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So I’m here at Britt’s. FINALLY. Took me 3-1/2 hours to get here, thanks to inordinate amounts of traffic both on US-27 AND I-4. And a shitton of rain. Why the fuck is it that idiots decide to weave back and forth from lane to lane when we’re doing 15 mph? Seriously? Do you really think you’re somehow going to get to your destination faster? Ugh. Times like this make me really wish I had my hood-mounted laser cannon so I could blow the morons away. No, it wouldn’t get ME to where I’m going any faster, but I’d sure feel better.
Britt went to bed early, begging her husband for a massage. When I told him that massages really get the “ol’ pump primed, if you know what I mean” Britt replied, “We don’t have sex when other people are in the house.”
WHAT?!
“Really,” she explained, “do you seriously want to hear us having sex?”
Um, kind of?
“So what you’re saying is you’re really loud in bed?”
“I am NOT talking to you about this.”
I’ll take that as a resoundingly loud yes.
Right, so while I write this post, I’m listening to see if Britt starts singing arias, or at least a raucous version of The Time’s “Jungle Love.”
Today begins BrittCon. In less than eight hours, Britt and I will set out for the Orlando airport, where we’ll be flying to NYC. There’s no Freaky Frakkin’ Friday today, sorry. And there won’t be an episode of SecondHand Radio this Sunday.
I’m leaving my laptop here at Britt’s, so I really won’t have much opportunity to read email or Twitter, though I WILL be twatting from my cell profusely.
Now would be a marvelous time to follow me on Twitter, if you don’t already. You might also want to follow the other BrittCon attendees, though I’m too lazy right now to list them all and link to them all. Search for them on Twitter: Miss Britt, Hello Haha Narf, Cissa Fireheart, Poppycede, and NYCWD. There will be others, too, hopefully.
After reading one of Neil’s recent posts (he’s also in NYC at the moment, well, Queens, really), I discovered the Museum of Sex, which is located in - YES! - New York City. I then took a peek at the Virtual Museum of Sex, which has pictures of real live sex machines. No, I’m not talking about me (but I can certainly see why you’d think I was), MECHANICAL machines.
Take a look at these:
Besides spelling my name wrong, I find this Erotichine a fascinating device. It leaves me wondering, how many pussies does this woman have?
Look at the pride this dude has in his creation. The Piledriver, which is apparently designed to replicate the penis of a blue whale, also looks as if it can cut a head of lettuce. I love me a versatile sex machine. I don’t even know how this device would work. How does the woman get underneath it? And will the penis poke the roof of the woman’s mouth via her intestinal tract?
Now THIS guy is REALLY proud of his work. I’m sure he’s not on any sexual offenders list because you can tell he’s quite reputable.
Hi, come on in. Don’t mind the refrigerator getting in the way of this hobby horse in the middle of our kitchen. That’s pretty high up. I’m guessing it’s meant for a giraffe.
This is the Hootchie Harley, I shit you not. I can only assume it gets its name because it’s diesel-powered. I love how the lawnmower is right there, too. I’m guessing the inventor is just waiting to figure out how to combine the two. Finally, a reason for women to mow the fucking lawn. When I showed this to Britt, her eyes grew to the size of cantaloupes and she said, “Oh my God!” I’m pretty sure she’s Googling this so she can order it tomorrow online. Right now, she’s limited to the Guggenheimer 3000 (kick start vibrator) and the love swing hanging above her bed.
Oops, I can hear her now. But you didn’t hear that from me. I’m discreet. Unlike Britt.
We’re TOTALLY going to the Museum of Sex if I have to drag Britt and Becky and Cissa kicking and screaming and moaning. Britt swears we’re not, but she also swears she doesn’t have sex when other people are in the house.
By the way, I kinda said that I’d go looking through Britt’s panties drawer. Surprisingly, she doesn’t wear panties. She said she prefers quick access. So when I open up her top drawer (typically designated the panties drawer), all I found was this. I decided to lay a $5 bill next to it so you could see how Britt rolls.
