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So yeah, this is late. I’m in Karlifornia now. Everything happens later here. It’s a fact.
I woke up yesterday (well, still today for me) at 5am so I could shave and shower. Avitable was awake and in his Batcave when I got out of the bathroom. I quickly shoved the laptop into its bag, closed up the suitcase, and away we went in the Avitamobile.
I apologize profusely to Adam and Amy for leaving my white trash Mitsubishi in their driveway for three weeks. Right now the rear passenger window is off the track and the window won’t close all the way. So there’s a black garbage bag stuck down over the top of the door to keep the rain out. Yeah, I’m a high-class bitch like that.
In fact, when I suggested to my mom on Friday that I REALLY wanted an iPhone RIGHT NOW and that it would make for an excellent early birthday present, she said, “I think you’d be better served to get your car windows fixed.” Fuck. Nothing good ever comes from a sentence that starts with “I think you’d be better served…”
As we drove to Orlando Airport, we talked about Adam’s top-secret Halloween party plans - I can’t tell you or I’ll be executed and hung in the tree in front of his house, and not in a good way. But they’re very cool plans, of that you can be sure.
My flight was set to depart Orlando at 7:45am, so we got there around 6:30′ish and everything was peachy. Checked my bag - for which US Airways now wants $15 for the first bag and $25 for a second bag - but didn’t have to pay the ridiculous fee because I bought my plane tickets before July 9 (thank God). Then went through security, hit the tram to the terminal, got out into a much smaller terminal than I’ve ever been in at Orlando. Had breakfast and as I was eating got a call from Orbitz saying that my flight was delayed.
Uh oh. Not this shit again. But it was only delayed around 20 minutes. And the pilot made up all the time in the air, so we got to Phoenix on time. I had an hour before the next plane left for Santa Ana, so what did I do? Walk straight to the next gate? No.
I went outside to go make out. Hell, it was a four-hour flight, people. I was needing the nicotine.
Phoenix, by the way? HOT. Not FLORIDA hot, mind you, but hot nonetheless. Had a couple of cigs and was pleased to see an 8-year-old boy walking up to a van with his mom in front of the terminal. He opened her car door for her, then opened the sliding back door and got in. Ladies, keep an eye out for this kid in 10 years. He’s a keeper.
Went back in through security…really FAST security, too. Phoenix airport has their shit together. Walked to the gate and they were already boarding. Perfect. Flight to Santa Ana was uneventful. In fact, we got there 10 minutes ahead.
Down to the baggage claim after texting Hilly that I was arriven (shut up, it IS a word!), straight outside for the making out. Hilly texted me back. “Where are you? I’m outside?”
“I’m outside, too.” Fuck this. Why am I still texting? Dialed her and she was a few hundred feet away at another door.
Got my bag, to the car, and away we went.
Karlifornia had begun! We weren’t driving for two minutes before the first “Nice move, cocklick!” emanated from Hilly’s lips as someone cut her off in traffic. Ah, there’s nothing like driving with Hilly, really. You MUST try it.
We drove along the PCH (Pacific Coast Highway) in search of food. Went through Laguna Beach, where Hilary decided she might want to get some gas (after the 20th DING! came from the dashboard). And Mom, I know you’re not checking out my Flickr or Twitter during this, but the gas prices in Orange County? $4.57 a gallon for regular.
USELESS DIGRESSION: Remember how in the 70’s you had Regular gasoline and Unleaded? And now Regular IS unleaded. Weird.
We got the gas and drove along a ways and parked the car. Walked along the street, looking at the various shops and people (LOVE all the hot women in California) and decided to stop at BJ’s for lunch. No, BJ’s does not stand for what you THINK it stands for. It’s a pizza place.
After lunch, we walked back along the avenue and stopped at the Candy Baron, which has barrels and buckets of candy from one end of the store to the other. Everything you can imagine.
They also have a pretty extensive selection of sugar-free candy, which is very cool. I got a bunch of goodies, including sugar-free Tootsie Rolls and sugar-free Bazooka gum! I skipped out on the Jesus Saves mints, though, AND the Statue of Liberty mints (DOESN’T COUNT!).
They had hundreds of flavors of taffy, too, which I used to love as a child. (And yeah, they had a big variety of sugar-free taffy, too.) What I do NOT love now, though, is how fucking sticky that shit is. Especially if it’s hot out. There’s a boatload of sugar-free taffy sitting in Hilly’s fridge right now, actually, in hopes that it’ll cure that meltiness.
Back we went to Hilly’s place. Every time I visit Hilly, her and her husband are in new digs. And the one common element to them all (save one) is ALL. OF. THE. FUCKING. STAIRS. Having to drag my heavy-ass suitcase up her stairs is a chore and a half. We laugh about it, but I’m pretty sure she picks out her apartments solely based on how much she’ll be able to laugh at me groaning up the stairs.
Spent a little one-on-one time with the infamous FC (her cat) and then we just vegged on the sofa (which is doubling as my bed. Y’know, once I finish this post.)
OK, I’m gonna speed this along now. I’m whipped. I took a nap, we dragged Hilly’s computer downstairs so we can pair up and do our online thing at the same table. Hilly hid because “there will be NO more pictures of me today, motherfucker!”
That picture was allowed. Rather than going out to get dinner or go out to the store to get toilet paper (we’re currently using Kleenex, thanks very much), we stayed in. Ordered pizza, sat at our computers, watched Big Brother 10 (holy shit was it great last night!) and then back to the computers.
