It’s the strangest thing, being in the hospital, or having a loved one in the hospital. You’re trusting your life with people you don’t even know. The nurses, the doctors, the aides. Don’t know them from Adam, and yet every time I leave the hospital, I trust them with the life of my mother.
I don’t know what is scarier: trusting strangers with Mom, or having me be her caretaker. There’s a reason I didn’t go into the medical field like Mom or Karin: I can’t hack it. But I’m about to take care of Mom again, after weeks and months helping her after knee surgery. In what fucking universe does that make sense?
I watch Karin undo cables and cords, reattach blood pressure cuffs and IVs, and I think “I could never do that shit.” I do not do bodily fluids well. I don’t do the caretaking thing all that well. I always feel inadequate.
I don’t understand the medical jargon, which flies fast and furious. Karin does. Hemoglobin, white counts, red counts, plural effusion, potassium levels, xiphoid and hemostasis…blah blah blah.
I feel like a little kid left in charge of a city. Scared, frustrated, and way out of my depth. Just a matter of time till disaster strikes.
This getting older thing sucks, particularly when everyone I know gets older, too. I dread being in a hospital bed some day, all by myself, no one to depend on except strangers.
One thing at a time, though. Mom will be in the hospital at least another few days. Hoping she doesn’t catch pneumonia while she’s here. She gets up to go to the bathroom, sits in the chair for a while, we need to get her walking down the hall.
I just hope this isn’t the beginning of a long series of health problems. My parents all have health issues.
And I’m left feeling like that little kid. Quaking and clueless.
(written on my iPhone, so excuse the spelling and grammar)
You’re stronger than you know, Karl. Hang in there and best wishes for a speedy recovery for your mom!
Winter´s last blog ..Political Me
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Well, you *do* know Adam, so…
Wait – that would only make things scarier, huh?! Ha
Regardless, you have helped, and you can do it, and you HAVE done it, so… it’ll be okay.
Just make sure you see all those doctors and nurses wash their fucking hands. You’d be amazed by how many DON’T.
Sybil Law´s last blog ..My Awesome Jonas Brothers Review
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Your mother has faith in you so there’s no more to say on that.
You’ll be fine, Karl. She’ll be fine. If you have questions or problems, you’ll call the right people, be it your sister or the doctors/nurse/9-1-1. You have it in you. You are a strong person. A survivor. Believe.
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Sending love & healing thoughts to you & your mom. Hang in there. You can do it. XOXO
Tracy´s last blog ..Still alive…
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Whether you know exactly what you’re doing or not, what matters is that you are there for your mom.
Also, as you had to do with her knee surgery, and as I know very well from my experiences with my mom and her multiple heart attacks and surgeries, you somehow manage to learn pretty freakin’ quick just what needs to be done and how to do it all.
Hang in there babe.
xoxo
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Having parents sick or in need of assistance is very difficult.
All that matters is that you are there for her. She will let you know what she needs.
And dude, if you ever end up in the hospital, I’m so gonna be there for you. You won’t be alone. Cause you are loved.
bubblewench´s last blog ..Scared and confused
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The thing about being an adult is that no matter how much you feel like a scared little kid, you still do the right thing.
Which you do.
I wish you felt more at ease but Karl, you’re doing it, hon.
Hilly´s last blog ..Children Of Mercy And Grace…
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I’m with others here. Your mom will be good soon. Just a few major bumps in the road to get past.
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I know it sounds trite, but all you can do is take one mountain at a time. If you try to imagine who you’ll deal with her medical issues three months from now, you’ll implode from the weight of it all. Focus on the next challenge (getting her released and safely home)first. Then you can start to get a sense of how she’s healing and build from there.
I had to deal with many of the same issues and overwhelmed feelings last year after my dad’s heart attack and congestive heart failure. Amazingly, he’s home, stable and doing much better than any us ever expected. I hope for the same for your family.
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I know how you feel Karl. I really do. Hang in there buddy. I’m praying for both of you.
Black Belt Mama´s last blog ..Facebook is Like Mustard and Other Reasons Im Not Ready for Fall Semester
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I’m so sorry you’re going through all of this. I miss talking with you. I’m always here, day or night, if you need an ear, and one who is dealing with much the same. It’s horrible to watch the people who were indestructible when you were a child become helpless, confused children themselves. Horrible.
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