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Well, I will.
Not the blog, silly. I can’t see ever quitting that. I’m talking about one of my few remaining vices.
Cigarettes.
Cigarettes have owned my ass for a while now…um, 14 years? And that’s really strange because (1) I didn’t start smoking until I was in my 20s and (2) I HATED cigarette smoke all throughout my childhood.
My parents both smoked like chimneys when I was a kid. This was before the term “secondhand smoke” came to be coined, before anyone knew that such a thing was harmful to anyone. I mean, sure there was a nagging suspicion that SMOKING caused cancer (not that the tobacco companies would admit to it, mind you). But being AROUND smoke? Nah.
But I hated it. Everything in my house reeked of cigarette smoke. The furniture, the curtains, all of my clothes, my hair, the WALLS even. And my parents weren’t the type that rolled the car windows down when they were smoking, either. I’m not bitching…that was the culture of the time. Courtesy and smoking just weren’t seen as compatible, really.
People still smoked in restaurants and even though there was a non-smoking section in some eateries, the smoke from the SMOKING section always wafted over. Smoke knows no boundaries.
People still smoked in airplanes! And again, there were smoking and non-smoking sections. But guess how successful that shit was? Yeah, you’re in a confined environment for hours. Rows 1-15, no smoking. Rows 16-32, smoking. And if you’re in row 15, guess what? You certainly couldn’t tell you were in a no smoking section. It was moronic. But hey, there was also a time when we felt slavery was not such a bad idea. Humans, we’re really not the brightest of God’s creatures.
Growing up, I had asthma so it really sucked having smoking parents. My sister had it, too, even worse than I did. Never connected the dots that cigarette smoke might make the asthma worse.
So if I went all through childhood and into adulthood without picking up a cigarette, you ask, then why the fuck did I ever start to begin with? That’s a very good question.
And the answer is the same as it is for every smoker on the planet.
Because I’m an idiot.
The best way to quit smoking is never to start. And yet, I did start. And I blame it on my ex-girlfriend in Dallas. Because, you know, it couldn’t have been my fault. No sir.
Back then I was getting high on a regular basis. I smoked copious amounts of weed. And I was also doing crystal meth. (SEE: I’m an idiot, above.)
My girlfriend smoked cigarettes. So we’re sitting in a friend’s house one night, getting high and playing Dr. Mario on the Super Nintendo (still one of my favorite all-time video games) and she lights up a smoke.
“Can I ask you something?” I asked her.
“Sure.”
“What do you get out of smoking cigarettes? I just don’t understand it. They stink, they make your breath stink…what’s the point?”
And she said the magic words - possibly the only words - that would make me start smoking. “They accentuate the high from the marijuana.”
It wasn’t 15 seconds that passed before I said, “Can I try one?”
And WOW! What a buzz I got! Knocked me on my freaking ass. And I was hooked.
Soon I was buying my own packs and enjoying the slight buzz I still got, even when I wasn’t stoned. That buzz, though? Doesn’t last. But somehow the addiction does.
I’ve quit several times over the years. Sometimes for six months, sometimes for a couple of years. When my mom came to Dallas to help me move to Florida, I was stressed to the fucking max. Money problems to the nth degree, stress over the packing and moving, stress over leaving all of my friends behind, you name it. So I snuck a few smokes out of her purse when she slept at night. Damn, that shit was good.
And again I was hooked.
It’s been 4-1/2 years now since my stepfather died. Yeah, he smoked, too. In fact, my parents and stepparents all still smoked until fairly recently. I digress. My stepfather died a slow and painful death. Cancer. I was with him a lot in his final months, a good portion of which were spent in the very room I’m writing this from…in a hospital bed in the living room. In fact, he died in this room.
It took another year for my mom and I to say, “That’s enough.” We both went to a hypnotist to quit. But before we did that, we cleaned the whole house, we vacuumed, we Febreezed the SHIT out of everything…furniture, carpets, walls…all of it. And we did the same in our cars. THEN we went to the hypnotist.
It worked for me, but the fucker pissed me off. He told my mom that because she’d been smoking since she was a teenager, she probably was better off to TAPER her smoking off. Asshat. Well, that never happened. Every time I’ve quit (successfully) it’s been cold turkey.
I quit for a couple of years. She still smoked (and continues to do so), but only in her bedroom.
Then I went to BlogHer 2006. I bummed some smokes off of some friends and BAM! Hooked again. Stupid, stupid, stupid.
And now it’s time to quit again, before I really start feeling the effects of this shit that is killing me ever so slowly. Britt and I have talked about quitting together for months now. She wanted to quit on July 1, right after we got back from BrittCon.
