Keeping It Klassee One Boob At a Time
They say the internet is a big space. I disagree.
If it was such a wide open wonder how in Gawd’s name would a Canadian mommy blogger trip over a video of some dude prancing around with his nuts hanging out singing to one of the most annoying songs ever find his way onto my laptop screen?
Besides the fact I spend hours online searching for amusing and interesting links that are slightly pornographic to fill the gaping void that is my soul?
Hence a friendship was born. So when Karl asked me to guest post for him this summer, I couldn’t really say no. Doing so would only show the world I’m a classless bitch who refuses to expand her national and cultural borders within the internet.
I may be a bitch, but I like to think of myself as KLASSEE. The box of dollar store red wine in my fridge proves this.
Besides, Karl has a thing for mommy bloggers and it’s no big secret he has a crush on me and I aim to please boys who like me. Of course Karl likes me for my stimulating intellect and not because I’m a natural blonde:
The reality is, (and huge blow to my ego when I realized it) Karl only likes me because I have these:
I know this because the dude keeps sending me email and twitter requests to show him my boobs. Or to do a naked video post. Or simply call him and talk dirty with him while fondling myself. Karl. What part of KLASSEE did you not understand? 
I mean sure I may tweet topless during the summer and talk about beaver fever and the blue thunder but that doesn’t mean I’m just going to up and show you my guns.
You’re no Avitable dude.
Still, Karl persisted. And persisted. Aaaand persisted.
At first I was flattered. But then he started sending me naked photos of himself. Then I was amused. And slightly horrified:
I mean any dude who would looks like this obviously needed a little tittay pick me up. (And you are all so very welcome. I figure if my retinas had been burned, I should pass along images of nature’s finest.)
So I decided to oblige him. I’m a giver like that. So here you go Karl, here’s my boobs. At long last yours to ogle and do with what you will.
Okay fine. Those may or may not be mine. Mine may or may not resemble something a little more like this after breast feeding three angry rabid badgers babies:
Okay, I don’t have eight boobs or more. But think of the possibilities if I did!! I suppose my breasts may or may not look more like this: (After all, I did publicly admit to having nipple hair.)
That may or may not be a dead on accurate reprentation of my boobs down to the sparkly nipple rings.
Only thing is, I like to shave my belly hair and I wouldn’t be caught dead wearing a necklace that ugly. I’m much KLASSIER than that.
So Karl, when you think of me and see pictures of me online, just know that I only look half decent from the neck up.
The reality is, I may or may not wander around town looking something strikingly similar to this:
In fact, that may or may not be an actual photo of what I wore to the town fair this year.
I suppose the real reason Karl and I are friends is because we both are like boobs.
And we both wish I looked like this:
Life would be one giant boob fest every damn day.
Which would suit this KLASSEE redneck to the T.
Filed under Guest Post, No Ads, Sex | Comments (44)44 Responses to “Keeping It Klassee One Boob At a Time”
Leave a Reply
I think I have been scarred for life.
Reply
Oh. My. God.
I ADORE you. And yes, your boobs, as well, but mostly your Klassee Klassee mind.
Reply
I think I just threw up a little bit.
Reply
MUST. UN-SEE.
Please. Let me un-see.
For the love of babies and sweet little innocent puppies LET ME UN-SEE.
Damn you Tanis. DAMN YOU.
Reply
My favorite part of the post has to be Karl’s Birkenstocks. Nice touch.
Reply
August 18th, 2009 at 4:05 pm
@Michellew_, Naturally, I’m Klassee too.
Reply
You’re hilarious. And way cute.
Reply
P.S. Birthday dare #5 comes damn near close to being the most horrifying thing I have ever seen. And I’ve watched people die and shit. Ouch, my retinas!
Reply
You are so fortunate to have a sexy Canadian class up the joint like this Karl. Totally rawks
Reply
August 18th, 2009 at 4:06 pm
@habanerogal, I know…Tanis rocks.
Reply
I am appalled and disappointed in you, Redneck Mommy.
Reply
It burns! It burns!
Reply
you are lovely, Tanis. so lovely.
