This Post is Pointless
So the other day – as I am sometimes wont to do – I woke up rudely after falling out of bed. I like to say “wont” every so often. It’s a word not used enough. At any rate, I fell out of bed because I had this vicious nightmare. And I hit my head. And it hurt like hell.
It doesn’t help that my bedroom is a war zone. Debris all over the floor. It’s bad. It looks like the inside of my head, a total fucking mess.
I’m not sure exactly what I hit with my head. It might have been the corner of my nightstand, it might have been the surge protector strip on the floor, with all the power chargers and their sharp square edges. I don’t know.
What I do know is that I got right back into bed and went to sleep because I’ve been having bouts of insomnia again. And when I woke up there was blood on my pillow. I hit myself right in the middle of the forehead and now there’s a little scab there where my brain cells were leaking out.
I have frequent nightmares. It sucks. It’s always been that way for me, ever since I can remember. They often involve monsters, giant snakes, evil people chasing me. It’s very unsettling. They can be quite vivid. I won’t regale you with any further details because I HATE when people talk about their fucking dreams in blogs. Or books. Or TV shows. Or movies. You do, too, and you know it. Dreams are boring. Unless they’re yours. The only person that should hear about your dreams is your therapist, and that’s only because you’re paying them to suffer through your boring life.
But something that my very first phsychiatrist told me has stuck with me. I mean, besides “Dude, your life sucks.”
Did you know that the average person has one nightmare a YEAR? A year. That freaking blew my mind. I figured everyone had maybe three or four a month. I have three or four a WEEK.
Which brings me back to the first thing he told me. My life sucks. Not all the time, mind you, but definitely during my sleeping hours. And yeah, a lot of the time during the waking hours, too.
I don’t know where I’m going with all of this, but the nightmares have been on my mind lately.
Then an ex-girlfriend called me out of the blue last night. She’s The One That Got Away. Several Times. I have a weird thing with some of my ex-girlfriends, where I still have some form of contact with them. This can be confusing and awkward at times. I kind of prefer just totally cutting exes from my life. I don’t like to be faced with all of my past mistakes.
Not that the girlfriends were mistakes. I mean, all of the mistakes I made in all of those relationships. Granted, I know a lot more than I did then. I’m much more enlightened, self-aware, versed in communicating my feelings. In other words, I’ve had way too much fucking therapy. In many ways, I’m a woman’s wet dream now. I don’t like sports, which frees up a lot of my leisure time. I’m pretty funny when I want to be. I’m a good listener most of the time, unless you catch me in the middle of one of my favorite TV shows. And I have no aversion to going Downtown.
Then again, I’m 42 and live with my mother. Which kind of erases all the shit in the previous paragraph.
So I caught up with my ex-girlfriend for a while. Haven’t talked in a couple of years. She still lives in Dallas and I tried to arrange something with her when I was there in May. Just didn’t happen because she’s one of those people that doesn’t check their email every day. I don’t understand that mindset. Shit, I check mine every five minutes! Course, I live and work through the Internet, so that makes sense.
Anyway, I just got to thinking about her all over. Sometimes I think back about our long relationship and really miss her a lot. Well, I miss the good times. I don’t miss the crappy bits. She’s gorgeous and funny and one of the very few people on this planet that truly gets me. Hell, she got me when *I* didn’t get me. I can count on one hand the number of people I can say that about.
I guess what this all leads to is the fact that I miss having someone who gets me. I also don’t like hitting my head as a means toward waking up.
Yeah, there’s really no point to this post. What, you’re surprised?
Filed under Depression, Local Goings On | Comments (28)28 Responses to “This Post is Pointless”
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Ouch. Nothing else…..just ouch.
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Is your head OK?
I share my dreams because they run like movies. I love reading about dreams, too. I know, I’m strange, but at least I figured out a while ago that people hate reading dreams on blogs.
Nightmares usually stem from stress. It’s your mind’s way of coping with and preparing for it by giving you ‘run through’ scenarios.
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I had this nightmare where you were dressed up in a girl’s outfit with makeup and everything and your nuts were hanging out and you were dancing.
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This post is brilliant.
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That’s a lot of nightmares. Wow.
I have crazy-ass dreams every single night, but I haven’t had a nightmare like you describe in about 5 or 6 years. And maybe only a half-dozen like that in my entire adult life.
And my life ain’t all that great either.
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I don’t like to be faced with all of my past mistakes.
TRUE STORY. (also, i really like that picture of you.)
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I guess I should get hopping on that therapy then because a successful night for me is 4 straight hours of sleep and only two nightmares in that time period.
