So the results are in. I have a torn rotator cuff, and the pamphlet they gave me – called Rotator Cuff Injuries – reminds me of Highlights magazine. Just look at that poor fellow above…he’s obviously hurting while trying to paint his house. Me? I just so happened to fall down while skating with a roller derby team nearly two years ago now…for a Birthday Dare. Yes, I blame BlondeFabulous. It was her team and her dare. Really, though, it was my fault for trying to roller skate after 25 years being without wheels on my feet.

That doctor looks remarkably like the surgeon who will be doing my surgery. We did discuss the options, after he looked over my MRI results. Sorry, BlondeFabulous, they wouldn’t give me copies of the scans so you could gloat over destroying my shoulder.

The results show that I damaged a joint in my shoulder, causing bone spurs to tear away at my rotator cuff. My options were limited. “Physical therapy,” the doctor said, “will only do you more harm at this point.” Right, scratch that option. The second option? Do nothing. “Your shoulder will only get worse as time goes by, and there’s already some muscular atrophy.” Scratch Option #2, then. My shoulder getting worse and worse for the rest of my life isn’t much of an option, as far as I’m concerned.

Option #3: open shoulder surgery, where they’ll apparently cover my face with a sheet so they don’t have to look at me. Really? Am I that hideous? He’ll shave away those bone spurs, tack my rotator cuff back to the shoulder with titanium pins, and then sew me back up. Yes, titanium! I’ll be one step closer to becoming a super cyborg!

I asked about his success rate, and he said it’s about 90-95%, which are pretty good odds. He also said he’s done well over 4,000 rotator cuff surgeries…again, numbers I like to hear. I asked what kind of recovery time we’re talking about and he couldn’t answer that. “I won’t know until I’m in there.”

I’ll be in a sling for 1-2 months, according to the doc. Ugh. I don’t look forward to being one-handed. Honestly, I know Anissa deals with this shit every day, but living with one working hand for a while is going to be rough for me. Thank God I’m left-handed and it’s the right arm that’ll be in a sling. Everything will be different, though…typing one-handed (when I’m a touch typist) will be a bitch. Eating anything that requires cutting (my Mom will get to cut up my food for me). Going to the bathroom (NOTE TO SELF: get elastic waist-banded shorts), showering…yeah. I haven’t yet figured out how I’ll masturbate with just one hand. It’s going to be some major adjustment. And forget driving. I’ll be a prisoner in my own house. Well, unless Mom drives me somewhere. At least there are the pain meds to look forward to.

Once I’m allowed to move my arm again, there’ll be the physical therapy. Probably two months’ worth, three times a week. That will be outsourced to someone here in Sebring, thank God. As I’ve said before, driving two hours each way to Tampa and back 3x a week is impossible for me.

When I asked all my questions, the doctor had me go back out for surgery scheduling. They told me they’d call me tomorrow with the surgery date. I left the V.A., pamphlet in hand, and headed to the Green Iguana for some lunch. It was a nice, cloudy kind of day – not too hot – so I sat on the deck (click to embiggify):

I enjoyed my chipotle chicken wrap and fries while watching boats sail by and pelicans fly overhead. Plus, the scavenger birds hopped about the deck, waiting for an errant piece of food to drop. I thought about my shoulder, how long I’ve lived with it like this, and read Tweets from people, commiserating with me and wishing me luck. And I wondered how far down the road the surgery would be.

Well, I got the call this morning and now I know. September 6th is the day of the surgery, just in time for my birthday (on the 18th). So I’ll be gimping along on my birthday this year. Needless to say, no birthday dares this year (either). I suppose I should rejoice, because I’ll be all the better for this in the long run, but I don’t look forward to the road ahead.

In the meantime, I’ll enjoy being able to type this post with two hands, showering, and playing Tiny Wings on my iPhone. Now, if I could just get to the damned 7th island…

--- Thanks for reading! SecondHand Tryptophan

Happy Towel Day, everyone. I hope you know where your towel is.

Today, in honor of Towel Day, I decided to list 42 random songs that are on my iPod. Actually, it’s an iPhone, but you get the idea.

