Very sad to hear of Steve’s passing yesterday. The first computer I ever owned was a Timex Sinclair 1000. But the very first computer I bought with my own money was an Apple IIc.

And of course I have an iPod and my beloved iPhone. And I’m saving up for a PowerBook Pro.

You did great things, Steve. Rest in peace, and thanks.

--- Thanks for reading! SecondHand Tryptophan

I’m a t-shirt and cargo shorts kinda guy. Have been for quite a while. No, I’m never going to be fashionable. I’m all about the comfort and utilitarian thing.

I recently had to go clothes shopping, though, which I detest. There’s no way I’m going to be able to button my shorts with one hand post-surgery in September. So I went to Walmart (which I also detest) and Big Lots to find some cheap elastic waist-banded shorts. I thought about going with some large sizes to make getting dressed a bit easier, but they just about fell off of me. So I stuck with mediums.

Here’s a little sample of what I found. Again, I’m no fashion hound, which is evident.

Even in a medium, I’m not going to be able to load up the pockets without risking showing everyone my underwear. Oh, well. I’ll be practicing dressing with one hand a lot between now and my surgery. Now I need to find shirts. T-shirts will be too difficult to maneuver, I’m afraid. So I’m thinking of getting button-ups.

Yeah, that’s gonna make me look fantastic.

The final space shuttle, Atlantis, landed pre-dawn this morning. It’s a sad thing to see the shuttle program end. I still remember watching the very first shuttle take off when I was in grade school. One of those special occasions, where a TV was wheeled into the classroom. I’m also sad that, for the foreseeable future, we’ll be relying on Russian spacecrafts to get back and forth to the International Space Station. The U.S. has led space travel for decades…kind of feels like a huge step backward.

Is privatizing space flight the way to go? Only time will tell. But as a little boy, I used to watch the Apollo missions fly into space from my driveway. Nobody will be walking the moon again any time soon.

The NFL owners and players are still negotiating to see if there’ll be an upcoming football season. I couldn’t care less. In fact, it’d be great not to have football clogging up the airwaves.

I got Google+ and so far, so good.

It’s crisp and clean and works well. I’m not exactly sure what to do with it, and have yet to do any group video chats, but I think I like it. My only real bitch at the moment is that for many Twitter followers who add me on Google+, I don’t know their real names. Thus, I have a circle called “People I Don’t Know,” which also serves useful when a friend of a friend adds me.

Most of what I post is Public, but I like the ability to post things only to select circles.

I’m still in love with my new iPhone 4 and have become re-addicted to Uno.

It plays well and I win often. Sure, I play on Easy mode most of the time, but I like winning.

I saw the movie “Horrible Bosses.” It wasn’t horrible, but it wasn’t fantastic, either. The screenplay was meh, but the performances were good. I spent most of the movie wondering what the girl behind me looked like, since she was laughing throughout. She had a nice laugh, but I knew I couldn’t date her because the movie wasn’t that funny. What? Like you don’t ever wonder if someone is dateable or attractive from their laugh?

And in good news, I got a new writing gig. I can’t say much about it at the moment, but it’s for a soon-to-be-launched website. It’s nice to feel semi-productive again.

There…this post is all over the board, I know, but that’s what’s going on with me. How are you?

--- Thanks for reading! SecondHand Tryptophan

So the results are in. I have a torn rotator cuff, and the pamphlet they gave me – called Rotator Cuff Injuries – reminds me of Highlights magazine. Just look at that poor fellow above…he’s obviously hurting while trying to paint his house. Me? I just so happened to fall down while skating with a roller derby team nearly two years ago now…for a Birthday Dare. Yes, I blame BlondeFabulous. It was her team and her dare. Really, though, it was my fault for trying to roller skate after 25 years being without wheels on my feet.

That doctor looks remarkably like the surgeon who will be doing my surgery. We did discuss the options, after he looked over my MRI results. Sorry, BlondeFabulous, they wouldn’t give me copies of the scans so you could gloat over destroying my shoulder.

