It’s been a week of physical therapy thus far, and while it’s not as bad as I thought it’d be, my shoulders are still killing me. The left shoulder, in particular, which is odd because it’s my right shoulder that was supposed to be operated on. Turns out the left shoulder is worse. I knew it was messed up, too, but didn’t know  it was that bad.

It hurts to lay with it flat now, so I’ve taken to sleeping with a pillow underneath it. I’ve always been a stomach sleeper, but have slept on my back the last two years. Doesn’t feel like I sleep nearly as good as I used to, but oh well.

Every day at physical therapy starts with them taking my vitals – blood pressure, pulse, and temperature. Then I take my shirt off for ultrasound on both shoulders. Then it’s the exercises…pulleys, elastic bands, weight machine with very light weights. Some of these are painful, but I’m told the pain will get worse before it gets better. Then comes the simultaneous icing and electrical stimulation.

Then I go home, shoulders aching. Thank God for painkillers. Another five weeks of this and we’ll see where we stand. I know I’m glad I invested in all these button-down shirts. They’re far easier to deal with than my beloved t-shirts. And I’m glad to not need a sling. Going the non-surgical route is always best, if possible.

Odd thing, the V.A. sent me a prescription for a neurosurgeon consult in my local area. I don’t know if this is for after phsyical therapy is over, or what, but they say there’s a backlog of surgeons at the V.A. I’ll have to call orthopedics to ask what I’m supposed to do with this thing.

On TV, I’m glad Supernatural and Fringe are back. I’m also enjoying Terra Nova, Person of Interest, and a Gifted Man. Unforgettable is pretty good, too.

How are you doing? What are you watching?

--- Thanks for reading! SecondHand Tryptophan

Holy hell, that’s a lot of pre-op appointments! I got this list yesterday and it includes fasting labs (gonna have to bring a snack), EKG, x-rays, and some other pre-op stuff I’m not sure about. I’ll be at the hospital most of the day. And with the first appointment at 8:30 in the morning, I’d have to leave the house no later than 6:00.

A visit with the Matrix Therapist yesterday, however, provided some promising news. Apparently, if you have an appointment before 9:00 AM at Bay Pines (in Tampa), you can stay at La Quinta Inn and the V.A. will pay for it. That’ll make things a lot easier. Particularly on September 6th – my surgery date – when I’m supposed to report in at 6:00 AM!

I don’t qualify for travel pay, I found out, because I make “too much money” on disability. But being able to stay in a comp’d hotel room will help a lot. My Mom and I had already planned to stay in a hotel the night before surgery because – hello? – leaving the house at 3:30 AM is just insane. If I read that appointment slip correctly, my surgery isn’t until 1:00 PM. That’s gonna be  a long morning, since I’ll have to fast for surgery.

Another question I have regarding being one-handed for a while…how the hell am I supposed to wipe my ass, let alone wash my hands after going to the bathroom? Argh. Yes, I think about these things. I’m pretty fastidious about hand-washing.

I guess there’s one thing to look forward to: New Beavis and Butthead episodes. This hearkens back to the glory days of MTV. Y’know, back when they were still known for MUSIC?

--- Thanks for reading! SecondHand Tryptophan

Gay marriage is now legal in New York. And they lit up the Empire State Building in rainbow colors to celebrate. Hooray! They’ve also made it so you don’t have to be a New York resident to get married there, which is yet another huge step. Way to go, New York. (My home state, by the way.) Here’s to hoping this clears the way for other states to follow suit.

In sadder news, Peter Falk died. I grew up loving him in “Columbo,” of course, but he was also great in “The In-Laws” and one of my favorite flicks, “The Princess Bride.” RIP, Peter.

From “The Princess Bride:”

The Grandson: A book?
Grandpa: That’s right. When I was your age, television was called books. And this is a special book. It was the book my father used to read to me when I was sick, and I used to read it to your father. And today I’m gonna read it to you.
The Grandson: Has it got any sports in it?
Grandpa: Are you kidding? Fencing, fighting, torture, revenge, giants, monsters, chases, escapes, true love, miracles…
The Grandson: Doesn’t sound too bad. I’ll try to stay awake.
Grandpa: Oh, well, thank you very much, very nice of you. Your vote of confidence is overwhelming.

