It’s Dah Summer of Luv and today it’s my turn at Second Hand Tryptophan. Hi, my name is DutchBitch and I am spreading some Dutch Lovin’ on this blog today.

Getting my turn this early in The Summer of Love I figured it is my duty to, again, share some facts about Karl. So y’all know what the hell you are dealing with here. He’s not the sweet, innocent, loveable guy you all think he is. Nu Uh!

So here goes. Everything you don’t particularly want to know about Karl, but I am going to tell you anyway:

• If you fuck up Karl in any way, on Facebook, Twitter or anywhere else on the internets, he will find you, hunt you down and shoot you with his “gun”
• His Mom is not really his Mom. He’s living with a girlfriend 45 years his senior but just is not telling us
• Apparently his nuts are naturally crossed (eewwwww)
• And apparently he is willing to show me that “live” but I am sure if you ask him nicely he will show you too
• He’s into girls being nutcrushers
• Karl’s nose hairs tickle your cheek when he kisses you (see pic).. At least I HOPE those were his nose hairs…
• Karl can drive 14 hours straight
• Well, with 2,367 pit stops to pee
• He will say that those pit stops are for the person he’s driving with but I know from a reliable source that that is not the case: Karl’s got a bladder the size of a walnut himself
• He’s been known to drive thru a drive-thru wearing only diapers
• Karl likes to dress up, preferably in drag
• He does all that shit and calls them “Birthday Dares”… yeah.. Uh Huh, we all know that that is just a cover up for doing what he loves to do best
• Whenever you tweet that you are doing anything with less clothing than usual involved, he will request a webcam to be set up
• He thinks that showing off his nuts will pay for pizza delivery
• Nobody know’s where Karl was when MJ died… Do you?

That’s about it for now… I have tons more exhilirating Karl facts but I know your poor hearts can only handle so many at a time. So signing off for now! Enjoy the continuation of the Summer of Love, guys! And Karl? * SMOOCH *

--- Thanks for reading! SecondHand Tryptophan

Tonight, it’s another very special episode of Blossom. Oh wait, sorry, 80s flashback. It’s another very special episode of SecondHand Radio at 10:00 PM Eastern. My guest this evening is none other than the creator of Scooter Sunday, Marty Mankins, from the blog Banal Leakage.

This is what Marty looks like when he’s doing death-defying videos such as Snowy Sunday. It’s a rare photo because usually Marty uses a stunt double in his videos and just does the voiceover so it appears to be him.

So do yourself a favor…go to Talkshoe.com right now if you’re not already a member, register, and prepare yourself for an hour of bloggity goodness tonight.

You might also want to download the Talkshoe client, which I find is a superior listening experience, as well as very cool chat tool.

Showtime: 10:00 PM Eastern, 7:00 PM Pacific, ?? in Australia

Show Link:
http://www.talkshoe.com/tc/23738

CLICK HERE TO GO TO SECONDHAND RADIO ON TALKSHOE

Chatroom: Opens 15 minutes before showtime.

Call-in Number: 724-444-7444, Call ID 23738

Tell all your friends and family, maybe your next door neighbor. Put the word out on Twitter. Thanks, you’re awesome. See you there.

Now, for something that’s been a long time coming: the conclusion of 100 Things About Karl. Now, I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking Geez, Karl, it’s been since June that you did Part 9. What the fuck? And you’re thinking Damn, Karl, you get better and better looking every time I see you. You’re far better looking than you were in my sex dream of you last night, and that’s saying something.

But I’ve just been lazy. And I forgot about it. You can find the rest of the 100 Things list here, or click on the appropriate link at the top of my blog.

