Hey everyone! I’m Winter and I’m the closing act of Karl’s Summer of Love. I’ve been pondering for a week what I should talk about. Should I try to be funny? Should I razz Karl? Should I babble about vampires or the cemetery? The more I thought about it, the more I thought… Meh.
What I want to talk about is people. I’m being interviewed for a writer/author online magazine and one of the questions was what was my opinion of the world today. I have to say that my opinion – in my reply – wasn’t very good. I said that I think the world is filled with people who have forgotten things like common courtesy, respect for others, and accountability. And I do believe that. Mostly. I mean, c’mon. I live in Orange County, California, home of more egocentric soccer moms per square mile than any other place on the planet. However, the circles that I travel in here in the PRB have shown me that accountability and common courtesy are not things of the past. When I hear stories like Hilly’s about receiving egocentric email diatribes from people purporting to be friends, I think WTF? Where did that person learn to be a friend? Where is their common courtesy? Their ethics?
See, the people I like the most in the PRB, aren’t like that. They are the ones whose blogs I can’t NOT read. I like going to their sites and getting a positive energy boost. That is what blogging comes down to for me, the positive relationships. As I commented on Hilly’s post, I jettison people who aren’t positive. At 47 years old, I don’t have enough years left in me to suffer egocentric and negative people easily. The people around me don’t have to be happy happy joy joy. They just have to be positive people. People who believe in respecting others, common courtesy, and accountability. Okay, and love too.
I’m pretty sure that the people whose blogs I like the most would pass this test:
Me: Thank you.
What do you say when someone says Thank you? You’re all thinking, You’re welcome, right? But try the test and start paying attention to the answer, because I can tell you, more often that not your answer will be:
Them: Uh huh. (Or Sure, Okay, Yeah. You get the picture.)
The people who answer Uh huh may be nice people. People you like. But if they can’t pay enough attention to you to reply to your Thank you with a courteous You’re welcome, maybe you’re the one who should start paying attention. There will be people who answer Uh huh, that are just distracted in that moment. The next time you test them, they answer correctly. It’s the people who are habitual Uh huh-ers that are the ones you might want to take a closer look at because maybe they are not who you think they are.
Let me stop here for a moment to insert a Disclaimer: When I talk about “testing” people, I don’t mean that in a cold blooded, clinical way. I just mean that when you say thank you, pay attention to the answers you get. For one, when you look people in the eye and say those two words they will KNOW that you mean them. You’re more likely to get a real reply at that point too because they’ll know you’re listening, and caring. If you’re still getting Uh huh as a reply… well, it’s your choice how you choose to feel about that.
Personally, I think that most of the people on my blogroll would pass this test. In fact, I’m sure a bunch of them already have, although I really don’t go around counting. The people on my blogroll are positive forces, awesome people. You can see all the great things they’ve done or are doing by looking at their blogs. They’re supporting quitters. They’re offering prizes like a trip to their Halloween party. They’re offering prizes for dares. They’re donating money to bloggers who need help. They’re offering shoulders to cry on, advice, good wishes, positive support. They make phone calls and send emails when people are upset. They give rides to blogger events. They’ll buy you lunch and play Rock Band with you. They’ll fix your blog when something’s all f’d up. They’ll change their schedules so they can meet you when you’re in town…
These people have been there for me when I needed a pair of eyes on a writing project. They’ve sent me twats and emails to let me know they were thinking of me when I was depressed or not feeling well. Their comments when I’m sick or get hurt or am upset with Motley, are always encouraging. The community around me is incredibly supportive. They’re intelligent, caring people, and I feel privileged to be part of the community and to have met some of them.
When Karl was looking for someone to fill this last spot, I felt like Horschak holding his hand up. OOOOOH! OOOOOH! I felt like I had won a prize at the fair when Karl said I could do this. Why would I think this is a privilege? Because it means I get to do MY part in this community of positive karma. I get to help out a man I call friend.
I’m sorry I couldn’t come here and be fun and amusing. I fully intended to, but that’s just not who I am today. Today, I’m grateful for Karl and all the other people in the PRB who exude positive energy. You all make this community a better place and I certainly appreciate that.
Now, when Karl tells me “Thanks for guest posting”, should I tell him “Uh, huh” just to make sure he was paying attention?
Hey, I come here for the gay porn, not for a well-needed post about common courtesy!
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Adam – I save the gay porn over at MY site. UMB and I have had several chats about XTube and which links to save…
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I’m really bad at saying You’re Welcome. I usually say thank you back. Retail will do that you. But I do love the people in the PRB.
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Sarah – I am the epitome of customer service so I often say you’re welcome before they say thank you. Hee hee. Or even worse, I sometimes say the thank you for them! Jumping the gun… I’m kinda bad with that. Heh.
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Oh, I really despise the “uh uh”, although it’s better than nothing. I’m amazed at how many people won’t even bother to respond to a thank you!
However, I am guilty of responding to a “Thank You” with “No problem” sometimes (with more enthusiasm than a “You’re Welcome”), or with an occasional “Thank You” as a reply thrown in (from working in customer service and retail for too long).
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My favorite (out here, snooty upper New England east coast) is when you say thank you and they say “well, yes. Of course. But you know, if you only did….” like it was an open invitation for criticism on why you needed something from them that would then require a thank you in the first place. Even if it was simply saying thank you for a darn napkin, or something else completely trivial!
