I was going to write one post but instead you get this one

Hi! So, I’ve been asked and am honored to be a guest poster here in the summer of LOOOOOOVVE.

Is this the part where we all make out now? I shaved my legs just in case.

I had planned on writing a rap about legalizing Marajana Marijana Marjhiana Marijuana but I couldn’t spell it. So I was all “fuck that shit, they probably have their own raps about legalizing Marijuana” so I decided to write about my virgin sex toy experience. Or, future experience.

I don’t know if you know mah 704 beeshes? Maybe you saw us at BlogHer?

That should ring a bell.

We have this website where we are sponsored by Eden Fantasies. Which, you know, is great and all. Except that the actual WORDS “sex toys” makes me blush. I KNOW. Right? I cuss like a fucking trucker but I can’t say Vibrator without turning ten shades of red.

My own grandmother told me once, “You’ve GOT to have a Penis cake at a bachelorette party, Leslie. It’s imperative.” My sweet little 75 year old Grandmother could tell me to get a Penis Cake and I just about had my neck swallow up my head whole.

I’ve been, um, encouraged to just give it a bit of a try. I mean, if a cute little Mormon girl can, why can’t an agnostic trucker-mouth me?

There is no answer to this. Well, maybe there is but it a long, boring background involving being raised by people who think Priests are the moral compass of the world. Cough.

So, lemme as this audience here of dynamic and fun individuals: What would you try first if it was your first… “time”? ‘Cause I’m just about to start clicking things blindly and pick one like the old, “Where to travel to” on a globe. Which just might get me to somewhere like Dubai. Or something lame.

(This post brought to you by Mrs. Flinger and her jacked up multiple personality part-whore-part-OCD-part-shy-part-alcoholic self.)