100 Things About Karl, Part 10 of 10

1. Sometimes I can’t check the mail, which is across the street, because when I look outside there are neighbors out there. This is part of the social phobia shit. When the phobia is cresting, causing fun things such as high anxiety and insecurity, I can’t bear to think of interacting with anyone. So rather than risk a neighbor talking to me, even if it’s just “Hi,” I close the door and forget about the mail for a while. Well, I don’t forget about it, I just wait until dark to go check it. Lame, right?
2. I believe there is only one correct way to load the dishwasher. My way. Each individual dishwasher has its own correct loading sequence, mind you…I get that. But there IS only one correct way to load each dishwasher model. With mine, it’s the coffee saucers on the top shelf, and all the other plates on the bottom. There are dozens of little dishwasher rules. If someone else has loaded the dishwasher part-way, I have two options. Either rearrange everything the correct way, or – if whoever loaded the dishwasher partially is there, watching – just ignore the dishwasher until they either finish loading it themself, or they’re not looking so I can reload it correctly.
3. I bite my fingernails. I hate that I do it, too, because I often bite them down to the quick and my hands look terrible. I have quit numerous times, only to pick the habit back up when I’m nervous. Which is often.
4. I am totally addicted to my iPhone. I’m forever playing with it. When I take a smoke break, I’m always playing games on it. Right now my favorite game is a free one called iMob Online. It’s like that Mob Wars games on Facebook that I’ve never played. If you  have an iPhone, you should download iMob now. Then ADD ME to your mob. My FRIEND CODE is 144-886-434 and my Mobster’s name is Don Karlione.
5. I am a reformed impulsive shopper, but sometimes I cave to my former self. I used to spend lots of money I didn’t have on things I had to have. Then I’d often neglect whatever it was I bought, getting bored with it nearly instantly. I don’t know why I feel I HAVE to have things when these compulsions strike. Nowadays whenever I feel the Need, I do this long drawn-out thing in my head where I imagine buying the object/gadget, then picture myself with the object and how much I’m actually going to use it (or not). I’m pretty good about saying no these days. I’m told compulsive shopping is a symptom of some of my many mental maladies, but knowing that doesn’t make it any easier to defeat.
6. I vascillate between eating too much and not eating enough. There doesn’t seem to be any middle ground with me, and my gut is evidence of it. I really need to lose about 25 pounds – it would help my diabetes a lot, I know. Half the days, I’m munching away throughout the day, but the other half I don’t eat a thing until dinner. Neither is good.
7. I don’t shave every day. Sometimes I’ll go a week without shaving. Mostly because I just can’t be bothered taking 120 seconds out of my (so busy) day to worry about my facial follicles. Course, if I had a girlfriend, those 120 seconds wouldn’t be nearly so bothersome. But I don’t, so I don’t.
8. Even though I claim to be fairly intelligent, I have many guilty pleasures on TV that would indicate otherwise. I enjoy the new version of Knight Rider, like Kyle XY (ABC Family), Kath & Kim, and have yet to pass up an episode of The Greatest American Hero (in fact, I own all the episodes on DVD). I try to balance this out by drinking Guiness, reading science fiction and masturbating excessively.
9. It’s rare for me to watch a TV show without multitasking on my computer. Because I work from home these days and my job requires me to be in front of my laptop, I’m forever looking back and forth between the big-screen TV and the small-screen laptop, even if I’m just scouring my feeds for stories to write the next day.
10. I’m hot-natured. If I’m going to complain about the temperature, 9 times out of 10 it’ll be because it’s too hot. I always have to have ceiling fans going in ever room I’m in and I’d prefer to keep the thermostat down at around 65, though it’s usually at 77 because of the cost. I’d much rather snuggle up in bed with blankets than be so hot that even a sheet would be stifling.

Whew, and that’s 100 things. Finally.

Hope to see you tonight, gang.

--- Thanks for reading! SecondHand Tryptophan

It’s time once again for the 2HT Summer of Love. Last year if you’ll recall, I had over three weeks of guest posts from an all-female superblogging cast. I was so surprised by the acceptance rate because 95% of the people I asked to guest post said YES. Had guest bloggers EVERY DAY for three weeks.

This year, it’ll be a bit different. There are still quite a few (24) that agreed to write guest posts. But I won’t be having guest posts every day. Instead, starting a week from today, there will be guest bloggers on Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Saturdays all through July and much of August. And there will be female AND male guest bloggers.

I’ve given them all carte blanche. They can write about anything they want, SAY anything they want, so it’ll be really interesting to see what they all come up with. I produced the schedule yesterday and still haven’t heard from about 10 people. If they get back to me (hint hint) then I’ll just tack them on in August.

And I’ll be blogging the other four days of the week, so no worries there, either.

OK, on to my 100 Things list, still in progress. I’ve been slowly putting the list together in 10-item segments. This is Part 9 of 10.

