sigh

you know that saying about ‘it’s not what people say, it’s how they make you feel?’

i’m struggling right now. i had a new (RL) friend find me on facebook, then twitter, then find my blog. which would be fine, but i am the kind of person who needs mental tupperware. family and close friends are on my facebook. it’s the place i can post pictures of my kids without worrying they will end up on some porn site or taken by trolls who have a beef with me, my phone number is displayed there, and it’s my little circle of trust beyond offline face-to-face dealings etc. make sense?

twitter is my dumping ground for silly thoughts, random musings and funny quotes my kids have uttered or links i’ve found that i want to share with the people i know from there. i get to be silly with my friends on twitter and i enjoy going on to see what others are up to. i am very careful not to divulge specific things about my family, our location, and our routines. safety first. twitter is for fun, for networking, for less personal things.

my blog? well, lately it’s been good for practicing some deep thoughtful writing when i get the time.  tonight i’m dumping here on karl’s blog because i can’t put this on my own blog.

this new friend is making me feel like crap tonight, for at least the tenth time since we became friends in recent months.  a sampling of the past 6-8 months:

• first it was an odd conversation when i wasn’t aware it was pajama day at school and she made me feel kinda bad for not knowing.  to be fair, we were in the middle of moving and i was driving the kids into our new town from a temporary apartment while our house was being built.  pajama day wasn’t even on my radar.  whoops.  my youngest didn’t even care.
• there were several questions about why i wasn’t going on field trips with my kids.  i work from home and have a business to run.  also, i will fully admit i don’t really do well with OPK (other people’s kids).  when I told her that, I don’t think she was impressed.  oh well, take me at face value lady!
• there were many days that she spent time in the classroom and i stayed home to work – but she made it known what she had done with the class and how much fun my son had.  I was happy that he had fun, truly.  Didn’t need the side order of guilt though.

• then it was a gasp that my husband let my youngest sit on his lap and drive our car from our street into our driveway (seriously folks, mere YARDS) at a very slow speed.  then a “you better not ever let my kid do that while he is at your house!”  like I would.
• then it was flat out NO when i asked to return the favour of a playdate.  several times.  i stopped asking.
• then it was pictures on facebook of my kid at her house playing with playdoh and admonishing me for not allowing playdoh in my brand new home.  look, I did playdoh with my oldest years ago and it’s not my favorite thing to clean up, mmmkay?
• when i did let my youngest play with playdoh at my house (mommy guilt is a powerful thing and he DID have a great time), she commented that his table was too small and that’s why it was all over the floor.
• when i posted a few pictures of my kids on facebook, she commented, “i’m so proud of you for taking your camera and taking pictures!” as if I never do take pictures of my kids.  i simply do not post every fart my kid emits on a social networking website.  it’s not who i am and i don’t need validation at every turn.  also, ‘proud of me?’  am i five?  *sigh* my patience at this point was wearing thin.
• then there were the tweets from her to me regarding specific plans, even my whereabouts (i was alone with kids at the time) that i do not want twitter seeing – several times – and each time i asked her to stop.  i said it in person many times why i don’t want these things twittered, but she kept on.
• when the dog got sick, she twittered that i should call {my town} steam cleaners RIGHT AWAY OMG.  Uhhh…I own a steam cleaner and I don’t appreciate the tweet with my town in it.  and thanks i know how to take care of my house, my dog, my kids…she never stops with the advice!
• When i twittered jokingly about everyone going to blogher to calm down and stop worrying about clothes & shoes, she replied with ’still drama with blogher?’  uhhh i don’t see the correlation and thank you oh-so-much for the awkward position you could be putting me in with blogher.

she does/says all these things with a huge grin on her face.  and i feel like a bitch for wanting her be quiet already and to cram the unsolicited advice up her ass.  but unsolicited advice is SO NOT WANTED, right?

so i emailed her two days ago to tell her why i was removing her from twitter.  i kept to the facts, told her precisely why, and was very nice about it.

nothing.

no response.

for two days.

i figured she was angry.

so i messaged her on facebook to ask if she got the email.  i’m nothing if not forward and i do not beat around the bush.  if i have a problem with someone, i deal with it.

she claimed not to have gotten the email.

so i sent it through facebook.

i got one line back saying she would remove the tweet about blogher and nothing more.

i swear to god, in my next life, PLEASE make me a man.  I want to be able to pee my name in the snow and not have all this bullshit that sometimes comes with having women friends.

i’m not sure what to do now, if anything.

let me say i have been a mother, and a damn good one for a full 6 years longer than her.  i know what my kids like, I know my kids better than anyone and i sure don’t appreciate her making me feel bad about how I parent.  we go outside, we go to the beach, the movies, the museum, the water park and and and I’m explaining myself oops!  Point is, I don’t do the same things she does.  My kids are thrilled with an impromptu dance party or a quick jaunt to a local farm to pick fruit or whatever.  We are a fly by the seat of our pants kinda family, and do not do organized crafts or long well planned trips that are fully documented on facebook.

it’s not what people say, it’s how they make you feel.  indeed.