Reply
Will lye work for cleaning my eyes or should I go directly to the bleach? Maybe a combination of both?
Reply
BWAHAHAHAHA! The only thing funnier than that last photo are the comments of everyone freaking out over that last photo. C’mon, where’s your inner 12-yr-old?!?
Reply
I choose to believe the first set of naked(ish) boobies are yours. If you begin to tell me otherwise, I shall stick my fingers in my ears and go, “lalalalalalala…”
Reply
August 18th, 2009 at 4:25 pm
@Finn, I’m with you.
Reply
That was uncomfortable.
Reply
Um, I feel a little sick to my stomach after that.
Reply
ACK you almost made the pregnant lady pee herself!
I was expecting the bewbs but the beer bottle may have scarred me for life.
Reply
Nice job Tanis. And a great rack to boot (or is that “about”? You Canadians and your crazy speak!).
I’m hurt Karl. No one asks to see mine.
Reply
August 18th, 2009 at 4:27 pm
@Nancy from Fear and Parenting in Las Vegas, I’m pretty sure I MUST have specifically asked to see yours in Chicago. If not, I am making the formal request now. Where do I send the forms?
Reply
This is the KLASSEEIEST post I’ve seen in a long time. Bar none.
Reply
*shudder* Wow. Just. Wow.
Reply
That rope-contraption-thingy serves as a bra for many in my fair — albeit sagging — state. (Arkies reproduce like rabbits, dontcha know?)
Reply
How the hell did you get my picture?
Reply
Oh dear lawd…my retinas!!! Hairy man-boobs…hanging man-boobs!!! Save me!!!
Reply
Nice rack… er.. post!
When I see that photo above with the multiple breasts, I think of the cover of this Monty Python album.
http://static.rateyourmusic.com/album_images/08c888497f1e5cf57871f95ca09595ba/78466.jpg
Reply
Oh… my God… Still… laughing… can’t stop… but… should… before I… pee a little bit… more… than I… already have…
Reply
Wow very funny post……
Reply
nice work Karl. RNM rocks!
Reply
First thought…kinda turned on a little right now..then I hit those other boobs and William & Mary! Egad.
I know your boobs look better than the hairy ones, they would have to. Very, very scary.
Reply
So, if I was um, like smart and KLASSEE like you- I would have known better than to read this while eating 3 cheese KD and meat. Because it f’n BURRRRRRRRNS when it comes shooting out your nose at the computer screen.
Nice tits though!!
Reply
Tanis! He sent you that “bottle” shot and you THANKED him by guest posting? I would hate to see your inbox right now, lmao….
Reply
Holy Hairballs Batman!!! The comments are almost as funny as the post!
That was so good I just wanna give you both a hug in person for the great big laugh I so needed.
But then again… {flashbacks}… maybe not. Physical touching NOT necessary.
Good luck with the bewbs, though.
Reply
Of all of the possibilities in this post, the most troubling thing to me is that the boobcluster chica doesn’t have arms. Or she has tits instead of arms. I suppose she could easily find people willing to feed her pudding, but maybe not, because she is awfully skinny. In the knees.
Reply
Hi, I was told there would be boobs here.
/looks around
Uhmmmm…..
Reply
Hahahahahahaha!!!
I have never posted my boobs on the internet – there’s a reason for that.
And the reason ain’t klass.
Reply
Awesome Tanis….lol i love most of all the comments. It’s wonderful how much shock, horror and amazement you can generate with your posts.
But please….no more bottle photos
lol
Reply
Ew! lol
Reply
Yeah, the boobcluster lady didn’t have arms because she doesn’t NEED arms. Seriously. Think of the help she’d receive…
That man boob pic, though? That one made me urp a bit in my mouth…
Reply
I popped on over from Redneck Mommy’s blog (and no not because she mentioned boobs,er, well), I was expecting flesh but dang, I need some Clorox eye drops.
Reply
LMAO LUV it!!!!
Reply
[...] really cute-like. She also happens to be in an elite group of people that have written guest posts on SecondHand Tryptophan that have gotten me in trouble with certain networks. Which only serves to make me love her [...]