The results show that I damaged a joint in my shoulder, causing bone spurs to tear away at my rotator cuff. My options were limited. “Physical therapy,” the doctor said, “will only do you more harm at this point.” Right, scratch that option. The second option? Do nothing. “Your shoulder will only get worse as time goes by, and there’s already some muscular atrophy.” Scratch Option #2, then. My shoulder getting worse and worse for the rest of my life isn’t much of an option, as far as I’m concerned.

Option #3: open shoulder surgery, where they’ll apparently cover my face with a sheet so they don’t have to look at me. Really? Am I that hideous? He’ll shave away those bone spurs, tack my rotator cuff back to the shoulder with titanium pins, and then sew me back up. Yes, titanium! I’ll be one step closer to becoming a super cyborg!

I asked about his success rate, and he said it’s about 90-95%, which are pretty good odds. He also said he’s done well over 4,000 rotator cuff surgeries…again, numbers I like to hear. I asked what kind of recovery time we’re talking about and he couldn’t answer that. “I won’t know until I’m in there.”

I’ll be in a sling for 1-2 months, according to the doc. Ugh. I don’t look forward to being one-handed. Honestly, I know Anissa deals with this shit every day, but living with one working hand for a while is going to be rough for me. Thank God I’m left-handed and it’s the right arm that’ll be in a sling. Everything will be different, though…typing one-handed (when I’m a touch typist) will be a bitch. Eating anything that requires cutting (my Mom will get to cut up my food for me). Going to the bathroom (NOTE TO SELF: get elastic waist-banded shorts), showering…yeah. I haven’t yet figured out how I’ll masturbate with just one hand. It’s going to be some major adjustment. And forget driving. I’ll be a prisoner in my own house. Well, unless Mom drives me somewhere. At least there are the pain meds to look forward to.

Once I’m allowed to move my arm again, there’ll be the physical therapy. Probably two months’ worth, three times a week. That will be outsourced to someone here in Sebring, thank God. As I’ve said before, driving two hours each way to Tampa and back 3x a week is impossible for me.

When I asked all my questions, the doctor had me go back out for surgery scheduling. They told me they’d call me tomorrow with the surgery date. I left the V.A., pamphlet in hand, and headed to the Green Iguana for some lunch. It was a nice, cloudy kind of day – not too hot – so I sat on the deck (click to embiggify):

I enjoyed my chipotle chicken wrap and fries while watching boats sail by and pelicans fly overhead. Plus, the scavenger birds hopped about the deck, waiting for an errant piece of food to drop. I thought about my shoulder, how long I’ve lived with it like this, and read Tweets from people, commiserating with me and wishing me luck. And I wondered how far down the road the surgery would be.

Well, I got the call this morning and now I know. September 6th is the day of the surgery, just in time for my birthday (on the 18th). So I’ll be gimping along on my birthday this year. Needless to say, no birthday dares this year (either). I suppose I should rejoice, because I’ll be all the better for this in the long run, but I don’t look forward to the road ahead.

In the meantime, I’ll enjoy being able to type this post with two hands, showering, and playing Tiny Wings on my iPhone. Now, if I could just get to the damned 7th island…

--- Thanks for reading! SecondHand Tryptophan

I know, you’re all excited about the Casey Anthony trial and the probable announcement by Congressman Weiner that he’s gonna step down, but I have my own shit going on. Shit that doesn’t involve me sexting or Tweeting photos of my penis.

In one week, I’ll be entering an MRI unit for my first time. They screened me like I was rejoining the military. Do you have metal fragments in your eyes? Do you have a pacemaker? Stents? Infusion pumps? Are you claustrophobic? Do you believe in God?

OK, maybe not that last question, but they asked all the other ones, and more.

All so I can get inside this contraption that is going to make me FEEL claustrophobic (even though I’m not), so they can get a good look at my fucked up shoulder. The rotator cuff is torn – the orthopedist said he’s fairly certain – but we have to be sure.

