Looking Forward to Smoking the Blue Grass
So in a little over four hours, I’ll be hitting the road for Orlando to pick up Jill. We’ll dine, then slam I-75, bound for ConFab in Lexington, Kentucky. All-nighter, baby! Looking forward to it, never been to Kentucky, and many of my favorite people will be there.
I need this badly. The last week has been Depression Central for me and, as they say, I’m sick and tired of being sick and tired. Seems like the littlest things set me off this week, as is evidenced by my AT&T Rant on Tuesday. But I stand by it, or rather, I refuse to pull the post. That’s Rule #1 here at 2HT. Never pull a post. If I pulled all the posts that I felt like pulling, there’d be little left here.
Just read an amazing post by PSU Mom regarding her own battle with depression and if I didn’t know any better, I’d swear the woman was reading my mind.
Despite my smartassedness on Twitter and here (I can talk a mighty good game), I’m quite the hermit most of the time, and a lot of that is due to the depression and the social phobia. I don’t know which feeds which, but they’re so melded together at this point, that I’m not sure it matters. The end result is still the same.
It’s healthy to mix with people. I’ve been told that by countless therapists, psychiatrists, social workers, and many others with indecipherable initials after their names. I KNOW it’s important to be social, but unless you battle depression and social phobia, you have no idea how HARD it is to do so.
Thank God for the Interwebs. It’s my way of socializing most of the time. And it’s because I’ve met such amazing people on the Net that I push myself to go to blogger parties like ConFab and TequilaCon and BlogHer, even though a large part of me cringes and cowers mentally in the corner before (and often during) these events. More than once, I’ve retreated to my hotel room during a session or two at BlogHer, just because I’m so overwhelmed.
Lord knows I’ve considered rescinding my RSVP for ConFab dozens of times for various reasons. Thankfully, Jill is depending on me to drive to Kentucky and others are depending on me to pick them up at Blue Grass Airport tomorrow morning, or else I probably would just stay home. All the while regretfully reading the ConFab attendees’ tweets and blog posts and seeing their Twitpics and Flickr photos in the coming days.
So going is important for me. I usually leave these things feeling refreshed and pumped up, even if the effects are temporary. I’m sure I’ll have a marvy time hanging with most everyone. Once I get there and start mingling and laughing, it’ll all be good. The jitters and anxiety will take their 48-hour pass and fuck off for a while.
Right? Say “right.”
Feel free to follow me on Twitter for all the exciting Tweets from ConFab, and maybe search Twitter, too, for the #ConFab hashtag because lots of other folks will be live-Tweeting.
Filed under Depression, Local Goings On, Tech | Comments (19)19 Responses to “Looking Forward to Smoking the Blue Grass”
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Hello?
*pixie*´s last blog ..Twitter Mosaics
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June 11th, 2009 at 12:23 pm
@*pixie*, Sorry, there was a hiccup with the Twitter mosaic I tried to include. I removed it and we’re back!
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Wooooooohooooooo for escaping reality! I’m right there with you!
Sheila (Charm School Reject)´s last blog ..Riding At Night Cuz I Work All Day
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June 11th, 2009 at 12:24 pm
@Sheila (Charm School Reject), Amen, sistah!
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I’ve never battled any serious depression issues, so you are right in that if you’ve not been there before, it’s hard to understand. I’ve lived with someone that did for a long time and watched a steady decline with that person. Social settings are difficult and awkward and they can be both helpful and harmful.
When I met you in person at TC09, I had no idea (other than what you’ve blogged about here) that you dealt with depression issues. Socially, you mix well with a crowd of knowns and unknowns.
Have fun at ConFab. Take lots of pics and tweet often for those of us that can’t be there.
martymankins´s last blog ..Scooter Sunday – Season 2 Ep. 06
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June 11th, 2009 at 12:34 pm
@martymankins, I think many of us who struggle with depression and social anxieties learn to put up a good front. But there’s a lot of mental preparation, working yourself up to going, talking yourself out of NOT going.
There will be much Tweetage, no worries.
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I’m having trouble too, with the whole thing. So, you’re in good company. I think if I could get a refund on my ticket, I’d back out at this very moment.
Kyra´s last blog ..In The Decade
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June 11th, 2009 at 1:34 pm
@Kyra, Oh no you don’t! We’ll keep each other sane, dammit.
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One of the reasons I decided to get a room instead of staying with Brad and Liz was because I *know* that big group of people is going to overwhelm me. I may have to find a place to hide if it gets to be too much.
Even though I am excited to go, a part of me still is saying, “What the hell am I doing?” I am REALLY looking forward to meeting you though.
Lynda´s last blog ..My Dog is Broken: A Shitty Story
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June 11th, 2009 at 2:03 pm
@Lynda, I hear ya. Totally. See you VERY soon!
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I don’t tweet or post much about this stuff, but I have some of the same issues: Major depression and social anxiety. Thus the meds, thus the brief stint in a hospital last year (which I think I’ve mentioned on Twitter a couple times). Something like Confab, Baby! would make me absolutely insane with social anxiety. Even family get-togethers do that to me (well, for different reasons, but the result is the same).
So I’m glad to hear you’re forcing yourself to do this. It’ll be hard, at first and from time to time. But you’ll be really glad you did
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Trish/Astrogirl426´s last blog ..The Garden, Acts I and II
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I still find it odd when you write about stuff like this. Every time I’ve met you, you’ve been one of the most outgoing people I’ve ever encountered. Then I see you make videos and insert photos on your blog that even the most enthusiastic exhibitionist would think twice about posting. I’d hate to see what you’d be like WITHOUT a “social phobia!”
BTW… Something is wrong with your meta keywords. They are not only publishing in your webfeed, but are packed with tons of unrelated keywords to your entry? If you’re trying to do search engine optimization, you might want to look into it, because I think you get penalized for that?
Dave2´s last blog ..Graduation
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Dude.
You KNOW how nervous I get!
See you soon.
xo
Sybil Law´s last blog ..Headache
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Karl, I hope you have a FABULOUS time in KY! Hang in there, hon. You’re not alone.
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I, too, think you do just fine, darlin’. And I’m sorry I won’t get to see you in action at ConFab. Next time, next time.
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Thanks for the link. I’m sorry that you have to know how it feels. I wouldn’t wish it on anyone.
Take it easy.
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Jeez, Dave, don’t depress him with all your meta keyword talk!
whall´s last blog ..i shud haz ifone?
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Consider me just one more social worker telling you that “it’s healthy to mix with people”. Now, if only I could take my own advice!
As so many of my IRL family and friends like to tell me, most bloggers have some sort of social anxiety, phobia, or disorder. Nice huh? I wonder if it’s true?
Good luck at the conference! Stay out of the corner.
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I for one am super duper happy you came to ConFab.
I’m having the problems now, the post-anxiety.. falling into my hole… not gonna pop my head up for awhile.
So please be patient for me on the video.
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