It’s been a week of physical therapy thus far, and while it’s not as bad as I thought it’d be, my shoulders are still killing me. The left shoulder, in particular, which is odd because it’s my right shoulder that was supposed to be operated on. Turns out the left shoulder is worse. I knew it was messed up, too, but didn’t know  it was that bad.

It hurts to lay with it flat now, so I’ve taken to sleeping with a pillow underneath it. I’ve always been a stomach sleeper, but have slept on my back the last two years. Doesn’t feel like I sleep nearly as good as I used to, but oh well.

Every day at physical therapy starts with them taking my vitals – blood pressure, pulse, and temperature. Then I take my shirt off for ultrasound on both shoulders. Then it’s the exercises…pulleys, elastic bands, weight machine with very light weights. Some of these are painful, but I’m told the pain will get worse before it gets better. Then comes the simultaneous icing and electrical stimulation.

Then I go home, shoulders aching. Thank God for painkillers. Another five weeks of this and we’ll see where we stand. I know I’m glad I invested in all these button-down shirts. They’re far easier to deal with than my beloved t-shirts. And I’m glad to not need a sling. Going the non-surgical route is always best, if possible.

Odd thing, the V.A. sent me a prescription for a neurosurgeon consult in my local area. I don’t know if this is for after phsyical therapy is over, or what, but they say there’s a backlog of surgeons at the V.A. I’ll have to call orthopedics to ask what I’m supposed to do with this thing.

On TV, I’m glad Supernatural and Fringe are back. I’m also enjoying Terra Nova, Person of Interest, and a Gifted Man. Unforgettable is pretty good, too.

How are you doing? What are you watching?

--- Thanks for reading! SecondHand Tryptophan

So I went to go meet with the new surgeon on Wednesday. I was supposed to meet with him and get a new surgery date. What I got was something altogether different.

This new surgeon says that there’s a 75% chance I won’t need surgery, after all. That I could be healed through physical therapy. I said that the last surgeon said physical therapy would be counterproductive.

“Who told you that?” he said.

I gave him the doctor’s name, and he nodded with a smile. As if to say, yeah, he doesn’t know what he’s talking about. He told me that he recommended 6 weeks of physical therapy. “I’ll be happy to cut,” he said, “if the therapy doesn’t work and it’ll just be a tiny cut, arhtroscopic.” Another thing the other surgeon said was that it would be totally open shoulder surgery.

This explained why I’d received a huge packet of physical therapy paperwork in the mail, as well as two orders of painkillers and anti-inflamatory meds.

So was it Kismet that my doctor called in sick just before my surgery? Would it have been unnecessary surgery? I don’t know.

I have an appointment on Thursday to meet with a physical therapist. There are very specific orders the surgeon has given for physical therapy. We’ll see how it goes.

In the meantime, I know that these painkillers are really helping me sleep, and that’s a good thing. Soon enough, I fear my shoulder will be given such a severe workout that I’ll need those painkillers big time.

--- Thanks for reading! SecondHand Tryptophan

So…the surgery. Mom and I drove to St. Petersburg on Monday afternooon – Labor Day – to stay in a hotel overnight. I was supposed to report in for surgery at 8am.

I was a nervous wreck, having never had surgery before. Well, I did have my tonsils out when I was 3, as well as a hernia. And there was my vasectomy, but I was awake for that.

Mom brought wine, which was great for her, but I wasn’t allowed to have any alcohol the night before surgery. So we settled down after dinner to watch some Antiques Roadshow, while I tinkered around on Twitter and Facebook, a la iPhone. Nothing more for me to eat, since I wasn’t to have anything by mouth after midnight.

I took a shower, complete with special antiseptic soap. No deodorant allowed.

Finally laid down to try and sleep around 11:20, right after the weather report on the news. I tossed and turned for a while…well, not really, I can only sleep on my back these days. But MENTALLY, I tossed and turned. At some point, I got to sleep.

6:00 came quickly. I got up to pee, knowing they were going to require more urine from me when I got to the hospital. I don’t know why. Had a cigarette, even though I wasn’t supposed to smoke the day of surgery.

We packed up and left the hotel at 7:00, turned in the keys, and drove to the V.A. hospital. I showed Mom where the pharmacy was (since she’d likely be picking up my pain pills later), where the coffee bar was (so she could get some coffee), and we made our way to the main elevators to head up to the 3rd floor.