--- Thanks for reading! SecondHand Tryptophan

I tweeted this a while ago after seeing Gene Simmons do an interview indoors wearing shades. Apparently, it ruffled some feathers. Several people DM’d me, saying that they wear shades inside and it’s not a douchebaggy thing to do.

Naturally, I wasn’t referring to them specifically. But I maintain my stance. I have transitions lenses on my specs, so they turn dark when I go into the sun. Walking back inside with them still on – I need them to see – not douchebaggy. They change back to clear lenses fairly quickly.

But I have a pair of non-prescription Ray-Bans that, if I DID wear inside, would indeed make me a douchebag. See?

So the next time you’re tempted to wear sunglasses indoors, remember this: Do I really want to look like Gene Simmons?

--- Thanks for reading! SecondHand Tryptophan

Drove to Tampa yesterday to go the main VA hospital in my area. It’s a 2-hour drive each way. I spent most of the drive there fighting traffic and listening to “Hey, That’s My Hummus!” Great podcast from a couple of friends of mine.

And so it seems I do, indeed, have a torn rotator cuff. At least, that’s how it looks. Speaking of procrastination, I injured my shoulder over 18 months ago doing a Birthday Dare. Stupid me on roller skates, for the first time in 20 years. Why did I wait so long? Because I’m an idiot. And at the time, my right hand was the most painful…I hyper-extended my fingers and sprained the hand really badly.

I go in for an MRI in a few weeks and we’ll know for sure then, but the doctor I saw yesterday says he’s pretty sure the rotator cuff is torn. He asked me to hold my arms up this way and that, and it’s clear the range of motion of my right arm is much lesser than that of my left. They took more x-rays. I was in and out of the hospital in 90 minutes, which surprised me. The VA isn’t known for its speed.

If the MRI shows a torn rotator cuff, it’s likely going to require surgery. I haven’t had any surgeries since I was 3 and my tonsils were taken out. I don’t even remember that, even with the free ice cream I got.

Yeah, I’m a bit scared, I admit it. I’m a wuss when it comes to pain, though I’ve been living with this for a while now. I guess I’ll learn to type with one hand. You know, for when my arm is in a sling. And I am a lefty, so at least there’s that. I won’t have to learn to eat with my non-dominant hand.

There are logistical issues, as well, like getting to physical therapy post surgery. I’ll have to get them to authorize something local because there’s no way I can drive to and from Tampa several times a week. Hell, I won’t be able to drive for a while, period.

I haven’t yet Googled “torn rotator cuff.” The results are likely to be overwhelming, but I’ll look it up soon. Maybe I’ll Google “stupid skating injuries,” too.

Also this week, I went to see my new shrink. Because the local Sebring VA clinic is so small, they didn’t have a local shrink for a year and a half. All my shrink appointments were via video-conference. Now they have a live person again and it was my first meeting with her.

Shrink: “So tell me about yourself and what you’re in treatment for.”

I repeat my diagnoses by rote.

Me: “PTSD, anxiety disorder, bipolar, major depression.”

S: “You’ve got a lot going on, don’t you?”

I thought, “No shit, Sherlock,” but instead just replied, “Yes.”

Then we went through my meds and how I’m not all that confident in the Abilify, which I’ve been on for a while now. She’s cutting my dose in half to see if it makes a difference. And there will be an extra Klonopin every day, too. She also mentioned adding an antidepressant to my drug cocktail, but we’ll wait for a month to see how the other changes affect me first. Between my diabetes and cholesterol and all the mental shit, I’m on quite a few different things.

She had me hold up my arms in front of me, then dangle them down to the floor, then hold up one leg at a time. Checking for involuntary movements, twitches, etc. Sure, I move my legs all the time, bouncing them up and down, but that’s more about nervous habits and anxiety. I CAN stop moving them, I just don’t. Yes, I can be frustrating to sit next to on a sofa.

S: “Have you ever attempted suicide?”

Me: “Yes.”

S: “When was that?”

Me: “1995.”

I took a bunch of pills with a glass of wine, then threw them up within two minutes, and promptly went to bed. I couldn’t go through with it, couldn’t do that to my family. It was a momentary lapse in judgment at a point in my life where I was at rock bottom.

S: “You’re not suicidal now? No thoughts of harming yourself?”

Me: “No.”

The truth is, I think about it, but would never act on it. The inner voices (no, not literal voices) tend to lead me down this deluded primrose path that says how lovely it’d be to just…vanish. Be absent of this place and all my maladies. It’s calming to me to imagine myself out of existence. Weird, I know. Morbid, maybe. But no, I’m not suicidal.