According to the Matrix Therapist, who I saw yesterday, they give you headphones to wear because it’s so freaking loud with the clanging of the magnets. And there’s a magic button that, when pressed, says, “GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF HERE NOW!” She explained the process to me, which was somewhat comforting, though I’m still hoping I can bring a teddy bear or something to soothe me while I’m in the MRI. Or perhaps someone will be kind enough to rub my feet. Yeah, probably not. Nothing to be afraid about. Right?

Yet I have a lot of apprehension about the whole thing, particularly the (likely) surgery to follow. I’m allergic to pain, though the Matrix Therapist was quick to point out that I’ve been living with this pain now for a long time. I neglected the needs of my body.

MT: “Do you think you’re worth surgery?”

Um, what? I answered “yes,” but inside I’m not sure of the answer. I don’t FEEL worthy much of the time.

MT: “The post-surgery pain may be less than what you’re experiencing now.”

Me: “I’m thinking more about the physical therapy, where some sadomasochist is gonna put my poor shoulder through hell and back.”

MT: “Well, you don’t HAVE to do anything you don’t want to do.”

Me: “I do if I want to recover fully.”

Then we talked more about the physical therapy, and how I can’t possibly be expected to drive to Tampa and back three times a week for P.T. She reassured me – as she did on my blog (yes, my therapist reads my blog!) – that they could set up something local for me. “Taxing circumstances,” they call it.

Then there’s the whole gimp factor, where I’ll likely be one-handed for a while post surgery. I’m a touch typist, that’s gonna be a bitch. How will I play my beloved Tiny Wings on my iPhone, or text? One finger at a time? That’s crazy talk. But hey, I’m all about the crazy, apparently.

More topics we covered in therapy: my blog, getting out of the house, connecting with friends, and naturally, my relationship with my mother. Paging Dr. Freud.

Onto a couple of apps I recently downloaded for my iPhone that I thought I’d share with you.

Tiny Wings is my current game addiction. It’s simple, beautiful to look at, requires only one finger to play, and yet I can’t put it down. The trailer below is best at showing the gameplay.

Basically, you use the hills as jumps so you can soar through the air, collecting coins along the way, touching clouds, and island jumping. I finally was able to complete my first nest by getting to the damned fourth island. The graphics are always evolving and changing, so it always looks fresh. A few screenshots below, but it’s hard to grab shots while playing this game.

99 cents is a steal for this game. Go now…download. And curse me later for getting you hooked.

Another game I’m currently playing is Hangman RSS. It pulls in current news story headlines and makes puzzles out of them for you to solve. It’s free, but there’s a 99-cent version that’s ad-free.

You get one hint letter per puzzle, so if you get stuck, you can click it and it’ll show you one of the letters. And at the bottom of the screen, there’s a brief glimpse at the redacted news story Hangman RSS is pulling the headline from.

Since Hangman is only limited by the number of news stories out there, which is, like, infinite, there’s a lot of playability. Whenever you’re connected via wifi or 3G or whatever, Hangman pulls news stories and headlines.

The cool part is when you finish a puzzle, you can press DIG and see the actual story, clicking through to read the entire article, all within the app.

Highly recommended if you like playing Hangman. It’s a refreshing spin on the game, and you might just learn something in the process.

--- Thanks for reading! SecondHand Tryptophan

The iPhone 4 is so much faster than my 3G it’s like, well, having a whole new phone. Press on an app and – BAM! – it’s loaded and ready to go! Even Facebook, which crawled to a sluggish start on the 3G, opens right up and actually WORKS.

The screen is rich and far easier to read. Even the wifi seems faster. I have yet to take it “on the road” for an around-town test with 3G. Haven’t tried to Facetime anyone yet, either, but I dig the forward-facing camera…and the flash!

The one thing that happened when I attempted to restore the new phone to my old phone’s settings: lots of apps didn’t load onto the new phone. I had to manually select apps and resync, but that’s a small inconvenience. What I need to do now is rearrange the apps to where I’m used to them being.