1. 50 Ways to Leave Your Lover – Paul Simon
2. Warrant – Foster the People
3. Let’s Go – The Cars
4. Show You How – The Killers
5. If Rap Gets Jealous – K’naan
6. Kicks – Everclear
7. Losing Streak – The Eels
8. Love Will – Darius Rucker
9. I Can’t Go For That (No Can Do) – Hall & Oates
10. Houdini – Foster the People
11. Call It What You Want – Foster the People
12. Building a Wall – Pet Shop Boys
13. Don’t Dream It’s Over – Crowded House
14. Play Something We Know – Adam Hood
15. Synchronicity II – The Police
16. Hey, That’s No Way to Say Goodbye – The Lemonheads
17. Nothing Without You – Nusrat Fateh Ali Khan
18. Happy in the Morning – Nikka Costa
19. Too Much Too Fast – 311
20. Shine – Cracker
21. Honky Cat – Elton John
22. It’s All Been Done – Barenaked Ladies
23. Lullaby for Mercy Ann – Eric Lindell
24. The Edge of Glory – Lady Gaga
25. King of Pain – The Police
26. Live Your Life – T.I. & Rihanna
27. Stuck with Each Other – Shontelle
28. Carry On – Pat Green
29. Mystify – INXS
30. New Sensation – INXS
31. Dip Down – Leona Lewis
32. Overnight – Hudson Mohawke
33. American Girl – Everclear
34. Not Pretty Enough – Kasey Chambers
35. Nothing Ever Happens – Del Amitri
36. This Love – Maroon 5
37. Road Trippin’ – Red Hot Chili Peppers
38. My Turn – Hoobastank
39. Even Better Than the Real Thing – U2
40. Everything – A Cursive Memory
41. Everyday is a Winding Road – Sheryl Crow
42. Real World – Matchbox 20

Finally, something I think everyone should see. An epidemic that can be handled with a simple vaccination. Please spread the word…talk to your children about it. There’s no need for anyone to suffer.

--- Thanks for reading! SecondHand Tryptophan

The other day I asked you to convince me to go to BlogHer 2011. I appreciate the comments from you guys. After careful consideration and a perusal of my finances, I have decided to skip BlogHer again this year. Much as I’ll miss lots of my favorite people, a new laptop is more important.

I’m saving up for a Mac PowerBook. Decades of being invested in Windows PC’s have me a little worried about this leap. I know Macs are supposedly very easy to use and far better stability-wise. I’m just hoping that the learning curve isn’t too steep for me. Old dog, new tricks, and all that happy horseshit.

Look how purty that sucker is.

In other news, The Cars have a new album out! “Move Like This” came out on Tuesday and so far I’ve only heard a couple of their new songs. They still sound great. I can only hope they decide to come to Florida on tour. Right now there aren’t any FL dates.

A review from Rolling Stone is pretty positive: “Move Like This is a reminder that New Wave can still sound new, especially when the Cars do it.”

Here’s “Sad Song.”

The Cars will forever be one of my favorite bands. I still remember the first time I heard them. I was in 10th grade. We’d just driven cross-country from New York to Alamogordo, New Mexico, our new home. Arrived in the evening, and stopped in at the Pizza Hut for dinner. And the first song that came on the jukebox (Google that shit, you youngsters) was this one:

The catchy tune opened me up to all sorts of new music. I’d previously thought that ABBA was cool – even had their greatest hits on 8-track (again, GTS) – but no more.

Shortly after we moved into our new home, a trailer on the south side of town, we got cable. And MTV…y’know, back when MTV stood for Music Television and ALL THEY PLAYED WERE MUSIC VIDEOS. My musical education was just beginning.

How about you? When do you feel like your musical awakening took place? And what artist or band was your very first concert? Mine was Men At Work.

--- Thanks for reading! SecondHand Tryptophan

Lately I haven’t felt much like getting out of bed. At all. In fact, some of the only things I feel like getting out of bed for are the new TV shows. Sad, really, particularly since very few of the new shows are worth watching. Never even got a chance to see “Lone Star,” and it’s already canceled. Stupid TV executives. How you cancel a show after two episodes is beyond me. In the old days – boy, I’m actually starting a sentence with “in the old days” – a show stayed on the air for an entire season. If it sucked, it sucked, and you just avoided that channel at that time. Nowadays, shows aren’t given a chance to gain footing, find an audience; if it’s  not a hit right out of the gate, it’s gone. Which sucks because a lot of great shows weren’t hits right away. Seinfeld, Cheers, MASH, and many others.

Anyway, I digress. I’m depressed. I think about the future and I get more depressed. I’m not working at all. Haven’t worked in a long time. That only serves to increase my anxiety.

My shoulder/arm still hurt, a year after I injured them doing a birthday dare (that I never edited, let alone “aired”). I must have torn something, a rotator cuff or something else I don’t know much about but hurts like hell when you tear it. Popping Aleve like candy. Damn arm affects my sleep, and thus impairs my staying in bed as much as I’d like to. I’m a stomach-sleeper but now I’m forced to sleep on my back…or my side.

I get “paralyzed” a lot lately. Paralyzed by indecision, malaise, anhedonia. Not sure what to do. Everything seems major. Making a doctor appointment, major. Answering the phone, major. Making something to eat, major. Checking the mail, major. And yeah, writing a blog post, major.

I’m sick of myself. Major.

