as far as I’m concerned. Get me where I need to go (and back) and I don’t really give a shit that there’s a swamp in the back seat or that rust is perhaps the only type of molecule holding the roof together. Well, that and the bubble gum.
• Rumor has it that Apple is developing an iPhone for Verizon. I hope it’s true. Another rumor holds that the 4th generation iPhone will be announced on June 22nd. My upgrade pricing became available in January, so I *could* get myself a 3GS, but why? When the next iPhone is due to be released in a matter of months, I’m not tying myself to a 2-year deal for LAST year’s model. I’ll be good and patient and wait. I’m praying that Apple announces not just the next AT&T iPhone in June, but the Verizon iPhone, as well. Cuz when they do? Hasta lasagna, AT&T.
• I have a place to live. That’s not to be taken for granted. I’m fortunate.
• Food. I have that, too, even if lately everything tastes like cardboard to me.
• Daughters. Despite the troubles I’ve caused in those relationships, I couldn’t be prouder of my girls. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: they are my crowning achievement.
• Family. Like most people, I have my share of dysfunctionality in my family. Hell, sometimes I feel like I’m the sane one. But I love my family, and I know that I’m lucky to have them.
• Health care. I’d be screwed if not for the V.A. Thank God I have them for my physical AND mental health. Otherwise I’d be broker than I already am.
• SillyBring is only three weeks away and then Shannon arrives!

There are many other items, I’m sure, but these are the things that spring to mind. I have a lot to be grateful for, even if my miserable curmudgeonly self doesn’t mention them as often as I should. Wish I could throw this one in there, though:

• I get laid three times a day.

--- Thanks for reading! SecondHand Tryptophan

Had a great weekend in Destin with Kim, Becky, and Angel.

How long does it take to get over losing the love of your life? I don’t have an answer. I suspect it’s something along the lines of never getting over it, just learning to deal with the pain. Saturday was the one-year anniversary of Kim losing her beloved Gregory, and I’m really glad that she was surrounded by some of her close friends.

We laughed till we cried.

We cried till we laughed.

We ate a shitton of food and suffered gastrointestinal battles.

Angel made Kim laugh while she was drinking Maalox and nearly the entire inside of the car was coated with the stuff.

Much drinking. Including a Jack Monkey.

Great conversations, some of which left me really sad. Got me to thinking a lot about my daughters.

And I’m sick now. I must have blown my nose a thousand times over the weekend. Fever this morning, sore throat, headache, coughing like crazy. Totally worth it, though. Hopefully, everyone else comes through unscathed.

Love the women I hung out with. Very thankful Kim invited me to spend this difficult milestone with her. And I’m thankful she had Greg in her life for a while, even if it’s so unfair that he was taken far too early.

Remember to tell the people close to you that you love them. If there’s anything Kim has taught me (aside from the laughing), it’s that life is short. You never know what’s coming, so make it all count.

--- Thanks for reading! SecondHand Tryptophan

Tonight, 2HRadio returns with a vengeance. My guest is Maria, aka Mommy Melee. Hope you’ll be there to listen and say hi. Everyone is welcome to call in.

Showtime: 10:00 PM EST, 9PM Central, 8PM Mountain, 7PM Pacific. Chatroom opens 15 minutes before showtime.

Call-In Number: 724-444-7444, Call ID 23738

Show Link: http://www.talkshoe.com/tc/23738

List of future guests can be found here.

HIGHLY RECOMMENDED: To avoid browser problems (which some people tend to have with Talkshoe), you should do the following:

1. REGISTER AT TALKSHOE BEFORE THE SHOW.

2. DOWNLOAD THE TALKSHOE CLIENT.

The Talkshoe Live client works great and (for my money, though it’s free) offers a better chatroom experience.

Look forward to seeing you all there tonight. Can’t wait to chat with Maria.

SillyBring Details

For those that are coming to Sebring for SillyBring on April 24, I’ve got a few hotels I can recommend.

We’ll probably be out and about doing stuff during the day on Saturday, then going to a watering hole for the evening.

HOTELS

Holiday Inn Express

La Quinta

Residence Inn

Quality Inn and Suites

They’re all within 5-10 minutes of each other (and me).

If you’re driving in, it’s pretty much a given you’re coming in on 27…that’s the main drag here. If you’re flying in (first of all, you’re nuts) then Orlando International is closest (airport code MCO). Tampa (TPA) is next closest.

Any questions? Email me (or text if you have my number). Or Twitter. Whatever, it’s easy to find me.

So far, we have 6 confirmed. If you’re coming, be sure to let me know.

--- Thanks for reading! SecondHand Tryptophan