The Original Three Dawg Night

Three men wandering the streets of Bethlehem, circa 2,000 years ago, give or take.

Bob: Bollocks! I keep stepping on my robes!

Chuck: I told you to get that shit altered, dude. What part of “an angel of the Lord said the Messiah is being born in Nazareth” didn’t you get?

Larry: Seriously, Bob, you didn’t think there’d be walking involved?

Bob: Assumed we’d be cameling most of the way.

Chuck: You know what they say about assuming. Doesn’t make you very wise.

Larry: What’d you get the kid?

Chuck: Gold.

Larry: Nice. Hard to go wrong with gold.

Chuck: That was my thinking, too.

Bob: I got Him some jewels. Rubies, emeralds -

Larry: What the fuck, Bob?! You can’t give the baby Messiah jewels! That’s a choking hazard!

Chuck: Clearly. Why not just give him a bag of broken glass, or a basket of asps?

Bob: What?

Chuck: Why do you think I went with gold bars? Coins? Not child-friendly.

Larry: Hello? Hello? Anybody in there? THINK, McFly! Are you trying to KILL the freaking Son of God?

Bob: No, of course not. I’m just stupid when it comes to kids.

Chuck: Should have got Mable to help pick out the gift, man.

Larry: I still need to get something, anyway.

Chuck: Not like you to be last minute. Everything okay at home?

Larry: Damn teenage son. Caught him hitting the poppies again.

Bob: Shit. Sorry, Larry.

Larry: Hell, who hasn’t enjoyed some smoke every now and again, but at 13?

Chuck: The mind is still forming at that point, critical development stage…

Larry: Right? *sigh*

Bob: Hey, look! A mini mart!

Chuck: You’re getting the Christ Child gifts from a convenience store? Really?

Bob: What are we supposed to do, Chuck? It’s fucking December 24th! Not like there are a lot of choices!

Larry: Ooh, teriyaki camel jerky! I love that shit.

Chuck: Well, smack my ass and call me a gentile! They have myrrh! Can you believe it?

Larry: What brand?

Chuck: What does it fucking matter, Larry? It’s myrrh from a mini mart. What do you think you’re gonna find here? Dolce?

Larry: Good point.

Chuck: Now, Bob, see if they have some frankinsence. We may be able to pull this out of our asses yet, gents!