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It always amazes me when I write something that I think is absolute shite and get a lot of positive responses about it. It just proves the point, yet again, that you never know what is going to be a hit and what’s not. You can’t predict that shit, I don’t care what we’re talking about. My last post? I thought it sucked. Thanks for all the cool comments.
I can never predict what is going to get a lot of comments. I never know what videos are going to be funny and what videos won’t be. Sure, you can get an idea that something is funny. But just because it cracks ME up, doesn’t mean it’s going to crack YOU up. My sense of humor is a tad skewed.
With the Famecrawler gig, I can’t predict the big posts, either. I wish I could. I’d hit traffic bonuses all the time and that would be really nice. I try to pick some posts I think will be hits, but I rarely get it right. Mostly, I pick the ones where I can best use my snarky skills. Sometimes the jokes work, sometimes they don’t.
Like this one…I was being a total smartass and got called a racist. Don’t get me wrong, it doesn’t bug me. Much. I know I’m not a racist. The readers of Famecrawler don’t know me…most of them, anyway. Sometimes sarcasm translates well via written word, sometimes it doesn’t. Most of the people that read gossip stories are total whackjobs, at any rate. I should know - I read gossip myself nowadays.
Still, I love this job. Yeah, there’s a lot of stuff I don’t care about but there are tons of cute baby photos and the occasional crazy celebrities that I get to make fun of.
I had to go to the dentist yesterday and need a crown. Owch, that’s the fastest $850 I think I’ve spent in a hell of a long time. Fortunately, they took only half down and the other half when I get my crown in a couple of weeks. And there’s a lot more work needed. My mouth is a circus for dentists. To be more precise, it’s the sideshow of freaks. I see many dentist visits in my imediate future…root canals, crowns, fillings. Ugh.
Luckily, this guy was really good. Didn’t feel a thing. Mostly. I still hate the needle part, though. I’d be totally fucked if I weren’t working again. I don’t have insurance and Medicare doesn’t pay dental. Double ugh. Again, that’s why it’d be nice to get a lot of traffic bonuses at Famecrawler. So feel free to regularly click through on my stories there…Digg them, Stumble them, you know…
What I’d like is a brand new mouth full of beautiful straight unstained teeth. That’s my fantasy. Is that weird?
Right, onto a meme since I haven’t done one in a while.
Totally snagging this meme from Winter, who snagged it from Kevin.
Shit, for some reason I can’t upload photos to my blog. Shows up as an HTTP error. Bah, I wish I knew more techy stuff.
The Rule: Answer the questions using only one word.
1. Where is your cell phone? Desk
2. Your significant other? What?
3. Your hair? Reddish
4. Your mother? Cool
5. Your father? Funky
6. Your favorite thing? Tivo
7. Your dream last night? Bad
8. Your favorite drink? Guinness
9. Your dream/goal? Novelist
10. The room you’re in? Living.
11. Your hobby? Looking
12. Your fear? Alone
13. Where do you want to be in six years? Married
14. What you’re not? Happy
15. Muffins? Blueberry
16. One of your wish list items? Car
17. Where you grew up? Westhampton
18. The last thing you did? Blog
19. What are you wearing? Shorts
20. Favorite gadget? iPhone
21. Your pets? None
22. Your computer? Laptop
23. Your mood? Depressed
24. Missing someone? Kinda
25. Your car? Beater
26. Something you’re not wearing? Hat
27. Favorite store? Amazon
28. Like someone? Yeah
29. Your favorite color? Black
30. When is the last time you laughed? Tonight
31. Last time you cried? May
Thanks again to Miss Britt for a funny guest post yesterday, even if it WAS a fucking repeat. Tomorrow is the infamous Avitable. I’m sure 2HT will never be the same.
And thanks to Brian Papa of PapaTV.com for guesting with me last night on SecondHand Radio. We talked about his impending fatherhood, getting Frank’d, BlogHer, and lots more stuff. You can download the show and listen to it - or listen to it right there in my sidebar with the handy widget.
Speaking of widgets, I don’t know if it’s the right time for me to be fucking with tweaking my blog, but I want to make it widget-friendly. Widgets make life easier all the way around with Wordpress and I can’t currently use them. I tried once and Karen nearly shot me for screwing up my sidebars. So I’m Googling this shit and trying to figure it out. It involves some coding. Wish me luck. Course, if I blow my blog up you won’t be able to read this most likely…
The quitting smoking thing. Right, I’m still chewing the shit out of straws and wishing like hell I could smoke. Cravings are still pretty heavy. I’m wearing a patch and I’m thinking about eating it. Or smoking a patch. Whatever works. I really think my lungs were MEANT to breathe in toxins.