Got to the ASU (Ambulatory Surgery Unit) and checked in. That’s when they told me. “I just tried to call you,” said the nurse. (I had turned off my phone after entering the hospital.) “Your doctor called in sick. Your surgery is canceled.” WHAT?!

She gave me a business card with the extensions written on it and said to call in a few days to reschedule the surgery. We went all that way for NOTHING.

So back we went, the way we came in, and we drove to a Bob Evans for breakfast. I was pissed, disappointed, but hey, if you’re sick, you’re sick, right? We ate, and I had some much-needed coffee.

We’re halfway home when the phone rings. It’s the V.A., and the doctor tells me they can squeeze me into surgery. “Well, I’m halfway home and have already eaten breakfast,” I said. FML.

I call the next day to reschedule and they tell me my doctor isn’t coming back. “What? Is he OK?”

“Not really.” But she doesn’t elaborate. “Let us discuss what we’re going to do and I’ll call you back.”

A while later, she calls me back and says another surgeon is willing to do the surgery, but I have to meet with him first. So I’m scheduled to meet with him Wednesday, and we’ll schedule the surgery from there.

And that’s where things stand. Argh.

--- Thanks for reading! SecondHand Tryptophan

That’s my stack of appointments for tomorrow, which start at 8:30 AM and end after 1:30 PM. SIX of them, all pre-op appointments including labs, EKG, and x-rays. I’m not even sure what some of them are, to be honest. One includes “teaching” of some sort. I’m just hoping I can navigate around the hospital fast enough to make them all on time.

I’ll be driving over to Tampa in a little while and staying in a hotel overnight. Otherwise, I’d have to leave here around 5:30 in the morning and I’m not having any of that. My sleep suffers enough as it is.

Countdown to surgery: 16 days. Ugh.

--- Thanks for reading! SecondHand Tryptophan

I recently got tagged for a meme on Facebook, so I’m posting it here, since I don’t have much to say right now. I do have a new post over at Insert Eyeroll, which I’d appreciate Stumbles and Diggs on, but y’know, whatever.

That, and I bought a bunch of button-down shirts in preparation for my shoulder surgery, coming up September 6th. Hey, don’t mock. Some of these were on clearance for $5. They’re gonna look great with my elastic waist-banded shorts, I’m telling you. Tim Gunn has nothing on me. I’m just hoping that button-downs are easier to put on than t-shirts when you’re in a sling. I’m hearing from both camps on the matter.

Right, onto the meme.

1. What time did you get up this morning?

Around 9. Still drinking coffee at this writing.

2. How do you like your steak?

Medium. Though I’d prefer a burger.

3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema?

Crazy Stupid Love. I liked it.

4. What is your favorite TV show?

Well, it’s summer time, so right now it’s Big Brother, my guilty pleasure. But I really enjoyed Falling Skies, which just had it’s season finale. Glad it got picked up for a second season.

5. If you could live anywhere in the world where would it be?

The Guinness Brewery in Ireland?

6. What did you have for breakfast?

Some freezer-burned pop-tart style breakfast thingie. Not good.

7. What is your favorite cuisine?

Italian.

8. What foods do you dislike?

Asparagus, lima beans, liver, seafood. Not necessarily in that order.

9. Favorite Place to Eat?

In Sebring? Probably Ruby Tuesdays. I dig their salad bar.

10. Favorite dressing?

Balsamic vinegarette.

11.What kind of vehicle do you drive?

A 2001 Mistubishi Galant with a rusty roof.

12. What are your favourite clothes?

T-shirts and cargo shorts. Again, Tim Gunn would love me. Or a chance to make me over, at any rate.

13. Where would you visit if you had the chance?

California. Or Amsterdam.

14. Cup 1/2 empty or 1/2 full?

1/2 empty, lately.

15. Where would you want to retire?

In a state with medical marijuana laws in place. Currently, 16 of them, plus D.C.

16. Favorite time of day?

Nap time.

17. Where were you born?

Long Island, New York.

18. What is your favorite sport to watch?

Hate sports. But I do enjoy me some Olympics, strangely enough.

