So the results are in. I have a torn rotator cuff, and the pamphlet they gave me – called Rotator Cuff Injuries – reminds me of Highlights magazine. Just look at that poor fellow above…he’s obviously hurting while trying to paint his house. Me? I just so happened to fall down while skating with a roller derby team nearly two years ago now…for a Birthday Dare. Yes, I blame BlondeFabulous. It was her team and her dare. Really, though, it was my fault for trying to roller skate after 25 years being without wheels on my feet.

That doctor looks remarkably like the surgeon who will be doing my surgery. We did discuss the options, after he looked over my MRI results. Sorry, BlondeFabulous, they wouldn’t give me copies of the scans so you could gloat over destroying my shoulder.

The results show that I damaged a joint in my shoulder, causing bone spurs to tear away at my rotator cuff. My options were limited. “Physical therapy,” the doctor said, “will only do you more harm at this point.” Right, scratch that option. The second option? Do nothing. “Your shoulder will only get worse as time goes by, and there’s already some muscular atrophy.” Scratch Option #2, then. My shoulder getting worse and worse for the rest of my life isn’t much of an option, as far as I’m concerned.

Option #3: open shoulder surgery, where they’ll apparently cover my face with a sheet so they don’t have to look at me. Really? Am I that hideous? He’ll shave away those bone spurs, tack my rotator cuff back to the shoulder with titanium pins, and then sew me back up. Yes, titanium! I’ll be one step closer to becoming a super cyborg!

I asked about his success rate, and he said it’s about 90-95%, which are pretty good odds. He also said he’s done well over 4,000 rotator cuff surgeries…again, numbers I like to hear. I asked what kind of recovery time we’re talking about and he couldn’t answer that. “I won’t know until I’m in there.”

I’ll be in a sling for 1-2 months, according to the doc. Ugh. I don’t look forward to being one-handed. Honestly, I know Anissa deals with this shit every day, but living with one working hand for a while is going to be rough for me. Thank God I’m left-handed and it’s the right arm that’ll be in a sling. Everything will be different, though…typing one-handed (when I’m a touch typist) will be a bitch. Eating anything that requires cutting (my Mom will get to cut up my food for me). Going to the bathroom (NOTE TO SELF: get elastic waist-banded shorts), showering…yeah. I haven’t yet figured out how I’ll masturbate with just one hand. It’s going to be some major adjustment. And forget driving. I’ll be a prisoner in my own house. Well, unless Mom drives me somewhere. At least there are the pain meds to look forward to.

Once I’m allowed to move my arm again, there’ll be the physical therapy. Probably two months’ worth, three times a week. That will be outsourced to someone here in Sebring, thank God. As I’ve said before, driving two hours each way to Tampa and back 3x a week is impossible for me.

When I asked all my questions, the doctor had me go back out for surgery scheduling. They told me they’d call me tomorrow with the surgery date. I left the V.A., pamphlet in hand, and headed to the Green Iguana for some lunch. It was a nice, cloudy kind of day – not too hot – so I sat on the deck (click to embiggify):

I enjoyed my chipotle chicken wrap and fries while watching boats sail by and pelicans fly overhead. Plus, the scavenger birds hopped about the deck, waiting for an errant piece of food to drop. I thought about my shoulder, how long I’ve lived with it like this, and read Tweets from people, commiserating with me and wishing me luck. And I wondered how far down the road the surgery would be.

Well, I got the call this morning and now I know. September 6th is the day of the surgery, just in time for my birthday (on the 18th). So I’ll be gimping along on my birthday this year. Needless to say, no birthday dares this year (either). I suppose I should rejoice, because I’ll be all the better for this in the long run, but I don’t look forward to the road ahead.