--- Thanks for reading! SecondHand Tryptophan

--- Thanks for reading! SecondHand Tryptophan

Happy Birthday to one of my great buds, Sybil Law. I hope today brings her lots of gumdrops and gingerbread, maybe some Dave Grohl. Sybil was supposed to be my guest on 2HRadio the other night, but there were technical difficulties, so we had to reschedule. Have a great day, my friend. I’ll be sure to drink one in your honor tonight.

For weeks now, the damn anhedonia has been maddening. Nothing seems to make a dent. When everything you enjoy doing is unenjoyable, believe me, it’s disheartening, to say the least. I’m hoping to kick the anhedonia in the balls tonight.

Tonight, I go to see OK Go. You know, the guys that did the video on the treadmill, plus that other video with the giant Rube Goldberg device? Yeah, them. They don’t like people embedding their videos, apparently, which is insane. I’m really digging the new album. One of my faves is WTF.

I managed to pull this classic Dancing in my Boxers video from my hat (or my Youtube account), which is me dancing to one of their many great songs. Be sure you eat before you watch. It IS me dancing, after all.

If this concert doesn’t work and snap me out of it – at least, temporarily – I’m gonna be highly upset.

UPDATE: I’m highly upset. No concert tonight. My car died. Won’t start even with jumper cables. Grr.

--- Thanks for reading! SecondHand Tryptophan

Happy St. Patrick’s Day. Have yourself a Guinness. And yes, I actually am Irish. Partially.

--- Thanks for reading! SecondHand Tryptophan

Thought I’d try something different.

A Wonderful Experiment from Karl Erikson on Vimeo.

For those that have trouble with Vimeo, you can download the source video here.

Or watch on Viddler. Still processing as I publish this.

Wonderful – by Everclear

“Hey, ain’t life wonderful? Wonderful, wonderful, wonderful… Isn’t it wonderful now?”

I close my eyes when I get too sad
I think thoughts that I know are bad
Close my eyes and I count to ten
Hope it’s over when I open them

I want the things that I had before
Like a Star Wars poster on my bedroom door
I wish I could count to ten
Make everything be wonderful again

Hope my mom and I hope my dad
Will figure out why they get so mad
Hear them scream, I hear them fight
They say bad words that make me wanna cry

Close my eyes when I go to bed
And I dream of angels who make me smile
I feel better when I hear them say
Everything will be wonderful someday

Promises mean everything when you’re little
And the world’s so big
I just don’t understand how
You can smile with all those tears in your eyes
Tell me everything is wonderful now

Please don’t tell me everything is wonderful now

I go to school and I run and play
I tell the kids that it’s all okay
I laugh aloud so my friends won’t know
When the bell rings I just don’t wanna go home

Go to my room and I close my eyes
I make believe that I have a new life
I don’t believe you when you say
Everything will be wonderful someday

Promises mean everything when you’re little
And the world is so big
I just don’t understand how
You can smile with all those tears in your eyes
When you tell me everything is wonderful now

No
No, I don’t wanna hear you tell me everything is wonderful now
No
No, I don’t wanna hear you tell me everything is wonderful now

I don’t wanna hear you say
That I will understand someday
No, no, no, no

I don’t wanna hear you say
You both have grown in a different way
No, no, no, no

I don’t wanna meet your friends
And I don’t wanna start over again
I just want my life to be the same
Just like it used to be
Some days I hate everything
I hate everything
Everyone and everything
Please don’t tell me everything is wonderful now…

I don’t wanna hear you tell me everything is wonderful now

--- Thanks for reading! SecondHand Tryptophan

Another long, rambling video about therapy.

Sept 30, 2009: Effed from Karl Erikson on Vimeo.

--- Thanks for reading! SecondHand Tryptophan

Right, so we’re back after a brief one-week hiatus due to an injury. I doubt I’ll get Dare 4 posted tomorrow, since I still have to film the remainder of it. The finale is already filmed, but needs to be put together.

As for the prizes, I’ll announce them all after the 5th dare is posted.

Who is today’s winner? Well, you’ll just have to watch and see. Heh.

By the way, sorry it’s not on Youtube. I won’t use them any more. Last video I tried to upload there, they stripped it of ALL THE AUDIO. So fuck ‘em.

For those having trouble, I recommend starting the video, then immediately hitting PAUSE to allow the video to buffer a while. Sorry. If there was a better video service, I’d use it.

If you STILL have trouble, go to the actual video page here:

http://vimeo.com/6725679

Then scroll down to the bottom right and look for the grey Downloads bar, where you can download the video for yourself. Just know that it’s 62.5 MB and may take a while, depending on your Internet connection.

Birthday Dares 2009 – Dare 3: Shhhh! from Karl Erikson on Vimeo.

After a brief hiatus due to an injury, Karl’s 2009 Birthday Dares continue with Dare 3. This one from Flutter at ByFlutter.com

--- Thanks for reading! SecondHand Tryptophan