SUBMISSIONS ARE NOW CLOSED. THANKS FOR DARING ME TO DO WEIRD STUFF.
Many thanks to my amazing guest bloggers the last several days. Again, for those of you that are new to SecondHand Tryptophan (2HT), the Summer of Love is a tradition. Every July and August, I get amazing guest bloggers to post here four days a week. It continues through the end of this month, and I love every moment of it. Not just because I don’t have to write every day, but because I adore all these people and it gives me warm fuzzies to see their writing on MY blog. And I’m selfish like that.
Time for More Tradition.
Now, it’s time to talk about ANOTHER annual tradition here at 2HT. My Birthday Dares. For a long, long time, my birthday was just another fucking day to me. Nothing special. But when I was about to turn 40 a few years back, I thought, “Shit, I’m about to be 40. That’s HUGE, right? I can’t just treat this like another day.”
And so I put the word out to my readers, asking them to help me think of something wild and crazy and big to do for my 40th. And they responded in droves. I decided to choose five of those suggestions/dares and film them, then release one video a day in the days leading up to my birthday. And a new tradition was born.
That first year, I did the following:
- Ate Vienna Sausages with my toes
- Ate Pop Rocks while drinking Coke Blak (and it was nasty, but I didn’t die)
- I rocked it like Superman
- I danced to the Pussycat Dolls. In PUBLIC.
- And as the Grand Finale, I went skydiving.
I skipped the next year, but picked the tradition back up last year with more zaniness, thanks to great suggestions from my friends.
- I started out the Birthday Dare Season by eating Mentos and drinking Diet Coke. Apparently, there are those of you out there just DYING to see me explode. First, the Pop Rocks and Coke, then the Mentos and Diet Coke.
- I drove through the Burger King drive-thru wearing nothing but an adult diaper.
- I dyed my hair blonde. Not that I HAD a lot of hair at the time, because I had just recently shaved my head in solidarity for Lisa. Fuck, how I miss Lisa.
- I had my lower back waxed
- And for last year’s Grand Finale, I filmed a music video for Katy Perry’s “I Kissed a Girl.” NSFW, by the way. I kinda feel stupid saying that, really, because my whole BlOG is really NSFW, but whatever.
So Here’s Where I Ask For Your Help
My birthday is next month, peeps.
And so this is the OFFICIAL call-out for this year’s Birthday Dares. What crazy-ass shit would you like to see me do?
Submit as many ideas as you like and I will choose five of them and film them. I’m not saying I’ll pick the BEST five, just the five I’m most willing to do.
There will be prizes for those people that suggest the Birthday Dares I actually film. I don’t know what those prizes are gonna be yet, but hey…it’ll be free shit so you really don’t have room to be picky.
Deadline is 11:59 PM (Eastern Time) on Sunday, August 30.
Psst, pass it on. Tell your friends.
And thanks in advance for helping make my birthday every year NOT just another fucking day.
I dare you to get a brazilian
Reply
Secondhand Karl Reply:
August 10th, 2009 at 3:21 pm
@flutter, Damn. Somehow, I just don’t see wax in my near future. Last year was bad enough.
Reply
Call Sears (or some other establishment that ships orders to people) customer service and ask to speak to someone about your order. When sales person gets on the phone (make sure you put them on speaker!), explain that you are absolutely unhappy with your purchase. Tell them your mail-order bride arrived on time (thanks for that much!) but that she 1) had way too much facial hair for your liking. 2) was over 6 ft tall, and while you can appreciate tall women, next to your 5′8″ frame, it was not a “match made in heaven” as advertised in the catalog, particularly when she’s sporting her 3 1/2 inch heels. 3) You like her eyes, but her third nipple creeps you the fuck out especially since it’s on her back.
Explain that you’d like a full refund or a store credit to get someone more to your liking.
Reply
Secondhand Karl Reply:
August 10th, 2009 at 3:22 pm
@Sassy, Heh. That might be really good.
Reply
Get a 2HT tattoo. On your ass. Dare ya.
Reply
m_o_o_nspells Reply:
August 9th, 2009 at 10:18 pm
@Wendy,
Oooooh, that’s GOOD! It has meaning to you so it would make a decent tattoo anyway…and an excellent b-day dare! Plus, I think you’ve talked on here about getting one someday…
Reply
Secondhand Karl Reply:
August 10th, 2009 at 3:22 pm
@Wendy, LOL.
Reply
Flutter took mine!
I’ll be back when I think of another one.
*Shakes fist at Flutter!*
Reply
Secondhand Karl Reply:
August 10th, 2009 at 3:22 pm
@Sybil Law, You people are scaring me already.