But I have NOT smoked. I so want to, though. You have no idea. Oddly, I’m finding it difficult to breathe at times. Britt mentioned this happening to her on Day One, but it started with me yesterday. Could be stress, I don’t know.
Went to the doctor yesterday for a diabetes followup. She smacked me in the head about my meds but then said I was doing pretty good with my numbers. She still wants me to check my sugar twice a day - ugh - and wants me to up my insulin by 3 units. I DID gain 6 pounds in a week, though, which sucks. Expected, yes, but still sucks.
My depression is still hitting me kind of hard. Between it and the quitting smoking, I’m taking two naps a day now. I’d just rather be unconscious than deal with the cravings. Every instinctive fiber in my being is telling me to run away and shut down the computer and the phone, but fuck that. I’m not doing it.
And yesterday I also went to see The Dark Knight. Great flick. Really enjoyed it and thought everyone involved did phenomenal work. Heath Ledger was amazing. Certainly my favorite movie this summer so far.
Now for a meme. Haven’t done one of these in a while.
Snatched this meme from Kapgar.
- Copy this list into your blog or journal, including these instructions.
- Bold all the items you’ve eaten.
- Cross out any items that you would never consider eating.
- Optional extra: Post a comment at www.verygoodtaste.co.uk linking to your results.
Like, Kevin, I’m adding a step in which I italicize anything I’ve never heard of.
- Venison
- Nettle tea
- Huevos rancheros
- Steak tartare
- Crocodile - No, but I’ve had gator tail.
- Black pudding - screw that noise.
- Cheese fondue
- Carp
- Borscht
- Baba ghanoush
- Calamari
- Pho
- PB&J sandwich - I used to LIVE on these.
- Aloo gobi
- Hot dog from a street cart
- Epoisses
- Black truffle
- Fruit wine made from something other than grapes
- Steamed pork buns
- Pistachio ice cream
- Heirloom tomatoes
- Fresh wild berries
- Foie gras
- Rice and beans
- Brawn, or head cheese - not enough money in the world
- Raw Scotch Bonnet pepper
- Dulce de leche
- Oysters
- Baklava
- Bagna cauda
- Wasabi peas
- Clam chowder in a sourdough bowl
- Salted lassi
- Sauerkraut
- Root beer float
- Cognac with a fat cigar
- Clotted cream tea
- Vodka jelly/Jell-O
- Gumbo
- Oxtail
- Curried goat
- Whole insects - Not even if I was on Fear Factor or Survivor.
- Phaal
- Goat’s milk
- Malt whisky from a bottle worth £60/$120 or more
- Fugu
- Chicken tikka masala
- Eel
- Krispy Kreme original glazed doughnut
- Sea urchin
- Prickly pear
- Umeboshi
- Abalone
- Paneer
- McDonald’s Big Mac Meal
- Spaetzle
- Dirty gin martini
- Beer above 8% ABV
- Poutine - French fries should never be mixed with anything involving curds. Hell, curds should never be involved in anything, period.
- Carob chips
- S’mores
- Sweetbreads
- Kaolin
- Currywurst
- Durian
- Frogs’ legs
- Beignets, churros, elephant ears or funnel cake
- Haggis
- Fried plantain
- Chitterlings, or andouillette - no fucking way.
- Gazpacho
- Caviar and blini
- Louche absinth
- Gjetost, or brunost
- Roadkill
- Baijiu
- Hostess Fruit Pie
- Snail
- Lapsang souchong
- Bellini
- Tom yum
- Eggs Benedict
- Pocky
- Tasting menu at a three-Michelin-star restaurant
- Kobe beef
- Hare
- Goulash
- Flowers
- Horse
- Criollo chocolate
- Spam
- Soft shell crab
- Rose harissa
- Catfish
- Mole poblano
- Bagel and lox
- Lobster Thermidor
- Polenta
- Jamaican Blue Mountain coffee
- Snake
Thanks again to Sandra and Marty for their guest posts this week during the 2HT Summer of Love. Tomorrow, it’s Carly Milne, acclaimed author and sexologist. Woo hoo!
So the other night, the Gay Mafia (and Jerry) came over to Hillywood and Winter and Motley joined us, too. Played some Scene It movie trivia and then Rock Band until Hilly decided it was too loud for her pantywaste neighbors. More pics on Flickr, of course, but here are just a few.
Uncle Monkey Boy before the drunken revelry began.
Rock Band, baby! That’s Othurme, Hilly, Motley, UMB, and Winter.
Attack of the Killer Cat! Michael wouldn’t leave FC alone and FC let him have it a few times. So you heard a lot of giggling mixed with “Ow! OWCH!” every few seconds or so. FC, by the way, is Hilly’s infamous cat. The initials stand for Fucking Cat (no surprise there). This cat is so spoiled, he drinks out of a fucking water glass. I shit you not.