1. I wear my heart on my sleeve, for the most part. I’ve been told many times in the past that I have a flat affect, meaning that much of the time you can’t read my emotions via my face. That’s probably true. But anyone who knows me personally (and to a large extent, anyone who reads my blog) will know I am a rather passionate person. Mix that in with being bipolar and you’ll see LOTS of emotion. Case in point: the recent blog drama that I’m done talking about. Hilly asked me if I thought I was going through a manic phase during all of that, and I’m pretty sure she’s right. Regardless, I care deeply for many people, and I care deeply about many subjects. You might not like me for voicing my opinion on certain things, but you WILL be sure of one thing: I feel.
2. I have a difficult time crying in “real life.” What I mean by that is that it’s extremely rare for me to cry unless we’re talking about some stimulus that generates the tears, like movies, TV shows, and music. I’ll tear up from time to time. Funerals will do it. Sunday, on my way home from Britt’s, I actually cried just thinking about Lisa, praying like hell she’s not going to rip my heart out. One of my favorite quotes, though, I heard from Deacon Bill at my old church in Dallas. He told me, “The moment you say ‘I love you’ is the moment you begin to say goodbye to that person.” That hit me like a ton of bricks, so profound a truth. That’s what love is, opening yourself up and becoming vulnerable. I wouldn’t have it any other way, but the fact of the matter is that the older I get, the more and more I’m going to be saying goodbye to people I love.
3. I’m smart. Apparently, genius smart. You’d never know it from my blog, perhaps, with all the naked blogging and silliness, but I have an I.Q. of 182. I would never say that to anyone because I’m not really about the bragging (but I’m running out of things to say about myself). I’m not a savant by any stretch of the imagination, but I know a lot of useless shit. Mensa asked me to join their little club, but fuck that. I’m not about mutual mental masturbation. PHYSICAL masturbation, maybe, but sitting around with a bunch of “smart people” who all KNOW they’re smart people and flaunt it around like Liberace did with his rhinestoned capes? Well, that really turns me off. My friends are smart…I love hanging around with them. But we don’t need to TALK about how smart we are.
4. I want people to like me. Sometimes I NEED them to like me, but I’ve gotten much better at controlling that aspect of my insecurities. As a kid, being bullied quite a bit, I learned how to be funny. Funny works for me. Everyone likes funny, even bullies. Didn’t keep me from getting my ass kicked on a semi-regular basis, but SOME of the bullies backed off of me when I made them laugh. It used to kill me when someone didn’t like me. Now I realize that it’s impossible for everyone to appreciate the awesomeness that is me. And I’m OK with that. Still, it hurts on occasion. The recent blog drama wounded me in a few ways. Nothing permanent, mind you, but when you put so much of your raw self out there for everyone to see and critique (like I did a couple of weeks ago), you’re bound to get some people that have some not-very-nice things to say to you.
5. I hate my teeth. It’s my Achilles heel. Yes, I’m the person responsible for them getting in such a sad and sorry shape, but I wish I could blink my eyes or wiggle my nose and create the perfect smile. They’re cracked, full of cavities, and yellowed. Because of that, I rarely smile fully so that my teeth show. Usually, it’s a closed-mouth smile. You want to hurt me? Talk about my fucked-up teeth. That’ll do it. My self-image is far from great and I fantasize that my life would improve a thousand-fold if I had a whole new pearly white set of choppers. Every time a girlfriend breaks up with me, I torture myself by dreaming that it’s because of my teeth.
6. I still love to read a newspaper. A physical, paper newspaper. I love the way it feels in my hands, I love the printed word. I even love that newspapers make your hands dirty from all the newsprint. Yes, I get a LOT of my news from TV and the InterTubes. But there’s nothing like a newspaper, especially on Sunday. Mmmm, a hot cup of coffee and the funny pages. Doesn’t get much better than that…unless I’m getting fellated while drinking coffee and reading the funny pages. I’m kidding, of course. I wouldn’t drink coffee while getting a blow job.
7. I suffer from occasional Attention Deficit Disorder. I bring this up because there are times that I cannot READ a newspaper. Just can’t do it. It frustrates the hell out of me, too, because I love to read so much. In those times, I can’t read the novel(s) I’m working on, either. It’s very difficult to read anything, including blogs, which are a daily part of my life. It’s like my brain races too fast a lot of the time…a million thoughts (often diametrically opposed) running through my brain and I can’t process all that shit at once. Hate it. Without meds, I’d never get to sleep. And oftentimes I’ll almost mentally collapse into sleep, all those thoughts racing in my head.
8. At the same time, I have a terrible habit of multitasking. I say “terrible” – it’s really a blessing AND a curse. There’s so much shit going on in my head at times that I simply CANNOT focus on just ONE thing. Even now, as I write this, I’m typing and watching Anderson Cooper on CNN. I also often carry on conversations while I’m writing AND watching TV. This annoys a lot of people because they feel like I’m not paying them the full attention they may deserve. But I AM. It’s just that I can’t sit still doing only ONE thing. Seriously, I need like five or six more Karls.
9. I think Donnie Darko sucks. The movie. I heard nothing but raves about it for YEARS and I finally watched it earlier this year. It blows. Big chunks. It’s not clever or riveting. It’s just stupid and weird. I’m all about the independent films. Love ‘em. Well, a lot of them. Donnie Darko is just awful. Now Harvey. There’s an invisible rabbit I can believe in. I guess there are a lot of people that appreciate movies simply because they’re different. Not me. I like movies that are different and GOOD. Jacob’s Ladder? Now, THAT’S different and good.
10. I hate when people slam doors or cabinet doors. Or drawers. What the fuck is wrong with you people? How much effort does it take to quietly shut a door behind you? Or to gently slide a drawer shut instead of letting it BANG closed? It’s like they have absolutely no consideration for other people in the house. My sister is like that. When I lived with her, she’d slam the cabinet doors shut and I’d hear it all the way upstairs with my bedroom door closed. I don’t get it. Bugs the ever-loving shit out of me.

Whew, only 10 more to go and I’ll be finished.

--- Thanks for reading! SecondHand Tryptophan

Thanks to Jester for being my guest yesterday on SecondHand Radio. It’s always a pleasure talking to him and I can’t wait to meet the guy in person in July, when I have my annual Hillython in California. Oh, and BlogHer, of course, for which I won a free pass from Hakia.com. And ComicCon. And I hope to meet up with tons of other California bloggers, too.

Go to the SecondHand Radio link above to download last night’s show and listen to it. OR you can subscribe to SecondHand Radio through iTunes! Yeah, baby!

One other way to subscribe? With your feedreader!

Here’s the guest roundup for the next couple of months on SecondHand Radio:

• June 8: The lovely Hello Haha Narf from Midnight Cliff.
• June 15: My daughter, Alyson, along with the other members of the Alive Campaign. Go check out their site, and their blog, where they post every night about their incredible bicycle trip from Waco, TX to Anchorage, Alaska in 83 days.
• June 22: Lisa from Clusterfook, who is battling cancer for the third freaking time. Love this woman.
• June 29: BrittCon. Still not sure if there’ll be a show that afternoon, but if there is, it’ll be with Britt, Hilly, Hello Haha Narf, and others.
• July 6: Sarah Bloom from Sad and Beautiful World. Photographer extraordinnaire.
• July 13: Carly Milne, author of Sexology and other books.
• July 20: BlogHer. This is likely to be Hilly and I, recapping BlogHer and having fun in a 2-hour extravaganza.
• July 27: Jeff from A View from the Cloud.

I had no technical troubles last night with the show, but I will say that the new advertising Blog Talk Radio is utilizing is a huge turn-off. Now, whenever you go to a show’s page, these pop-over ads come up. You HAVE to listen to them for 20-30 seconds before they take you to the show’s page. Ugh. That shit sucks. I can see switching in the near future. They’ve ALREADY got ads up in the sidebars. Isn’t that enough?

