Sitting in the waiting room at the VA. A guy just ahead of me at check in was bitching because he’s a walk-in and has to wait a while. Me, I just drove over 2 hours to be here for a 5-minute appointment. He’ll be home well before me. It’s all relative, I guess.
I could bitch about the drive, I suppose. But as long as I have a GPS and some music, I don’t care. Besides, I’m more prone to bitch about other things. Being bored. Being lonely. Being broke and without a full time job.
Being locked into a life I’m not happy with. Yes, I’m working on it. Always working on it. Trouble is I have no motivation to get shit done.
I want this life where I’m happy and positive and with someone who adores me as much as I adore them. But honestly, I don’t know what that Karl would look like. If I get better, if all the negative shit goes away, what’s left of me? How does a happy Karl look?
And will a happy Karl still be, well, me?
Happy is unknown and it’s no secret that I am no fan of the unknown.
Little kid playing with his Pez dispenser. Offered me a piece and I politely declined. Thanks, kid with the Mohawk, but I saw the way you licked your fingers and then touched the Pez. I have issues with slime and spit and food. Plus, I need an interpreter when you talk.
Finally home again. Nap.
Written on my iPhone
You know, secretly, I would have *loved* to have a mowhawk when I was a wee nipper. Kids today don’t know how good they’ve got it.
Kevin Spencer´s last blog ..New Moon Soundtrack
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Secondhand Karl Reply:
April 9th, 2010 at 10:19 pm
@Kevin Spencer, Mohawks rock, and they’re pretty cute on little kids.
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Bright side? You are never, ever locked into a life you don’t like; you always have the power to make the next good decision for yourself. You’ll get there.
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Secondhand Karl Reply:
April 9th, 2010 at 10:19 pm
@sandra, I keep telling myself that. I keep telling myself that. I keep telling myself that. Ad nauseum.
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Put good shit out there and you get it back. It’ll happen. Really.
Sybil Law´s last blog ..Jam night
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Secondhand Karl Reply:
April 9th, 2010 at 10:19 pm
@Sybil Law, I’ve been TRYING.
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I can commiserate with what you’re feeling. I constantly strive to find that state of happy, but I truthfully don’t know who that person is. Without sarcasm, snark, and pessimism I wouldn’t recognize myself!
BTW, I love Pez and would have totally accepted, slobbery fingers or not.
Meg´s last blog ..Perspective
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Secondhand Karl Reply:
April 9th, 2010 at 10:20 pm
@Meg, That’s because you don’t have the hangups about food that I have.
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The Mohawk kid with the Pez candy is thinking “Man, that guy has an iPhone! I’d trade my hair for 5 minutes on that thing!”
It’s all relative.
whall´s last blog ..iPhone OS 4.0 Sneak Peek*
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Secondhand Karl Reply:
April 11th, 2010 at 10:59 am
@whall, It IS all relative. Like an uncle…or a third cousin.
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It’s actually pretty self aware to understand that what you’re resisting is the unknown – and totally human to do so, even when the unknown sounds like something that should be “better”.
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Secondhand Karl Reply:
April 13th, 2010 at 10:31 am
@Miss Britt, Better would be nice. To date, 2010 has sucked ass.
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