“I can’t do that,” I said. “I have BlogHer coming up and that stresses me out.” Social anxiety and all that jazz. Big crowds of people, me having to actually interact…*shivers*.
So I emailed her the other day with a new quit date. And that leads us to this:
That’s right, ladies and gentlemen. Friday, August 15, Karl and Britt QUIT.
It’s helpful to have a quit date picked out in advance. Especially since I just bought several cartons of smokes for my California trip. When those are gone, I’ll be buying individual packs. And come midnight on Friday the 15th, I’ll be done.
Hopefully, for good.
And if any of you bitches get up in my grill for the next 30 days after that, may the Lord have mercy upon your soul. Because I’ll rip your face to shreds with a cheese grater, and then I’ll REALLY go to work on you.
Don’t forget, this afternoon at 5:00pm Eastern time, it’s another episode of SecondHand Radio. My guest will be author Carly Milne, who wrote (among other books) Sexography.
Please join us in the chatroom while you listen to the show. You’ll be able to call in and ask anything you like, or just interject your own viewpoint on something. Sex, and lots of it, baby. Today at 5pm Eastern, 2pm Pacific.
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Filed under 2HT Radio, BlogHer, Blogging, Local Goings On |55 Responses to “I Quit”
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Awwwww - look how cute we are!!!!
Good for you!
Miss Britt - I know, right? Hard to believe I didn’t make some Hottest Male Blogger list.
Amanda - Thanks.
The day I found out I was pregnant with Motley was the last day I smoked. Later on, when I turned 30, I developed asthma. I could still smoke… if I wanted to die. I’m glad I quit when I did. It wasn’t hard to do in the face of everything else going on with my body. Good luck to both you and Britt! I’m pulling for you.
I can’t let Britt quit - what else will we do on our breaks during the day?
And I love Dr. Mario - best game ever!
Congrats to both you and Britt for wanting to quit…because wanting to is half the battle! I stopped smoking (again) in January. I recommend using the Quit Wizard on Quitnet…it’s really interesting to track how many cigarettes you haven’t smoked, how much money you’ve saved, and how many days you’ve added to your life. I’ll be rooting for you guys.
Good luck for you! My grandfather died of lung cancer a year ago and it was really hard to watch. I’m glad I never started smoking.
I grew up with a dad who was a smoker (he has since quit) and I remember the smoke smell well. Now I just live with the smell of pot filling the house. I constantly smell like a stoner which is why I heart Febreeze.
Good for you guys! I really hope it works.
I don’t see myself ever quitting. It is my sanity. I smoke outside which means taking a break from work, or whatever else is stressing me out or pissing me off. Or just taking a break from work. Otherwise I would just work 12 hours straight. I get a few minutes to chill, which does wonders for my mental health. And I don’t smoke around anyone who is not also a smoker.
A friend of mine, who is a total cynic, smoked 2 packs a day for over 15 years. He went to a hypnotist and never smoked again.
The last time I tried to quit was right before I drove cross-country. HA! I did fairly well the week before but 40 miles into the trip I stopped for a pack.
George Carlin (is that how you spell it?) once said “Having a smoking section in a restaurant is like having a pissing section in a swimming pool”
Good luck with the quitting.
*sigh* I so need to quit smoking. Cigs here in the Netherlands are expensive and it should be reason enough but thus far, not so much! Who knows, maybe when Aug. 15th rolls around, I’ll go on the wagon with you and Britt! I could use some quitting buddies!!
Oh blimey good for you two! I just can’t cope with quitting right now, despite it being on my 2008 list.
Best of luck and will you be issuing Flak jackets for the weeks after the 15th? ;o)
Go Karl! I am thankful everyday that I am not longer enslaved to those fuckers! I’ll be cheering for you.
Good for you both! I’ve smoked for thirty years I’ve quit here and there, one time for over two years.
It is my best friend and will be my Judas.
I think it would be great if you both blogged about your progress and any tips that could help others. Maybe you can make it a ‘group’ effort and some of us other idiots can try quitting along with you.
Toodles~
And for any of you wanting a pet monkey…this is not the monkey you want on your back.
A friend of mine started smoking when her father was in the hospital, getting his larynx removed.
Good luck quitting.
Winter - Smart gal. Thanks.
Avitable - Yeah, I have Dr. Mario for my Nintendo DS. Very addicting game that far predated Bejeweled.
Tracy - I’ll have to check that out on QuitNet, thanks. And congrats on quitting again!
Sarah - I could deal with *that* smell just fine.
Penny - Yeah, I get what you’re saying. It feels like *my* sanity, too. But I really need to find another way to stay sane.
Gyckle - Heh, love the Carlin. Thanks.