Reply
get one of your nipples pierce. heh.
Reply
Secondhand Karl Reply:
August 10th, 2009 at 3:22 pm
@Kim, Um, yeeeeeeeeeah. That’s gonna happen. *cough*
Reply
Too bad I’ll be in NH or I’d totally join you in some dares since I’ve recently figured out that we share a birthday. Though in reality I’m more chicken shit than bad-ass. Can’t wait to see how this year turns out.
Reply
Secondhand Karl Reply:
August 10th, 2009 at 3:23 pm
@Heather, Help is always welcome.
Reply
karl~~mom was admitted to the heart hospital where she is being treated for SVT~~we have been here since thursday night and she is responding to her meds~earlier this afternoon, we were told she could go home tomorrow~~however, she has developed an infection where she received one of the injection in her stomach so everything is ??? right now~~the hospital blocks twitter and facebook~could you tweet for me? peace and comfort please {i’ve had like 6 hours of sleep since thursday afternoon}for both of us~prayers and good thoughts are needed from my blogging buds~thanks
Reply
Angel Smith Reply:
August 10th, 2009 at 12:17 am
@see see so me,
Just wanted to send my prayers along.
Reply
Secondhand Karl Reply:
August 10th, 2009 at 3:23 pm
@see see so me, Tweet for you? Hope your mom is ok.
Reply
Oh dude, I think Flutter nailed that one. But I want neither video nor still photos of the process or the aftermath. Just audio.
Reply
Secondhand Karl Reply:
August 10th, 2009 at 3:24 pm
@kapgar, You’re a bastard.
Reply
m_o_o_nspells Reply:
August 12th, 2009 at 11:19 pm
@Secondhand Karl, Can you say, “KELLY CLARKSON!!!”??? ;o)
Reply
Secondhand Karl Reply:
August 13th, 2009 at 12:30 am
@m_o_o_nspells, Ha!
Reply
First of all… so sorry about your mom. My thoughts are with you and your family.
I’ve been waiting for this post because you’re the only blogger I know crazy enough to try things like this. If you are man enough, I am asking you to eat a big chunk of head cheese. Yum! Good luck with that.
Reply
Secondhand Karl Reply:
August 10th, 2009 at 3:24 pm
@Jeff, Wasn’t my mom, but thanks. Head cheese. Ugh.
Reply
Last year you went through a drive through wearing only a diaper… this year I dare you to actually walk into an establishment, buy something or place an order wearing nothing but a diaper. Oooh! You go into the place to get the brazilian wearing only a diaper!
Reply
Secondhand Karl Reply:
August 10th, 2009 at 3:24 pm
@Janelle, Oof.
Reply
Climb to the top of your local water tower and tag it with 2HT.
Reply
Secondhand Karl Reply:
August 13th, 2009 at 12:31 am
@Wendy, Oof.
Reply
Karl needs to get laced up and do Derby with me…. and I’m not talking horses!!!
Roll on!
Reply
Secondhand Karl Reply:
August 14th, 2009 at 5:39 pm
@Blondefabulous, Oh shit. And you actually live close enough to make that a possibility. Dammit.
(checking on increasing my health coverage and life insurance)
Reply
The only thing I can think of is doing a strip tease.
Maybe after the Brazilian.
Reply
Secondhand Karl Reply:
August 15th, 2009 at 9:16 pm
@Lynda, What, you haven’t seen me naked enough already?
Reply
Lynda Reply:
August 16th, 2009 at 9:09 pm
@Secondhand Karl, No.
Reply
*i* think you should go in drag to your local hangout and sing a song in drag {except keep your nuts in your panties while there}
Reply
Secondhand Karl Reply:
August 15th, 2009 at 9:17 pm
@see see so me, Hmmm.
Reply
WackyMummy Reply:
August 18th, 2009 at 10:10 pm
@Secondhand Karl, Pink lace panties? With a little dance?
Reply
ok, fine since you refuse a brazilian…I dare you to go downtown in your city and spend the afternoon as a mime. Record the evidence and post it on Youtube.
Reply
Secondhand Karl Reply:
August 15th, 2009 at 9:17 pm
@flutter, OK, NOW we’re getting somewhere.
Reply
I kinda like the going into downtown and doing the mime act. The circle would be a great place for that!! Now my dare for you would be to get a fairy/princess outfit (pink of course) wear it and skip through the mall. Now the mall doesn’t have too many people so maybe a different place, like the WHy Not?? for Karaoke night??