In the meantime, I’ll enjoy being able to type this post with two hands, showering, and playing Tiny Wings on my iPhone. Now, if I could just get to the damned 7th island…

--- Thanks for reading! SecondHand Tryptophan

Lately I haven’t felt much like getting out of bed. At all. In fact, some of the only things I feel like getting out of bed for are the new TV shows. Sad, really, particularly since very few of the new shows are worth watching. Never even got a chance to see “Lone Star,” and it’s already canceled. Stupid TV executives. How you cancel a show after two episodes is beyond me. In the old days – boy, I’m actually starting a sentence with “in the old days” – a show stayed on the air for an entire season. If it sucked, it sucked, and you just avoided that channel at that time. Nowadays, shows aren’t given a chance to gain footing, find an audience; if it’s  not a hit right out of the gate, it’s gone. Which sucks because a lot of great shows weren’t hits right away. Seinfeld, Cheers, MASH, and many others.

Anyway, I digress. I’m depressed. I think about the future and I get more depressed. I’m not working at all. Haven’t worked in a long time. That only serves to increase my anxiety.

My shoulder/arm still hurt, a year after I injured them doing a birthday dare (that I never edited, let alone “aired”). I must have torn something, a rotator cuff or something else I don’t know much about but hurts like hell when you tear it. Popping Aleve like candy. Damn arm affects my sleep, and thus impairs my staying in bed as much as I’d like to. I’m a stomach-sleeper but now I’m forced to sleep on my back…or my side.

I get “paralyzed” a lot lately. Paralyzed by indecision, malaise, anhedonia. Not sure what to do. Everything seems major. Making a doctor appointment, major. Answering the phone, major. Making something to eat, major. Checking the mail, major. And yeah, writing a blog post, major.

I’m sick of myself. Major.

--- Thanks for reading! SecondHand Tryptophan

Right, so we’re back after a brief one-week hiatus due to an injury. I doubt I’ll get Dare 4 posted tomorrow, since I still have to film the remainder of it. The finale is already filmed, but needs to be put together.

As for the prizes, I’ll announce them all after the 5th dare is posted.

Who is today’s winner? Well, you’ll just have to watch and see. Heh.

By the way, sorry it’s not on Youtube. I won’t use them any more. Last video I tried to upload there, they stripped it of ALL THE AUDIO. So fuck ‘em.

For those having trouble, I recommend starting the video, then immediately hitting PAUSE to allow the video to buffer a while. Sorry. If there was a better video service, I’d use it.

If you STILL have trouble, go to the actual video page here:

http://vimeo.com/6725679

Then scroll down to the bottom right and look for the grey Downloads bar, where you can download the video for yourself. Just know that it’s 62.5 MB and may take a while, depending on your Internet connection.

Birthday Dares 2009 – Dare 3: Shhhh! from Karl Erikson on Vimeo.

After a brief hiatus due to an injury, Karl’s 2009 Birthday Dares continue with Dare 3. This one from Flutter at ByFlutter.com

--- Thanks for reading! SecondHand Tryptophan

Thanks to all of you for the birthday greetings yesterday. Overwhelming, really, and I appreciate every comment, every Tweet, every email, every Facebook note. Couldn’t possibly respond to each one individually, but just know that you all rock.

Had a great birthday, very low-key but highly enjoyable. Spent a while test-driving a mix CD I’m making for a friend. Then last night, Mom and I went over to Mindy’s for dinner.

This is what I saw on the front of Mindy’s house when we pulled up. A perfect chalk rendition of my blog’s Smoking Man. Thanks, Sarah. You are made of awesome.

Mindy made a delicious dinner. It was the first time she and my mom have met. Been long overdue. Roasted chicken, roasted corn on the cob, baked potatoes. Yum. And wine, natch.

Mom got a “real” wine glass. Mindy and I went Trailer Park, with red plastic cups. Yeah, we’re Klassy that way.

While together, we listened to music, watched some episodes of “Coupling” (which I’d never seen before), and discussed what we’ll be wearing to the big Avitaween Halloween party next month. That’s when Sarah revealed another amazing gift of hers. Clearly, she’s a talented artist (again, look at the first couple of photos in this  post). But she’s ALSO quite the seamstress.

She put on an impromptu fashion show, showing me some of the costumes she’s designed. No patterns, people. She’s like a sewing savant.