On Tuesday, the day of the big earthquake here in southern California, I met up with my friend, Deana, who I haven’t seen in many years. We used to hang out a lot in Alamogordo, New Mexico, where I lived in my teens up until I got married and went off into the Air Force.
Deana and my bestest buddy, Penny (who was best “man” at my wedding), would hang out all the time, drinking coffee and chatting about anything and everything. It was very cool to see Deana again and we got right back into our conversational groove as if we’d never been apart.
About 20 minutes after she got to Hillywood, the earthquake hit. We rolled through the quake (it was NOT a jolt, by the way) and laughed about it as we watched the news and waited for our cells to come back online.
We caught up - she’s got another child now and is with a new dude I haven’t met, and is now training dogs for a living and has a few celebrity clients - and then talked politics for a while. Yeah, she’s on the left, and I’m on the - hmm, not left. Britt swears I’m a Democrat and I don’t know it, but Deana understands my stance completely. We’ve always been able to share differing views with very little drama or argument. That hasn’t changed.
Apparently, I’m over my bandwidth quota here at 2HT, so I’m just linking that photo of Deana and I from Flickr. Think I need to do more of that. Or upgrade my account. Or something.
Thank GOD I get paid today. Right, on to the meme.
Snatched from the blog jaws of SJ:
I want to:
get my shit together
meet up with more friends while I’m in California
finish writing any of the books I’m in the middle of
find some writing gigs
get an iPhone
I want to think:
that people actually like my snarky ass
that people are generally good creatures
that mean people are hurting
that I’m funny
that there’s a heaven
I want to learn:
CSS
how to better utilize Photoshop or Paint Shop Pro
how to paint better
to stop letting asshats/trolls bother the fuck out of me
how to fly
I want to see:
The Dark Knight
People stop killing each other over religion (or any other reason)
An end to blogiverse drama
My daughters
The inside of my eyelids
I want to try:
Exercise. I really need to lose 15 pounds.
staying out of the drama
bungee jumping
scuba diving
making a podcast
I want to tell:
some people off
people to mellow out
Alanis Morrisette to get pissed and make angry music again
Mountain Dew how much I love Diet Mountain Dew (wish they’d make more diet flavors)
Jerry that it IS “I dream of Jeanie with the light brown hair”
I want to touch:
the small of a woman’s back
a new furry kitten
myself
those magnet rocks that Jester has at his house
clean sheets on a memory foam mattress
I want to smell:
freshly cut grass
toll house cookies baking in the oven
Vulva
new Play-Do
rain on a hot summer’s day
I want to feel:
happy
like I matter
the rumbling of the house in a thunderstorm
unafraid
love again
I want to stop:
the self sabotage thing that I’ve come to excel at
smoking
taking people for granted
giving candy to little girls - what? Where’d that come from?
making wisecracks every time I feel a little serious coming on
I want to let go of:
Self-loathing (yeah, SJ, I can relate)
resentment
my heart
Jack’s World
my fear to move on
What do you want?
Oh, and here’s a fake blog post from the Lazy Bloggers Post Generator.
Holy Blog Of Doom, Batman! I just got slapped with a wet salmon - really - I have not updated this since people stopped clapping and Tinkerbell died… You would not believe that my hands were chopped off and I was waiting for bionic ones. Apologies to my regular readers! Even the little blue ones!.
I am overwhelmed with sleeping my way to the top, planning my wedding, just generally being a nuisance to society in general, my day is a magical flight from 8am to I run out of alcohol. I am not being a whinging Pom or anything. I wish you could be here to share it.
I swear on the bones of my ancestors I will make more of an effort to blog more often until the nice men in the white coats come back. Promise! What do you mean you don’t believe me?
And another one.
Today my parents were reading a book about ingratitude of the European lowlands. They were a little intrigued by that stuff, so they began explaining my friend Julio about it, and he started bitching:
“Dude!.. Get out! Don’t tell me you’re into the European lowlands too!”
But then when my parents got to the part about the ingratitude, Julio suddenly got this dangerous look in his eyes. Then later, Julio’s brother told me that the reason Julio was so freaked out was because he was watching about ingratitude on TV. At times Julio can be really strange like that, but he kinda loves me…
And finally, thanks very much to Dawg for the teddy bear award he gave me the other day. He recently went to the Vermont Teddy Bear factory and their philosophy is “if you care, send a bear.” So here I am, sending a bear.
I’m choosing just a relative handful of people here, of course. I mean, you ALL mean something to me, but I’m not about to list my whole freaking blogroll.
- Hilly
- Dawg
- Poppy
- Miss Britt
- Avitable
- Jester
- Othurme
- UMB (still no blog? REALLY?)
- SJ
- Winter
- Karen
- Becky
- Lisa
- Vahid
- Dave2