Besides, I have to see what happens next on “Fringe.” And “Doctor Who” is on tonight. Plus, tomorrow is MTV’s remake of “Teen Wolf,” which I admit I’m curious about. Then there’s the WWDC on Monday, where I hope Steve Jobs will announce the iPhone 5 (or iPhone 4S, or whatever they’re gonna call it). I need an upgrade to my iPhone 3G.

Yeah, sometimes it’s the little things that get you through the day.

--- Thanks for reading! SecondHand Tryptophan

The other day I asked you to convince me to go to BlogHer 2011. I appreciate the comments from you guys. After careful consideration and a perusal of my finances, I have decided to skip BlogHer again this year. Much as I’ll miss lots of my favorite people, a new laptop is more important.

I’m saving up for a Mac PowerBook. Decades of being invested in Windows PC’s have me a little worried about this leap. I know Macs are supposedly very easy to use and far better stability-wise. I’m just hoping that the learning curve isn’t too steep for me. Old dog, new tricks, and all that happy horseshit.

Look how purty that sucker is.

In other news, The Cars have a new album out! “Move Like This” came out on Tuesday and so far I’ve only heard a couple of their new songs. They still sound great. I can only hope they decide to come to Florida on tour. Right now there aren’t any FL dates.

A review from Rolling Stone is pretty positive: “Move Like This is a reminder that New Wave can still sound new, especially when the Cars do it.”

Here’s “Sad Song.”

The Cars will forever be one of my favorite bands. I still remember the first time I heard them. I was in 10th grade. We’d just driven cross-country from New York to Alamogordo, New Mexico, our new home. Arrived in the evening, and stopped in at the Pizza Hut for dinner. And the first song that came on the jukebox (Google that shit, you youngsters) was this one:

The catchy tune opened me up to all sorts of new music. I’d previously thought that ABBA was cool – even had their greatest hits on 8-track (again, GTS) – but no more.

Shortly after we moved into our new home, a trailer on the south side of town, we got cable. And MTV…y’know, back when MTV stood for Music Television and ALL THEY PLAYED WERE MUSIC VIDEOS. My musical education was just beginning.

How about you? When do you feel like your musical awakening took place? And what artist or band was your very first concert? Mine was Men At Work.

--- Thanks for reading! SecondHand Tryptophan

So hi there. Happy Star Wars Day (may the fourth be with you!). It’s been a long time since I blogged anything. I can’t count how many times I thought about blogging but then just…didn’t.

The truth is that I am sick and tired of my depression and all the depression posts I was writing last year. Things haven’t really changed in that department. I appreciate everyone (y’know, the three of you that approached me) saying they missed my posts. I didn’t feel like writing. Part of me still doesn’t. The other part, though, has been itching to post. So here I am.

