So a while back, I mentioned that I have a new writing gig. Well, it’s officially launched and you can now find me over at “Insert Eyeroll,” a satire site.

So far, I’ve written a story about Weird Al Yankovic running for President, and Octomom being announced as the next Bachelorette. Go, check them out. And hey, I’d appreciate you Stumbling and Digging the stories if you have a few spare moments, thanks in advance.

I’m really jazzed about the new site. There are some really good writers there.

Saw a couple of movies recently. “Captain America” rocked, I thought. They did a great job with it. They did a good job with the origin story. Lots of action and cool shield-throwing from Cap. And I saw it in 2D. Given the option, I’ll probably always see movies in 2D. It’s usually not worth the extra scratch to see it in 3D. WORTH: Full price.

Also saw “Cowboys & Aliens,” which I enjoyed, despite being fairly short on plot. I just went into it with lower expectations and liked it. Daniel Craig was made for westerns, I think, and plays quite the badass. It would have made for a good straight western, without the science fiction thrown in, but so be it. The CGI aliens show through at times – probably why they’re mostly relegated to the darkness – but if you’re looking for a good popcorn blockbuster kind of movie, I think you’ll have a good time. The title says it all. It’s us vs. them. WORTH: matinee price.

--- Thanks for reading! SecondHand Tryptophan

I’m a t-shirt and cargo shorts kinda guy. Have been for quite a while. No, I’m never going to be fashionable. I’m all about the comfort and utilitarian thing.

I recently had to go clothes shopping, though, which I detest. There’s no way I’m going to be able to button my shorts with one hand post-surgery in September. So I went to Walmart (which I also detest) and Big Lots to find some cheap elastic waist-banded shorts. I thought about going with some large sizes to make getting dressed a bit easier, but they just about fell off of me. So I stuck with mediums.

Here’s a little sample of what I found. Again, I’m no fashion hound, which is evident.

Even in a medium, I’m not going to be able to load up the pockets without risking showing everyone my underwear. Oh, well. I’ll be practicing dressing with one hand a lot between now and my surgery. Now I need to find shirts. T-shirts will be too difficult to maneuver, I’m afraid. So I’m thinking of getting button-ups.

Yeah, that’s gonna make me look fantastic.

The final space shuttle, Atlantis, landed pre-dawn this morning. It’s a sad thing to see the shuttle program end. I still remember watching the very first shuttle take off when I was in grade school. One of those special occasions, where a TV was wheeled into the classroom. I’m also sad that, for the foreseeable future, we’ll be relying on Russian spacecrafts to get back and forth to the International Space Station. The U.S. has led space travel for decades…kind of feels like a huge step backward.

Is privatizing space flight the way to go? Only time will tell. But as a little boy, I used to watch the Apollo missions fly into space from my driveway. Nobody will be walking the moon again any time soon.

The NFL owners and players are still negotiating to see if there’ll be an upcoming football season. I couldn’t care less. In fact, it’d be great not to have football clogging up the airwaves.

I got Google+ and so far, so good.

It’s crisp and clean and works well. I’m not exactly sure what to do with it, and have yet to do any group video chats, but I think I like it. My only real bitch at the moment is that for many Twitter followers who add me on Google+, I don’t know their real names. Thus, I have a circle called “People I Don’t Know,” which also serves useful when a friend of a friend adds me.

Most of what I post is Public, but I like the ability to post things only to select circles.

I’m still in love with my new iPhone 4 and have become re-addicted to Uno.

It plays well and I win often. Sure, I play on Easy mode most of the time, but I like winning.

I saw the movie “Horrible Bosses.” It wasn’t horrible, but it wasn’t fantastic, either. The screenplay was meh, but the performances were good. I spent most of the movie wondering what the girl behind me looked like, since she was laughing throughout. She had a nice laugh, but I knew I couldn’t date her because the movie wasn’t that funny. What? Like you don’t ever wonder if someone is dateable or attractive from their laugh?

And in good news, I got a new writing gig. I can’t say much about it at the moment, but it’s for a soon-to-be-launched website. It’s nice to feel semi-productive again.

There…this post is all over the board, I know, but that’s what’s going on with me. How are you?

--- Thanks for reading! SecondHand Tryptophan

Gay marriage is now legal in New York. And they lit up the Empire State Building in rainbow colors to celebrate. Hooray! They’ve also made it so you don’t have to be a New York resident to get married there, which is yet another huge step. Way to go, New York. (My home state, by the way.) Here’s to hoping this clears the way for other states to follow suit.