19. Who do you think will not tag you back?

I don’t tag, so the point is moot. As opposed to mute.

20. Person you expect to tag you back first?

See #19.

21. Who are you most curious about their responses to this?

Not sure if anyone else will do this or not, so I don’t know.

22. Bird watcher?

Bird, as in woman? Yes!

23. Are you a morning person or a night person?

Night. Though I don’t stay up nearly as late as I used to.

24. Pets?

None.

25. Any new and exciting news that you’d like to share?

Aside from the new writing gig at Insert Eyeroll, I’m having shoulder surgery in early September, but I’ve already mentioned both of those things, so no. Oh, I started on lithium yesterday, but that’s not all that exciting.

26. What did you want to be when you were little?

Superman or Batman. Depended on the day, really.

27. What is your best childhood memory?

Coffee-table dancing. Or Disney World.

28. Are you a cat or dog person?

I like both, really. Cats seem to be lower maintenance, though. Then again, there’s the whole emptying-the-cat-litter thing, so I’m torn.

29. Are you married?

Not any more.

30. Always wear your seat belt?

Yes, always.

31. Been in a car accident?

Yes, several.

32. Any pet peeves?

Closed-minded people. People that say “nucular.” People that don’t know the difference between “your” and “you’re.” Hmm…people in general, really.

33. Favorite pizza topping?

Pepperoni, sausage, and onions.

34. Favorite Flower?

Tulips.

35. Favorite ice cream?

Either mint chocolate chip, or cookie dough. But there aren’t many ice cream flavors I don’t like.

36. Favorite fast food restaurant?

Ugh. Not a big fast food fan, but if I had to choose one, I’d say Wendy’s.

37. How many times did you fail your driver’s test?

None.

38. From whom did you get your last email?

My blog, notifying me of a comment.

39. Which store would you choose to max out your credit card?

The Apple Store? I’m a geek, what can I say? I’ve almost got enough money saved up to buy a shiny new Mac PowerBook Pro.

40. Do anything spontaneous lately?

This meme? Yeah, I’m pretty boring.

41. Like your job?

Writing fake news? Who wouldn’t like that?

42. Broccoli?

Yeah.

43. What was your favorite vacation?

Amsterdam.

44. Last person you went out to dinner with?

My mom and a group of friends.

45. What are you listening to right now?

MSNBC. Rick Perry is announcing that he’s going to be a presidential candidate. Which scares me, almost as much as Michelle Bachman.

46. What is your favorite colour?

I don’t really have one. I like wearing dark colors because they don’t show coffee stains.

47. How many tattoos do you have?

Exactly zero.

48. Coffee drinker?

Daily.

49. How many children do you have?

2. Twins.

50. Are you in love?

No, but I’m totally available. Inquire within.

--- Thanks for reading! SecondHand Tryptophan

Holy hell, that’s a lot of pre-op appointments! I got this list yesterday and it includes fasting labs (gonna have to bring a snack), EKG, x-rays, and some other pre-op stuff I’m not sure about. I’ll be at the hospital most of the day. And with the first appointment at 8:30 in the morning, I’d have to leave the house no later than 6:00.

A visit with the Matrix Therapist yesterday, however, provided some promising news. Apparently, if you have an appointment before 9:00 AM at Bay Pines (in Tampa), you can stay at La Quinta Inn and the V.A. will pay for it. That’ll make things a lot easier. Particularly on September 6th – my surgery date – when I’m supposed to report in at 6:00 AM!

I don’t qualify for travel pay, I found out, because I make “too much money” on disability. But being able to stay in a comp’d hotel room will help a lot. My Mom and I had already planned to stay in a hotel the night before surgery because – hello? – leaving the house at 3:30 AM is just insane. If I read that appointment slip correctly, my surgery isn’t until 1:00 PM. That’s gonna be  a long morning, since I’ll have to fast for surgery.

Another question I have regarding being one-handed for a while…how the hell am I supposed to wipe my ass, let alone wash my hands after going to the bathroom? Argh. Yes, I think about these things. I’m pretty fastidious about hand-washing.

I guess there’s one thing to look forward to: New Beavis and Butthead episodes. This hearkens back to the glory days of MTV. Y’know, back when they were still known for MUSIC?