Next up is a new Mophie Juick Pack, and a new iHome clock radio, both so they’ll fit the iPhone 4’s thicker form factor.

So  color me thrilled with the iPhone 4. Apple knows what the fuck they’re doing.

--- Thanks for reading! SecondHand Tryptophan

Watching the live coverage of the WWDC on Monday, I ooh’d and ahh’d with many others at the new iCloud, and at the new Mac OS Lion, but mostly I gawked at the new features of IOS 5. Features that would never get to me and my beloved iPhone 3G. Yeah, 3G…two generations old now and going on 3 years.

Sure, I was a tad let down that there were no hardware announcements (as in iPhone 5). After careful consideration, I decided that the next iteration of the iPhone was too far down the road for me. All rumors point to it being the same form factor, just a tad different…similar to when Apple came out with the 3GS. It wasn’t all too different from the 3G, just faster.

So I caved today and ordered an iPhone 4. In black.

Should be here no later than Friday, and I can’t wait. It has 32GB, which is 4x as much storage as I have now! This means I can keep more apps and songs on my phone instead of being so choosy about how many playlists to sync over.

Naturally, now that I’ve ordered an iPhone 4, Apple will release the iPhone 5 in a few weeks. Just like when I wash my car, it rains…or love bug season begins.

Next up on my major purchases, an Apple MacBook Pro. That isn’t far down the road. Course, I worry about moving from Windows to Mac. Things like how do I transfer my iTunes library to the new computer? How steep a learning curve is there going to be? I don’t know, but I’m determined to make a Mac my next computer.

In other news, I recently saw X-Men: First Class. I enjoyed the first two movies well enough (the third, not so much), though they were far from perfect. I found First Class to be my favorite of the X-Men films. Setting the X-Men in the days of the Cuban missile crisis was a surprisingly good move. There was humor, amazing special effects, and some cool cameos. Seeing Xavier and Magneto as young men was refreshing and set up some interesting dynamics between characters.

What it lacked, however, was an Easter egg scene after the end credits. What the fuck, Marvel? Can’t remember the last time that was the case.

WORTH: Full price at the theater.

I’m looking forward to a few upcoming flicks. Green Lantern and Captain America being the comic book adaptations. Also intrigued by Super 8. Yeah, I’m a J.J. Abrams fan…generally. We’ll see if he pulls off a good film. So far, little is known about the plot. But it’s scoring an early 80% on Rotten Tomatoes, so I’m optimistic.

How about you? Any flicks you’re looking forward to?

--- Thanks for reading! SecondHand Tryptophan

Drove to Tampa yesterday to go the main VA hospital in my area. It’s a 2-hour drive each way. I spent most of the drive there fighting traffic and listening to “Hey, That’s My Hummus!” Great podcast from a couple of friends of mine.

And so it seems I do, indeed, have a torn rotator cuff. At least, that’s how it looks. Speaking of procrastination, I injured my shoulder over 18 months ago doing a Birthday Dare. Stupid me on roller skates, for the first time in 20 years. Why did I wait so long? Because I’m an idiot. And at the time, my right hand was the most painful…I hyper-extended my fingers and sprained the hand really badly.

I go in for an MRI in a few weeks and we’ll know for sure then, but the doctor I saw yesterday says he’s pretty sure the rotator cuff is torn. He asked me to hold my arms up this way and that, and it’s clear the range of motion of my right arm is much lesser than that of my left. They took more x-rays. I was in and out of the hospital in 90 minutes, which surprised me. The VA isn’t known for its speed.

If the MRI shows a torn rotator cuff, it’s likely going to require surgery. I haven’t had any surgeries since I was 3 and my tonsils were taken out. I don’t even remember that, even with the free ice cream I got.

Yeah, I’m a bit scared, I admit it. I’m a wuss when it comes to pain, though I’ve been living with this for a while now. I guess I’ll learn to type with one hand. You know, for when my arm is in a sling. And I am a lefty, so at least there’s that. I won’t have to learn to eat with my non-dominant hand.