In sadder news, Peter Falk died. I grew up loving him in “Columbo,” of course, but he was also great in “The In-Laws” and one of my favorite flicks, “The Princess Bride.” RIP, Peter.

From “The Princess Bride:”

The Grandson: A book?
Grandpa: That’s right. When I was your age, television was called books. And this is a special book. It was the book my father used to read to me when I was sick, and I used to read it to your father. And today I’m gonna read it to you.
The Grandson: Has it got any sports in it?
Grandpa: Are you kidding? Fencing, fighting, torture, revenge, giants, monsters, chases, escapes, true love, miracles…
The Grandson: Doesn’t sound too bad. I’ll try to stay awake.
Grandpa: Oh, well, thank you very much, very nice of you. Your vote of confidence is overwhelming.

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Went to see “Super 8″ at my local theater. It was a great flick, full of suspense, laughs, and fun scares; it reminded me of a lot of movies I saw as a kid. E.T. and The Goonies, mostly, because the kids are the stars of the film.

I won’t give much away. It starts with some grade-school kids making a zombie movie in 1979. They use what was available at the time, of course, a Super 8 camera. While filming, they witness a horrible train derailing, and the  adventure begins there. Mysterious happenings take place, mixed with government coverups, and…well, that’s all I’ll say. The kids make “Super 8″ a really good film, and steal it away from well-known stars like Kyle Chandler.

It has all the wonder of a Steven Spielberg movie, and it’s easy to see why he wanted to attach his name to the film. And J.J. Abrams delivers a really good popcorn flick…complete with his (some say annoying) trademark lens flares throughout.

I liked that Abrams uses the less-is-more formula. We see bits and pieces of what is happening, but don’t really get the “big picture” until near the end. But I was never bored.

WORTH: Full price at the theater. Go. Enjoy. Not for toddlers, but it is a PG-13 flick, so that shouldn’t be a surprise. There is an F-bomb in there, but most of the (occasional) swear words are “shit.” Should be fun watching for any families with tweens and above.

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Watching the live coverage of the WWDC on Monday, I ooh’d and ahh’d with many others at the new iCloud, and at the new Mac OS Lion, but mostly I gawked at the new features of IOS 5. Features that would never get to me and my beloved iPhone 3G. Yeah, 3G…two generations old now and going on 3 years.

Sure, I was a tad let down that there were no hardware announcements (as in iPhone 5). After careful consideration, I decided that the next iteration of the iPhone was too far down the road for me. All rumors point to it being the same form factor, just a tad different…similar to when Apple came out with the 3GS. It wasn’t all too different from the 3G, just faster.

So I caved today and ordered an iPhone 4. In black.

Should be here no later than Friday, and I can’t wait. It has 32GB, which is 4x as much storage as I have now! This means I can keep more apps and songs on my phone instead of being so choosy about how many playlists to sync over.

Naturally, now that I’ve ordered an iPhone 4, Apple will release the iPhone 5 in a few weeks. Just like when I wash my car, it rains…or love bug season begins.

Next up on my major purchases, an Apple MacBook Pro. That isn’t far down the road. Course, I worry about moving from Windows to Mac. Things like how do I transfer my iTunes library to the new computer? How steep a learning curve is there going to be? I don’t know, but I’m determined to make a Mac my next computer.

In other news, I recently saw X-Men: First Class. I enjoyed the first two movies well enough (the third, not so much), though they were far from perfect. I found First Class to be my favorite of the X-Men films. Setting the X-Men in the days of the Cuban missile crisis was a surprisingly good move. There was humor, amazing special effects, and some cool cameos. Seeing Xavier and Magneto as young men was refreshing and set up some interesting dynamics between characters.

What it lacked, however, was an Easter egg scene after the end credits. What the fuck, Marvel? Can’t remember the last time that was the case.

WORTH: Full price at the theater.

I’m looking forward to a few upcoming flicks. Green Lantern and Captain America being the comic book adaptations. Also intrigued by Super 8. Yeah, I’m a J.J. Abrams fan…generally. We’ll see if he pulls off a good film. So far, little is known about the plot. But it’s scoring an early 80% on Rotten Tomatoes, so I’m optimistic.

How about you? Any flicks you’re looking forward to?

