*sigh*
Back when Karl asked me to guest post during his Summer of Love, I agreed because I thought he was taking some much needed time away from the internet to work on getting his shit together. He had a paternity suit to deal with, questionable STD test results, a slight heart murmur, boils, and an erection lasting longer than four hours.
I felt sorry for him and decided that I would tear myself away from my busy life and my own site, Jestertunes to help a fellow blogger in need.
Turns out, he’s not working on any of his shit. He’s traveling the country, crashing on people’s couches, and still online every single day.
Since I am obviously far more busy than Karl, I’ve decided to use my allotted time slot to present:
Jester’s List of Better Things I Have to Do Other Than Write a Fucking Guest Post at SecondHandKarl.Com
- Throw out all of those clothes in my closet that I hope to “fit into again someday…” By the time I am at the size to fit into them again, they will be out of style, moth eaten, or not appropriate for a corpse.
- Dishes
- Fleabath. For me, not the dogs. I like how it smells. Plus, I have fleas.
- Organize my sock drawer.
- Pound out the lumps in my neighbor’s newborn baby’s skull with a padded two-by-four.
- Check for worms. Earthworms, roundworms, and tapeworms especially. These are the tastiest of the worms.
- Determine how many times I can drop a 16 pound bowling ball on my left foot before amputation becomes necessary.
- Establish a new Time Zone known as “QST” (Queer Standard Time). It’s basically your current time zone plus 37 minutes. I have adopted QST in my life, and have not been late to work or a social event since.
- Consume an entire tub of hummus in one sitting. Without using my hands.
- Ryan Reynolds, Gael Garcia Bernal, and Ernest Borgnine.
So you can see, I am a very busy person and I can’t possible spend anymore time on this list.
As a matter of fact I’m not even sure I can write a proper sign-off to th…
Bwaahahahaa! Okay, that was fucking hilarious!
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I’m rushing right out to get you a copy of How to Eat Fried Worms. Clearly, you need a cookbook.
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Wait…you have *dishes?*
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Hahahahahahahahahaha
Christmas gift for Jester: flea collar!
Well done! Good luck landing Ernest.
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Keep your paws off of Ryan. Oh erm, and the hummus too, please.
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I need to organize my sock drawer. Especially since there aren’t actually any socks in it.
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Queer Standard Time is so ten minutes ago… so now you’ve only got 27 minutes to save you from being late!
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hey, Ryan Reynolds is mine! and i had hummus tonight — coincidence? i don’t think so
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…funny, i hadn’t even read Hilly’s comment. apparently she and i will have to have a dance off.
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My girlfriend loves Ryan Reynolds and Gael-Garcia Bernal as well.
Ernest Borgnine, however, must be a gay thing.
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A padded two-by-four? I had no idea you were such a humanitarian! I’m so proud!
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I think by the end of the Summer of Love, Karl’s guest posters might be dragging him off to the woods for a good old fashioned beating.
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ERNEST BORGNINE?
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Mmmmmm…. I’d do Ryan too!
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i have my own time zone as well. at least 10 minutes late for EVERY damned thing. sad, actually.
so, will you teach me how to follow qst? i don’t actually have to be completely gay, right? bi totally counts.
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You totally just reminded me that I have to bath my dog. I’m thinking in the next few hours he won’t like you so much for reminding me of this.
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Thanks for stopping by and reading my little slice of insanity…
And by the way, Ernest Borgnine totally has a 10 inch penis and can suck a bowling ball through a garden hose.
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Why don’t you get yourself one, huge ass pita for the tub of hummus and use that extra 37 minutes??? I’m all about the hummus and I mean pita bread not a p.i.t.a. (LOL).
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