@ArjBarker is Part of My SecondHand Bucket List

So in less than 12 hours time, I’m heading off on a 9-day visit with some dear friends. First, there’s KimBerday…my friend Kim is having her birthday Thursday. So Happy Fucking Birthday, darlin! I’ll see you very, very soon and can’t wait to hang out naked in the Media Room From God Almighty Himself. Shannon is coming, too, which thrills me immensely.

We’re gonna do the cazh thing and tube down the river with a cooler full of beer, hang in bars, chill at the house, maybe do a little karaoke, I damn well know some Fruity Pebbles are involved, and a pajama movie-watching party but you girls need to know that Karl doesn’t wear pajamas…he only wears boxers. Y’know, that’s how I and my friends roll, yo.

That’s Thursday through Monday. Monday, I fly from Birmingham to Louisville (which is pronounced in many different ways, and they’re all correct, I don’t care what anyone says) for what I’m calling Karltucky because Laci didn’t contribute one damn bit to naming this event.

Nooooo. Wait. I’ve GOT it.

KarlTuckyLoo. Because @laci_LOO, right? Fuck, I am brilliant so often that it shouldn’t surprise me any more; but somehow, I still manage to amaze myself. Ahem. Right.

So Laci and I are going to hang for five days…go to the Kentucky State Fair and eat lots of fried shit involving bacon and chocolate. Go to some lunch cruise thingie down a lengthy body of water. Go to the Improv to see Dave from Flight of the Conchords. Try to talk to Arj Barker at the Improv and get him to be on my show. Maybe harass some of you into harassing @ArjBarker on Twitter until he caves in and comes on my show. Y’know, again, that’s how I roll.

We’re also driving to Cincinnati (which I totally had to spell check because there’s no fucking mnemonic for Cincinnati like there is for Mississippi M-i-s-s-i-s-s-i-p-p-i. well, that’s not really a mnemonic so much as it is just fucking spelling it out rhythmically, but you get what I’m saying. Cincinnati doesn’t have one of those. ) to visit with Sybil Law. Yum.

It’s going to be fun. So no show this Thursday night. I shall far more than likely be incapacitated. And no show NEXT Thursday night, either. I know, my pretties, but I shall be seeing DAVE FROM THE FLIGHT OF THE FUCKING CONCHORDS! But you’d know that if you’d been read — Jesus, you’re skimming me, aren’t you? ME? You dare to skim ME?

Seriously, is this what our relationship has come to? I’m just…stunned.

No, don’t.

Don’t EVEN try to give me the “it’s not you, it’s me” speech. I would hope you’d at least respect my intelligence enough not to go saying THAT bullshit. Because truly? It’s never me when I’m saying that crap…it’s aaaaaaalways you. Don’t refute it. You know that shit’s right.

So my point there, really, is that there will be no more August shows.

My thanks to my guest bloggers again during the final weeks of the Summer of Love 2009. They all rock. Redneck Mommy’s guest post yesterday brought me more traffic than ever before, I’m pretty sure (cuz she’s all popular and shit), and yet I had to remove the ads because of the nudity. *sigh* I feel like singing a popular song now by Alanis Morrissette that is supposed to be full of irony but actually only contains two TRUE ironies in its lyrics, but nevertheless that still seems to be the first thing that pops into my head when someone says “Isn’t it ironic?” and yeah, that does kind of suck.

And how come all the chicks in the BlogHer Ads network get to show their tits all the damn time without worrying about their ads? Huh? The blogger chicks have freaking PARADES of boobs on various sites. A picture of a woman’s ass or her breasts is NOT porn, dammit. Well, it is if the pictures are done right, but that’s really not the point I’m trying to make here. And I’m just teasing, BlogHer Ads gals, really. For the most part.

Right. Soooo. I had a point somewhere. Oh, yeah, I need to pack. Finish laundry. Clearly not in that order.

After getting to know Megan recently and having her on my show, I realized that I need to create my own Bucket List. So I’ve started one in my iPhone and here is the first version thus far. I’ll definitely be updating this as I think of more stuff. But here’s what I came up with during my 10-minute smoke break today. Unedited. Just copy-and-paste.

Clearly needs works, but y’know. I’m just starting. You’re fucking skimming AGAIN, aren’t you?

And now you’ll see why @ArjBarker is on my bucket list.

KARL’S BUCKET LIST

• Great Fucking Road Trip
• Bungee jump
• Meet Flight of the Conchords and get them on my show
• Go to Australia
• Get my own medical marijuana card
• Fix my smile
• Write my story in a book. Have at least one book signing
• Do the largest dancing in my boxers video ever with dozens of women at least
• Have some random stranger recognize me on the street in any place other than home
• Meet Jaime Murray
• Do a video with @jennyonthespot
• Karaoke in Tokyo
• Fall in love and get married
• Party in Vegas
• Get paid to do a talk show on radio