Reply
vbutterflyz Reply:
August 15th, 2009 at 4:42 pm
@vbutterflyz, Okay forgot one detail, carry a trick or treat bag or bucket and try to collect treats! ANy treat be it candy, a pen, a lighter, just trick or treat your ass off!!
Reply
Secondhand Karl Reply:
August 15th, 2009 at 9:18 pm
@vbutterflyz, Oh crap. I should have specified NO LOCALS CAN MAKE DARES.
Because it’s somehow scarier.
Reply
vbutterflyz Reply:
August 16th, 2009 at 1:20 pm
@Secondhand Karl, Well that is not fair!! And us Locals can root you on while doing these silly things! At least you will have some moral support- or someone to bail you out whichever comes first!
Reply
Secondhand Karl Reply:
August 16th, 2009 at 7:27 pm
@vbutterflyz, I’m kidding. Geez. It’s like you don’t even KNOW me.
Reply
vbutterflyz Reply:
August 16th, 2009 at 10:18 pm
@Secondhand Karl, Umm, I think I know you- do you know me? DO you know who this is??
Reply
minsman Reply:
August 17th, 2009 at 8:45 am
I bet I know who the butterfly person is.How about a bikini/speedo car wash,corn cake?
I dare you to audition for American Idol.
Actually, make that a triple dog dare to audition for American Idol in drag.
Reply
Secondhand Karl Reply:
August 15th, 2009 at 9:19 pm
@NYCWD, LOL. Now THAT would be awesome.
Reply
Secondhand Karl Reply:
August 15th, 2009 at 9:21 pm
@NYCWD, Though auditions are over. I just checked.
Reply
Pink bunny outfit (or pink fairy would do, since I’m not a local I can suggest it! HAH!)…in a dentist’s office. You can be the Tooth Fairy! (Not the Molinator, either!)
You must NOT shave your legs to do this…but you MUST have the tiara, make up, fru-fru shoes, and special wand (and no, I don’t mean the one in your pants).
Reply
Secondhand Karl Reply:
August 16th, 2009 at 7:28 pm
@Kris, Mmm, I’m due to hit the dentist again, anyway.
Reply
These are all entirely too easy. I dare you to spend the entire day being entirely truthful and answering every question put to you.
Reply
Secondhand Karl Reply:
August 16th, 2009 at 7:29 pm
@PhilTheWebGuy, OOF!!! I’m pretty truthful, anyway, but THAT. Is a scary thought. And I’d have to shoot an entire day’s worth of video. Argh.
Reply
Bikini/Speedo Car Wash!!I have a nice 2 piece!
Reply
Secondhand Karl Reply:
August 27th, 2009 at 1:45 pm
@minsman, Ha! With Corn Cakes?
Reply
Go to a grocery store (NOT a drug store) and get a sales associate to help you pick out the right yeast infection meds for your wife. Tell them she just keeps getting them and you’re tired of not being able to have sex. That it’s been TWO FUCKING YEARS even. And give them details. Ask if they know how she can keep from getting them all the time.
Reply
Secondhand Karl Reply:
August 27th, 2009 at 1:46 pm
@Wendy, Ha!
Reply
I came for the show…? The one where Karl Erikson “exposes himself to the internet”?
So, when’s your birthday? Mine’s next month, too! The 10th. Virgo….
Reply
Secondhand Karl Reply:
August 27th, 2009 at 1:47 pm
@Haley-O, My birthday is September 18. Ooh, you’re a virgo, too? Mmm, I may have to steal you away from your hubs.
Reply
Attend a major event of some sort wearing only a man thong and nipple clamps.
Reply
Secondhand Karl Reply:
August 27th, 2009 at 1:47 pm
@Amanda of Shamelessly Sassy, Oh, shit.
Reply
I DARE you to eat Durian — a pungent and highly-prized fruit from South Asia! Mmmmm…
Reply
Kris Reply:
August 24th, 2009 at 11:45 pm
@Geeky Tai-Tai, now that’s just mean. LOL!
Reply
Geeky Tai-Tai Reply:
August 27th, 2009 at 8:27 pm
@Kris, Aww, not really. I’ve eaten it mah own self! Our dear Karl will live!
Reply
Secondhand Karl Reply:
August 27th, 2009 at 1:48 pm
@Geeky Tai-Tai, How am I supposed to get my hands on a Durian?
Reply
Geeky Tai-Tai Reply:
August 27th, 2009 at 8:28 pm
@Secondhand Karl, Oh baby, I’ll do my best to put one in your hands! heh
Reply
You know those funny emails with the lists of random crap just to make people laugh? Like, 15 Things to do in a Walmart? Yeah you should do those 15 things. In a Walmart. Or at least the good ones like, hide in the clothing racks and when people browse by say, ‘Pick me! Pick me!’ …Scratch that. I’ve got nothin’.