Dutchiestyle - Sure, come along on board. The more the merrier. We could form a hit squad or something so we can work out all that aggression.
Penelope - No Flak jackets, but I highly recommend people buy their own.
PocketCT - Thanks! Yeah, that’s what gets me more than anything, that I’m addicted to those little tiny sticks.
Employee 3699 - Thanks very much. I’ll definitely be blogging about it, since it may very well be the only thing I’m thinking about for a while.
Libragirl - Oof, yeah, that would be the time to quit.
yay for you both being quitters!!! i’m so proud of you both because i am also a quitter and i know how difficult it is. you can do this!
to everyone who says smoking eases stressful situations…no it doesn’t. it is the deep breathing that helps relax a person. it is the walking away to deeply inhale and exhale repeatedly that makes a difference. when things get to you, remember to breathe. sounds silly, but it helps. so does gnawing on wild bill’s beef jerky when i need the hand to mouth oral fixation.
I’m proud of you.
I quit cold turkey after about 8 years of smoking.
I didn’t intentionally taper off, but I guess I had been tapering for a while (stopped smoking at work, moved into a new apartment and decided not to smoke inside, then met CHris and wouldn’t smoke around him). But like everything else in life, I wasn’t going to quit until I was damn ready — and it sounds like you are really ready.
Once you get through the initial shock of it, I bet you’ll be amazed how much better you feel.
Good for you! I didn’t quit until I got cancer. How stupid is that? Like it took a doctor telling me I had cancer a few years ago to make me quit.
Don’t end up like me! Do it now before you end up with lung cancer.
I’m here for you both if you want someone who has very recent understanding and empathy, with no judgment.
3 months for me!
Hello - Thanks. Yeah, breathing.
Jessica - Hopefully, the 5th time is the charm!
Lisa - I’d much prefer doing it without the cancer, yeah.
Sarah - Three months! Magnifico!
Yay! My hub quit smoking three years ago. ~Turned out he had been sneaking behind my back when we first got married. He quit by using some sort of aid Nicoaid or something like that. You puff on this white plastic thing.
Our good friends quit smoking 8 months ago with the help of Chantix. They’re both in their late 40’s, and had smoked since they were teens. They quit together because she has COPD and can barely climb the stairs to get to their bedroom. We found out the other day that the husband has a tumor the size of a golf ball in his lung and will have surgery next week to have it removed. We are terrified for both of them.
I will try, once again, to quit for good August 15. Thank you for inspiring me!
Mrsmogul - Good for him!
Geeky Tai-Tai - I may ask my doctor about Chantix. I’ve heard good things about it. That’d be cool if you joined us.
Ok, I decided for sure…August 15th..count me in with you and Britt and everyone else! Surely it’s got to be easier if there are others wallowing in misery with me!! Umm, and does this mean I can smoke copious amounts of cigs in the next month? Wonder if I can squeeze in 3-4 packs a day. I’m just sayin…
Congrats!! I will definitely be rooting for the both of you. A friend of mine is quitting right now too. I’m proud of all of you!
There are no words for how desperately I wish my husband would quit. He won’t even go outside to smoke. Even our cats stink of cigarette smoke. My family avoids coming to visit because it.
I HATE IT.
Good luck, Karl! I’ve tried so many times over the years I can’t even count. The one, and ONLY, time I was actually able to quit was the minute I found out I was pregnant. But that ain’t happening again with this old broad! STUPID me for picking them up again several months after he was born.
I have no idea what it feels like to have a physical addiction to cigarettes but I do know that it is just about the hardest thing out there to quit. My dad has tried his whole life to quit, and no go. I am going to try to get my friend Julie to quit with you and Britt. She is going to need fellow sufferers to do it.
Good for you!
Thank GOD this happens in mid August…just sayin’.
I’m thinking of taking up smoking because with all these people quitting, what is the govt gonna do for money?
Good for you Karl. I know you can do it!
Way to go on your giving up cigarettes!!! Woohooo!! I know it will be hard but so worth it for your future and your health. My dad used to smoke like a chimney when I was kid….I hated that smell of smoke on my clothes, the house and people asking me if I smoked. It made me never want to smoke. Thank god, he quit later, the doc must have given him a shock or something as he quit cold turkey. But, I know the lungs are a miraculous thing and will recover and get healthy in record time when you quit. You can do this!!!!
Good for you two! I quit in 1989. I had to go cold turkey….i hope you two succeed! Britt needs to cut in on Adam’s stash of gum…you’ll need sugarfree gum, Karl, for that oral fixation. Or something…
The 5th time will be the one. Having a quitting buddy will make for good blogging :o) you guys are too cute and I’m glad you have each other during the OMG, this sucks phase.
