Faiqa, Eternity, and the Nipple Markers
So…the doctor on Monday. Yeah, I went. If you’ll recall, I got a call a week before, telling me that the doctor wanted to speak to me about my MRI results. Weird, since I never had an MRI, but the receptionist said, “Well, whatever tests you just had, she wants to discuss the results.”
And that appointment was Monday. The cardiac stress test came out just fine. It’s the chest xray that is iffy. See, I’m a smoker. Still. So they wanted to get a look at my lungs from the inside out. And the results came back inconclusive. They found this little teeny 8mm spot, but because my left nipple is inconveniently located right where my left nipple is located, it’s inconclusive.
Now they have to get all fancy and take another series of chest xrays with “nipple markers.” I’m not making that up. They have nipple markers. I don’t know what that means, but I’m imagining they’re going to color my nipples with washable Crayola markers. I’ll probably have that done this month some time.
I’d feel totally comfortable with the xray thingie, if not for one little thing. My doctor, out of the blue, asks me, “Do you mind if I ask you a personal question?”
Are you dating anyone?
Is it okay if I take off all my clothes?
Do you want to see me touch my ankles to my ears?
“Sure, go ahead,” I said.
“If you found out that this was going to be your last day on Earth, would you know where you are going to spend eternity?”
Um, what?
It took me a moment. I was kind of stunned, to be honest. I’ve never had a doctor ask me that, and I’ve been to a lot of doctors.
“I think so, yes,” I answered.
“You do?”
“Yeah.”
“OK. Good.”
And that was that. No explanation for her question, nothing. And I didn’t ask. But it sure seems like a fucked up question to ask when you have a little 8mm spot on your chest xray that is inconclusive. Well, let’s face it…it’s not a question your doctor is probably supposed to ask you, period.
Didn’t offend me. It just shocked me. So I’ll be back there later this month, I’m sure, after more chest xrays.
Which goes hand-in-hand with the Neverending Dental Adventure. Izzy and I were talking dental work in Tampa last week. She said she’s not one of those wacko people that brushes her teeth in public. Then she asked me if *I* was, and I said, “I just told you I’m in need of $8,000 in dental work. It’s not because I’m brushing my teeth in public.”
I have gum disease because I never floss. I’ve always viewed flossing as a chore akin to cleaning out my car. Except, well, I occasionally clean out the car. It’s rare, but it happens. You’d think after 5-1/2 years of orthodontic work, I’d take better care of my teeth. I may be a genius, but that doesn’t mean I’m smart.
So I had part 2 of 4 in the gum scraping/cleaning routine on Tuesday and I have to say it’s surprisingly not bad. Having avoided the dentist like the plague in my adult years – granted, that’s mostly due to me not having insurance…or an income until recently – I am amazed at how good a dentist I found in town. And I’m totally crushing on my dental hygienist. Course, she’s married. But I’m often crushing on married women.
Which brings me, naturally, to Faiqa. She’s beautiful, she’s funny, she possesses a dazzling intellect. She’s almost perfect. She lacks perfect perfection because she’s married to the wrong man, but that’s nothing a hitman can’t solve.
Where Karl wants to be
And tonight, I’ll have Faiqa just where I want her. On my lap. Oh, no. Sorry, that’s in my head.
No, she’s my guest on tonight’s episode of SecondHand Radio! I hope you’ll join us at 10pm Eastern time for a fun-filled hour of conversation. You’re all free to join us in the chatroom, call in to talk to us, or just listen for your enjoyment.
And if you can’t be around tonight for the live show, you can always download it for listening later. The podcast is available, both at Talkshoe and at iTunes. Just search for SecondHand Radio and you’ll find me there. Or click the handy “2HR on iTunes” button in my blog’s sidebar. That’ll take you right to it!
Anything you want to ask Faiqa? Be there tonight. I hear she’ll be naked.
Filed under 2HRadio, Local Goings On, Weblogs | Comments (28)28 Responses to “Faiqa, Eternity, and the Nipple Markers”
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That is seriously fucked up! But at least she didn’t suggest you get your affairs in order.
Hope the tiny spot turns out to be a bug on the lens.