Reply
Secondhand Karl Reply:
August 27th, 2009 at 1:49 pm
@Motley, Hysterical idea. Hmmm. But isn’t that like getting me to do 15 dares in 1 dare? I see what you’re doing…very clever.
Reply
Well you’ve already done the “kissed a girl” thing.
I dare you to kiss a boy. Tongue or not, your choice, but it MUST last 5 seconds. And be video-ed.
Reply
Staceylt Reply:
August 27th, 2009 at 2:22 am
@Trish/Astrogirl426, I second this one. I’m with Trish.
Reply
Secondhand Karl Reply:
August 27th, 2009 at 1:49 pm
@Trish/Astrogirl426, Dayum. You suck.
Reply
Wow. This is not easy.
I know you do “dancing in my boxers” videos ever so often. You could do a “dancing in your boxers” video, where you’d dance in underwear people send you. I’d make some rules like “it has to be clean” and “it has to be something the sender did wear at some point”. Who knows what you’d get!
Reply
Secondhand Karl Reply:
August 27th, 2009 at 1:50 pm
@LeSombre, Ooh, that’s really really good, too. Lots of good ones this year. Problem is the logistics. I’d have to have people send me underwear, like, NOW. Cuz my birthday is in just 3 weeks.
Reply
LeSombre Reply:
August 27th, 2009 at 2:03 pm
@Secondhand Karl, I know, you can totally blame my lazy Canadian ass for not posting this idea sooner.
maybe next year…
Reply
Find a local state fair, go on the ferris wheel and when you get to the stop, start freaking the fuck out, screaming and demanding that they get you off this thing right now.
And have Mindy on the ground videotaping it and laughing at you.
Reply
Secondhand Karl Reply:
August 31st, 2009 at 9:14 am
@Sheila (Charm School Reject), Heh. Sure, NOW you mention this. After I just went to the Kentucky State Fair a few days ago. The Florida State Fair is in February.
Reply
Make a video of you having sex with a blow up sex doll and post it on your blog.
And yes, I am totally serious.
Reply
Secondhand Karl Reply:
August 31st, 2009 at 9:15 am
@Hilly, Oh, holy hell.
Reply
All right! All right, already! Wear pajamas all day on your bday. (Except when wearing adult diapers in the drive thru, or similar.) Go out a lot. And to fancy places. If anyone asks, claim that you’re wearing a suit.
Reply
Secondhand Karl Reply:
August 31st, 2009 at 9:16 am
@Stimey, Fancy places? You do realize that I’m in Sebring, Florida right? Hmmm. And that I don’t own pajamas? Hmmm.
Reply
I think you should go shopping with a friend at an all womens store, try on dresses outside the fitting room and keep asking your friend if you look fat and if Mango will like it.
It’s an idea –
-Aman
Reply
Secondhand Karl Reply:
August 31st, 2009 at 9:16 am
@only aman, Ha. Yes, it is an idea.
Reply
My suggestion is this… Go to your local Home Depot (or any home improvement warehouse) and take a piss in one of the “display” toilets.
Reply
Secondhand Karl Reply:
August 31st, 2009 at 9:16 am
@angelia_t, HA!
Reply
Get a mani/pedi, complete with nail art. Wear your new nails proudly to the establishment of your choosing. Extra points for getting a set of acrylics.
Reply
Secondhand Karl Reply:
August 31st, 2009 at 9:17 am
@Tracy, Hmm, maybe black nails with little skulls on them.
Reply
Tracy Reply:
August 31st, 2009 at 6:39 pm
@Secondhand Karl, I was thinking more along the lines of a nice red with pretty little flowers or rhinestones. But it’s your birthday. You choose.
Reply
Secondhand Karl Reply:
August 31st, 2009 at 7:19 pm
@Tracy, It’s not like I have nails to begin with.
Reply
Ok, here goes. Mine are a bit more tame I think then some. Man, I’m glad I’m not you.
I have two.
1. Take an introductory karate class (you choose the style). Record the evidence.
2. Spoof the Obsessed video I made you.
Reply
Secondhand Karl Reply:
August 31st, 2009 at 9:17 am
@Black Belt Mama, Not so tame. I can work wonders with those ideas. As I can many of the ones suggested this year.
Reply
Since you’ve already practiced with the Mentos, I would LOVE to see you set off a Mentos Geyser whilst wearing a tutu, and dancing around the erupting bottle.