So yeah. Sarah is officially in charge of making our Halloween costumes. Is it any wonder? They’ll be far better than anything I could buy online or in a Halloween superstore.

I had a wonderful night. I dare say that 43 will be one of my best years yet. Weird, on the inside, I still feel 17.

OK, 15.

Right. 12, really.

Wish many of you could have been there, but I’m not rich yet. When I am, I’ll make that shit happen.

I think I’ll start editing the last 3 Birthday Dares tomorrow. Hand still throbs like a bitch, but typing isn’t as bad as it was Tuesday/Wednesday. So the show will continue.

Speaking of shows, the Monday episodes of SecondHand Radio will begin a week from Monday. My first Monday guest will be Shauna Glenn. Still at 10 PM EST. And this Thursday, my guest will be Churchpunkmom.

I know some of you have trouble (to say the least) with Talkshoe.com. I’m looking for alternative services. I want something where I can record my podcast via phone (just like I do now). Also a chatroom available during the show. If you have suggestions, PLEASE LET ME KNOW. I really want to make 2HRadio accessible to EVERYONE.

--- Thanks for reading! SecondHand Tryptophan

So I really messed up my hand the other night. Fell right on my fingers. Hyperextended them. Which is doctor speak for “bent them back so far I heard crunchy noises.” Fortunately, the hand isn’t broken…just severely sprained. I’m now wearing this little support glove thing.

This means that I’m taking a day or two before I continue on with the Birthday Dares here at 2HT. Yes, tomorrow is my birthday. Yes, I have two other dares in the can, ready for me to edit. Still need to finish another. But my editing skills are sparse, at best. And with a fucked up hand? Not good at all. Mere typing is painful. And it’s my right hand, which is my mouse hand, so you’ll have to be patient.

Nevertheless, the show must go on. I’m talking about SecondHand Radio tonight at 10 PM EST. It’s my last show as a 42-year-old, and I have a magnificent guest lined up to enchant and entertain you.

Kelly, otherwise known as Mocha Momma. I first met Kelly at BlogHer four years ago in San Jose. She’s funny as hell, engaging, way smarter than me, not to mention hot.

Hope you’ll join us for tons of fun conversation, live chatroom antics, and call-in action, too.

Showtime: 10 PM EST, 9 PM CST, 7PM Pacific

Show Link: http://www.talkshoe.com/tc/23738

Call-In Number: (724) 444-7444, Call ID 23738

Schedule of Guests available here.

You’ll be there, right? I mean, it’s Mocha Freaking Momma. And it’s my birthday show, kinda.

--- Thanks for reading! SecondHand Tryptophan

No, the title isn’t a movie quote or an attempt to be funny. It really is exactly what it says. I got dared to kiss a boy and I’ll be damned if I’m gonna let something like THAT go. Nice one, Trish. Bitch. And I mean that with love.

After today, I don’t know if I can make the dares happen for the next three days. They WILL happen, it’s just a question of when.

It’s all contingent on my bud, who is doing much better. Thanks for all your well wishes. I’m filming another dare this morning, and another later tomorrow. Fingers crossed.

Now, pucker up. Last year, I Kissed a Girl, but this year? Not so much.

Birthday Dares 2009 – Dare 2: Kiss a Boy from Karl Erikson on Vimeo.

--- Thanks for reading! SecondHand Tryptophan

Well, I don’t know that I’ll be able to get all the dares done this week. Hit a wall with some of the logistics, including a close friend being in the hospital. However, this one is finished. And I’m about to set off to complete a second dare’s filming.

I’ll keep you posted. In the meantime, here’s Dare 1. Enjoy.

Birthday Dares 2009 – Dare 1: Cheesy from Karl Erikson on Vimeo.

The first of Karl’s 2009 Birthday Dares.

--- Thanks for reading! SecondHand Tryptophan

It’s a big, big day, SecondHanders. Tonight I do the first bit of filming for next week’s Birthday Dares Spectacular. My birthday is a week from tomorrow and I have a lot of filming to do in the next 4 or 5 days. Even more editing.