--- Thanks for reading! SecondHand Tryptophan

I’m a t-shirt and cargo shorts kinda guy. Have been for quite a while. No, I’m never going to be fashionable. I’m all about the comfort and utilitarian thing.

I recently had to go clothes shopping, though, which I detest. There’s no way I’m going to be able to button my shorts with one hand post-surgery in September. So I went to Walmart (which I also detest) and Big Lots to find some cheap elastic waist-banded shorts. I thought about going with some large sizes to make getting dressed a bit easier, but they just about fell off of me. So I stuck with mediums.

Here’s a little sample of what I found. Again, I’m no fashion hound, which is evident.

Even in a medium, I’m not going to be able to load up the pockets without risking showing everyone my underwear. Oh, well. I’ll be practicing dressing with one hand a lot between now and my surgery. Now I need to find shirts. T-shirts will be too difficult to maneuver, I’m afraid. So I’m thinking of getting button-ups.

Yeah, that’s gonna make me look fantastic.

The final space shuttle, Atlantis, landed pre-dawn this morning. It’s a sad thing to see the shuttle program end. I still remember watching the very first shuttle take off when I was in grade school. One of those special occasions, where a TV was wheeled into the classroom. I’m also sad that, for the foreseeable future, we’ll be relying on Russian spacecrafts to get back and forth to the International Space Station. The U.S. has led space travel for decades…kind of feels like a huge step backward.

Is privatizing space flight the way to go? Only time will tell. But as a little boy, I used to watch the Apollo missions fly into space from my driveway. Nobody will be walking the moon again any time soon.

The NFL owners and players are still negotiating to see if there’ll be an upcoming football season. I couldn’t care less. In fact, it’d be great not to have football clogging up the airwaves.

I got Google+ and so far, so good.

It’s crisp and clean and works well. I’m not exactly sure what to do with it, and have yet to do any group video chats, but I think I like it. My only real bitch at the moment is that for many Twitter followers who add me on Google+, I don’t know their real names. Thus, I have a circle called “People I Don’t Know,” which also serves useful when a friend of a friend adds me.

Most of what I post is Public, but I like the ability to post things only to select circles.

I’m still in love with my new iPhone 4 and have become re-addicted to Uno.

It plays well and I win often. Sure, I play on Easy mode most of the time, but I like winning.

I saw the movie “Horrible Bosses.” It wasn’t horrible, but it wasn’t fantastic, either. The screenplay was meh, but the performances were good. I spent most of the movie wondering what the girl behind me looked like, since she was laughing throughout. She had a nice laugh, but I knew I couldn’t date her because the movie wasn’t that funny. What? Like you don’t ever wonder if someone is dateable or attractive from their laugh?

And in good news, I got a new writing gig. I can’t say much about it at the moment, but it’s for a soon-to-be-launched website. It’s nice to feel semi-productive again.

There…this post is all over the board, I know, but that’s what’s going on with me. How are you?

--- Thanks for reading! SecondHand Tryptophan

So the results are in. I have a torn rotator cuff, and the pamphlet they gave me – called Rotator Cuff Injuries – reminds me of Highlights magazine. Just look at that poor fellow above…he’s obviously hurting while trying to paint his house. Me? I just so happened to fall down while skating with a roller derby team nearly two years ago now…for a Birthday Dare. Yes, I blame BlondeFabulous. It was her team and her dare. Really, though, it was my fault for trying to roller skate after 25 years being without wheels on my feet.

That doctor looks remarkably like the surgeon who will be doing my surgery. We did discuss the options, after he looked over my MRI results. Sorry, BlondeFabulous, they wouldn’t give me copies of the scans so you could gloat over destroying my shoulder.

The results show that I damaged a joint in my shoulder, causing bone spurs to tear away at my rotator cuff. My options were limited. “Physical therapy,” the doctor said, “will only do you more harm at this point.” Right, scratch that option. The second option? Do nothing. “Your shoulder will only get worse as time goes by, and there’s already some muscular atrophy.” Scratch Option #2, then. My shoulder getting worse and worse for the rest of my life isn’t much of an option, as far as I’m concerned.

Option #3: open shoulder surgery, where they’ll apparently cover my face with a sheet so they don’t have to look at me. Really? Am I that hideous? He’ll shave away those bone spurs, tack my rotator cuff back to the shoulder with titanium pins, and then sew me back up. Yes, titanium! I’ll be one step closer to becoming a super cyborg!

