Oh my God, the headache is back something fierce and I’m ready to amputate my head to be done with it. I may try to see if I can get into the chiropractor tomorrow. I’m hoping he can, and maybe can give me some power drugs to make me forget I’m human, let alone the fact that I have a headache.
So tomorrow I’m driving back to Britt’s house in the afternoon. I’ll stay there overnight so that Britt and I can hit the Orlando airport Friday morning for our trip to NYC. As I mentioned in an earlier post, I’ve decided against taking my laptop on the trip. We’re going to be there for 48 hours and I’m sure there will be very little time to surf the Net and check email. I had absolutely no time for my computer at TequilaCon last month, so why bother bringing along another bag?
I’ve written my posts for Saturday and Sunday. I may write one for Monday, too, just in case. In fact, yes, I will. I just looked at the ticket information and we don’t arrive back in Orlando until 11:45pm Sunday night. Hope Britt will let me sleep over again Sunday night because I don’t want to drive back home for two hours after we get our luggage.
Now’s a good time, I guess, to see if any of you readers live in New York City and want to hook up this weekend. Let me know. I’ve already touched base with Neil, who is currently growing his testicles in New York, while he ponders life and the universe and everything.
So if you’re in the area and want to get together, leave me a comment, send me an email, or call my cell if you’re one of the luckiest people in the world and you have my number.
And now for something from the “What a Fucking Moron” Department.
This kid, 18 years old and freshly graduated from high school, here in Florida was hanging with some of his buddies the other night. They were drinking, but he claims that wasn’t a factor in what happened.
He’s partying near Lake Okechobee (45 minutes from my house), right? It’s two in the morning and this rocket scientist decides it’s a great idea to go swimming in the lake (actually one of the channels associated with the lake).
The lake that is (like many in Florida) chock full of alligators. Alligators that primarily do their hunting at night because they’re all gatory that way.
So what happens? Surprise! An alligator chomps down on his arm and tries to drag him under the water and do a “death roll.” The boy grabs onto a buoy and manages to hang on, despite the gator bringing him under water five times.
The gator bit the kid’s arm off and when the authorities found the gator later on, the arm was far too mangled to try and reattach it.
You can watch the video of Mr. Brightside by clicking on the picture above (or right here).
It’s a shame the fucking alligator didn’t bite the kid’s head off. Survival of the fittest, after all. Clearly the gator was smarter than the kid.
Here’s a clue for any of you thinking about visiting Florida. We really DO have alligators here. It’s not just something you see on television. They’re all over the place and reside in most lakes. Don’t go swimming in a lake, especially not at two in the morning when the gators are searching for food.
And morons.
Oh. My. Hell.
That’s sooo worthy of a Darwin Award! In fact, I bet it makes the 2008 Series!
You have no idea how badly I wish I was going to BrittCon with all of you guys! I know you’ll have a fantastic time – don’t lose your camera!
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No gators up here in my part of Canada. Though we do have moose. Giant, bloodthirsty ravening moose bigger than houses THAT WILL EAT YOUR ENTIRE FAMILY!
Okay, I made that up. But they may nibble the bushes in your yard.
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Is that this weekend, already? I thought it was July! I wanted to come! Maybe I’ll make it up for a day. I’ll try. Email me and let me know where you’re all staying!
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Amber – definite Darwin award winner. And I shan’t lose the camera, don’t worry.
James – I’ve heard about those vicious attack mooses, man. It’s the only thing that keeps me out of your neighborhood. We’ve known each other far too long to have never shared some beer.
BBM – Yes, this weekend. July is BlogHer and California. I’ll send you an email momentarily. It’d be great if you could come out.
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I just moved to a suburb of NYC and I’d say we should meet for a drink or coffee or something, but I’d get you more lost than you may already be!!
I hope the trip goes well!!
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MaryLeigh – We’re staying in midtown. Feel free to send me an email if you like. We’re going to be fully stocked up with Google Maps. Plus NYCWD knows the place very well.
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looking forward to seeing you again, my friend. i mean, it has been all of three days and i have kawool withdraw. hehe
i called my cousin a moron when she went duck hunting in the florida lakes. dem gators git hungry!
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I don’t believe the alcohol made this one stupid. I think this is a home grown idjit. Some kids are really dumb about their mortality. These were probably drinking and driving too. At least their drunk antics didn’t hurt any innocent people.
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I’m betting that the gator found him delicious!
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I’d definitely say that this moron fits in the class of folks I refer to as a Witless Homosapien Dufus Dorkus.
Without a doubt.
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You forgot the coolest part!!! The kid got away because he gouged the gator’s eye out with his thumb!!!
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Hmmm…you guys are in Midtown and I am a 45 minute train ride away on the island….
I say why not?
Send me an e-mail if you’re interested in hanging out
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I simply cannot believe what you choose to blog about. Sometimes I think “oh, he’ll be decent sometimes” or “he won’t go over the edge this time” but you continually disappoint me. Every. Time.
You know, Mr “Triptoe Fan”, there are some topics that you shouldn’t make light of. You HAVE to think of the people involved. The lives you impact. What if others who care about this particular situation read what you so carelessly type? What of THEIR feelings?!?! How would YOU like it if people wrote about YOU so unfeelingly? Even if you don’t care, you should care about others.
I don’t know if I can come back to this blog. I’ll have to go gather my thoughts and see if the small pieces of humor I get here and there are worth the travesty that is your conscience.