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For some reason I stopped remembering my dreams a few months ago. They just started being re-memorable within the last week.
You know what? YOU should go see a Tarot reader.
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A piece of advice you didn’t ask for: Don’t just get with a girl because you don’t like being alone. Get with her because you like her. I had a 10-year relationship with a man who was only with me because he didn’t want to be alone.
And put mats down on the floor.
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wow, so what i hear you saying is that post i made about that really vivid sex dream is boring? see, i have to stop doing that. ok. so noted.
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That beard looks really butch, but I don’t know if they’d like it Downtown.
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I think this is a great post–not pointless at all.
Also, I really like the facial hair look you’ve got going!
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Time to line the sides of your bed with pillows. Sorry about all those nightmares. Dude, that is alot!
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One a year? Man, I’m way over quota. I have about two a week (that I’m aware of). Of course, I’m fucked in the head, too, so whatever.
I just recently found my “one that got away” on facebook, of all places. I was embarrassed to put my picture out there, because, face it, I’m no prize. But then I saw his and that night I posted more profile pics. *snerk*
Yeah – weird shit that goes through our minds, eh?
Feel better, sport. No more brain cell leakage, k?
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What Poppy said
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I don’t have nightmares often but when I do they are doozies and sometimes end up being prophetic.
It’s too bad she “got away” cos I’ve found that it is extremely rare to find someone who actually “gets” us and, like you, I let the one person that “got” me get away. What we wouldn’t give to know then what we know now.
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Karl, this is the most interesting thing I have read in quite a long time. I totally get it. Thanks for the smile.
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I’m not surprised that this post was pointless. I READ it! You warned me!
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am i the only one who actually enjoys hearing (reading) about the dreams and nightmares of others?
huh.
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LOL@ Adam.
I’m sorry about your head.
And I wish I could make your nightmares go away. That is very sad.
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I fell out of bed the other day. Well not so much fell as was PUSHED OFF my bed by my dog who realized that it fucking gets cold at night now and decided he didn’t quite have ENOUGH of my blankets.
I’m just glad it wasn’t on a test day.
I totally know how you feel about cutting exes out of your life. While I technically don’t have any exes, I have a few almosts and we are all friends. There are points when I look at them, talk to them, and I miss having a person. Especially when all my friends around me are getting married or having babies.
But then one of those boys will belch and I get over it.
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No, hello haha narf, you’re not the only one who enjoys hearing/reading about the dreams and nightmares of others. I find it interesting, too.
Hell, I even record them in my blog (to Karl’s SHOCK&HORROR&BOREDOM) because, hey, it’s *my* blog.
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Regarding “Wont”: During out separation I happened across something from my ex to a friend of hers in which she said, “Mr. Wells called but I saw him on the caller ID and didn’t answer as I’m wont to do.” So now, every time I see that word I think of that. In other words, the ex has ruined “wont” for me. (I’m working on getting over it.)
Regarging “I HATE when people talk about their fucking dreams in blogs”: Dammit! I feel like I’m letting you and RunJenRun down. I’ve got a dream post coming up this week … mostly I like to see how they match up with what’s going on in my life.
I woke up one morning with a cut toe and blood on my sheets. I’d gotten up in the night, walked around the room in my sleep, and knocked a phone (back when they were heavy) off a table onto my foot. The toe bashing had not woke me up.
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One nightmare a year???? Then clearly I am not in the norm here. I have such vivid nightmares at least 4 nights a week. I wake up exhausted and terrified. One that I have pretty often involves me being locked in a box. I’m pretty sure I can figure out what is behind that one. I much prefer the sex dreams that are alse pretty vivid.
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Wow, I’m always amazed that the posts which I think are absolute drivel get the most responses. Go figure.
And I’m not about to get with someone just because I’m lonely. That’s why I’m alone. I don’t just pick women up for the hell of it. Damn scruples.
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[...] not. You can’t predict that shit, I don’t care what we’re talking about. My last post? I thought it sucked. Thanks for all the cool [...]
I have frequent nightmares about being in the hospital last year. I just chalk it up to PTSD. It’s still not comforting but at least I know where it’s stemming from.
I totally get what you are saying about “the one” who “gets” you. I have one of those ex’s. We recently have been in contact with each other since I became ill and he still “gets” me. Weird 15 years later.
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Lisa – I have no doubt you have nightmares. Shit, girl, what you’ve been through would give ANYONE PTSD. And yeah, the ones who “get” you…it’s almost freaky.
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