First video will go live on Monday. Then there’ll be one video a day, with the big finale on Friday…my 43rd birthday. Yeah, I’ll have to change my blog bio. *sigh* And 42 is such a great number.

I’m just praying that a few calls I have out there for some of the dares come through in time. If not, there are alternate dares, backup alternate dares, BACKUP backup alternates, all of them prioritized in a top-secret list I have on my iPhone…which does have a passcode protection on it, so if you’re thinking of hijacking my phone to try to sneak a peak, fugettabout it.

The other BIG thing I have tonight is my show. It’s really good to be back with SecondHand Radio. I had a blast last week with Danielle from Knotty Yarn, and if you haven’t yet listened to it, no worries. There’s always iTunes.

Tonight? Another big guest. Not big PHYSICALLY, mind you, but big in STATURE. It’s Grace Davis. My newly-discovered sister. You can read all about my experience with Grace at BlogHer here.

Grace and I hit it off like gangbusters. Well, to be clear, I don’t technically know any gangbusters, but I hear they all get along incredibly well. We spent a couple of hours together in Chicago and, for two people who just met, it was like we’d known each other our whole lives. Nearly instantly. That’s pretty rare. Yet another reason why I love BlogHer. These sorts of connections tend to happen during those magical 48+ hours.

She’s a dynamic force, Grace. I dig her immensely and yet, somehow, we haven’t spoken on the phone since Chicago. That shall be remedied this evening. Charming, witty, down-to-earth, smart as hell…yeah.

And she’s married. *sigh*

I can’t wait for tonight’s show. I hope you’ll be there. You should probably GO HERE and check out the info page for SecondHand Radio. Sign up at Talkshoe. Download the Talkshoe client (my favorite way to enjoy the live chatroom).

Yes, there’s a live chatroom. It’s damn fun, mostly because there are people like YOU hanging around in there during the show.

Yes, there’s a call-in number, which YOU are welcome to use at any time to call in and talk to Grace and I.

Yes, I want you to be there, along with everyone in your contact list. Lofty aspirations, perhaps, but I think it’s been established that I have lots of those.

ShowTime: Tonight, 10 PM EST, 7 PM Pacific

Show Link: http://www.talkshoe.com/tc/23738

Call-In Number: (724) 444-7444, Call ID 23738

Full Schedule of Guests can be found on the INFO PAGE.

And I’m looking for guests for the soon-to-come Monday night episode of SecondHand Radio, set to launch (hopefully) Monday, September 21 at 10 PM EST. Know of anyone who’d make a good guest? Let me know. Even if it’s you. Thanks.

--- Thanks for reading! SecondHand Tryptophan

I’m off for a day to Orlando to visit with Hilly and Britt, maybe Adam, too. Been a while since I’ve been up there for anything other than traveling to or from the airport.

When I get back tomorrow, I’ll begin sorting through all the Birthday Dares to decide which ones I’m going to do. I only have a week till they start airing, so I need to figure this shit out.

No.

I’m not telling you which ones I’m doing when I figure it out, either. Tough noogies.

I have 13 days left of being 42. I love the number 42. If you’re a Douglas Adams fan, you know why. Soon, that’ll be gone and it’ll be time for 43. Surely, that’s the answer to Life, the Universe, and Everything…+1. Right?

--- Thanks for reading! SecondHand Tryptophan

So I’m home from KimBerday and KarlTuckyLoo. Good to be back. Recaps, photos, videos to follow. But for now…

You have only 3 hours left to submit Birthday Dares for me to film. My birthday is September 18 and I select 5 dares every year from my readers. I film these dares and put one video up a day leading up to my birthday.

And I give prizes to the five people whose dares I select to film.

Stuff like this.

And this.

And this.

Go. Now. Submit something. Anything. Deadline is Midnight EST TONIGHT.

TELL YOUR FRIENDS. PLEASE.

I NEED MANY, MANY DARES TO SELECT FROM.

--- Thanks for reading! SecondHand Tryptophan