Gad, I miss the west coast. I’d totally go for an “uh-huh” right now.
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Love the post! I agree with your “thank you” test. The other thing that really annoys me is, if you sneeze and no says “bless you” or some other equivalent of that.
Good luck to you with the interview!
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Penny – I’ve been guilty of the “no problem” or “anytime” in my office. Usually, though, that is reserved for the people whom I know do not take offense by it. When I say “anytime” the “you’re welcome” part of it is kinda implied and they know that. I don’t say that to customers or management, however. I watch my words carefully there. I don’t ever want those people to think I’m being offhand with them. And you’re right. There are people who just ignore any polite thing you say to them, which is just flat out rude.
Kyra – I don’t think you really wanna come back here. The snooty people I have to deal with don’t bother with any reply when I say anything to them, including thank you. Yet, when they are asked to be accountable for their negativity and rudeness, their excuse is that people are “misunderstanding” them.
Becky – I’m funny about saying “bless you”. People are odd about religion these days and I’ve had people take offense at “bless you” even though I don’t exactly mean it in a religious sense, not being the sort that believes in religion. I just say it cause the German version doesn’t roll off my tongue properly and I wanted to be polite.
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I say “you’re welcome” most of the time, however I also say, “no problem! any time!” more often than not. But I think that is way more enthusiastic than “uh huh”.
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Hilly – It is. It’s an implied “you’re welcome” which is a thousand times better than the grunted “uh huh.”
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I remember your response to my post about my rude dinner guests for not saying Thank you for dinner or Sorry we were late.
Between my parents and the jobs I have held its second nature for the thank you or your welcome to be said. My son is being raised the same way, I won’t tolerate another “who cares” attitude kid running around, I’ll kick his butt myself the first time I don’t here a polite response.
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Oh, I’m totally with you on this one. Common decency has long since seemed to have gone by the wayside, and it irks me no end when I hold a door open for someone and get no response at all. Or when someone pushes past you, bumping you out of their way, and doesn’t say excuse me. Or knocks their cart into your ankles and keeps right on going. Sometimes I just want to THROTTLE those people and ask, “Did your parents never speak to you about MANNERS?” I feel old when I think that way, but I can’t help it. I just think that’s how we all should behave, and it’s sad to see it less and less today.
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Blu – I can’t believe those people treated you like that after a turkey dinner! I would have been your humble supplicant, kissing your toes. And I totally would have scarfed on the coconut cream pie too!
Evil – I think the same way as you. I always wonder if I am getting old by thinking “What the hell did their parents teach them?” But the truth of the matter is, we’re not old for thinking that. Parents are supposed to teach their children manners. It’s totally fucked up that in this era, they don’t. I’m sure THEY were taught better. I just don’t understand why those people think it’s okay to skimp on what they teach their kids.
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Great post, Winter. I totally agree. Lack of courtesy drives me up the freaking wall. And we’re raising a whole new generation of rude little bastards, too.
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Karl – Thank you! It just came to me that too many of us were experiencing the same things. I feel so bad for Dave during his travels. I see his twats about rudeness and then I hear Hilly’s stories and Blu’s and I realize it’s affecting all of us.
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After reading this I can see why you are much loved. I became a nodding dog during this article agreeing like a mad fool. Lack of courtesy is one of the reasons I can’t stand most of the people on the street. If we could get everyone to start with this one small thing then we’d be heading on tthe right road.
I am a ‘no problem/ anytime’ person too usually but you’re right, when someone responds ‘you’re welcome’ it is so much better.
Thank you Winter.
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Bec – Thank you for the compliment! I think the reason this all sort of came to a head for me is that while we’ve all read things like Dave’s stories and twats about how bad it can be out there, we don’t realize how we and our friends mangle courtesy too. I do believe that the people I know are more aware of it than most, but we fall down too. A little due diligence never hurt anyone and our mamas would be proud of us for trying harder. And… you’re very welcome, Bec!
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Great post. I was just talking about this very topic with my husband this afternoon. There are lots of ignorant and greedy people in the world. However, I don’t feel greatly affected by them because I choose to surround myself with a different group of people. The kind who still believe in common courtesy and have common sense.
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Well said. : )
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Pixie – I know what you mean. Unfortunately, there are always people who are not in my “circle” that I have to deal with, so that’s when it’s most apparent.
John – Thanks very much!
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Unfortunately, there are always people who are not in my “circle” that I have to deal with
Absolutely. Unfortunately, they never go away.
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wow! why didn’t i read this sooner? my blog was borne completely out of love and out of putting some goodness into the universe. i don’t do negative or snarky. there’s too much of it out there already. so refreshing to read this. thank you.
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Pixie – Sad, but true.
Papa – You’re welcome! I have my snarky moments, but mostly, I just don’t expend the energy on it anymore cause yanno, the people it’s really meant for don’t give a shit what I say or think anyway. I’m so glad you enjoyed my post!
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Just because you’re guest posting doesn’t mean you need to be funny. I really dig on this post and agree with you on your outlook on humanity. Basically because I see it the same way. Great minds…
And you’re welcome!
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Because of advancing age, I often will thank the person that did something for me multiple times over the course of multiple days. I’m sure this comes across to some as being overtly enthusiastic about expressing my kindness, but in all honesty, I do want to make sure that person knew that I acknowledged their kindness to me.
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