TequilaCon 09: Friday – We Don’t Need No Steenking Sleep!

I fully intended to write blog posts on the road, but we all know about intentions and roads, so…

If you’re looking for stories about me getting hammered and peeing on the hotel rug, along with a little semi-private masturbation, sorry to disappoint. I was a (relatively) good boy this year. Plus, I didn’t have a roommate at TequilaCon, due to mine suddenly falling off the Earth. So really, there was no one to perform for.

A week ago Thursday night, I had my radio show as scheduled (10pm Eastern). This may have been a bad decision, since I had to leave my house 5 hours after the show was over, heading out for Orlando airport. It’s a 90-minute drive from Sebring. So I didn’t go to bed Thursday night.

Important Lesson to Self: Never ever again schedule a 6:45am flight.

I’m a last-minute packer, through and through. Think I finished up right about 15 minutes before leaving the house. Made it to Orlando airport with plenty of time to spare.

Seems like you see two kinds of people at Orlando airport: those who are getting off the plane to go to Disney World, and those that have just been to Disney World and are going back home. You can usually identify the latter by the ubiquitous Mickey/Minnie ears atop their heads. That, and the little girls all seem to sport hot pink Disney princess backpacks, which cost a reasonable $875 at any Disney gift shop.

I could regale you with interesting stories about my flight to Dallas/Ft. Worth, or my subsequent flight from there to Albuquerque, but I was asleep for both flights. All my interesting airport/plane stories were relegated to 140-character anecdotes.

I landed in Albuquerque around 11:30 am, Mountain time. And who should be waiting for me at the bottom of the baggage claim stairs? It was my lovely Geeky Tai Tai! Diana had flown in the night before and stayed in a local hotel. She had booked a shuttle from ABQ to Santa Fe, but when I told her I had rented a car, she got a refund for half her round-trip shuttle ticket, and drove with me to Santa Fe instead.

It was marvelous to have the company on the hour drive. We were some of the first people to make it to our hotel (Santa Fe Hilton), so we checked in, dropped off our bags in our rooms, and then set off for some lunch because I was starving. One of the amazing staffers at the Hilton recommended this place called The Shed for good Mexican food, so that’s where Diana and I went.

I vowed before leaving Orlando for NM that I would eat nothing but New Mexican cuisine while there. Why? Because there is nothing like fantastic Mexican food and I live in a little tiny town in Florida.

Turns out it was a mistake to drive my rental car into the historic district, but we made due. It was the last time I drove my rental car until I left Santa Fe Sunday afternoon.

The Shed rocks. Very cool bar/restaurant. Diana and I waited for a table at the bar, starting things off with margaritas. Then to our table, where Diana drank another margarita. And another.

Food was amazing. Green chili sauce, red chili sauce…we both had both on our enchiladas. The waiter called this sauce combo “Christmas,” as in “You want the Christmas enchiladas?” Yum.

Back to the hotel, where Rachel and Robin were waiting. Naturally, within 15 minutes of Diana and I leaving The Shed, Ren tweeted that he was at The Shed, looking for us. Oops.

We quickly discovered a fatal flaw of Santa Fe…many of the bars shut down super early. Like 10 or 11pm. An emergency tribunal was called, where we decided to go and procure alcohol to thwart such silly Santa Fe alcohol rules. And talk about amazing service…the manager of the Hilton hooked us up with a driver and van to take us to Albertson’s and buy some liquor.

Then it was back to the Hilton to consume said alcohol, naturally. We sat around the pool, meeting up with Whall and Ren. And I baptized my shoes with Guinness a couple of times…every time I opened a can, it went spewing all over the place. Guinness, you saucy wench, you!

Then Poppy and Dawg showed up, just in time for us to continue gearing up for BeerHer. It was starting to get a little cooler as we passed 6pm. I’d forgotten about the drastic New Mexico temperature swings…80’s during the day, 30’s at night! So while we regathered around the poolside fireplace, I zoomed up to my room to get a jacket.

Shortly after that, the lovely Sarah showed up and we were all set to cab it out to the Santa Fe Brewing Company. Off we went and a good time was had by all.

Marty showed up with his wife, Reba, after a while. Great to meet Marty after being a long-time fan. Sarah had her very first beer. Rachel constantly showed off her boobs, which is apparently her signature move, as you can see in the various assorted pictures of her over the course of the weekend. Ren, Whall, Dawg, and others talked cameras a while. Some of us talked geeky stuff. Diana and I danced to this cool soul/motown band, even did this Conga line with a bunch of other folks to the tune of  “Love Train.”

I give the Santa Fe Brewing company 5 out of 5 WJP’s. Good beer, though you kind of have to experiment, since they brew their own beer. Poppy was a brave soul with the Java Stout…I just can’t picture beer and coffee combined. I have too many bad memories of Coke Blak.

Great food, I had the sweet potato fries with these yummo horseradishy chipotleyey sauce. Poppy’s green chili fries looked amazing, too, but she’s even more of a militant non-food-sharer than I am.

I also have this thing about not sharing drinks. In fact, I’d share all my food before sharing a drink with someone, usually. But there ARE exceptions. Like when Sarah said she’d NEVER had a beer before, I let her try my pale ale (freshly served, hadn’t had a sip yet). What? A beer virgin? That’s like DefCon 1 on the Beer Scale.

Then I promptly turned the glass around and drank from the other side. It was amazing we were able to revive Poppy, because the sight of me sharing a drink out of the same glass made her faint. Sadly, I don’t think she’ll ever see me in the same light again.

Between 11 and midnight, most of us were rather beat. Hell, Wayne and Ren, and Marty and Reba DROVE to TequilaCon. A group of us left to go back to the hotel. Another group stayed behind a while before going out to the casino.

And for me, once I got back to the Hilton that night, that was it for the day.

BTW, I give the Santa Fe Hilton 4 out of 5 WJP’s. Amazing staff and service, great room, but they fall short on a couple of items. First of all, when I’m paying $150 a night for a hotel room, I don’t think I should have to pay an extra $15/night for a little fridge. I’m not REQUIRED to store my insulin in a fridge, but still.

Second, the fact that they charge you $10/day for Internet is ludicrous. And that’s not even wifi…it’s Ethernet. Which is fine – I always carry a cable with me in my laptop bag. But ALL hotels should give free Internet these days. Yes, they had free wifi in the lobby, but what the fuck? I paid only $44/night for the White Sands Motel in Alamogordo a few days later…and the room came with a fridge, a microwave, AND free wifi.

So get your shit together, Hilton. A “luxury” hotel shouldn’t go bilking customers for things that ought to be included with the room.

PS: One-ply toilet paper at the Hilton? SERIOUSLY?!

Day 2, Saturday, tomorrow.