So Thursday was another day for therapy, and the Matrix Therapist wants me to get out of the freaking house more often. And she wants me to make a list of things to do to GET me out of the house. Does she even KNOW me?
Matrix Therapist: What are the benefits of staying in the house all the time?
Me: Well, all my stuff is there.
MT: So you feel safe there.
Me: Yes, though it’s a weird kind of safe that still makes me feel miserable.
MT: So what are the benefits of you leaving the house?
Me: (shiver) I hear sunshine is good for you.
MT: Mmm, what else?
Me: Might distract me from my shitty life.
MT: Right.
Me: May introduce me to new people, though that prospect is kinda scary, too.
MT: But there’s no pressure.
Me: That’s the whole thing about leaving the house. It’s ALL pressure. I’ll have to socialize.
MT: Yeah, because what you’re doing now is working so well. Listen, you have the depression down. We know that. You don’t need more practice at that.
Me: Finally, I’m good at something!
MT: Maybe you could take a walk around the lake. I did recently.
Me: A walk? Outside? How far is that?
MT: It’s about 9 miles.
Me: 9 MILES? Yeah, that’s gonna happen.
MT: Doesn’t have to be around the lake. You come up with some things that’ll get you out of the house. Make a list.
Me: I’m not great at lists. I’m great at depression, remember?
MT: That’s what we’re trying to fix, remember?
Me: Right. List.
MT: 10 things to get you out of the house.
Me: Number 1…therapy.
MT: Therapy doesn’t count.
Me: That’s not something a patient wants to hear.
Ten things have to go on this list. TEN. And, lest you forget, they must all involve me leaving the house.
- Make a list of 10 things to get me out of the house.
- Go to the movies.
- Go to the bookstore.
- Go to the gym.
- Go do karaoke.
- Go to a coffeeshop.
- Go to the library.
- Walk through the park (exercise).
- Walk through the mall (more exercise).
- Go to the lawnmower races.
- Take an art class.
- Go to church.
Wow, look at that. 12 things…well, minus the first item, of course. 11 things. Not all very exciting things. I mean, bookstore and library? I know, a thrill a minute with me.
Hey, I almost put down “smoking,” since I technically do that outside the house. But I figured the Matrix Therapist would just give me shit over that one, so…
Why does looking at this list strike my heart with fear?
Because you’re craaazy?!
Seriously – get out. Although I wasn’t a very good influence last night, huh? Sorry about that.
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Secondhand Karl Reply:
May 8th, 2010 at 7:27 pm
@Sybil Law, You may be right. I may be crazy. But it just might be a lunatic you’re looking for.
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My list would have an entry that says Walk to the mailbox.
You also forgot Go to the grocery store (although that has been the scene of anxiety attacks for me)
Sorry, I’m no help. You go to Karaoke. You have more guts than I do.
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Secondhand Karl Reply:
May 8th, 2010 at 7:28 pm
@Little Miss Sunshine State, Grocery store, ugh. Yeah, that would work, too.
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Oh WOW!!! I love it! It’s totally awesome!
And I think you should put “Go visit Wendy in South Carolina” on your list.
Wendy´s last blog ..Dear Thomas
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Secondhand Karl Reply:
May 10th, 2010 at 8:11 am
@Wendy, I think I need to put that on the list, too.
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Dude I told you for the list of things that get you out of the house… 1- Fire. Especially if the fire is in the house. 2- Huge spiders that play cards and drink your beer, they make you go to the store bug spray and more beer. 3- Zombies in the bedroom, cause they are tricky and can get loose so you would need to go out of the house to getaway… I am a list maker from way back, so I could totally help you with this homework. DUH. delegate delegate.
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Secondhand Karl Reply:
May 10th, 2010 at 8:11 am
@thepeachy1, Those all sound like ways to destroy my house, not just get me out of it.
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First off, I must be more behind the times than I realized because holy awesome template thingy, Batman! I mean, um, Indiana?
Anyway.
I hear that going to Milwaukee to hang out with your favorite (not so) drunken (not really a) slut blogger is *really* good for the soul.
I’ve been approved by therapists in all fifty states as “good for the depression”.
AND
then you could strike bunches of things off of your list at once…..(1) go to the airport (2) go to the hotel (3) go to the brewery (4) go to the bar (5) go to another bar (6) go to the alley to puke (7) go to the hotel bar (8) go to the hotel bathroom for drunken sex with a stranger (9) go to the 34 hour health clinic for antibiotics bc turns out that stranger has done that lots of times (10) go to the liquor store [all bars are closed at this point so needs must, man!]
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Secondhand Karl Reply:
May 10th, 2010 at 8:13 am
@Sheila, I wish I could go to M4, but it’s not gonna happen.
I’m broke. All those things sound wonderful, though.
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I just wrote the most amazing comment EVER and your blog ATE IT!!
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Secondhand Karl Reply:
May 10th, 2010 at 8:13 am
@Sheila, No, it didn’t.
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Fucking lists!! I’ll make a deal with you. If you can go to the gym 3x a week.. you go in the morning. I will SKIP MY NAPS, and get on the treadmill to match you.
Let me know what you think…. Prick buddy.. better start pricking better too.
bubblewench´s last blog ..I’m glad it’s Monday
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Secondhand Karl Reply:
May 10th, 2010 at 10:10 am
@bubblewench, 3x a week? Mmm, okay. I’ll jump on that bandwagon.
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bubblewench Reply:
May 10th, 2010 at 10:12 am
So seriously, if you can do it in the AM, I have NO choice but to stand by my word and do it when I get home at 3….
bubblewench´s last blog ..I’m glad it’s Monday
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Secondhand Karl Reply:
May 10th, 2010 at 10:54 am
@bubblewench, OK. I’m gonna hold you to it.
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Oh, and I LOVE the new template, but you knew that. I had a sneak peek!!
bubblewench´s last blog ..I’m glad it’s Monday
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Secondhand Karl Reply:
May 10th, 2010 at 10:10 am
@bubblewench, Yes, you did.
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See, you’re already an overachiever, what with the 12 things and all!
You could go to the library and rent DVD’s or blog from there. Heh.
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Yes, I’m a total overachiever. Ha.
I am overdue for a library visit.
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Let’s make a list of why to stay in the house. All legitimate reasons…Oh, I’m not really helping, am I?
Shelli´s last blog ..Tap Tap
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Secondhand Karl Reply:
May 14th, 2010 at 9:29 am
@Shelli, that would not be something the Matrix Therapist wants to hear. She thinks (knows) I’m in the house far too much as it is.
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