• If you follow me at all on Twitter or Facebook, you know my mother recently had abdominal surgery. It all traces back to last August, when a large polyp was discovered during a routine colonoscopy. A colonoscopy that led to a ruptured spleen and a splenectomy. It’s been a banner past year for Mom’s health. First a broken kneecap, then the spleen, now this surgery. Fortunately, the surgery this time went off without a hitch and Mom is now home after a 6-day hospital stay. Thanks for all the prayers and well wishes. She’s quite happy to be home again. I mean, who the hell can rest at all in a hospital, where they’re poking and prodding you every few minutes, or so it seems?
• There are health issues with my stepmother, too, but I won’t get into those here. Suffice it to say it just adds to my stress levels. Getting old sucks.
• I’ve been a real homebody for months now, bordering on agoraphobic. Chalk it up to anxiety, if you will. And thank God for Klonopin.
• I wish I had more local friends. Most all of mine live in the computer, so to speak. In order for this to happen, I’d have to leave the house more often. What a bitch. And it’s not like there’s a ton to do in Sebring to meet people.
• According to rumors, there won’t be the typical new iPhone release this summer. Instead, they’re looking toward the fall for a release. Who knows if it’s true or not, but I’m bummed. See, I still have an iPhone 3G, which will be three years old in August. I’ve been waiting to upgrade, and I could grab myself an iPhone 4…but how silly would that be when the iPhone 5 is somewhere close down the road? Relatively speaking.
• Speaking of the iPhone, I waited a long time for Verizon to get their hands on it, and I was determined to jump ship from AT&T as soon as that happened. I’ve since changed my mind. My only real bitch with AT&T was no 3G in my little town. Verizon, however, did have 3G here. Well, as of December, AT&T 3G has come to Sebring. There are other factors involved. Verizon’s network is slower than AT&T’s. On top of that, you can’t talk and websurf at the same time on Verizon’s iPhone. Not true with AT&T. So when I finally upgrade my “antique” phone, I’m sticking with AT&T. Plus, hey, rollover minutes? All carriers should have them. But don’t.
• Another rumor has it that Twitter has bought Tweetdeck. As a Tweetdeck user, this kinda scares me. I don’t know if Twitter plans on simply rebranding Tweetdeck as the official Twitter client for Windows machines or if they’re going to screw up what is a great client. Time will tell.
• Osama Bin Laden is dead. I have mixed feelings about it. Part of me is glad, part of me can’t rejoice for the death of another human being, no matter how evil he was. I’ve seen a lot of similar sentiment on Twitter and Facebook. I do think it’s awfully strange the man was living in a mansion’ish compound in Pakistan, yet Pakistani officials claim they had no idea he was there; in fact, swore that he wasn’t there. Regardless, I, for one, have no desire to see photographic evidence of Bin Laden’s death. It’s morbid as fuck. I’m not one to normally take the government’s word on blind faith, but in this case, I believe them. He’s dead. Like a game of Whack-a-Mole, though, some other head will pop up to replace him and we’ll have another new enemy to face. Sigh.
• I usually hate talent shows, but I’m digging NBC’s “The Voice.” It’s far better than “American Idol.”
• I had an appointment for an orthopedic consult tomorrow to examine my age-old shoulder injury, which happened during a Birthday Dare video a year and a half ago. Pretty sure I tore the rotator cuff. Yeah, I’m a procrastinator. But with Mom freshly home from the hospital, I’m not comfortable leaving her alone while I go all the way to Tampa and back, so I rescheduled it for next month. I’ve lived with the discomfort and pain this long – another month won’t kill me.
• I get so many press releases in my inbox that I’ve started finally doing something about them, aside from just pressing DELETE. I can’t count how many times I’ve typed “Please remove me from your mailing list. Thank you.” Hopefully, it works.
• The anhedonia is huge. However, I am looking forward to “The Hangover, Part II” this month. The first one was hilarious, and I’m hoping the sequel will be, too.

And that’s all I have for now. There, I posted.

--- Thanks for reading! SecondHand Tryptophan

This is Movember, where I grow a moustache for prostate health. Prostate cancer is the #1 cancer affecting men. You can donate or just watch me grow a cheesy moustache all month. (Proceeds go to the Prostate Cancer Foundation and Livestrong.)

I’m also doing a 30-day meme, the whole of which can be found here.

Today’s photo of the ’stache:

It'd be nice to break $100, so you know, donate today.

Day 29 – In this past month, what have you learned?

I learned that I can grow a ’stache in less than 30 days.

I learned that the flavor-saver aspect of moustaches is way overrated.

I learned that there’s a reason – multiple, actually – I haven’t grown a moustache since the early 90’s.

I learned that moustaches make me look like I belong on either a mugshot and/or sex offender list. Yeah, that’s one of the reasons.

I (re) learned I need a lot of work in the art of self-portraiture.

I learned I don’t like feeling afraid to leave my house.

I learned that I’d rather keep my hair short. May get it buzzed today. Where can I find a barber who makes house calls?

I learned how important it is that I remember to laugh. And there aren’t a whole lot of people who have made me laugh more than Leslie Nielsen. RIP, dude. Nice beaver.

--- Thanks for reading! SecondHand Tryptophan

This is Movember, where I grow a moustache for prostate health. Prostate cancer is the #1 cancer affecting men. You can donate or just watch me grow a cheesy moustache all month. (Proceeds go to the Prostate Cancer Foundation and Livestrong.) To date, I’ve helped raise $60.

I’m also doing a 30-day meme, the whole of which can be found here.

Today’s photo of the ’stache-in-progress:

Day 18 – Plans/dreams/goals you have

• Finish this meme. Quite honestly, even this 30-day meme seems a lofty goal to me of late.
• Shave this freaking moustache off on December 1. Sure, it looks amazingly hot. I admit I can’t help but wink at myself in the mirror every time I go by, blow myself a little kiss…but my name still isn’t Thomas Magnum. LeSombre seems to feel that I look more like Ned Flanders, and I can’t disagree. Now let us download the holy Tweet of the Lord…

Is it Ned or Karl?

