Thanks to John over at Buddha on the Road for a fun-filled hour on SecondHand Radio last night. Had a blast. We talked about all sorts of great stuff, including the Democratic National Convention, my trip to California, our mutual love of MILFs, my new gossip column job…you need to listen to it. You can check it out at the above link or listen to it in the sidebar of my blog. Should also be able to find it on iTunes, too.
A big thanks to one of my best buds, Cindy, who had a fantastic guest post yesterday. Love, love, love her. And tomorrow? Well, it’s the LAST day of the Summer of Love. Yep, hard to believe the two months are over, but Winter will be doing the last guest post on Saturday and that wraps things up.
Thanks to everyone that helped me out this summer. You all rock and I loved every post. But with the closing of August comes the new season. Autumn arrives soon (though a couple of months later if you’re in Florida), the new TV season (yay!) – and I’ve heard rumors that a certain infamous TV blog will be soon brought back to life – and my birthday comes on September 18. Woo hoo! Speaking of my birthday…
CALL TO ARMS. Or legs. Whatever.
It’s time to begin preparations for my annual Birthday Spectacular. In less than a month, I’ll hit the big 4-2. And this year – back by popular demand – I’m resurrecting my Big Birthday Dares!
It’s not every year you have a birthday, so…oh, wait. Well, you know what I’m saying.
Some of you may remember my Big Birthday Dares from two years ago. I ate Vienna Sausages with my toes, kinda. I ate Pop Rocks AND drank Coke at the same time! Fuck, I jumped out of a freaking airplane, people. And I did it on video! All of it to act wild and crazy to usher in a new year on planet Earth. (You can see all five dare videos in the extended post.)
And this year I’m doing it again. Brand new dares, brand new feats of insanity, all for you.
Thing is, I don’t know what to do. This is where you come in. I want YOU to dare me to do something for my birthday. Want to see me dance in public? OK, I already did that and it embarrassed the everloving shit out of me. Want to see me jump into a pool with my clothes on? Hell, I don’t know. You’re the creative ones.
I just remembered…I owe prizes to the last group from two years ago. Ack. Anyway, there will be prizes for the five people that come up with the best dares. Or the dares I’m willing to do on video, anyway. That’s right! Leave a comment here with your best dares and if I select yours to perform on video, then you’ll win something. Besides getting to see me do your dare.
I’m leaving this contest open for a week. Get me your dares by midnight a week from tonight, Friday, September 5th. I need time to mull over the entries and then, of course, DO the dares.
So get cracking, folks. Double dog dare me. I, um, dare you.
I double-dog dare you to make out with Adam Avitable.
recognize the skills people…recognize the skills.
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I triple dog dare you to karaoke “Tonight, I Celebrate My Love”. In a duet with Avitable. With you singing the female part.
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Holy crap – you really jumped out of a plane!!!
I’m seconding Dave2’s dare.
I DARE YOU to quit smoking. For real.
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Your birthday dares give me anxiety. Yeesh.
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Hey Karl, thank YOU for your invite to be on Secondhand Radio, I had a BLAST! (and apologies for being too retahed to sign into the chat room). – Now, on to the business of the day – can there be a slight breach of etiquette and go straight for the sinister TRIPLE DOG DARE?
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i double dog dare you to capture on video the elusive whackin it, jackin it and peeing on the floor!
or ummm, i dare you to quit smoking. yeah. that is what i meant.
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I just watched those videos for the first time. Those were awesome.
Here are some birthday dares from the inimitable, the irritable, the inevitable Avitable:
1. Go to a local fast-food drive through naked or if you don’t want to do that for risk of prosecution, wearing an adult diaper.
2. Mow your front lawn wearing a tutu and a tiara.
3. Eat a microwaveable beef and cheese burrito covered in Hershey’s syrup.
4. Set up a slip-n-slide in your front yard and use it by yourself.
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Oh my god. I haven’t been a reader for very long, so I missed all the birthday hoopla from the past… LORDY, you’re certainly not shy!
With that being said, I double-dog dare you to bungee jump wearing a woman’s bikini and high heels.
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I dare you to wax your legs. A Full leg wax, not just from the knee down.
You can (and probably should) be drunk for this OR you can take it like a woman. Double rabid dog dare ya!
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Double dog dare you to do the “party boy” routine from Jackass the movie. You can pick the awkward situation in which you strip to a thong and dance to boom box techno, but it should probably be in an ethnic grocery market or retirement home.
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Okay, since my fantasy…I mean my first dare isn’t going to fucking happen, I submit this for your perusal:
I D=Double=Dog=Dare you to go to a Burger King drive through, and continually ask for a Big Mac. In broken English. Argumentally. And cry when they refuse. Loudly.