OK, time for another edition of the ongoing 100 Things About Karl list. This is part eight. Six of these items appeared in a recent post (Six More Random Things About Me) and the other four are new.

1. I hate when I write a numbered list of items or do a meme with many, many questions and then in the comments people refer back to the #’s in the list. Like “I so agree with #12 and cannot BELIEVE #46! I didn’t realize you could fit a #38 in there.” Because I have to go back and scroll up the page to see what the fuck they’re talking about. I realize it’s inherent with the situation…it IS a numbered list, after all, but that doesn’t make me hate it less. And I know you punks. You’re gonna do that number-referencing thing a lot in the comments now just because I said that.
2. I’m a sit-down peer. I mean, I pee sitting down whenever I can. Unless there’s a urinal. I love urinals. They make me proud to be a man. Well, at least HAPPY to be a man. So yeah, there you go. I like sitting down when I pee. Does that get me any closer to getting some pussy? I mean, I’m just about a woman, already! I’d make a great lesbian.
3. So apparently when I’m really really drunk. I mean BEYOND drunk. The kind of drunk where you masturbate in front of women that you’re not sleeping with and may have just met, THAT kind of drunk. When I’m that kind of drunk I pee in places that aren’t exactly meant for that sort of thing. I mean, they’re not even receptacles of any kind. This has happened on two nearly-public rugs. But those aren’t the ONLY times I’ve found myself naked and standing or in this case sitting in urine. Oh no, they most certainly aren’t. You’d think that these might be perceived of as life lessons and that I wouldn’t drink that much ever again. But you’d think wrong. It’s very, very RARE. But it happens.
4. I am by nature very non-confrontational. I don’t like to see people arguing, particularly when it’s a really heated argument and there’s namecalling and hairpulling going on…even in a virtual sense. I’m a “calm the waters” kind of guy. I want everyone to get along, to play nicely with one another. I’ll even go so far as to try and placate the screaming heads. Don’t get me wrong, it IS possible to get my hackles up in a knot (or whatever the hell hackles do when they’re in an excited state). I DO have a few buttons and they can be pushed. But they’re few and far between and you have to try really hard to push those buttons. Still, I can bust words with the best of them. And I will. Maybe.
5. I love having people – well, women, to be more precise – play with my hair. Love it. That’s why I love getting my hair cut, someone plays with my hair for 15 minutes. It’s like that old game 15 Minutes in the Closet…but with less tongue. I love when a woman plays around with my hair, sometimes going into a scalp massage, other times scratching my scalp playfully with her nails. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrroooooowwwwwwwwllll.
6. I love design shows. Trading Spaces? Love it. HGTV? Awesome. I won’t actually turn those shows on, but I’ll watch the living hell out of ‘em if you turn them on for me.
7. I hate Junebugs. They’re stupid beetles with wings. Seriously stupid. They fly for these tiny little jaunts and then land (most of the time) on their back, where they viciously kick their legs and try to turn themselves back over. They spend the bulk of their lives on their backs, much like Lindsay Lohan and Paris Hilton. I often flip them over to save them, but then within 60 seconds they fly again and land on their back…again. Stupid.
8. My favorite part of the Sunday newspaper are the ads for Best Buy and Circuit City. Any ads containing gadgets and computers, actually, which also includes Office Max and Office Depot. Yes, I like a few of the comics/funnies, but the first thing I go to are always the ads. Not that I have any money to spend on gadgets, mind you, but still…
9. I hate NASCAR. Any car races, for that matter. They’re stupid. I will never understand the fascination some people have for watching cars go around and around and around hundreds of times. How is that a sport? It’s DRIVING. In CIRCLES.
10. I don’t waste time in the bathroom. Not even for number two. I don’t understand people that take 30 minutes to take a shit, bringing reading material or iPhones or whatever. Listen, I wait until I have to take a dump, then I go into the bathroom, do my business, and get out. Five minutes, tops. Everyone else seems to treat shitting like it’s a casual stroll in the park.

--- Thanks for reading! SecondHand Tryptophan

Many thanks to Dave for being a fun guest on yesterday’s SecondHand Radio. You can go to the SecondHand Radio site and download it for later listen if you missed out on the fun. Or you can listen to it here:

Hang around a while, that’s fine with me.

So Karen tagged me with a meme the other day. Another Six Weird Things About Me meme. I don’t know how many of these I’ve done over the years, but it’s getting hard to think of original weird shit about me. It’s also coming at a very inopportune time…I’m trying to think of interesting stuff for my 100 Things list (see the link at the top of your browser window). How can I be wasting stuff on a meme as opposed to a LIST?

Fuck it, I’ll just use these six things in the next 10-item list I do for the 100 Things project.

Here are the rules:

1. Link to the person who tagged you.
2. Post the rules on your blog.
3. Write six random things about yourself.
4. Tag six random people at the end of your post by linking to their blogs.
5. Let each person know they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their website.
6. Let your tagger know when your entry is up.

Well, I never tag people, so fuck the rules. Yeah, I’m feeling feisty tonight. So that eliminates #4 and therefore #5. I think I can handle #6. It’s #3 that messes with me.

