So there’s Black Belt Mama’s Summer Serenade Contest going on. Someone you know (cough cough hint hint) might be participating with a video. Go vote. I think it’ll very clear WHO you should be voting FOR.
So my mom left this morning before I awoke. She’s outta here for a week, off in Daytona Beach doing arsty craftsy drunky retreaty things with some of her lady friends.
Yeah.
I have the whole house to myself. (This is the part where you say, “Karl is the only fucking nearly 43-year-old in the world that can pull off living with his mother and make it look cool.”)
There will be hookers, drinking, smoking, narcotics, copious amounts of Brittinis, Rastafarianism, orgies that make Caligula look like a virgin, rocking music, lambs and lions getting it on together, breaking of windows, flatulent pyrotechnics, bongs made of Mountain Dew Code Red cans. All for the next. four. days.
You know, till Thursday morning when I leave for Birmingham for KimBerday. That’s gonna be a whole OTHER orgy. My mother may come home to a smoldering crater in the ground. But what a way to go.
PS: You HAVE submitted some dares for my annual Birthday Dares, right? Go. Now. Prizes. Crazy videos. Probable need for me to display my balls for the 4th (?) time. Tell your friends. PLEASE. I need LOTS of dares to choose from!
PPS: This Thursday on SecondHand Radio my guest is the infamous Danny Evans of Dad Gone Mad. Author. Humorist. Swell guy. If you have any questions for Danny, you can submit them here in the comments. Or better yet, show up live Thursday night at 10 EST and ask him yourself.
Yeah. Karl. You’re the only 43-yo I know living with his mother.
That’s it.
You are cool. I haven’t read enough to know if you can make living with mom cool, but you, in and of yourself, are cool.
Did you ever sing Broken Wings for me?
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Thanks. No, I didn’t. I need to learn it. Well, re-learn it.
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So what I’m hearing you say is that Mom’s house is now The Den Of Iniquity?
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Secondhand Karl Reply:
August 17th, 2009 at 12:49 pm
@Mindy, Yes. Wasn’t that clear?
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“Karl is the only fucking nearly 43-year-old in the world that can pull off living with his mother and make it look cool.” Happy now?
Don’t you just love the word Caligula? It’s so fun to say. Have fun!
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Secondhand Karl Reply:
August 17th, 2009 at 12:49 pm
@Wendy, Yes, I do love it.
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Karl, my brother is 47 and living with mom. Don’t feel bad. He doesn’t even get laid virtually!
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Secondhand Karl Reply:
August 17th, 2009 at 12:49 pm
@Kris, Well, I guess I have at least that much.
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I love when my parents go on vacation and I have the house to myself. The next best thing will be when I have my own place again.
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Secondhand Karl Reply:
August 17th, 2009 at 12:49 pm
@Lynda, Amen.
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Wait. How in the hell are we gonna pull off a radio show during Kimberday?? Should be an interesting broadcast from a bar with 20 of my closest drunken friends !!! LOL!!
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Secondhand Karl Reply:
August 17th, 2009 at 12:50 pm
@Kim, Oh, shit. I may have to do the show tomorrow, then. Argh.
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Wow! Karl IS the only fucking nearly 43-year-old in the world that can pull off living with his mother and make it look cool!
Also, I’m trying really hard to think of a suitable birthday dare, but I don’t know if I could ever dream up a stunt that tops the “I Kissed a Girl” video. Your balls are still haunting me. XOXO
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Secondhand Karl Reply:
August 17th, 2009 at 12:51 pm
@Tracy, Yes, I do have haunting balls. Well, you have until the 30th. TELL ALL YOUR FRIENDS! It’s the first post on my blog until the 30th.
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