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Yay for Faiqa on your show! I wish I wasn’t working so I could listen live..but a download would have to do.
And that is seriously one fucked up question to ask. I can’t believe she asked that. Crazy.
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After that conversation, I’d be wondering about the doctor’s commitment to the “First do no harm….” thing they swear to. Dude, a question like that would be damaging to my psyche until all the tests were complete.
Major party foul!!!
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Not cool. That your doctor asked you that and you didn’t threaten to whack her across the head.
Not cool. That you just threatened to take a hit out on my husband.
Not cool. That you said I’d be naked.
But, yet, somehow, I still think you’re cool.
Life is funny.
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What the fuck kind of doctors do you have in the US? Seriously? She asked you about “eternity” and “last day on earth” right after discussing a spot on your lung?
(Also? Crayola markers on nipples? My daughter can do that. You don’t need no medical license to do that.)
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Maybe they performed some Magic Resonance Imaging on you — they kind where they don’t have to put you in a tube.
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Sorry Karl, just wanted to know where you were going to spend eternity. I didn’t know that was such a freaky question to ask.
Oh! how I crack myself up
Really though, how weird there wasn’t a follow up to that question.
I couldn’t listen to Britt & Adam’s show last night because the sound wouldn’t work. I’d better be able to listen tonight. I love me some Faiqa! If I have the same trouble again, I will just call in and listen that way.
Talk to you tonight.
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Very weird about the doctor’s question. I hope everything turns out okay. I had a cigarette last night for the first time in… ages… and now I read this, and I’m immediately walking into the kitchen and running the remaining cigs in the pack under water and tossing them.
Thinking about you / praying for you,
~Jess
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Um, wow. That’s completely inappropriate from your doctor…
I hope that inconclusive spot is nothing and you get some good news soon.
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SJ – Yeah, it is kind of fucked up. I hope so, too.
Sarah – It didn’t bother me, really. She did ask me if it was okay to ask me a personal question first.
Blondefabulous – Heh, yeah, kind of a foul. But I like her. It didn’t really hit me how weird a question it was until later.
Faiqa – I was totally kidding about you being naked, silly. I know you’ll be wearing your naughty schoolgirl outfit.
SciFi Dad – She seriously did. And your daughter is hired.
Delmer – Ah ha! THAT’S what it was.
Janelle – Well, if you can’t get the audio to work, you can always call in to the show and I’ll just leave you on mute so you can listen.
Jess – Hey there! Yeah, I should do the same. My plan now is to make it happen on New Year’s.
Suze – thanks. Apparently everyone else is more ticked off about the question than I am.
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Somehow someone who would ask a question of that nature in that situation makes me question their intelligence. Something like if they are going to ask something like that they this they *KNOW* about eternity. I doctor who thinks they know something intrinsically unknowable is sort of scary. Like the doctors who really thought bloodletting was a good idea. Whatever you do don’t let her come near you with leaches!
The markers are tape arrows if they use the same ones as in a mammogram. At least you won’t be getting anything sensitive squished.
Really I am hoping for your Okayness and quitsmokingness. Good luck Karl.
Can I call in to listen? I always thought I couldn’t listen because of satellite! Oh Joy can I ? Can I?
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Interesting doctor you have. Are you keeping her or finding a new one? Anyway, I got a major case of the giggles imagining someone drawing with markers on your nipples:) Seriously though, I do hope that everything comes out perfectly! (hugs)
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The nipple markers are little stickers with metal bbs on them that will show where the nips are — just like on a mammogram.
Inconclusive could mean anything. The found something on Lil’ M’s lung during a scoliosis scan. Several years and many, many tests later no one has a clue what it is. Probably scar tissue from his breathing tube after he was born.
Hope yours is nothing too. I’ll put a good word in for you with the big guy.
Oh, and your Dr. is a bint. Not for asking the question so much as the timing.
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What an obnoxious question to ask!
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Yeah, I was going to mention the tiny BBs that they have used to mark my nipples during my mammograms. It’s quite a unique feeling to say the least.
It sounds like your doctor is on an evangelistic kick, but that was highly inappropriate and unprofessional to ask you that question…especially during an examination, and *especially* in light of the findings.