--- Thanks for reading! SecondHand Tryptophan

Ever put something off for, say, forever? I have. Procrastination is my middle name. I put off calling a friend for so long that, the longer I waited, the more difficult it became to get in touch with that person. I felt like I was a major disappointment, and the shame that kept building became nearly insurmountable.

Well, today was the day for me to bust down the walls I’d built (yet again) and get in touch. I did, even if via IM, and I’m glad. I apologized, was told there was no need, and I feel tons better about it.

I do this falling-off-the-Earth thing, and I hate that I do it. I have let down a number of friends this way, have been told they hate when I do it, and yet I still let my depression/shame get the best of me. Time and time again. And for what? I’ve even lost jobs because of this shit.

Life is short and I’ve been squandering it. I rarely leave the house, so is it any wonder I don’t have many local friends? Fear. Fear has been ruling my life, and I don’t like it. I can relate all too well to agoraphobics, afraid to leave home, to the point where I’ve rescheduled appointments. I’ve skipped get-togethers with friends because of this shit.

I don’t know what the answer is, other than to keep doing what I did just a while ago: push through the fear and do it, anyway. Not an easy task for me, typically riddled with anxieties about anything and everything. But I’ve done it before (BlogHer, TequilaCon, etc.), and I can do it again.

It doesn’t help that I’m not working. I need to work. Ideally, a work-from-home writing situation. Yeah, even though I rarely post anything these days, writing is my key talent. So if you happen to know of anything available, please let me know.

I’m tired of burning bridges. Time for repair work.

And on a totally different note, I caved in and went to see the Hangover 2 yesterday. The synopsis on Rotten Tomatoes says:

A crueler, darker, raunchier carbon copy of the first installment, The Hangover Part II lacks the element of surprise — and most of the joy — that helped make the original a hit.

And some of the reviews?

I can’t believe how precisely everything does happen again, except that what was fresh and surprising in Las Vegas turns rancid and predictable in Bangkok, where yet another wedding is scheduled to take place.

This is pretty much one of the laziest… most careless and unimaginative sequels I’ve ever seen. It’s not even so much a sequel as it is a filmic pat on the back to those responsible for making the first film such a success. It’s a self-congratulatory and mostly unfunny REMAKE of the first film…

Adheres to the old maxim “if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it,” yet somehow manages to break it while not fixing it.

All of these snippets are correct. The Hangover 2 is exactly the same flick as the first one, except this time, there’s no surprise element. Everything is duplicated – just in Bangkok instead of Vegas. It may be a little bawdier than the first one, and there ARE some laughs, but for me it was a letdown.

Yet another “forgotten” evening of debauchery and danger, where the three main characters attempt to put the pieces back together the following day. The stakes are the same…they’ve got to find someone they “misplaced” and make it back before a wedding, this time Stu’s. Mike Tyson makes an unbelievable appearance. There’s even the same plot device at the end credits, where you see all the photos taken during their forgotten night. These aren’t spoilers, mind you, I got all this info just from reading one review of the film.

WORTH: the dollar cinema, if you have one in your town. Otherwise, wait for it on video if you simply feel you must see it. Better yet, watch the first Hangover again. It’s much funnier and better executed.

--- Thanks for reading! SecondHand Tryptophan

In a rare move, I left the house two days in a row. Went to the movies. The first day, I asked Twitter to help decide between The Hangover 2 and Bridesmaids. Twitter voted for Bridesmaids.

Bridesmaids is scoring a freshness rating of 89% at Rotten Tomatoes. The Hangover 2 is scoring a stinking 35%, so I figured I was safe with Bridesmaids and in for some major laughs.

The reason I love Rotten Tomatoes is because it aggregates tons of movie reviews into a percentage of “freshness.” I don’t trust any one critic to tell me whether a flick is good or not, but a whole ARMY of critics on one page? That helps to decide if a movie is a hit or a real stinker. Of course, nothing is 100%, but I trust the site to help me gauge whether I want to see a movie or skip it.

What I got with Bridesmaids were a few good laughs, but mostly an attempt to recreate The Hangover in female form. Don’t get me wrong; it was good. But not great. I love Kristen Wiig, naturally, but the one who stole the movie for me was Melissa McCarthy, star of Mike & Molly. Hysterical.

