Hey mom! I got laid!

Hi there. I’m James from over at Within You, Without You, the blog I keep at roadkilltoad.com.  You’ve probably never heard of me, and that’s okay. Statistically speaking, neither has the majority of the planet. So yeah.

Anyway, here I am, having a panic attack because I have no idea what to contribute to Karl’s Summer of Love.

(Hell, I haven’t thrown a decent post into my own blog in weeks and I’m supposed to come up with something here? In a place that isn’t even mine? You don’t ask for much, do you Karl? Wait. …What? I agreed to do this? In advance? Shit. Nevermind.)

So why haven’t I been blogging? Well, it’s because, as I often say [and he does often say it. -- Ed.], “life intrudes”. [he also uses a shitton of commas, the dick. -- Ed.]

See, things were going along smoothly and then I went and found a girlfriend. Big fucking deal, you say. Well, yes, it is.

I’d been single since December of 2004.

Not just single, but …celibate.

No, that’s not a polite euphemism for “can’t get laid”. [ha. whatever, dude. we all know the truth. -- Ed.]

My last relationship was a screaming, explody mess. I decided that I needed to be away from the entanglements and fuckuppery of being “in love” for a while. Somehow (and we’re not quite sure how) that while turned into nearly five years.

I learned a lot about myself in that time. Not just about who I am, but what I had been looking for in a partner. What I will accept in a relationship, and what I willfuckingnot.

It’s funny… Last summer, while visiting my mom, I said: “I wish I could meet a woman who would love me for who I am and not care about my past or my problems.”

Well this past April, that woman arrived in my life. In my blog I call her “E”. [privacy and all that shit, y'know. -- Ed.]

And since she arrived my blogging has slipped by the wayside. Not really sure why that is. Perhaps it’s because I know that most posts would be along the lines of “Happyhappyjoyjoy”. And that gets boring pretty damn quick. [the internet runs on angst and strife, and you fucking know it. -- Ed.] Oh, this isn’t to say we haven’t had the occasional conflict. We both have rooms full of baggage, as most divorced, 40-ish,  single parents do.

And perhaps that’s another reason I haven’t written about the relationship. She reads my blog and I’m aware of that. I don’t want to vent on an issue or recount something and cause any kind of misunderstanding.

Maybe that’s the crux of this post. I’m not an all-hang-out blogger. I blog about personal things, sure. But sometimes I self-censor. Sometimes I just plain redact things. Entire posts have been made private so as not to cause offense or misunderstanding. [silly Libra...always trying to keep the peace and make everyone happy. ...and prone to wandering around lost in a blog post until you stumble across some kind of 'aha' moment. ever heard of just getting to the goddamn point? weirdo. -- Ed.]

Have you, fellow blogger, ever wanted to keep something in your life quiet, keep it close to your vest, so you don’t, shall we say, fuck it up? Lemme tell ya, after one failed marriage and two subsequent failed long-term relationships (go me!), this whateveritis with E is something I’m guarding very closely, while at the same time just letting grow. It is what it is, and it’ll be what it’ll be. *shrug*

So while I am very happy, and while I may brag to you about E’s presence in my life (if we were to meet in person), I’m quiet about it otherwise.

So that’s why I haven’t been blogging.

…Actually, I’m lying.

That’s not why I’ve neglected my blog.

It’s been all the sex.

The glorious, glorious sex.

Amen and amen.