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I have to think…but I will come up with something heinous for your anus.
Err, or something.
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Oh all of Avitable’s dares… pure genius.
But this is so weird… My Mum and I were flicking through music channels and Buttons came on and I couldn’t help but laugh with the memories. Of course I had to ’splain. Mum nearly fell off the sofa with laughter. You bring joy, man, joy!
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I think you need to dress up as Frank N Furter and do the Time Warp. Yep. I like that one.
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You are hilarious, Karl! That vienna sausage toes debacle had me cracking up! Fantastic.
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Great suggestions, everyone. Keep ‘em coming!
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If you lived where it was cold, I would dare you to place your wet tongue on something icy outdoors. But since you don’t, then your dare needs to be something similar. Like placing your entire mouth around a Big Stick (one of those rainbow ice cream sticks) and holding it for a minute, then ripping it right off.
Now that would be a cool dare.
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What happened to Dave’s dare? Yanno, the one to stop smoking for realsies?
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Marty, heh. Nice.
Hilly – he wrote it on the wrong post. But I remember it.
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I double dog dare you to do a solo synchronized swimming routine in the Avitable swimming pool in a woman’s bathing suit (it can be a one piece).
And I wanna be there to see it.
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Little Miss Sunshine – Hmm, that might be doable.
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Ok, I’m picturing you with pink, short shorts, and a half t-shirt showing your midriff, skating in a public park. Double dog dare you.
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Michelle – niiiiiiiiiice.
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Hey Karl,
You already did the “Pop Rocks and Coke Blak”, I double-dog dare you to up the ante this year and do the “Menthos and Diet Coke”.
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How about scuba dive naked! Wait, maybe a bit too extreme. How about walk around your neighborhood in a speedo bikini?
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I can’t dare you. All of the fun, for me, is seeing how shocked..I am by what you do….
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I dare you to video yourself eating Haggis….with a smile….and NO GAGGING!
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Two words: Waxed nutsack.
Wait, is nutsack two words?
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Hi Karl,
1. Dress like a Hippie(including a flower in your hair)and sing Scott McKenzie’s San Francisco in the local shopping mall.
2. Participate at a casting for the next episode of American Idol
Enjoy!
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Hi Karl,
I’ve put a lot of thought into this. I double dog dare you to take your lap top to your local coffee shop and blog naked, while one of your buds films the reactions of the other customers.
Ok, I didn’t really put a lot of thought into it….but it would be funny to watch.
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You are AWESOME!
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Good stuff. Thanks, gang.
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Okay, here I go thinking again:
1. Have Britt put blonde highlights in your hair, while she is drinking Brittini’s or something.
2. Get your back waxed, on video…without the aid of alcohol. Extra points if Hilly gets to do it.
3. Eat 10 hard boiled eggs, wash them down with milk, then spin in a circle really fast 20 times. (Geez…i gagged just typing that.)
4. Stop smoking. For reals, yo.
Hugs.
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I dare you to knock on at least 3 of your neighbors doors and run off before they answer.
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I’m new here – came over via Papa’s blog…
I love giving out dares…so I double dare you…nay…TRIPLE DOG DARE YOU to eat a whole roll of Mentos and down a Diet Coke while wearing a woman’s HOT PINK bathing suit (your choice for one or two piece but bonus points for a two piece.) This can be in public, your front yard, or your back lawn. (I would suggest you NOT do it in the house to keep all messes off furniture.)
I hope you choose to do it. You don’t have to wax anything but triple bonus points if you film yourself doing a DIY home hot wax on your legs before the Mentos/DietCoke/HotPinkBathingSuit debacle.
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Sticking with the public embarrassment and Speedos theme, do a striptease (complete with feather boa and tiara) to stripper music…right down to your speedos.
Bonus points if you do this outside in the front yard, as opposed to the back.
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Hot air balloon ride in a WonderWoman costume. Heh…
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All righty, gang. The contest is closed. I’ll make my decisions soon.
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Closed? Closed!!! Ack. I have to at least have a chance. So I’m a total slacker of a reader lately. I still (as you so stated) haven’t received my prize so I’m at least entitled to a late entry. . .
So. . .
1. Create a unique music video for Katie Perry’s “I kissed a girl.”
2. Take surfing lessons and videotape every fall and close encounter with sharks.
3. Perform an original ballet routine/interpretational dance to Cold Play’s new song, “Viva la vida” because it’s just screaming for some ballet moves.
There you have it! Go for it!
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BBM – Heh, those are good ones, to be sure.
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Cheers! Sandra. R.
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