Banner Year

I’ve been very absent from here of late. That’s because there are only so many ways I can say I’m depressed. And there are only so many ways I can say that there are only so many ways I can say I’m depressed. I’m sick of myself, so I can only imagine how sick you are of me whining.

Enter Monday. Mom had a colonoscopy, which seemed to go just fine. Till we got her home. Then she announced she was feeling really bad. Dizzy, nauseous, stomach aching. The stomach, she just figured was gas pains from all the air in her gut post colonoscopy. Turns out no.

Thank God she had to use the toilet, rather than just taking a nap. That might sound odd, since she passed out on the way from the bathroom and hit the floor (carpeted). But hear me out.

If she had just gone to sleep, I would not have known that she was bleeding internally. We would have lost her. Yeah, seriously.

Instead, I called 911 and the ambulance came and got her. Turns out that a 60/30 blood pressure isn’t a good thing.

Her stomach was increasing in pain at the ER. A CT revealed bleeding in her abdomen. She was in surgery within 30 minutes for an exploratory.

I knew it was very serious then, as rapidly as they took her to surgery, even without any medical knowledge on my part. I’ve seen plenty of House episodes. She’s a nurse, Mom, as is my sister, Karin.

Turns out that they had to remove Mom’s spleen, which must have been perforated during the colonoscopy.

Nobody said how bad it was until a nurse gave a surgery update. “If you hadn’t gotten her in here when you did, she wouldn’t have made it through the night.” Fuck.

Again, thank God she didn’t just take a nap when we got her home Monday. Gives me shivers just thinking about it.

Now Mom is in ICU, but only because there aren’t any other beds available at the hospital. Her numbers are looking far better after they gave her a couple units of blood the other day.

Likely, she will be in the hospital till sometime next week. Karin is here till today or tomorrow (she lives 3 hours away). Really is a blessing having her here. She knows what all this lingo means, what it means to have an 8.7 hemoglobin. I am clueless.

Thanks for all of your prayers via Twitter and Facebook, texts, and phone calls.

Now I type this on my iPhone and think about the road ahead. Again. Mom has had a crappy year thus far. First, breaking her kneecap, then this almost right after she finally got back to work.

Banner year indeed.

I’m left once again pondering the fragility of life. Seeing how close we all are to the Other Side is pretty scary. It’s easy to take it all for granted. Seeing the huge 13″ incision along Mom’s stomach and chest…we are all just a skinsack of guts and bones. Christ.

Then I go step outside for a smoke, which seems pretty fucking dumb. What can I say? I’m not the sharpest tool in the shed.

(from my iPhone in the hospital)