I realize I may not be the target viewer for what many will call a chick flick, and it might have been funnier with the right audience…or if I went with friends. Hell, maybe my expectations were too high – I expected two hours of laugh-out-loud funny. What I got was a cute flick with some smiles and laughs, but nothing I’d recommend heartily.

WORTH: Bargain matinee price. In Sebring, that’s $5.

Yesterday, I decided to try again with another movie I wanted to see: Thor, which scores a 78% on Rotten Tomatoes. (Yeah, I’ve pretty much decided to wait for Hangover 2 to come out on video before seeing it.)

Thor, played by Chris Hemsworth, lived up to the positive reviews very well. Solid, action packed, beautiful to look at, humor to help move things along, and they fleshed out the characters well, which is more than you can say for many comic-based flicks. It helped, I’m sure that it’s directed by Kenneth Branagh. I really enjoyed it. Plus, hello? Natalie Portman!

I won’t list any plot points because I hate spoilers, but as with most Marvel movies, make sure you stay till the end of the credits for a bonus scene. And they DO mention that Thor will return for The Avengers in 2012.

WORTH: Full evening price. Here, that’s $9.

Movies I’m looking forward to, based on trailers I saw before both of the above movies…Green Lantern and Cars 2. Wish they’d had a trailer for this summer’s Captain America.

And here’s the trailer for Captain America…

Movies I don’t care about seeing, despite the trailers…Transformers 3 (never saw the 2nd one) and X-Men: First Class.

--- Thanks for reading! SecondHand Tryptophan

So hi there. Happy Star Wars Day (may the fourth be with you!). It’s been a long time since I blogged anything. I can’t count how many times I thought about blogging but then just…didn’t.

The truth is that I am sick and tired of my depression and all the depression posts I was writing last year. Things haven’t really changed in that department. I appreciate everyone (y’know, the three of you that approached me) saying they missed my posts. I didn’t feel like writing. Part of me still doesn’t. The other part, though, has been itching to post. So here I am.

• If you follow me at all on Twitter or Facebook, you know my mother recently had abdominal surgery. It all traces back to last August, when a large polyp was discovered during a routine colonoscopy. A colonoscopy that led to a ruptured spleen and a splenectomy. It’s been a banner past year for Mom’s health. First a broken kneecap, then the spleen, now this surgery. Fortunately, the surgery this time went off without a hitch and Mom is now home after a 6-day hospital stay. Thanks for all the prayers and well wishes. She’s quite happy to be home again. I mean, who the hell can rest at all in a hospital, where they’re poking and prodding you every few minutes, or so it seems?
• There are health issues with my stepmother, too, but I won’t get into those here. Suffice it to say it just adds to my stress levels. Getting old sucks.
• I’ve been a real homebody for months now, bordering on agoraphobic. Chalk it up to anxiety, if you will. And thank God for Klonopin.
• I wish I had more local friends. Most all of mine live in the computer, so to speak. In order for this to happen, I’d have to leave the house more often. What a bitch. And it’s not like there’s a ton to do in Sebring to meet people.
• According to rumors, there won’t be the typical new iPhone release this summer. Instead, they’re looking toward the fall for a release. Who knows if it’s true or not, but I’m bummed. See, I still have an iPhone 3G, which will be three years old in August. I’ve been waiting to upgrade, and I could grab myself an iPhone 4…but how silly would that be when the iPhone 5 is somewhere close down the road? Relatively speaking.
• Speaking of the iPhone, I waited a long time for Verizon to get their hands on it, and I was determined to jump ship from AT&T as soon as that happened. I’ve since changed my mind. My only real bitch with AT&T was no 3G in my little town. Verizon, however, did have 3G here. Well, as of December, AT&T 3G has come to Sebring. There are other factors involved. Verizon’s network is slower than AT&T’s. On top of that, you can’t talk and websurf at the same time on Verizon’s iPhone. Not true with AT&T. So when I finally upgrade my “antique” phone, I’m sticking with AT&T. Plus, hey, rollover minutes? All carriers should have them. But don’t.
• Another rumor has it that Twitter has bought Tweetdeck. As a Tweetdeck user, this kinda scares me. I don’t know if Twitter plans on simply rebranding Tweetdeck as the official Twitter client for Windows machines or if they’re going to screw up what is a great client. Time will tell.
• Osama Bin Laden is dead. I have mixed feelings about it. Part of me is glad, part of me can’t rejoice for the death of another human being, no matter how evil he was. I’ve seen a lot of similar sentiment on Twitter and Facebook. I do think it’s awfully strange the man was living in a mansion’ish compound in Pakistan, yet Pakistani officials claim they had no idea he was there; in fact, swore that he wasn’t there. Regardless, I, for one, have no desire to see photographic evidence of Bin Laden’s death. It’s morbid as fuck. I’m not one to normally take the government’s word on blind faith, but in this case, I believe them. He’s dead. Like a game of Whack-a-Mole, though, some other head will pop up to replace him and we’ll have another new enemy to face. Sigh.
• I usually hate talent shows, but I’m digging NBC’s “The Voice.” It’s far better than “American Idol.”
• I had an appointment for an orthopedic consult tomorrow to examine my age-old shoulder injury, which happened during a Birthday Dare video a year and a half ago. Pretty sure I tore the rotator cuff. Yeah, I’m a procrastinator. But with Mom freshly home from the hospital, I’m not comfortable leaving her alone while I go all the way to Tampa and back, so I rescheduled it for next month. I’ve lived with the discomfort and pain this long – another month won’t kill me.
• I get so many press releases in my inbox that I’ve started finally doing something about them, aside from just pressing DELETE. I can’t count how many times I’ve typed “Please remove me from your mailing list. Thank you.” Hopefully, it works.
• The anhedonia is huge. However, I am looking forward to “The Hangover, Part II” this month. The first one was hilarious, and I’m hoping the sequel will be, too.