There are logistical issues, as well, like getting to physical therapy post surgery. I’ll have to get them to authorize something local because there’s no way I can drive to and from Tampa several times a week. Hell, I won’t be able to drive for a while, period.

I haven’t yet Googled “torn rotator cuff.” The results are likely to be overwhelming, but I’ll look it up soon. Maybe I’ll Google “stupid skating injuries,” too.

Also this week, I went to see my new shrink. Because the local Sebring VA clinic is so small, they didn’t have a local shrink for a year and a half. All my shrink appointments were via video-conference. Now they have a live person again and it was my first meeting with her.

Shrink: “So tell me about yourself and what you’re in treatment for.”

I repeat my diagnoses by rote.

Me: “PTSD, anxiety disorder, bipolar, major depression.”

S: “You’ve got a lot going on, don’t you?”

I thought, “No shit, Sherlock,” but instead just replied, “Yes.”

Then we went through my meds and how I’m not all that confident in the Abilify, which I’ve been on for a while now. She’s cutting my dose in half to see if it makes a difference. And there will be an extra Klonopin every day, too. She also mentioned adding an antidepressant to my drug cocktail, but we’ll wait for a month to see how the other changes affect me first. Between my diabetes and cholesterol and all the mental shit, I’m on quite a few different things.

She had me hold up my arms in front of me, then dangle them down to the floor, then hold up one leg at a time. Checking for involuntary movements, twitches, etc. Sure, I move my legs all the time, bouncing them up and down, but that’s more about nervous habits and anxiety. I CAN stop moving them, I just don’t. Yes, I can be frustrating to sit next to on a sofa.

S: “Have you ever attempted suicide?”

Me: “Yes.”

S: “When was that?”

Me: “1995.”

I took a bunch of pills with a glass of wine, then threw them up within two minutes, and promptly went to bed. I couldn’t go through with it, couldn’t do that to my family. It was a momentary lapse in judgment at a point in my life where I was at rock bottom.

S: “You’re not suicidal now? No thoughts of harming yourself?”

Me: “No.”

The truth is, I think about it, but would never act on it. The inner voices (no, not literal voices) tend to lead me down this deluded primrose path that says how lovely it’d be to just…vanish. Be absent of this place and all my maladies. It’s calming to me to imagine myself out of existence. Weird, I know. Morbid, maybe. But no, I’m not suicidal.

Besides, I have to see what happens next on “Fringe.” And “Doctor Who” is on tonight. Plus, tomorrow is MTV’s remake of “Teen Wolf,” which I admit I’m curious about. Then there’s the WWDC on Monday, where I hope Steve Jobs will announce the iPhone 5 (or iPhone 4S, or whatever they’re gonna call it). I need an upgrade to my iPhone 3G.

Yeah, sometimes it’s the little things that get you through the day.

--- Thanks for reading! SecondHand Tryptophan

So hi there. Happy Star Wars Day (may the fourth be with you!). It’s been a long time since I blogged anything. I can’t count how many times I thought about blogging but then just…didn’t.

The truth is that I am sick and tired of my depression and all the depression posts I was writing last year. Things haven’t really changed in that department. I appreciate everyone (y’know, the three of you that approached me) saying they missed my posts. I didn’t feel like writing. Part of me still doesn’t. The other part, though, has been itching to post. So here I am.