That you would consider leaving your laptop home is ATROCIOUS!
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oh, that piece about the gator chompin on the stupid kids arm? priceless! MORE MORE MORE MORE
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Ok, you’re ate to the party! I blogged that yesterday after seeing it on CNN. I so don’t want to tell people where my home town is anymore, because now instead of them repying “Where is Okeechobee?”, they’re gonna say, “Oh yeah, the town where that kid got his arm eaten off!”. Not exactly what we wanted to be known for.
I wish the gator had won.
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I lost two arms to alligators as a teen. Luckily I got bionic arms instead.
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Florida also has SNAKES. Big, python snakes that owners dump in the lakes when they don’t want them anymore.
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I don’t think I will wish death upon him, but I do agree that he is quite the moron.
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I get it. I really do. My folks live in SE Georgia, not too far from Okeefenokee (sp?)… eff it. Anyway, one day, I go golfing with my dad and we pass some gators in our golf cart. I freak the shit out. Seriously. My dad says to not worry because the course removes them before they get really big. Later I found out that really big = over eight feet long.
I tell my mom the story when we get home and she then tells me the story about the time my dad whacked an alligator to get him away from his golf ball. My dad is freaking nuts.
And I am PISSED that I can’t come to NYC this weekend. Stupid party I am hosting at my house. Maybe next year all of the bloguverse can come here instead.
By the way, I have lurked for a while now, but I am lazy and unless my brain is more damaged than I thought this is my virgin comment.
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Your state scares me. If I moved there, I’d have to live inside Disney World, so I could keep my delusions.
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Hello – I’m having Hello withdrawals myself. And it’s totally different if you’re in a boat on a lake.
Winter – Very true.
Dave2 – I’m sure you’re right. Something tells me idiots are more tasty than smart people.
Mattie – Ha, I like it.
Miss Britt – That’s right, I forgot. He gouged out the gator’s eyes. They advise that, actually. I’m of the mindset that I don’t ever want to put myself in a position where I can gouge out a gator’s eyes in the first place.
Robin – Sure, come on out! I’ll email you shortly.
Whall – Damn, dude. You had me worried there for a moment.
Blondefabulous – Yes, I saw your post. I’d already decided I’d be blogging about that myself. And you live within 45 minutes of me? We MUST hang.
Avitable – Do your bionic arms make cool “Six Million Dollar Man” sound effects?
Student Teacher – That’s true. I joke with people, saying I can’t swim in the lakes because of gators and I can’t swim in the ocean because of sharks.
Bucky – Well, I don’t REALLY wish death upon anyone. But I can’t say I’d cry over anyone’s death under those circumstances.
ADW – Your dad IS nuts. Thanks for devirginizing.
Kyra – Florida is just fine. You don’t really need to worry about alligators unless you’re swimming in a lake, usually. It’s more a matter of awareness. Just know where the gators hang out (near water). It’s like snakes…I’ve seen a few here in Florida. We have one that lives in or around my yard, but it’s a black racer snake, not venomous but good for eating little critters.
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Actually, I liv in Bowling Gren now. Just a scant 25 minutes from you
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I’m telling you…I think it’s a sinus headache. I have one right now. And the fact that I have one means that you have one too. My temples hurt all the way to my teeth, neck and all over. I want someone to take my head OFF.
Don’t forget to take a picture of me to NYC and drink at least an hour in my honor. AND at least ONE drunk phone call. That way I’ll feel like I’m there in spirit!
I know, I sound self-centered.
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Blondefabulous – That’s pretty close.
Lisa – You’ve got it, babe. We shall drink in your honor and drunk dial you.
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“Because they’re all gatory that way.” HA! We just moved from Lower Alabama and people wondered why I wouldn’t get in the alligator infested creek.
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And the poor gator had to die because of this idiot. That’s the part that’s the saddest.
I’m going to be pouting all weekend because I don’t get to go to New York. Have a wonderful time and please note where the toilet in your room is located.
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Morons must be tasty! Also, I would reconsider removing your head. It is only a temporary fix.
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Jennifer – Tell them “Because I’m SMART!”
Finn – True, the gator did have to die. All because it was being, well, a GATOR. Wish you could go to NYC. We’re gathering quite a crew now.
James – Are you sure? I’m pretty sure it would fix it permanently.
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No alligators here in Canada. Our beavers can get nasty though.
(…..get your mind out of the gutter)
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I’m just a train ride from the city. But there’s that whole issue of, you know, me not leaving my house.
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Dragon – What are you talking about? Beavers can get totally nasty.
Stacey – Aw, come on! I won’t bite. Much.
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I hope you feel better ASAP and I know you’ll have a great time in NY!
That gator story is priceless. That kid is dumb as 9 chickens.
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Sybil – I think 9 chickens have him beat in the intellect department.
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we used to have to walk by sleeping alligators that were basking in the sun on our way to the pool at my granparents house (in tarpon springs). it always scared the bejeezes out of me. my grandpa always said that if one woke up you were supposed to run away from it in a curvy line: he said because of their short little legs, they can’t curve very fast.
i don’t know if this is true, though. i mean, this is the same man who told me that mushrooms were giblets, and that i could catch a bunny in the yard by sprinkling salt on its tale. among other things.
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Supertiff – Yeah, I plan on never testing the curvy lines alligator theory, thanks very much.
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