1. I hate when I write a numbered list of items or do a meme with many, many questions and then in the comments people refer back to the #’s in the list. Like “I so agree with #12 and cannot BELIEVE #46! I didn’t realize you could fit a #38 in there.” Because I have to go back and scroll up the page to see what the fuck they’re talking about. I realize it’s inherent with the situation…it IS a numbered list, after all, but that doesn’t make me hate it less. And I know you punks. You’re gonna do that number-referencing thing a lot in the comments now just because I said that.
2. I’m a sit-down peer. I mean, I pee sitting down whenever I can. Unless there’s a urinal. I love urinals. They make me proud to be a man. Well, at least HAPPY to be a man. So yeah, there you go. I like sitting down when I pee. Does that get me any closer to getting some pussy? I mean, I’m just about a woman, already! I’d make a great lesbian.
3. So apparently when I’m really really drunk. I mean BEYOND drunk. The kind of drunk where you masturbate in front of women that you’re not sleeping with and may have just met, THAT kind of drunk. When I’m that kind of drunk I pee in places that aren’t exactly meant for that sort of thing. I mean, they’re not even receptacles of any kind. This has happened on two nearly-public rugs. But those aren’t the ONLY times I’ve found myself naked and standing or in this case sitting in urine. Oh no, they most certainly aren’t. You’d think that these might be perceived of as life lessons and that I wouldn’t drink that much ever again. But you’d think wrong. It’s very, very RARE. But it happens.
4. I am by nature very non-confrontational. I don’t like to see people arguing, particularly when it’s a really heated argument and there’s namecalling and hairpulling going on…even in a virtual sense. I’m a “calm the waters” kind of guy. I want everyone to get along, to play nicely with one another. I’ll even go so far as to try and placate the screaming heads. Don’t get me wrong, it IS possible to get my hackles up in a knot (or whatever the hell hackles do when they’re in an excited state). I DO have a few buttons and they can be pushed. But they’re few and far between and you have to try really hard to push those buttons. Still, I can bust words with the best of them. And I will. Maybe.
5. I love having people – well, women, to be more precise – play with my hair. Love it. That’s why I love getting my hair cut, someone plays with my hair for 15 minutes. It’s like that old game 15 Minutes in the Closet…but with less tongue. I love when a woman plays around with my hair, sometimes going into a scalp massage, other times scratching my scalp playfully with her nails. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrroooooowwwwwwwwllll.
6. I love design shows. Trading Spaces? Love it. HGTV? Awesome. I won’t actually turn those shows on, but I’ll watch the living hell out of ‘em if you turn them on for me.

--- Thanks for reading! SecondHand Tryptophan

Don’t forget: today at 5pm Eastern, it’s SecondHand Radio with my special guest, Miss Britt. Hope you’ll tune in live and join in on the chatroom.

Next Sunday, my guest is Dave2 from Blogography. I’m way behind on setting up more guests, so I don’t have anyone else lined up yet. But I’ll keep you posted.

Also tonight, right after my show, it’s Snackie Radio at 6pm Eastern. Her guest tonight is none other than Avitable.

OK, it’s time to continue onward with the 100 Things project. I think today I’ll add 10 new things to the list that are travel-related. Since I’ve been doing quite a bit of that lately, and there’s no end in sight until August…next month it’s BrittCon in NYC and July it’s my annual Hillython in Orange County, CA, which will include BlogHer in San Francisco and ComicCon in San Diego.

1. I always wait until the last minute to pack for a trip. I don’t like that I do this, but it always happens. I’m a procrastinator. Unfortunately, this usually means I’ve forgotten at least one thing. Sometimes it’s my insulin (which is still pretty new to me), sometimes it’s batteries for my camera. I’d like to start packing the day before instead of scrambling around doing laundry at the last minute. Maybe I’ll get my shit together this year.
2. I prefer to carry everything with me on the plane so I don’t have to wait on baggage. This hasn’t been possible in the last couple of years, because I have to take two carry-ons onto the plane: the carry-on which has my meds and insulin and syringes and my camera and some books and charger cords, etc. And my laptop bag for the laptop (cause there’s no way in hell I’m checking THAT). Then I’m left with checking a suitcase for my clothes. I think I’m leaving my laptop home for BrittCon next month. I barely touched the computer at TequilaCon and I think we’ll be running around like crazy for 48 hours in NYC, so what’s the point?
3. My favorite airport thus far is the Orlando International Airport. Why? They’ve got their shit together, that’s why. It’s well set-up, the terminals are nice and clean, AND they have FREE wifi. I think ALL airports should offer free wifi in this day and age. Paying $10 a day for Net access is just bullshit. I also like that Orlando has shops and restaurants before the security checkpoint AND after it in the terminals. When you’re a smoker and you have to go outside to smoke, it makes going through security more than once a major pain in the ass. That’s why it’s nice to have a place to hang out before going through security. If Orlando airport had a smoker’s lounge, it would be perfect.
4. I hardly ever text on my cellphone, unless I’m traveling. The last two weeks have generated TONS of texts and Twatterings and photos sent to Flickr. It’s more than I’ve ever texted before. I can finally see the use in texting. It’s especially handy when you’re at an airport or any other loud place and you can’t possibly hear anyone in a phone conversation. Plus it saves me from having to actually have protracted phone convos by just typing a nice concise text.
5. I’m navigationally challenged. When I’m going somewhere I’ve never been before there’s a certain amount of anxiety I get as a result of not knowing where the fuck I am. I always like to have maps and directions from Google Maps available, but that’s not doable all the time. When I was in Dallas last week, I rented a car and got the GPS unit with it. This helped me a LOT. Loved it. I know my way around Dallas fairly well, but lots of roads have changed…new toll roads added, etc. And I’d never driven on my own to Oklahoma, so the GPS saved my ass lots of times. I would love a GPS for my own car, but I really don’t travel enough on the road to make it worth the investment.
6. I like sitting in the aisle seats on airplanes. I used to always like the window, but now I appreciate the fuller control you get with the aisle seat. There’s generally more room, too, at least on one side of you. I like being able to get up without having to bother someone else. Sure, this means giving up some of the sweet views from the window, but I don’t care.
7. I refuse to use airplane headsets. Nowadays those are pretty much the earbud thingies and who knows WHERE those things have been? Plus, I think it’s bullshit that they charge you money to use those damn things. I bring my own earphones but rarely use them, anyway. I’d rather read or write while flying than watch TV or listen to music. Or sleep.
8. I never pay attention to the airplane safety briefing at the start of each flight. Listen, if the plane goes down you can kiss your ass goodbye. You’ll never get an opportunity to use your seat as a flotation device because you’re going to be DEAD. That said, I do really enjoy flying and think that it’s the safest form of travel.
9. I call flight attendants “air waitresses.” They say that their primary job is my safety, but if that were true they wouldn’t spend 90% of the flight rolling a drink cart down the aisle and bringing people blankets and pillows.
10. I don’t like to sleep sitting up, but I always do when I’m traveling. If I’m not driving, I’m going to fall asleep at some point. It’s the motion of the car or the train or the airplane. It’s the noises that all seem to act like white noise to me. If we’re driving a few blocks, fine, I’ll stay awake. If we’re driving for an hour, I’m zonking out, no offense. I’m sure you’re not that boring, but it’s all about me, as usual.