I asked about his success rate, and he said it’s about 90-95%, which are pretty good odds. He also said he’s done well over 4,000 rotator cuff surgeries…again, numbers I like to hear. I asked what kind of recovery time we’re talking about and he couldn’t answer that. “I won’t know until I’m in there.”

I’ll be in a sling for 1-2 months, according to the doc. Ugh. I don’t look forward to being one-handed. Honestly, I know Anissa deals with this shit every day, but living with one working hand for a while is going to be rough for me. Thank God I’m left-handed and it’s the right arm that’ll be in a sling. Everything will be different, though…typing one-handed (when I’m a touch typist) will be a bitch. Eating anything that requires cutting (my Mom will get to cut up my food for me). Going to the bathroom (NOTE TO SELF: get elastic waist-banded shorts), showering…yeah. I haven’t yet figured out how I’ll masturbate with just one hand. It’s going to be some major adjustment. And forget driving. I’ll be a prisoner in my own house. Well, unless Mom drives me somewhere. At least there are the pain meds to look forward to.

Once I’m allowed to move my arm again, there’ll be the physical therapy. Probably two months’ worth, three times a week. That will be outsourced to someone here in Sebring, thank God. As I’ve said before, driving two hours each way to Tampa and back 3x a week is impossible for me.

When I asked all my questions, the doctor had me go back out for surgery scheduling. They told me they’d call me tomorrow with the surgery date. I left the V.A., pamphlet in hand, and headed to the Green Iguana for some lunch. It was a nice, cloudy kind of day – not too hot – so I sat on the deck (click to embiggify):

I enjoyed my chipotle chicken wrap and fries while watching boats sail by and pelicans fly overhead. Plus, the scavenger birds hopped about the deck, waiting for an errant piece of food to drop. I thought about my shoulder, how long I’ve lived with it like this, and read Tweets from people, commiserating with me and wishing me luck. And I wondered how far down the road the surgery would be.

Well, I got the call this morning and now I know. September 6th is the day of the surgery, just in time for my birthday (on the 18th). So I’ll be gimping along on my birthday this year. Needless to say, no birthday dares this year (either). I suppose I should rejoice, because I’ll be all the better for this in the long run, but I don’t look forward to the road ahead.

In the meantime, I’ll enjoy being able to type this post with two hands, showering, and playing Tiny Wings on my iPhone. Now, if I could just get to the damned 7th island…

--- Thanks for reading! SecondHand Tryptophan

So in two days, I go back to Bay Pines VA to see the orthopedic doctor, where I’ll get the results of last week’s MRI. I’ll find out just how fucked up my shoulder is, as well as what my options are. Surgery? Probably. The question is what kind of surgery? Totally open-shoulder or arthroscopic? And what about physical therapy? Will they allow for home therapy, or at least local therapy? How long will I be one-handed? What is the recovery time for such a surgery/injury?

So many questions, all making me more apprehensive than I really need to be, I’m sure. But hey, that’s my middle name, Apprehension.

No worries, only two more days to mull all this over, and then I’ll have answers.

I’m sick and tired of hearing about the Casey Anthony trial. I like to watch the news, whether it be on CNN or MSNBC or whatever…but this morning, every single news station (including Fox News, which I don’t really like) was covering the trial live. As if there’s no other news story to cover!

Michelle Bachman, who scares the ever-loving shit out of me – more so than even Sarah Palin ever did – announced her candidacy for President. There’s one thing, at least, that she has in common with Palin: her ability to stick her foot in her mouth. A favorite amongst Tea Partiers, I can assure you she won’t be getting my vote. Should it come down to that, I mean. Let’s hope a viable candidate pops into the arena. So far, I’m not very happy with any of the people up for grabs.

This has been a hell of a year for natural disasters…earthquakes, tsunamis, tornadoes, floods, and now wildfires, one of which threatens the biggest nuclear weapons lab we’ve got. Yeah, Casey Anthony should totally take precedence over that one. Los Alamos National Lab in New Mexico is closed for a second day, the fire is that close. The town of Los Alamos – over 12,000 people – has been evacuated.