I know you like her, but if it were me, I would report her to the hospital’s Medical Ethics Committee…but I know you won’t because you are sweet that way. However, there may be other patients who will be seriously traumatized by that line of questioning, especially if she springs that on them after such an ominous test finding. Hopefully, somebody will stop her in her tracks the next time she decides to talk about “eternal life” while practicing medicine…or at least during business hours.
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That doctor souns bizarre. Seriously. I have been to a lot of doctors and never once had that asked!
For what it’s worth, I have had a “little something” in my lung since the cancer scan 3 years ago. They don’t know what it is, we follow it with ct scans, and since it hasn’t changed, we don’t need to do anything about it. If it ever changes, they will biopsy it or take it out or something but for now it’s ok. I hope yours is nothing and just a shadow from your nipple. Can that happen? Let’s hope!
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Pocket CT – Yeah, you can call in to listen. If you don’t want me to bring you on the air, just let me know. I can keep you on mute, which seems a very odd place for Pocket CT to be.
And no leeches.
Becky – I’m keeping her. I wasn’t offended in the least that she asked me that, though I can imagine a lot of my friends would be. People that aren’t religious or spiritual would definitely take offense.
Finn – Yeah, she definitely doesn’t have great timing.
Avitable – I can see how you think so. I was more taken aback than anything. It was only in retrospect that I even thought how it was a fucked up question.
Ginger – I’m too nice to report her. She’s been a good doctor for me. She asked me if it was okay to ask me a personal question and I said yes. Kind of opened me up for most any question, I guess.
Tori – Yeah, I hope so, too. Geez, I’m wondering why I’m NOT offended.
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Hmmm… sounds like your doctor was gonna preach to you about giving your life to Jesus or something then changed their mind.
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Wow…I would have been very put off if my doctor asked me that question. You definitely handled it better than I would have.
As for your tests, I hope they all go well. My husband had a similar scare several years ago, but the spot was determined to be a weird bit of scar tissue. I hope yours is a nipple!
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I would have thought the doctor’s question was a little inappropriate. Later, I would probably think of at least 50 smart-ass answers.
Are you sure they’re not planning to pierce your nipple?
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Dude!
Your doctor is a freak!
Nipple markers is hilarious. I wonder if they’ll have tassles on them?!
I can’t believe I missed Faiqa.
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Sorry I missed last night.
Well, actually, I didn’t miss but I did show up insanely late.
I will try to do better next week!
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The nipple markers are made with Sharpie King Size Permanent marker, but think of them as a conversation piece the next time you walk around shirtless.
The question is odd. Maybe she wanted to witness to you and you cut her off at the knees with your reply.
Healthy thoughts coming your way (and a few giggles at you walking around with big Sharpies dots on your nipples.)
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1. that’s got to be the most unprofessional question i have ever heard . . . perhaps you should report him to the AMA
2. you probably know that smoking increases the risk of periodontal disease, so, um, you should quit
3. nipple markers(at least for mammograms)may be going the way of the horse and buggy. . . we should figure out a way to market the future surplus!!
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Twinkie – It’s possible. She would have been preaching to the choir, though.
Tracy – Thanks. There’s not much that offends me.
Little Miss Sunshine – Yeah, it was inappropriate. But even doctors are fallible.
Sybil Law – You can still listen to the show. And I kind of like freaks.
Sheila – No prob…you can download it for later listening.
Janer – Good point. Maybe I did cut her off at the pass.
Liz – 1. Yeah, unprofessional, but I’m not reporting her. I like her. 2. I know, and I’m going to. 3. I’m looking forward to the markers.
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i think your doc wanted to talk to you about the power of prayer. did you happen to ask her, after you said you had thought about it, if she had?
eyes, fingers, toes and legs crossed that your tests come back normal and negative and everything they should. scary to have to wait for the good news, though. not cool!
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Save those nipple markers for your next party. You’ll be a conversation piece! Best of luck on your next test. Hopefully it will be a big fat nothing!
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Hello – no, never asked her any followups to that.
Wendy – Heh, they asked if I wanted to take some home. I said no.
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