Wow… very nice.
It took me a few tries to quit, but I finally did on May 16, 2003. It’s been over 5 years now and I only smoke the occasional PrimeTime (mostly Cherry or Raspberry flavor) at the bar.
Good on ya. Now once you quit, you have to add another vice or increase the amount you partake of an existing vice… like drinking. LOL
You can do it Karl. Non-smoking men are MUCH MUCH sexier!
DutchieStyle - Yay! Good for you. And yes, you can smoke as much as you want until then.
Lady Jaye - Thanks. I wish I could say I look forward to it…
SJ - Well, that sucks. I don’t smoke in the house.
Lisa - Seriously, if you quit for nine months, that’s just insane. Because I never picked them back up again. *cough*
Nina - That’d be great. Maybe we need to start a group or something.
Hilly - Heh, you’re welcome?
Whall - Screw the government!
Jen - Thanks.
Patty - I’m happy to say that my father quit a number of years ago. Course, it took a major heart attack to make it happen, but still.
Stephanie - Gum will be a necessity, yeah.
Foo - there may need to be nightly radio shows to keep me on the wagon. Everyone will be sick of me.
Martymankins - Congrats on five years. That rocks.
Kyra - Maybe this is what I need to get a girlfriend.
God quitting smoking was brutal. (That’s not encouraging is it?) I quit by giving myself (inadvertent) nicotine poisoning.
I did it, I’m glad I did. I feel a lot better for it. I found not having to go outside for a smoke I had all this new time. It’s been two years now. And you know, some day you still miss it.
Nat - It’s the extra time I worry about.
Karl,
I’ll join you and Britt on August 15th. I’ve smoked for almost 40 years, and I’m not yet 50. I’ve “quit” a million times. Maybe this time I can make it stick.
I’ve been a smoker since I was 18 which means I have been smoking for 20 years. YUCK! I need to quit. I’ve thought about quitting. Maybe I should quit with you and Britt. There is power in numbers, right??
I truly wish you all the luck in the world. As a non smoker I welcome you with open arms to our side of the fence. Your hotness will be magnified by a cool 4million percent on the 15th!
Mary - Excellent!
Lucy - All aboard the Quitting train! The more the merrier.
Bec - Thanks. Hard to imagine me being even hotter, but still…
[...] Yesterday’s post caused quite a stir. Lots of support and I thank you. But it seems we might have sparked a Quitting Revolution, since a number of you have agreed to hop on board on August 15th and quit smoking with me. Very cool. The more the merrier, I say. [...]
Good. For. You!
After smoking for 20+ years, I quit on 3/30/99. (When you’re successful at this, you’ll always remember the exact date you quit…) Via hypnotherapy - she told me the reason people fail is because they think that having one or two won’t make them start again. I’ve never even held one in my hand as I’m terrified that the lure will be too much for me.
And PS: you could increase the amount of women who would consider dating you - if I see a guy light up, he’s automatically out of the running.
Good luck - we will all be rooting you both on!
Laurel - Woo hoo! I’ve got a shot with Laurel!
I might start smoking again just to quit with you guys!
NO! It’s been three years this August after 30+ years of smoking. If I didn’t smoke at TC just to ‘make out’ with you then I guess I’m done forever!! YAY!
Good luck!
Metalmom - Well, that would just be silly to start up again only to quit a month later. But hey, if you *want* to…
Making a note right now:
“No inflammatory comments or twats to Karl or Miss Britt come August 15th. Unpack firearms just in case.”
Got it, hon! Congrats and I hope this time it sticks!
CMG - Smart gal, you.
Quitter.
Good luckand good for you!
I should probably do the same… but I have yet to get the balls to do so. I’ve quit before… cold turkey when I found out I was pregnant. I didn’t touch it for a year - - but one day, I was like you, ‘an idiot‘, and I picked it up again.
As a kid, I remember my grandparents smoking like chimneys… I hated it! Still to this day, I can’t stand the smell & force my husband to smoke outside. We both smoke, but not in the house. I refuse to let my walls turn yellow and dingy! Yes, I know, I am a complete moron.
Whit - Precisely. For once, I WANT to be a quitter.
Tink - Thanks very much. Yeah, it’s a bitch, the nicotine addiction. I don’t smoke in the house, either.
[...] Put it on your blog’s sidebar and if you use it, please link to the following page: http://secondhandkarl.com/2008/07/i-quit/ [...]
[...] finally? I quit . Or, at least, I’m going to. Karl and Britt are taking the plunge and giving up one of their remaining vices , so I’m going to be the groupie that I am and follow suit. I hope they don’t mind, I [...]