• If you follow me at all on Twitter or Facebook, you know my mother recently had abdominal surgery. It all traces back to last August, when a large polyp was discovered during a routine colonoscopy. A colonoscopy that led to a ruptured spleen and a splenectomy. It’s been a banner past year for Mom’s health. First a broken kneecap, then the spleen, now this surgery. Fortunately, the surgery this time went off without a hitch and Mom is now home after a 6-day hospital stay. Thanks for all the prayers and well wishes. She’s quite happy to be home again. I mean, who the hell can rest at all in a hospital, where they’re poking and prodding you every few minutes, or so it seems?
• There are health issues with my stepmother, too, but I won’t get into those here. Suffice it to say it just adds to my stress levels. Getting old sucks.
• I’ve been a real homebody for months now, bordering on agoraphobic. Chalk it up to anxiety, if you will. And thank God for Klonopin.
• I wish I had more local friends. Most all of mine live in the computer, so to speak. In order for this to happen, I’d have to leave the house more often. What a bitch. And it’s not like there’s a ton to do in Sebring to meet people.
• According to rumors, there won’t be the typical new iPhone release this summer. Instead, they’re looking toward the fall for a release. Who knows if it’s true or not, but I’m bummed. See, I still have an iPhone 3G, which will be three years old in August. I’ve been waiting to upgrade, and I could grab myself an iPhone 4…but how silly would that be when the iPhone 5 is somewhere close down the road? Relatively speaking.
• Speaking of the iPhone, I waited a long time for Verizon to get their hands on it, and I was determined to jump ship from AT&T as soon as that happened. I’ve since changed my mind. My only real bitch with AT&T was no 3G in my little town. Verizon, however, did have 3G here. Well, as of December, AT&T 3G has come to Sebring. There are other factors involved. Verizon’s network is slower than AT&T’s. On top of that, you can’t talk and websurf at the same time on Verizon’s iPhone. Not true with AT&T. So when I finally upgrade my “antique” phone, I’m sticking with AT&T. Plus, hey, rollover minutes? All carriers should have them. But don’t.
• Another rumor has it that Twitter has bought Tweetdeck. As a Tweetdeck user, this kinda scares me. I don’t know if Twitter plans on simply rebranding Tweetdeck as the official Twitter client for Windows machines or if they’re going to screw up what is a great client. Time will tell.
• Osama Bin Laden is dead. I have mixed feelings about it. Part of me is glad, part of me can’t rejoice for the death of another human being, no matter how evil he was. I’ve seen a lot of similar sentiment on Twitter and Facebook. I do think it’s awfully strange the man was living in a mansion’ish compound in Pakistan, yet Pakistani officials claim they had no idea he was there; in fact, swore that he wasn’t there. Regardless, I, for one, have no desire to see photographic evidence of Bin Laden’s death. It’s morbid as fuck. I’m not one to normally take the government’s word on blind faith, but in this case, I believe them. He’s dead. Like a game of Whack-a-Mole, though, some other head will pop up to replace him and we’ll have another new enemy to face. Sigh.
• I usually hate talent shows, but I’m digging NBC’s “The Voice.” It’s far better than “American Idol.”
• I had an appointment for an orthopedic consult tomorrow to examine my age-old shoulder injury, which happened during a Birthday Dare video a year and a half ago. Pretty sure I tore the rotator cuff. Yeah, I’m a procrastinator. But with Mom freshly home from the hospital, I’m not comfortable leaving her alone while I go all the way to Tampa and back, so I rescheduled it for next month. I’ve lived with the discomfort and pain this long – another month won’t kill me.
• I get so many press releases in my inbox that I’ve started finally doing something about them, aside from just pressing DELETE. I can’t count how many times I’ve typed “Please remove me from your mailing list. Thank you.” Hopefully, it works.
• The anhedonia is huge. However, I am looking forward to “The Hangover, Part II” this month. The first one was hilarious, and I’m hoping the sequel will be, too.

And that’s all I have for now. There, I posted.

--- Thanks for reading! SecondHand Tryptophan

This is Movember, where I grow a moustache for prostate health. Prostate cancer is the #1 cancer affecting men. You can donate or just watch me grow a cheesy moustache all month. (Proceeds go to the Prostate Cancer Foundation and Livestrong.) To date, I’ve helped raise $60. If you’ve got a dollar or two to spare, please throw it into the hat.

I’m also doing a 30-day meme, the whole of which can be found here.

Today’s photo of the ’stache:

Day 24 – A letter to your parents

Dear Parents,

You’ve been asking what I want for Christmas, so here you go. Please tell Santa that I want a Kindle with 3G for Christmas. Also, a Blu-Ray player with built-in wifi. And an Apple MacBook Pro. Maybe an iPhone 4. The Beatles Mono box set (thanks to Dave for pointing out the need). I know, my tastes are more expensive these days.