• Drive all of Route 66. I don’t know why this seems like such a cool idea, driving from Chicago to Los Angeles, stopping at all things corny and kitschy, but it does. Everything from Abe Lincoln’s home to the National Cowboy Museum to the infamous Cadillac Ranch and even the Grand Canyon…all of it just waiting to be experienced by me. I’d top this dream off more by adding good friends to go with. With 3 or 4 of us driving and laughing and jamming to tunes the whole way, it’ll be 66 different routes of fun. Who’s in?

--- Thanks for reading! SecondHand Tryptophan

Entertainment Weekly came out last week with Michael J. Fox and Lea Thompson on the cover. EW’s reunions issue has gatherings of some classic casts, “Back to the Future” included (though it’s just Fox and Thompson they got together). Some of the “reunions” are iffy in my mind. For example, “Gilmore Girls” and “Will & Grace” reunions fall flat since they haven’t been off the air that long. I was excited about seeing the gang from “Northern Exposure,” but they only have Rob Morrow and Janine Turner. Seeing the cast of “Pretty in Pink,” however, is pretty cool.

Anyway, there’s a little video available of Lea and Michael chatting about BTTF. The Delorean is faithfully recreated by a fan. Badass. Hard to believe it’s been 25 years since the original flick came out. Enjoy. (Click here if you don’t see the embedded video below.)

Speaking of BTTF news, Christopher Lloyd (aka Doc Brown) is going to guest star on an episode of “Fringe” soon. Love that show and I think Christopher is going to do a bang-up job, as he does in everything he’s in. Yeah, I’m a little biased, but if you’ve never seen Lloyd in the classic “Taxi,” you’ve been missing out.

Witness Reverend Jim Ignatowski trying to get a driver’s license. (Click here if video isn’t seen below.)

Speaking of television, I’ve been woefully underwhelmed by this season’s new TV shows. Very little stands out. Most of the new shows didn’t sound all that appealing to begin with, and the ones I have tried are just meh. I like to give shows a fighting chance, but I admit that I haven’t seen more than one episode of shows like “Outsourced” or “Running Wilde.” Outsourced was just so filled with stereotypes that it was (more) insulting (than the usual fare).

I want to like “Mike & Molly” because it’s from Chuck Lorre, the same guy behind classics like “Dharma & Greg,” “Two and a Half Men,” and “Big Bang Theory,” but unless they can move beyond the expected (and boring) fat jokes, I’m gonna bail on that one, too. I also wanted to like “Undercovers” because it’s a J.J. Abrams show, but they lost me in the first episode. Bo-ring. “No Ordinary Family” was supposed to be a stand-out, but it’s not. “Heroes” was a much better show about people with powers and even that fizzled out toward the end.

And “The Event”…ugh. I have two episodes to watch on the DVR, but it hasn’t struck me as “must watch” TV, unlike the ads where NBC promises a show as riveting as a cross between “24″ and “Lost.” Instead I see a show that yanks the timeline around to the point of confusion and thrusts me into a world I’m not sure I care about. I don’t know that I’m ready to invest myself into another show with such heavy mythology. “Lost” left me kinda spent in that department.

The few shows I’ve found watchable (not even “must watch,” but still) include “Raising Hope” and “Hawaii Five-O.” Maybe I’m just getting old, so the bulk of the new shows don’t appeal to me, but I doubt it. Maybe I’ve been burned too often by shows that get prematurely canceled, so I don’t want to get involved with many new shows till I see if they’ll last. Whatever the case, if there’s a new “must see” show, I have yet to see it. As I write this, I’m watching reruns of a must-see-comedy-from-the-past, “3rd Rock from the Sun,” and wishing anything out this season was written half as well.

If you’ve seen anything that’s “must see,” let me know. In the meantime, I’ll stick with the tried and true, I suppose. It’s Friday, so that means “Smallville” (in for a penny, in for a pound) and “Supernatural” tonight. A shame that “Taxi” isn’t available to watch instantly on Netflix. Maybe I’ll add it and “3rd Rock” to my queue.

--- Thanks for reading! SecondHand Tryptophan