Barack Obama Stole My Car Keys

I’m not joking. The punk is directly responsible for me losing my car keys at his big rally Saturday. And also responsible for me not getting Dare #5 done yet.

In short, I went to see Barack Obama at a rally in Jacksonville, Florida the other day. Mostly because Britt kidnapped me. But I also wanted to see firsthand what all the hooplah is about.

It was Britt, Adam, and I. We drove the 2 hours to Jacksonville, even though there was a much closer rally at Daytona Beach. Something about a babysitter…blah blah blah. Britt and her fucking kids, I swear.

We got there pretty early and waited over an hour and a half to get into the park. Then we waited for about eleventy HOURS before Barack got there.

This cutie was sitting on her daddy’s shoulders, waving to the crowd.

Flying overhead were a couple of planes towing banners. Honestly, I don’t understand the point of spending all that money to fly overhead for HOURS. Who are you thinking you’re going to convince at a Barack rally? There was booing at first, then everyone ignored the planes for the duration.

Raising taxes is not patriotic? Who the fuck are you kidding? It’s been done for hundreds of years. How much more patriotic can you get?

I can’t even begin to describe the sea of people that were there. It was just insane. And HOT. An d claustrophobic. Me being allergic to crowds, I tried to hang with Britt in the middle for as long as I could, but had to bug out to the back about 90 minutes before Barack got there. Just couldn’t do it any longer.

All of this for a politician. I still don’t get it and I spent over FIVE hours there. I’m just not interested enough in politics to do this on a regular basis. In fact, it was my first (and last) political rally. I went mostly to say that I went. Couldn’t really hear Barack very well because of the way the speakers were positioned. From what I did hear, though, good speaker. But overall? I would rather have stayed home. I know that kills Britt because she loved every moment, except maybe for the sweating our asses off.

I haven’t met many more passionate people about politics than Britt, truly. I wish I had her passion. Mostly I just hate politics and I’m too cynical to expect any real change from ANYONE.

There’s the man himself. OK, I got a few better shots, but most of them came out blurry because of the digital zoom.

I heard the bulk of his speech, echoes and all. He’s a good speaker, no doubt. He knows how to get people fired up. And I think it’s a very smart move to try and motivate people to vote by getting supporters to get OTHER people to vote. There were lots of volunteers there with voter registration forms…very cool. And they were handing out a ton of free water bottles…also very cool.

But I still don’t understand the purpose of a rally like this. We waited over four hours to hear a 20 minute speech. For what? Everyone there – well, most everyone – is already decided. Who is the rally FOR? It didn’t sway ME, that’s for sure and I know I was one of the few conservatives there. Well, I’m pretty sure.

The thing that scares me most about the Republican party right now is Sarah Palin. I LIKE her, don’t get me wrong. She’s likeable, but that doesn’t make her qualified to be next-in-line for the most important position on the planet. She just ISN’T. And as Adam is fond of saying, actuarial tables show that it’s very likely McCain won’t be around much longer, so Palin WOULD be President if McCain got elected. And yeah, I find that scary.

I honestly don’t know what I’m going to do come election time. I’ve been pretty much 95% certain that McCain would be my candidate. But I think he fucked up pretty big by selecting Sarah Palin as his running mate. There are far more qualified Republican women to be VP. He took a big chance on someone he didn’t vet very well, if you ask me. And it very well may cost him.

Oh, my car keys? I lost them in security. Well, I forgot them. I had so much shit to pull out of my pockets…extra batteries, cell phone, pen, cigarettes. I left the keys there, I’m almost positive. When I got back to Britt’s house, I realized they were gone. I never take them out of my pocket, so searching in my other shorts and in Adam’s car…nope. They’re back in Jacksonville, I’m sure of it.

And it’s all Obama’s fault. If he thinks I’m voting for him after making me wait over an hour (he was late) and then making me lose my keys because of security, he’s sadly mistaken. I had to borrow Britt’s car, drive back home (almost 2 hours) to get my spare keys. Slept here, then drove back to Orlando Sunday morning, dropped off her car, grabbed mine, and drove back home. Ugh. So I haven’t had time to do the last birthday dare.

Now I have to call the Obama headquarters in Jacksonville to ask them how to get my keys back. Ironic. I never thought I’d be asking Barack for ANYTHING. Hell, I never thought I’d ask ANY politician for anything.

But the fucker has my house keys.