Swimming with Babies

So I mentioned that my Resolution this month hit a snag. Big time. Bottom line is, I got fired. From one of my gigs, not both.

Not that it’s a huge shock, mind you. After all, I haven’t worked in quite a while. I take the blame for that.

I won’t say exactly which site fired me, but it doesn’t involve travel blogging, and it might rhyme loosely with Brain Trawler.

No matter. It’s lit a fire under my ass. I plan on doing more travel stories until I find another gig to add to the hotel blogging. So if you know of anything, please let me know. Especially if it involves me writing more humor’ish, slice-of-life stuff. I’m also going to get my other little project going. I told you, I have ideas.

Course, this reaffirms what I’ve already said. TequilaCon is definitely out for me this year. And it doesn’t look good for BlogHer, either. Disappointing, to say the least. For you, I mean. Ahem.

In the meantime, I thought I’d write a little letter to any future employers I have. I’m sure they’re all reading this and are interested in anything and everything I have to say.

Dear Future Employers:

Hi, I wanted to take a moment to give you a list of things you might try in order to make my life with you more pleasant. Or more professional. Whatever.

1. You should know up front that I prefer being notified when I get fired. You know, as close to when you hire my replacements as is convenient for you. To clarify, telling me months later – only after I am ready to return to work – is just a tad late for my taste. I realize it’s a personal preference, but it’s MY personal preference.
2. If you simply must fire me, I prefer getting a phone call over getting an email 15 minutes before end-of-business. It’s more professional and, as an added bonus, it doesn’t make your company seem like it truly doesn’t give a fuck about their employees.
3. Please don’t try to explain your decisions for firing me, unless you’re giving me REAL reasons. I’m not as dumb as I look. For example, saying that it’s because of “budgetary constraints” when you only have a finite number of writing slots per day, and it doesn’t matter who writes them or gets paid for them, is kinda bogus’ish.
4. If you’re going to fire me, please do me the kindness of removing me from the company email lists first. I have enough email to wrestle with every day, I don’t need more.
5. If you happen to be in, say, the gossip industry, please don’t pretend to class up the joint by not using words like “butt” or “nude.” Especially if it’s a blog skewed toward mommies. Because moms happen to be nude a lot, and they also have butts. And they’re also there to read GOSSIP. Running a gossip blog – and again, this is only if you happen to be in that industry – and telling the writers they can’t use words like “sex” or “boobs” is a little like telling TMZ not to take photos. It can be done, mind you, but no one is going to want to read it any more. And I think the traffic reflects that. Or *would*…sorry.
6. I like employers who send me things like free coffee or Cherry Coke Zero. And massage gift certificates. Even without the Happy Ending added on, it’s still a nice perk.

I have other ideas, too, if you care to ask for my input. Most involve naked women, but I do have a great one that includes a shaved giraffe.

Sincerely,

Karl Erikson

Filed under BlogHer, Celebrities, Depression, Famecrawler, Local Goings On, TequilaCon, Travel, Uptake, Work, YOR | Comments (17)

I’ve Got the Brains, You’ve Got the Looks…

February 1. Shit, why did I agree to do TWELVE resolutions this year? What the fuck was I thinking?

Gonna make this short and sweet. Don’t expect that on a regular basis. I’ve got a lot in the air right now.

February: Financial

I resolve to start working again. Two stories per day for Famecrawler, one story per week for Uptake.

Yes, I have actual writing jobs. No, I haven’t acted like it for a long, long time. Since Lisa passed on LAST February, truth be told. I’m tired of being broke and bitching about it when I’m the one who has the power to fix the fucking problem. So I’m doing it.

I’m fortunate that I haven’t permanently screwed up those gigs. And that I get to work from home, especially right now with Mom in bed most of the time.

So that’s the deal. I begin working in earnest tomorrow.

Over and out.

Filed under Famecrawler, Uptake, Work, YOR | Comments (16)

Goals and Shit

Yeah, it’s the first day of September. The Summer of Love ended yesterday. No more flowers in the header. *sigh*

And rather than write something, I went for a video blog post.

You should skip it. It’s boring. I’ll summarize.

• I went to therapy today with the Matrix Therapist.
• She wants me to set goals and shit.
• I am broke.
• I need a new computer.
• I’m working again. Finally.
• Starting in a couple of weeks, I’ll be doing TWO episodes of SecondHand Radio every week. Thursdays, of course, but I’m adding a Monday episode.
• I need more guests for 2HRadio.
• You should suggest guests for me to get.
• The Birthday Dares Spectacular starts Sunday, September 13.
• Nobody will know which ones I’m doing until the videos go live.
• Don’t ask.
• I won’t tell.

There. Now you don’t have to watch.

But if you insist on torturing yourself:

Direct Youtube Link

Filed under Depression, Famecrawler, Local Goings On, Therapy, Video | Comments (27)