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OK, for the next 10 items on my ongoing 100 Things About Karl list, I’m going to talk about things I hate. Hate is a mighty strong word, but I don’t have the same aversion to it that a lot of people do. Unless we’re talking about people.

1. I hate lima beans. I’ve eaten many of them over the years - pretty much forced to growing up. I’m convinced that succotash (a mixture of corn and lima beans) was invented by the World Lima Bean Council to trick people into eating the Devil’s Legume. I’m happy that I’m all growed up now so I can control my own lima bean destiny.
2. I hate grapefruit. They taste nasty and sour and I don’t know how anyone can stand them. Oddly enough, I like Fresca, which is a grapefruit soda. I can’t explain it. Similarly, when I was little I hated onions but loved onion rings. I suppose my Italian genes finally hit puberty because I totally dig onions these days.
3. I hate seafood. Yes, all of it. “But what about shrimp?” people ask me. Does shrimp come from the water? Yes, yes it does. Then I HATE it. I also hate when people hear about my disdain for seafood and say, “Well, that’s because you haven’t had it prepared the right way.” To them I say, “You’re a moron, but that’s because you haven’t used your brain the right way.”
4. I hate licorice. Absolutely revolting. I was forever ditching my black jellybeans every Easter - still do, on the odd occasion I eat jellybeans. Now they have to be sugar-free. And for some reason, they actually make sugar-free black jellybeans. Gross. And yes, that means I hate Uzo, too. And anisette. Anything that tastes like licorice will make me puke. Or want to puke, which is even worse.
5. I hate grits. Yes, I live in the South, but I’m not a Southerner. Grits are just blecch. I’ve tried them over and over again, thinking I’m missing something. I’m done trying them. I know that tastebuds can change over time, but my grits tastebuds just ain’t evolving. Never gonna happen.
6. I hate mean people. There’s just no cause for being nasty. Sure, I can be an asshole at times…I think everyone is capable of that. But for the most part I keep my Inner Asshole at bay. When I see someone treat a waiter or waitress poorly, I just cringe. A total babe turns flat-out repulsive to me if she’s a vindictive sniping little bitch. Have some fucking courtesy, respect, and understanding. They go a long way. And if you simply cannot control your mouth, perhaps you should stay in your cave and shut the fuck up.
7. I hate American Idol. It is absolutely shitty television. I don’t care if you like it, either. The only part even remotely worth watching is the audition process because those people are so bad it’s good. The rest of it? It’s like a bad karaoke competition.
8. I hate spiders. I hate most all bugs, actually, if they’re in my house. Bugs belong outside, not in. And I’m not one of those people that feels like you shouldn’t kill a living creature. They’re beneficial to the environment, etc. etc. Bullshit. If I see a spider outside, fine. But if there’s one in my house, that mutherfucker is going to die, probably ending up a stain on the wall.
9. I hate needles. I could never be a heroin addict because there’s no way I’d be injecting myself all the time. This is ironic since I’m a diabetic and just had to start taking insulin in September of 2007. Yes, I have to give myself shots every night before bed. Yes, I hate it and have to psych myself up before sticking myself in the gut, even though it doesn’t hurt.
10. I hate Dave Matthews. Not the person, I’m sure he’s a perfectly nice fellow. But I cannot STAND his singing voice. Irritates me more than nails dragging along a chalkboard. To me, he sounds like a cat whose tail is being intermittently pinched by a rocking chair rolling on top of it. I would sooner listen to Tiny Tim or even Britney Spears. I know, that’s saying a lot.

Filed under 100 Things, Music, Television | Comments (49)

I hate mentioning her by name because, while I acknowledge she is a good writer and an accomplished photographer, I just can’t be bothered reading Dooce’s journal. (Why? Because of her no-comments policy, see yesterday’s long-ass post about that.)

But the fact of the matter remains that Dooce inadvertently coined the term “dooced” when she got fired from her job some years back because of her blog. That is, by and large, why she’s so immensely popular now as a so-called blogger. She got in on the ground floor, so to speak. Now anytime someone gets fired because of their blog, they call it getting Dooced. I’m here to change that. From now on, we’re going to call it getting Karled.