And that’s all I have for now. There, I posted.

--- Thanks for reading! SecondHand Tryptophan

This is Movember, where I grow a moustache for prostate health. Prostate cancer is the #1 cancer affecting men. You can donate or just watch me grow a cheesy moustache all month. (Proceeds go to the Prostate Cancer Foundation and Livestrong.)

I’m also doing a 30-day meme, the whole of which can be found here.

Today’s photo of the ’stache:

It'd be nice to break $100, so you know, donate today.

Day 29 – In this past month, what have you learned?

I learned that I can grow a ’stache in less than 30 days.

I learned that the flavor-saver aspect of moustaches is way overrated.

I learned that there’s a reason – multiple, actually – I haven’t grown a moustache since the early 90’s.

I learned that moustaches make me look like I belong on either a mugshot and/or sex offender list. Yeah, that’s one of the reasons.

I (re) learned I need a lot of work in the art of self-portraiture.

I learned I don’t like feeling afraid to leave my house.

I learned that I’d rather keep my hair short. May get it buzzed today. Where can I find a barber who makes house calls?

I learned how important it is that I remember to laugh. And there aren’t a whole lot of people who have made me laugh more than Leslie Nielsen. RIP, dude. Nice beaver.

--- Thanks for reading! SecondHand Tryptophan

This is Movember, where I grow a moustache for prostate health. Prostate cancer is the #1 cancer affecting men. You can donate or just watch me grow a cheesy moustache all month. (Proceeds go to the Prostate Cancer Foundation and Livestrong.) To date, I’ve helped raise $60. If you’ve got a dollar or two to spare, please throw it into the hat.

I’m also doing a 30-day meme, the whole of which can be found here.

Today’s photo of the ’stache:

Day 24 – A letter to your parents

Dear Parents,

You’ve been asking what I want for Christmas, so here you go. Please tell Santa that I want a Kindle with 3G for Christmas. Also, a Blu-Ray player with built-in wifi. And an Apple MacBook Pro. Maybe an iPhone 4. The Beatles Mono box set (thanks to Dave for pointing out the need). I know, my tastes are more expensive these days.

On the cheap, though, since I lost weight, I could use some new jeans. The Price is Right for Wii, or maybe the new Donkey Kong. And the Back to the Future trilogy on Blu-Ray. An Amazon gift card could help me pick out books and music I want…or just about anything. Or an iTunes card would work, too. ThinkGeek has a great holiday section this year. In fact, right now, they’re offering a free t-shirt with any $25 purchase. Maybe some scratch-off lottery tickets. See? I’m easy. Kinda.

I hope this makes for an easier experience for Santa. I still miss the original Sears Wishbook, but this will have to do.

Love,

Karl

PS: If Santa wants to get me a girlfriend instead, that’d rock.

PPS: I don’t really like brussels sprouts. I keep feeding them to my imaginary dog.

--- Thanks for reading! SecondHand Tryptophan