The Supreme Court ruled that kids can buy violent video games. Free speech, and all that jazz. I say they got the ruling right. Not that I advocate kids buying violent games, but come on, let parents do their job. If we banned all violence from kids, they’d never get to see classics like Wile E. Coyote and the Road Runner. Or read “The Lord of the Flies.” Or play Cowboys and Indians. Sorry, that’s not very PC. Cowboys and Native Americans. It’s not like the video games aren’t already labeled, just like music is these days. If parents can’t control what their kids are buying, well, they’re not scoring very high in the Greatest Parents of the Year category.

Thankfully, there’s the Internet to turn to for news. Otherwise, we might never hear about protests in Greece, the ongoing nuclear threat in Japan following the tsunami, Libya, the ever-rising national debt…none of it.

I’m kinda news’d out, and that’s when I turn to either something on my DVR or music. A few of the albums I’m listening to right now:

Weird Al – Alpocalypse. I’ve been listening to Weird Al since I was 13 years old. He’s a brilliant parody writer and performer. This album is chock full of weird goodness. From the Doors’ish “Craigslist” to the parody of Lady Gaga, “Perform This Way,” you can’t go wrong if you’re looking for a big dose of silliness. Love the song “Stop Forwarding that Crap to Me,” too. Check out his Lady Gaga parody video. Fantastic.

Matt Nathanson – Modern Love. Yeah, I’m a guy with pop sensibilities, so sue me. I dug his song “Come On Get Higher” a couple years back, and “Modern Love” doesn’t disappoint. Lots of strong tracks here…Modern Love, Room @ the End of the World, and Run to name a few. This is one of my favorite new summer albums. Here’s the first single from the album: “Faster.”

And an album I first heard about from Dave at Blogography:

Matt and Kim, Sidewalks. Another great album with strong grooves. I don’t know what took me so long to download it, Dave and I share a lot of musical tastes. My favorite track is “AM/FM Sound,” but I love the whole collection of songs. Here’s their latest video, “Block After Block:”

There you have it. I’m still a tad miffed that there aren’t any Florida tour dates for The Cars, but I’m keeping my fingers crossed.

--- Thanks for reading! SecondHand Tryptophan

Well, I had the MRI and – contrary to my own beliefs – it went fine and wasn’t that big of a deal. They had me fill out a form, listing all sorts of things like whether I had any metal fragments in my eyes, pacemakers, or shrapnel anywhere in my body. No, no, and no. There were about 30 or 40 things I had to check “NO” to.

Clearly, not anatomically correct.

They had me disrobe, which is always a funny word to me unless I am actually wearing a robe. Take off my watch and ring and glasses…put them all into a locked closet. Put on a hospital gown, and then they walked me into the MRI room.

Laid on the table, put in the earplugs they gave me, locked  my right shoulder into this harness thing, and then gave me my Panic Button. The Panic Button was really more a rubber bulb that you squeeze if you can’t take it inside the chamber. Turns out I didn’t need it.

But man, was it ever loud. I’m glad they give you earplugs because it sounded like a jackhammer at times. Other times it sounded like some clanging alarm. And other times it sounded like a diesel-powered vibrator. Here’s a short video to give you some idea of the noise. Mine was louder, though.

It lasted a long time, that 20 minutes. Holding perfectly still, I kept my eyes closed most of the time because the top of that chamber was mere inches from my face. I’m not claustrophobic, but I can see why anyone suffering from claustrophobia would have difficulty in an MRI.

I wondered how long it’d take to finish the test. I wondered how long it’d take for the results to be ready. I wondered what the results would show. I wondered about the probable surgery. I wondered if they were looking at magnetic images of my enormous junk. Hey, you wonder about a lot of things when you have to lay positively still for 20 minutes and there are mutant honking noises going on all around you.

The results, it turns out, take two days, which means they probably won’t have them until Monday. I have an appointment with the orthopedist in a week. Which means another trip to Tampa and back. But at least then I’ll have some information. And I’ll be able to take my own car, instead of Mom’s. Yeah, my car is in the shop to get a switch replaced. The headlights and blinkers wouldn’t shut off, even with the key out of the ignition.

And they just called to tell me my car is ready. I’m outta here. Later.

--- Thanks for reading! SecondHand Tryptophan