Everything you don’t particularly want to know about Karl, but I am going to tell you anyway…
It’s Dah Summer of Luv and today it’s my turn at Second Hand Tryptophan. Hi, my name is DutchBitch and I am spreading some Dutch Lovin’ on this blog today.
Getting my turn this early in The Summer of Love I figured it is my duty to, again, share some facts about Karl. So y’all know what the hell you are dealing with here. He’s not the sweet, innocent, loveable guy you all think he is. Nu Uh!
So here goes. Everything you don’t particularly want to know about Karl, but I am going to tell you anyway:
If you fuck up Karl in any way, on Facebook, Twitter or anywhere else on the internets, he will find you, hunt you down and shoot you with his “gun”- His Mom is not really his Mom. He’s living with a girlfriend 45 years his senior but just is not telling us
- Apparently his nuts are naturally crossed (eewwwww)
- And apparently he is willing to show me that “live” but I am sure if you ask him nicely he will show you too
- He’s into girls being nutcrushers
- Karl’s nose hairs tickle your cheek when he kisses you (see pic).. At least I HOPE those were his nose hairs…
- Karl can drive 14 hours straight
- Well, with 2,367 pit stops to pee
- He will say that those pit stops are for the person he’s driving with but I know from a reliable source that that is not the case: Karl’s got a bladder the size of a walnut himself
He’s been known to drive thru a drive-thru wearing only diapers- Karl likes to dress up, preferably in drag
- He does all that shit and calls them “Birthday Dares”… yeah.. Uh Huh, we all know that that is just a cover up for doing what he loves to do best
- Whenever you tweet that you are doing anything with less clothing than usual involved, he will request a webcam to be set up
- He thinks that showing off his nuts will pay for pizza delivery
- Nobody know’s where Karl was when MJ died… Do you?
That’s about it for now… I have tons more exhilirating Karl facts but I know your poor hearts can only handle so many at a time. So signing off for now! Enjoy the continuation of the Summer of Love, guys! And Karl? * SMOOCH *
Filed under 100 Things, Guest Post | Comments (18)18 Responses to “Everything you don’t particularly want to know about Karl, but I am going to tell you anyway…”
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I know where Karl was when MJ died, but I have been sworn to secrecy. I will say it does not involve nuts or pizza (at least not together). (Karl, I love your black bra… if that’s a size 34B, I’ll take it, kthxbai)
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July 9th, 2009 at 2:34 pm
@Sassy, That’s actually Mindy’s bra, but she says you’re spot on regarding the size.
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Pppth. Karl has never asked me to set up a webcam when I talk about public nudity and such. I think he just digs the chicks with the accents.
However, he has asked me to take lots of photos, so….
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July 9th, 2009 at 2:35 pm
@Lynda, Don’t go getting all pouty. You haven’t offered the webcam thing, either. Is this relationship nothing but a one-way street?
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Those were not his nose hairs. Really.
And did you ever notice how anytime he does something stupid on his blog, he blames it on a birthday dare despite the fact that we can now pretty safely prove that his birthday, by his accounts, falls on about 9 out of 12 months of the year?
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July 9th, 2009 at 2:36 pm
@kapgar, I just believe in spreading out the birthday joy, that’s all.
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Why, Dutchy… you should get a job at the gossip tabloids! Your investigative reporter skills are excellent!! Is De Telegraaf hiring? Or perhaps Privé?
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I read this whole post, but cannot remember a word that you wrote because of that picture of Karl in the bra. Me-ow!
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July 9th, 2009 at 2:36 pm
@Finn, Oh, you say that to ALL the guys in drag.
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You forgot to mention the gropes he gets in with the excuse of “hugs and kisses”!
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July 9th, 2009 at 2:37 pm
@metalmom, Hey! You said you LIKED that.
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After reading the above, I’m now thinking of that Mounds/Almond Joy jingle “Sometimes you feel like a nut, sometimes you don’t”
I learned a lot today.
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Sassy: I think Karl’s a bit bigger than a “B” but just guessing
Lynda: Did you point out the Dutch connection? LOL
kapgar: So WHAT was it? And yes, I noticed, heh…
Dave2: What makes you think I don’t work for them already?
Finn: Hot right!?
metalmom: Yeah, I’ll do that next year, when I come back for the 2010 issue of Summer of Love. I didn’t think anyone could take anymore of this stuff right now…
martymankins: LOL good! Glad I could be of service
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Dutchy, darling, you rock. Read this last night over at a friend’s house and you had us both crying with laughter.
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July 10th, 2009 at 4:31 am
@Secondhand Karl, Awwww Thanks Hon!!
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Hahahahaha! How did I miss this before?!!!
Another Karl fact:
Everytime someone says “nuts”, he jizzes in his pants. True story.
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LOL… good info !!
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Now see I was okay even through the drag pic and the Sybil’s comment made me SNARF
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