That’s right, in case you missed it on Twitter yesterday afternoon, I have been fired as a columnist for one of the local newspapers in town. Why? In short, because of this post. I have been reproducing my regular Monday column here on Mondays pretty much for the last 2-1/2 years I’ve been writing the column. Not any more.

It wasn’t the column itself that got me fired. I spoke with my editor on the phone yesterday afternoon to ask what was going on and to apologize. Yes, I apologized because it was never my intention to hurt her or anyone else at the newspaper. She told me that they had been planning to run the column in next Monday’s paper, but she needed to get permission from other editors first. Understandable.

I certainly never intended to come off as slamming the newspaper. But as my editor told me, it wasn’t the column that they had a problem with. It was the COMMENTS on the post. She was on vacation all last week, so really didn’t have a chance to talk to me about why they didn’t have any people at the charity event. They DID make arrangements to get photographs from some of the people that were in attendance, but couldn’t do the overtime necessary to send out a full-time photographer. I jumped the gun and made assumptions I shouldn’t have made. For that, I take responsibility.

I always took great care not to mention the newspaper by name here, and I never gave out my blog URL in the column, either. It’s a family newspaper and I would never send people to my blog indiscriminately because I swear like a sailor lots of the time.

Nevertheless, someone at the newspaper found my blog and brought it to other people’s attention on Monday. Having worked in close-knit cubicle environments before, I know how quickly word spreads like wildfire in an office. I’m sure it didn’t take much time at all for my blog to make the rounds. At least it’s a nice, new pretty blog design.

I’m upset, yes, for several reasons. For one thing, I should have been more judicious about my comments on the blog. I should have also called and talked to my editor before posting Monday’s post and leaving subsequent comments. But I’m also kinda pissed because what the fuck? This is MY blog and I have the right to say whatever the hell I want to say. I never expected or asked anyone at the newspaper to look at my blog. On purpose. I realize I’m not everyone’s cup of tea.

I certainly wouldn’t have made those comments on the newspaper’s web site. That really WOULD be unprofessional. But on my own blog? Bah.

I’ve been Karled. So yeah, I’m looking for more writing gigs now. If you know of any, please let me know. I promise I’ll be a (relatively) good boy from here on out. Maybe I just shouldn’t run any future columns here, to be safe.

Filed under 2HT Mentions, Blogging, Column, Local Goings On, Television, Travel, Web/Tech, Weblogs | Comments (68)

Argh, I’m miffed because I totally forgot about the new Knight Rider coming on last night. Totally slipped my mind until there were only 10 minutes left. Yeah, I got to see the Hoff playing Michael Knight again, but it was a brief enigmatic graveside visit and there wasn’t any kick-ass KITT action.

When I was growing up, Knight Rider was one of my favorite shows. It was all about the cool car with the Cylon light up front. Thing is, K.I.T.T. didn’t really have any offensive weapons. It was all defense. No machine guns, no hood-mounted laser cannons, no giant TASERS. Yes, KITT had some cool buttons (like "Oil Slick"), but basically if Michael got out of the car, he was toastable.

In this new age - the Internet age - I wonder just how new and improved KITT is? He’s no longer a Trans Am, he’s a Ford Mustang. OK, I can deal with that. But can he sent Twitters on the fly? Can he voice dial Papa Johns and get me a pizza?

I’ve heard that KITT 3000 can change colors, morph shape, and has the offensive capabilities I fantasized about 25 years ago. I’m not sure if he carries missiles or what, but anything would be better than the old KITT. Except for William Daniels’ voice, of course. I think they should have kept the same voice. Daniels MADE KITT.

I’m sure Knight Rider wasn’t that fantastic a movie (and pending series), but I would have enjoyed it just the same. When you’re watching childhood schlock, you really need to put on your "teenage hat." You know, watch it as if you were still lacking enough intelligence and worldliness to know that it sucks.

That means that I still squee like a little girl at the notion of having my own ejection seat.

Filed under Television | Comments (14)