A Real American Hero

Karl is a bit legendary in the blogging world. So much so that any attempt at guest posting here is an exercise in futility and hit count droppage. What can we possibly add to this site that he hasn’t already done? For Karl, nothing is off limits. I’m certainly not daring enough to pull some of the crap that he’s done. I’d like to retain my full-time employment. So why even try? And since Karl, the lazy fucker that he is, refused to ghost write my guest post, I guess I’m stuck doing it.

So I (that would be kapgar to those of you not familiar with me) decided to try and talk about how cool Karl is, despite his reluctance to help a brutha out. But even that’s been done before.

Instead, I’m taking it a step further and talking about him in relation to one of the most widely accepted badasses out there and we shall all see how Karl compares.

10 Ways Karl Kicks Chuck Norris’ Ass:

10. While Chuck is out blasting Democratic health care reform, Karl just says “Fuck it! I don’t need no stinkin’ health care!” And I would guess that working as a professional blogger wouldn’t really offer much in the benefits department anywho. The rest of us, though, could use some help with our vision after all those naked shots of Karl.

9. According to the Chuck Norris Facts List, Chuck can count to infinity twice. Pussy. Karl has found a number well beyond infinity and has masturbated that much… and then some.

8. So what if the boogeyman checks his closet nightly for Chuck Norris, any woman now knows to check EVERYWHERE for Karl before going to bed or else bad things happen.

7. Who cares if Chuck Norris was able to get a Big Mac at Burger King. Has he ever gone through the drive-thru naked?

6. Maybe Chuck Norris always does have sex on the first date. It takes a real man to sleep with three women and not get any. Okay, maybe not.

5. Yeah, Chuck’s tears may cure cancer if he ever cried. But has he had ebola and not only lived to tell about it, but still manage to look as, well, er, Karlish?

4. Chuck Norris drinks napalm to quell his heartburn. Karl’s medical problems? He blogs about them and makes us all suffer. And we still read it. Now that’s real power, baby!

3. When you open a can of whoop-ass, Chuck Norris jumps out. Karl tried this. Turns out it was a can of “stank ass” and it killed everyone within a ten-mile radius. The U.S. Military now has Karl on speed dial.

2. Chuck Norris invented water? So what. Karl invented Phallus.

1. Killing someone with a roundhouse kick is the easy way out. Try being such a good friend that you’re willing to travel cross country in drag with Jacquie and me. Karl has. And we have proof.

Yeah, I got nuthin’. Sorry, dude.