--- Thanks for reading! SecondHand Tryptophan

Welcome to everyone who got here because of the TWO Perfect Post Awards I was given for this post. Many thanks to Shelli and Miss Britt for awarding these to me.

Thanks so much for coming by! – Karl

The ongoing 100 Things About Karl list continues.

1. Knock on wood, I have never broken a bone. That’s pretty amazing, I think, considering some of the things I’ve done in my life. I have, however, torn ligaments in my left foot. I tripped down several stairs when I was in technical school in the Air Force. Wore a cast and used crutches for six weeks, which was kind of nice, since it meant I didn’t have to march to school during that time. Was a pain in the ass bathing, though. I admit I milked it for as long as I could. I hated marching. Really, it’s amazing I made it in the Air Force. I’m so not a conformist in group-think.
2. My first computer was a Timex-Sinclair 1000. That was 1982, I think. It cost $99 and hooked up to your television. I learned BASIC programming using that sucker. You used a cassette drive to save and load programs. I programmed an automatic Dungeons & Dragons character generator. Very cool. You know, in a completely geeky way.
3. I’m part Irish, part Italian, and the rest is unknown. My father was adopted at a young age so the Erikson comes from his adopted family (Swedish). Odds are good that he’s Jewish since his birth name was Solomon. So that means I’m a great drinker, have fast-growing hair follicles, and am fully qualified to whine my ass off.
4. I started shaving when I was 14. I was forced to. Seems that nobody liked my baby hair mustache. I thought it was cool. Now I hate shaving so much that I only do it a couple of times a week, sometimes less. Some find that sexy in a man; I just find it lazy. Oops, I’m not supposed to call myself lazy, according to half a dozen therapists.
5. I have three unfinished manuscripts. The first is my autobiography, which I haven’t touched in years. The other two are novels (one a sci-fi mystery kind of thing, the other a romantic comedy) that I began during National Novel Writing Month. All three are stuck on my old crashed computer’s hard drive. I’m getting itchy to do something with them, but will have to see about recovering the drive first. Yeah, procrastinate much?
6. I’m a conservative, politically speaking. Some might say I’m actually a moderate, I don’t know. I just know that in all of the years I’ve been voting (ever since I voted for Reagan when I was freshly 18), I have never voted for a Democrat. Yes, that means I helped to elect the bozo we have in office now. I DID vote for Perot in 1992 because I wasn’t happy with either party and wanted to make a statement. A statement was made, but I still think it was a wasted vote. Third parties never make it in America. Never have, never will. This irks me. I mean, would you be satisfied if you went into a grocery store and only had two choices of cereal or two choices of soda? Nope, me either.
7. I have frequent nightmares, many of them so intense they wake me up, and I’m a pretty sound sleeper. Sometimes I’ll wake myself up because I’m screaming, not only in my dream but in reality. I’ve also woken up because I fell off my bed a few times, kicking and fighting off my phantasmal attackers. A psychiatrist once asked me if I knew how many nightmares the average person has. I guessed three or four a month. He told me, “One a year.” That number still shocks me. I don’t know if it’s true or not, but regardless, I have at least three or four bad dreams a week. Part of the PTSD, I’m sure.
8. I hate hearing about other people’s dreams. It bores me to tears. I’d rather watch meat thaw. I hate reading about dreams in people’s blogs. I hate dream scenes in TV shows and movies because dreams don’t freaking matter! You’ll see something happen in a dream and then see the person wake up, which nullifies everything that just happened. The exception maybe being “Nightmares on Elm Street,” when most of the action happens in the dreams.
9. I like being early. I used to be terminally tardy, often showing up 10-15 minutes late wherever I went. I didn’t WANT to be early because it seemed like a waste of time to just sit there for 5-10 minutes when that could have meant 5-10 more minutes of Internet time or TV. A friend told me that it was rude to be late and I’d never thought of it that way before. But I agree. When you show up late, you’re a distraction to the meeting or gathering…everyone has to stop and acknowledge your presence, and possibly catch you up on what you’ve missed. Being early is far less stressful for me, too. Yes, there are occasions when I’m late – traffic or whatnot – but I’d much rather show up two hours early for a flight than get there 45 minutes ahead. Gives me plenty of time to check in and relax in the terminal, read, have breakfast or lunch, check e-mail, etc.
10. I cannot bear to watch live television most of the time. Ever since I got Tivo a few years ago, I now have to wait until a show is 20 minutes in before I start watching it. Hilly and I share this trait and we call that 20 minutes the “Tivo Buffer.” This is the amount of time that must pass before you can start watching the show and fast forward through all of the commercial breaks without interruption. Exceptions include “Lost” and “Jeopardy” and news.

