It’s 4:30am. I was supposed to wake up an hour ago. Instead, I haven’t slept. Just could NOT shut my fucking brain off. I’m not sure if it’s BPD, or my damned insomnia, or the stress, or the depression, or me taking my meds for the first time in a long time and them gaining efficacy…or All of the Above.
No matter. I didn’t sleep.
Gotta have Mom at the hospital at 5:30. Surgery at 7:00. I have my doctor appointment at 10:45, while (I’m guessing here) Mom will probably be in the recovery room. We’ll adjust my medications (thank God).
Then, while friends are waiting with her at the hospital, I’ll go get my glasses adjusted, since smashing spectacles into the floor with your face is apparently not conducive to a good fit. Back to the hospital. Wait.
At some point, Mom will be released and allowed to go home. That’ll either be before my 3:00 appointment with the Matrix Therapist or after…not sure. Then I’ll come home after what is likely going to be an hour full of the first time I’ve ever cried to the MT.
And die.
I’ll post updates on Twitter and Facebook, as possible. Hopefully, the hospital has wifi…because they sure as shit don’t get more than Zero Bars on the AT&T Scale. Don’t expect personal replies. I have a few things going on today, y’know.
Appreciate all of your prayers and good wishes. Keep ‘em coming. And pray there’s no end to the caffeine in my path.
Till I can nap.
I always have my coffee black, I would shoot it directly into my veins if I could, caffeine is my friend. I hope it is yours as well today, be safe,hoping the fake high gets you through the day till you crash, hopefully on a soft surface. good vibes from my side of the blue to yours.
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Secondhand Karl Reply:
January 23rd, 2010 at 9:05 am
@eslocura, Ugh, I can’t do black coffee. Coffee is a chemistry experiment to me. I need it sweet and light. And thank you.
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This sounds like one of my regular days. I feel ya, babe. One thing at a time, OK? Don’t think about all of it. Just one thing at a time.
Mom’s probably about done by now, but I’m sure things went well. xo
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Secondhand Karl Reply:
January 23rd, 2010 at 9:06 am
@Finn, Geez, Finn, if that’s a regular day for you, I have no earthly idea how you function. I’m a total pussy.
Things went well, thanks.
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UGH.
xoxo
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Secondhand Karl Reply:
January 23rd, 2010 at 9:07 am
@Sybil Law, right back atcha.
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Do hospitals have WiFi? Last time I was in one, they were so big on turning off your cell phones. (Oddly enough, for my mom.)
Good luck today and deep breaths.
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Secondhand Karl Reply:
January 23rd, 2010 at 9:08 am
@Lynda, Yeah, many of them have wifi now. Course, mostly people bring netbooks or laptops to play around on. I just happen to have used my iPhone.
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i will keep a good thought for your mom, karl.
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Secondhand Karl Reply:
January 23rd, 2010 at 9:09 am
@Peau, Thanks, babe. All went well, surgically speaking. The pain, though, is far worse than the first week and a half was. Kind of expected, though.
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I hope you make it hon, with your emotions and sanity intact. Much love.
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Secondhand Karl Reply:
January 23rd, 2010 at 9:11 am
@Coal Miner’s Granddaughter, Me, too. I’m striving for at least a little sanity. Clearly, I can get by with just a tiny amount.
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Oh, well if you’re not going to do personal replies, then I won’t comment.
Wait…
Damn.
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Secondhand Karl Reply:
January 23rd, 2010 at 9:12 am
@Kris, I meant personal replies on Twitter and FB. Here, I always do my best to respond to everyone.
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Hope all went well with your Mum’s surgery. Best wishes to you both.
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Secondhand Karl Reply:
January 23rd, 2010 at 9:12 am
@Selma, All went very well, thank you.
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Saw the updates on Twitter and Facebook. I’m really glad your mom’s surgery went well. The day is over now, and I hope you can rest. So… Did you cry to the MT? I hope you were able to get some of the emotions out. <3
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Secondhand Karl Reply:
January 23rd, 2010 at 9:14 am
@Wendy, No crying to the MT. And thanks. I’ll write a post about it today.
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