I’m Giving Her All She’s Got, Captain!

Just got home from Mom’s follow-up doctor appointment. Y’know, from the Broken Kneecap Debacle of 2010? Today was her last scheduled day of physical therapy. She’s gone from a 65-degree flex on that knee to just over 90 degrees. It’s been just over 3 months since this thing started.

She’s been driving (back roads, since highway driving with the constant acceleration hurts), she even went to the grocery store yesterday…first time since her accident. She’s cooking, too – thank God, because my culinary skills are roughly the same ones owned by 7-year-olds.

Long story short: Six more weeks of physical therapy to increase her flexibility and strength. She can return to work almost immediately. And another doctor visit in two months’ time.

Her going back to work is a good thing. It’s been a long three months and Mom has had more than her share of stir crazy. The BITCH about her going back to work now is that I’m the one that’s gonna have to chauffeur her around to work and back every day. See, she works off the highway, so…I’m kinda screwed, especially since her workday starts around 8am.

Ugh. Can’t wait till she can fully drive again.

Me? Meh. Depression still bares its vampire fangs my way, so much so that getting out of bed is just a couple clicks shy of more than I can do. It’s probably a good thing I have another video-conference with my shrink this afternoon.

The Abilify isn’t cutting it; not at the current dosage, anyway. The prazosin, a blood pressure med which has an off-label use for ridding people of nightmares, may be working. I rarely remember my dreams, but can’t recall any nightmares of late. Typically, with nightmares I’ll wake up in a sweat at 3 or 4 in the morning. Been a while since that happened.

What I have noticed is more energy, to the tune of cutting into “productive” nap time. I wish energy = motivation, but it doesn’t. I need something for mood. Or something that will excise drama from my life. Both, preferably.

I understand how my shrink is approaching my case. We don’t want to start me on multiple things at one time. That’d make it difficult to ascertain what medicines are doing what.

But as I mentioned in my last post, my super powers do not include waiting. I want to feel better…not yesterday, TODAY. Hell, I’d just about prefer a manic phase right now. Relief, any relief, would be welcome.

The trial-and-error shit associated with finding the right Magic Cocktail is not fun, nor fast enough for my liking. I know the universe doesn’t give a fuck, but I’m tired of uttering the mantra: “It has to get better, it has to get better, it has to get better.” Repeat ad nauseum.

It does, though. Right?