--- Thanks for reading! SecondHand Tryptophan

OK, for the next 10 items on my ongoing 100 Things About Karl list, I’m going to talk about things I hate. Hate is a mighty strong word, but I don’t have the same aversion to it that a lot of people do. Unless we’re talking about people.

1. I hate lima beans. I’ve eaten many of them over the years – pretty much forced to growing up. I’m convinced that succotash (a mixture of corn and lima beans) was invented by the World Lima Bean Council to trick people into eating the Devil’s Legume. I’m happy that I’m all growed up now so I can control my own lima bean destiny.
2. I hate grapefruit. They taste nasty and sour and I don’t know how anyone can stand them. Oddly enough, I like Fresca, which is a grapefruit soda. I can’t explain it. Similarly, when I was little I hated onions but loved onion rings. I suppose my Italian genes finally hit puberty because I totally dig onions these days.
3. I hate seafood. Yes, all of it. “But what about shrimp?” people ask me. Does shrimp come from the water? Yes, yes it does. Then I HATE it. I also hate when people hear about my disdain for seafood and say, “Well, that’s because you haven’t had it prepared the right way.” To them I say, “You’re a moron, but that’s because you haven’t used your brain the right way.”
4. I hate licorice. Absolutely revolting. I was forever ditching my black jellybeans every Easter – still do, on the odd occasion I eat jellybeans. Now they have to be sugar-free. And for some reason, they actually make sugar-free black jellybeans. Gross. And yes, that means I hate Uzo, too. And anisette. Anything that tastes like licorice will make me puke. Or want to puke, which is even worse.
5. I hate grits. Yes, I live in the South, but I’m not a Southerner. Grits are just blecch. I’ve tried them over and over again, thinking I’m missing something. I’m done trying them. I know that tastebuds can change over time, but my grits tastebuds just ain’t evolving. Never gonna happen.
6. I hate mean people. There’s just no cause for being nasty. Sure, I can be an asshole at times…I think everyone is capable of that. But for the most part I keep my Inner Asshole at bay. When I see someone treat a waiter or waitress poorly, I just cringe. A total babe turns flat-out repulsive to me if she’s a vindictive sniping little bitch. Have some fucking courtesy, respect, and understanding. They go a long way. And if you simply cannot control your mouth, perhaps you should stay in your cave and shut the fuck up.
7. I hate American Idol. It is absolutely shitty television. I don’t care if you like it, either. The only part even remotely worth watching is the audition process because those people are so bad it’s good. The rest of it? It’s like a bad karaoke competition.
8. I hate spiders. I hate most all bugs, actually, if they’re in my house. Bugs belong outside, not in. And I’m not one of those people that feels like you shouldn’t kill a living creature. They’re beneficial to the environment, etc. etc. Bullshit. If I see a spider outside, fine. But if there’s one in my house, that mutherfucker is going to die, probably ending up a stain on the wall.
9. I hate needles. I could never be a heroin addict because there’s no way I’d be injecting myself all the time. This is ironic since I’m a diabetic and just had to start taking insulin in September of 2007. Yes, I have to give myself shots every night before bed. Yes, I hate it and have to psych myself up before sticking myself in the gut, even though it doesn’t hurt.
10. I hate Dave Matthews. Not the person, I’m sure he’s a perfectly nice fellow. But I cannot STAND his singing voice. Irritates me more than nails dragging along a chalkboard. To me, he sounds like a cat whose tail is being intermittently pinched by a rocking chair rolling on top of it. I would sooner listen to Tiny Tim or even Britney Spears. I know, that’s saying a lot.

--- Thanks for reading! SecondHand Tryptophan

Lest you think I was kidding in my 100 Things about writing for as long as I can remember, here is photographic evidence. That’s Little Karl right there, using a slide as a desk. I’m sure I was writing something brilliant, probably a thesis about the benefits of Alpha Bits cereal.

Right now, as you read this, I’m very likely either at Adam’s house playing the hell out of some Wii games, or I’m back on the road from Orlando to Sebring. Either way, you’re likely to see some photos about our fun night tomorrow.

For now, I thought you’d enjoy an old photo of your favorite C-list blogger. Oh, OK. You want another? Here I am, fresh out of my sink bath. I know, I was hot even then.

And don’t forget – you have until midnight tonight (Eastern time) to enter the 2HT t-shirt giveaway. See yesterday’s post for details. You have to comment on THAT post for your entry to count.

--- Thanks for reading! SecondHand Tryptophan

It’s daunting, this 100 Things project. But I’m bound and determined to complete it. This is part four of a continuing series, each one listing 10 things about, well, me. While I could easily put together another 10 weird things about me, I’m going to go with a different theme: 10 talents.