You’d do that for me, right, Karl?
Second choice: Karl, re-creating Christopher Walken’s “Weapon of Choice” video.
Third choice: Karl, doing the Risky Business underwear dance.
You asked.
Reply
Secondhand Karl Reply:
August 31st, 2009 at 9:18 am
@Mamacita, Nice. Thanks for playing.
Reply
Hmmmm…according to the Sebring Chamber of Commerce, there is a Flea Market on the 18th.
Take one of those fake leash thingy that looks like an invisible dog and go from booth to booth and ask for their best fleas. Then get mad and start saying that your dog needs fleas! Then pretend your dog gets out of his collar and you have to go around calling him. Your dogs name is Stains. “Come Stains!!”
All whilst wearing a dog collar yourself. Leather. And studded.
Reply
Wendy Reply:
August 30th, 2009 at 11:52 pm
@Kim, OMG. This is the BEST DARE EVER. lol. I love it!
Reply
Secondhand Karl Reply:
August 31st, 2009 at 9:20 am
@Kim, Researching the Sebring Chamber of Commerce? Gets you bonus points. Ha. Crap, this would be funny. And potentially humiliating. You know, if such a thing were possible with me any more. Luv ya.
Reply
vbutterflyz Reply:
September 4th, 2009 at 8:31 pm
@Secondhand Karl,
Ha that one is funny- wish I would have thought to look at the CHamber website- I am on there all the time!
Reply
1. Go to a mall and give 1 dollar to every hot girl you see, telling hot girl why you are giving her the money.
2. Talk about how awesome I am. Just kidding!
3. Put in a blender a broccoli, carrot, orange juice, raw egg, beer and drink.
4. I suck!
Reply
Secondhand Karl Reply:
August 31st, 2009 at 9:20 am
@Loukia, Yikes. I’m not sure which scares me more, #1 or #3.
Reply
Go to a TEA party in drag. Bonus points: wearing Republican paraphernalia. Dooooo iiiiiittt.
Alternative: do a burlesque dance wearing a skirt made of bananas.
My husband’s dare: lick a 9-volt battery 100 times.
Reply
Secondhand Karl Reply:
August 31st, 2009 at 9:22 am
@The Mother Tongue, Ha. Well, the tea party in drag thing might work. The Republican gear wouldn’t raise many eyebrows around here, since I live in a little Florida town where most people are conservative.
Oh, and your husband sucks. 100 times?!
Reply
The Mother Tongue Reply:
August 31st, 2009 at 11:07 am
@Secondhand Karl, He’s an RN, and he swears it won’t really hurt. Much.
Reply
Secondhand Karl Reply:
August 31st, 2009 at 7:18 pm
@The Mother Tongue, Tell him if he’s willing to do an Indecent Proposal sort of thing, I’ll do it.
Reply
How about writing and posting about the biggest man crush you’ve ever had. Bonus points for it being a current crush.
Reply
Secondhand Karl Reply:
August 31st, 2009 at 9:23 am
@Maura, Heh. Great idea, and I may use it. But this is a video dare series. Not sure how exciting it’d be for me to video me typing.
Reply
Run into a semi-fancy (or fancy, whatever) restaurant with a jar of pickles…make sure you’re out of breath – BE DRAMATIC – and tell the maitre d’ that you’re so thankful he’s there and call him a “big strong man” (or something like that). Hold up the jar of pickles and ask him to open it. Say that your 89 year old grandmother is out of town, gambling in Vegas, and normally you’d get her to do that shit, but since she’s out of town, you thought he’d be the next best bet.
Reply
The Mother Tongue Reply:
August 31st, 2009 at 12:01 am
@Sassy, LOL, now that is truly creative.
Reply
Secondhand Karl Reply:
August 31st, 2009 at 9:24 am
@Sassy, LOL.
Reply
Um.. Get your tongue pierced. Fuck! I can’t take the pressure. I’m out of ideas.
Reply
Secondhand Karl Reply:
August 31st, 2009 at 9:24 am
@Wendy, Yeah, that shit’s not happening. There will be no waxing and no piercing. I’m insane, but I’m not stupid.
Reply
OK, Karl. Mine is pretty tame, but I still want to see it. Get your eyebrows waxed. A lot. But some little Asian 50 yr old woman who keeps saying, “I make you pretty!”
T.
Reply
Secondhand Karl Reply:
August 31st, 2009 at 9:25 am
@Tina@SendChocolate, Heh. Eyebrows, eh? Well, I got my back waxed last year and I don’t think I see wax in my immediate future, but we shall see.
Reply