On the cheap, though, since I lost weight, I could use some new jeans. The Price is Right for Wii, or maybe the new Donkey Kong. And the Back to the Future trilogy on Blu-Ray. An Amazon gift card could help me pick out books and music I want…or just about anything. Or an iTunes card would work, too. ThinkGeek has a great holiday section this year. In fact, right now, they’re offering a free t-shirt with any $25 purchase. Maybe some scratch-off lottery tickets. See? I’m easy. Kinda.

I hope this makes for an easier experience for Santa. I still miss the original Sears Wishbook, but this will have to do.

Love,

Karl

PS: If Santa wants to get me a girlfriend instead, that’d rock.

PPS: I don’t really like brussels sprouts. I keep feeding them to my imaginary dog.

--- Thanks for reading! SecondHand Tryptophan

One of my oldest blogging buds, James, and I have a lot of commonalities, particularly our battle with depression (and bipolar disorder). He wrote a post, listing some of the things he’s grateful for. Think I’ll follow suit because the Depression is rearing its ugly head yet again.

Feel like withdrawing from society, ignoring all social media, etc. etc. You’ve heard it all before. You’ll probably hear it again.

Sometimes you need to take stock of the good shit in your life in order to maintain some semblance of sanity.

• Despite the last week-and-a-half, I’m relatively healthy. I’m normally not hocking up half a lung. It’s a good year for me to quit smoking, since I still have my health. (And yes, that will certainly be one of the Resolutions for YOR.)
• I have good friends. I may not touch base with them nearly as much as I should, but I know that they’re there for me should I need them.
• I have a working computer. It’s ancient, it crawls along, but it works. And that’s saying something for a 4-yr-old laptop. I’m currently in the process of what will likely be a 17-hour defrag. I’m praying this is the year for the replacement to come along. (MacBook Pro, anyone?)
• My brain works. Yes, I fight depression, PTSD, bipolar disorder, ADD, social anxiety, and who knows what else. But compared to many who have it far worse? I’m thankful that my mental faculties are pretty much operating at full capacity. Usually.
• My car works pretty damn good, considering it’s 10 years old. I’m not a person who gets hung up on vehicles, since they’re a utilitarian kind of thing as far as I’m concerned. Get me where I need to go (and back) and I don’t really give a shit that there’s a swamp in the back seat or that rust is perhaps the only type of molecule holding the roof together. Well, that and the bubble gum.
• Rumor has it that Apple is developing an iPhone for Verizon. I hope it’s true. Another rumor holds that the 4th generation iPhone will be announced on June 22nd. My upgrade pricing became available in January, so I *could* get myself a 3GS, but why? When the next iPhone is due to be released in a matter of months, I’m not tying myself to a 2-year deal for LAST year’s model. I’ll be good and patient and wait. I’m praying that Apple announces not just the next AT&T iPhone in June, but the Verizon iPhone, as well. Cuz when they do? Hasta lasagna, AT&T.
• I have a place to live. That’s not to be taken for granted. I’m fortunate.
• Food. I have that, too, even if lately everything tastes like cardboard to me.
• Daughters. Despite the troubles I’ve caused in those relationships, I couldn’t be prouder of my girls. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: they are my crowning achievement.
• Family. Like most people, I have my share of dysfunctionality in my family. Hell, sometimes I feel like I’m the sane one. But I love my family, and I know that I’m lucky to have them.
• Health care. I’d be screwed if not for the V.A. Thank God I have them for my physical AND mental health. Otherwise I’d be broker than I already am.
• SillyBring is only three weeks away and then Shannon arrives!

There are many other items, I’m sure, but these are the things that spring to mind. I have a lot to be grateful for, even if my miserable curmudgeonly self doesn’t mention them as often as I should. Wish I could throw this one in there, though:

• I get laid three times a day.

--- Thanks for reading! SecondHand Tryptophan