1. I have a somewhat elastic voice and have always been able to do different characters and voices, including foreign accents. Bugs Bunny? You bet. Kermit the Frog? Got it down. But my girls’ favorite has always been “the baby voice.” It’s pretty much like Elmo, but when they were little girls, it cracked them up routinely. In fact, I had to do the baby voice a LOT, sometimes for hours. That’ll give the ol’ vocal chords a workout.
2. I’ve been writing for literally as long as I can remember. Crafting stories for just as long, I think. People often say that they can’t write worth shit, and yes, some of them are absolutely right. However, it’s like anything else. I think it’s best summed up thusly: it’s difficult to do something for decades and not master it.
3. I paint, too, but haven’t picked up a brush in over a year. I was looking over some of the 2HT archives earlier and seeing that much of the graphics – including pictures of my paintings – are gone. Which sucks because all those photos are on my old broken computer. Anyway, I really enjoy watercolors. Took a class a couple of years ago and got started with the brushes again…first time I’ve painted since high school. And THAT was quite some time ago.
4. I sing. Not professionally, of course, though I have made some money at it, thanks to the marvel that is karaoke. Won a few contests and even moonlighted as a karaoke host in Dallas for a while. It’s weird, because I’m a touch socially phobic (sometimes more than a touch), but I can get up and sing with no problem. Wasn’t always that way, of course. In the beginning, I was terrified. Thank God for beer and Jameson’s.
5. I’m pretty much self-taught in all things computerey. Most of it comes naturally to me now, but I’ve spent many an hour looking up online help, figuring things out, pushing buttons and clicking menus. I taught myself most every program I’ve ever used. I used to program my own web sites, using Notepad to handcode the HTML. Even though I CAN figure it out, I don’t want to any more. That’s why I hired the beautiful Karen to redesign this blog for me.
6. Because I’m self-taught in most computer stuff, I’ve often taught classes in various programs. Microsoft Word, Internet Explorer (ugh), etc. I’m pretty good at teaching, which is again weird to me since people kind of freak me out at times.
7. I know my 80’s music. Yes, I am a child of the 80’s. I graduated high school in 1984 and my personal theory is that we’re all fairly well-versed in any music that was big during our high school years. That’s because music is so key to us in those formative times. Plus, I was a radio DJ for 4 years during that time and so I know my shit. Now? Meh, not so much. I’m not into a lot of new stuff, although there’s plenty that I like.
8. I can draw, too. Fairly well, though I think it’s rather primitive sketching, at best. Mostly I love to doodle, but I used to draw cartoons and comic strips a lot. Comics are the best, I think, because you get to write the story AND draw it out. The ultimate in artistic expression as far as I’m concerned.
9. I probably have some innate musical gift, too, but I’ve never really explored that. I do know that I can rather easily sound out a tune on the piano, no music. I can’t read music, anyway. Does that count as another thing? Shit, guess not.
10. I have a built-in bullshit detector. I can smell it a mile away. If someone starts trying to feed me nothing but bullshit, I’m probably going to call them on it, even though I’m pretty much anti-confrontational most of the time.

Whew! That one wasn’t easy. I’ll add these to the list so far and that puts me up to 40. Out of 100. *sigh*

By the way, today is Reader Appreciation Day, as declared by someone I don’t know. I heard about this from my BlogHer buddy, Average Jane.

This sounds a lot like Valentine’s Day to me, in that it seems a tad weird to me to only expect love and appreciation to be expressed on that particular day. Still, I am somewhat a joiner (call it a character flaw) so I’m going to celebrate you today. That’s right, YOU.

I really do appreciate my readers. And I hope that I express that every day. I respond to every comment on my blog, whether it’s by e-mail or the blog’s comments section. I try to create a sense of community, introducing people to one another, and reciprocate by reading and commenting on as many blogs as I can. And I really attempt to write something readable every day, even when it’s one of those Debbie Downer posts where I wax depressic. I may be depressed, but I don’t have to be BORING about it.

And your comments mean the world to me, too. I have an open door policy, you know? Say whatever you want, feel free to swear or not swear, just speak your mind. And know that I’m probably going to be a smartass in return. That’s just me. But I get the feeling from most of you that that’s perfectly fine. That’s what I love about blogging, the general comaraderie and support that we lend each other. To paraphrase the philosopher Martha Stewart, “That’s a fucking cool thing.”

And because it’s Reader Appreciation Day (as again declared by someone I do not know), I’m going to have a little giveaway. See? Aren’t you glad you didn’t just leave after the Top 10 list?

I’ll give away two “Introverts Unite!” t-shirts to two random commenters on this post. One chance per person, please, though you’re always welcome to comment as many times as you wish.

Here’s a photo of one on a headless guy, and it looks fabulous. I mean, how great a shirt are we talking about here to make a headless guy look fantastic? Think how great it’ll look with your head on it!

INTROVERTS UNITE! t-shirt
by

karlerikson

Get this custom shirt
at Zazzle

A $17.95 value (plus I’ll take care of the shipping).

And this is probably a limited edition shirt because once I get off my lazy ass I’m going to redesign some new ones using the new blog graphics. While I recommend either the Navy (pictured) or the Brown, there are other colors available: Maroon, Dark Grey, and Deep Forest. Oh, and black. Sizes: Small, Medium, Large, XL, 2XL, 3XL.

Deadline: Midnight (Eastern Standard Time) Thursday, April 17. The moment we hit Friday here on the right coast, the contest is over. Then I’ll figure out a way to do a numbers in the hat thing, I guess. Have at it, kiddies. And thanks again.

--- Thanks for reading! SecondHand Tryptophan