I contemplated a blog post, realizing that - oops! - I wasn’t going to make my midnight deadline since it was already past midnight on the east coast. Then I got a text message from Motley and Winter over something we had talked about previously, and we decided to get together. I can’t really talk about the secret mission we were on because, jinkies! The cops!
We picked up Motley and Winter and then headed over to Norm’s (a restaurant) for coffee with our special guest star, Dave’s tiara!
Left Norm’s, unable to complete our secret mission, then drove Winter and Motley back to their place. Just as we were leaving their place, I got a text from Motley.
“Did you remember to grab the tiara?”
Oh SHIT! Dave’s tiara was back at Norm’s!
“Are we really going to drive all the way back down there for a cheap tiara?” Hilly asked.
“I think we must,” I replied. And so we did. Winter called Norm’s and told us we’d be there to grab the tiara. 10 minutes later, I had the tiara in my hot little hands and we came home.
And now it’s 2:30 in the morning. Pacific Time, which is 5:30 in the morning MY time. I’m off to bed as soon as I stick myself with a needle.
Day 2 of Karlifornia can only get better. Hard to imagine, but it will.
And tomorrow? My guest blogger here for the Summer of Love is none other than the NYC Watchdog. He’s the Man.
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Course, if you follow me on Twitter, you’ll see many of the Flickr photos I post from my cellphone, as well as the Utterz I mutterz.
Filed under Local Goings On, Travel |33 Responses to “And the Universe Will Be a Much Happier Place, Believe Me”
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MORE PICTURES OF HILLY!!!
Fucker.
Nice tiara pic. Do you think you’ll wake up with a cat sitting on your face?
BJ’s is awesome - I love their food.
Does Hilly have the same mondo-huge awesome monitor that I do?
It was so much fun meeting you, Karl! Okay, I’m a little droopy eyed today, but it was fun. I’m sure there will be more fun coming our way before you go home! OMG. I said fun three times. I must really like you!
Sounds like day 1 was fantastic. Look forward to all the updates and adventures.
LOL. Re: driving with Hilly - this has GOT to be a CA thing. Every time I come out and my cuz picks me up at Long Beach, I just close my eyes and pray I’ll live long enough to get in the pool. And he’s all, “what? I’m only doing 90.” - M-A-N-I-A-C.
LOVE to Hilly, wish I was on the Karlifornia Tour, have a wonderful time! (how could you not? : )
Blondefabulous - I wouldn’t have put it past FC, but no. Woke up just fine.
Avitable - BJ’s was really good. And she has a big one, but not that big.
Winter - Great meeting you, too.
Willie G - Thanks, yeah, there will be a LOT more.
John - Yeah, she is a maniac!
Awwww, now Karl is the pretty, pretty princess
“Nice move, cocklick!” I love Hilly.
Oy! You weren’t supposed to tell the world that I had an epic FAIL at actually getting TP yesterday!
Fucker
Also? Driving with me is a TREAT, sir!
(this is me subscribing cause I forgot)
“Cartoon bears use it and shit.” Isn’t that suppose to be in reverse order.
You people are not getting anywhere near my tiara this weekend.
Holy hell, you watch BB10?
That gives me lady wood.
I’m pretty excited that up here in Northern Cali gas went down to $4.29 from $4.47. I squealed a little bit with excitement when I went to fill up my car the other day.
And I pretty much love the picture with the Tiara. Pretty much going to need some alone time now…
Heh.
If you go to the religious stores you can get Testamints. Lovely pun. Laugh or you go to hell. Whatever.
I suppose a medical supply place would have testesmints.
I slay me sometimes.
Dagny - No worries. I’m kind of tiara’d out for the moment.
Stephanie - I have watched every season from the beginning. Feel free to get a woody, especially if it’s mine.
Sarah - Yeah, I am pretty hot in a tiara.
Kris - Heh, testamints.
Laguna….How I do miss Laguna…
I’ll be at Blog Her on SAt…I’ll try to find you to introduce myself..If I can get pass your bodyguards..I mean bitches…I mean Harem…
Anyway I will try to say hi…Remember me??…Icecream scooper???
Me TOO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I LOVE that show!
Last season was awesome, and so much better since I started watching BB After Dark on Showtime 2. THAT is where the good stuff is.
Evil Dick gave me lady wood, too. You did it now…i know who I can compare notes with…beware.
Wendy: I don’t know you but now that I’ve read this, I’ll even remind him! I have a memory like a baby elephant (and an ass to go with it).
‘Arriven’ is a word, but only when followed by the word ‘hath’. As is, “Where is that lovely chick who writes The Seventh Notebook? Oh! There she is! She hath arriven!”
As IN, not as is.
I still can’t wait to meet Hilly sometime soon. She looks like so much fun. You’re lucky to have her as such a good friend, Karl.
(Hilly… where’s my damn check?)
BITCHES STOLE MY TIARA!!
Glad you are having a wonderful time in Karlifornia. Reminds me of the song….californiation for some reason. You look cute in the tiara…I’m sure dave is jealous.
Stephanie - Never saw BB After Dark until last night. I don’t get Showtime. But wow, this is a good season already.
Catherine - Can’t wait to meet your arriven ass.
Kapgar - I know…I’m very lucky. Not with the ladies, but to have Hilly as a bud.
Dave2 - Heh, but it’s in Hilly’s car. Never fear.
Patty - Thanks, it’ll be a blast.
Hilly drives like a true Californian. People need to understand that swearing at other drivers is part of our culture.
shoulda bought those mints! they SO counted…
Was that the Norm’s in Santa Ana? It’s the only Norm’s I know and have been to numerous times.
Good thing you went back for the tiara. BITCHES WOULD BE PAYING FOR LOSING THE TIARA.