The next three days of posts here at 2HT are already written so I don’t have to worry about them. Britt’s bringing her laptop to NYC but I doubt I’ll have much chance to check email. If you’ve got my cell number, feel free to call. Otherwise, I’m sure I’ll be drunk-dialing a bunch of you.
Especially when Britt is singing “Jungle Love.”
Filed under 2HT Mentions, 2HT Radio, Local Goings On, Sex, Travel |22 Responses to “Shh! I’m Trying to Hear if Britt Makes Jungle Noises”
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Please pick me up a “souvenir” at the Sex Museum, kthanks.
Hmmm… is it hot in here or is it just me?
If I were going to BrittCon we would TOTALLY go to the sex museum. Ask Britt… she swears I’m a whore. But, once again, I have had to tell her that I refuse to manage her Brothel in some 3rd world country.
Hilly - will do. I hope they have big packing crates for the model you want.
AmyD - It’s not just you, baby. We’re going to get along swimmingly, I can tell.
A) I never have sex when other people are in the house. Loud or not, totally creepy.
B) I love that those dudes posed with their creepy sex toys. Best reason for visiting the museum, IMO.
I can’t wait to see your Flickr feed on the day you go to that museum!
Karl~~~ I’m glad that you are with the French Alpine Goats and want to fuck me!! ~~BGWD~~~~
I love this post~~~I’m so going to be following you on twitter
I wish I was going with ya’ll
TTYL when ya get back!!!
My wife never has sex when I’m in the house.
…hey, wait a second…
Sex toys? Sounds fun! I saw some sex machines in a porn mag once… I dunno, some of those look freaking painful!
who needs the empire state building? sign me up for the sex museum! (sad part is, it is totally true…i would love to check that place out.)
Man. You think you can trust someone…
Wow Karl, those pictures… first thing in the morning? Geeze I almost spit my coffee on my laptop. Holy smokes that thing would split someone in half!
I wonder how the sex museum in NYC compares to the one I went to in Amsterdam. I’ll have to check it out next time I’m there.
Maybe this will throw my over the twitter cliff.
I’ve never been to the Sex Museum, and I live here. I feel so uncultured.
But if you look on a map of registered sex offenders, it’s in the bright red cluster.
Ha ha! I can just see you riffling through Britt’s unmentionables and coming up with that thing in the last photo! My husband, as you know, used to work at a hot shop, and that was one of the better….um….. devices! Dual controls are always the hallmark of a more expensive “item”!!
Thinl the Museum of Sex has a gift shop??
Note to self: No rooming with Karl.
Britt does not like to talk about sex, period, so her refusal to discuss does not necessarily mean the answer to her being loud during sex is “yes”.
Poppy is a good friend.
Other note to self: Don’t use the comment edit option to insert the word “to” if I forget it.
Have you ever seen Howard Stern with the sybian, where he has porn stars try it out? It’s pretty awesome.
Would Britt’s, um, toy look smaller with a hundred dollar bill beside it? LOL.
Damn, now I have Jungle Love playing in my head. Damn you Karl.
Pics of the Sex museum please. And some funny ones, too… where Becky and Britt are pretending to know all of the devices intimately at the museum.
Will a Sybian fit in your suitcase…or in a shipping box destined for Indiana? Hmm?? Please???
BTW..i am strictly on the hetero bandwagon…but the videos Adam is talking about? HAWT.
(Why the hell do I continue to watch videos that he recommends?)
Wow….never heard of the sex museum, yikes. Well, some people are private about their sex life that’s for sure….Karl needs to get some is all I’m thinking.
Holy horse dick! A couple of those things look bigger than I am tall! That museum visit should certainly make for some interesting Twittering.
Jonothan - Didn’t get to hit the museum.
Winter - Alas, there was no sex museum on this trip.
Charlene - thanks!
Dan - HA!
Motley - Painful?! They look like they’d kill an elephant!
Hello - Well, we didn’t go to the Museum of Sex. But at least you got to suck down the last bit of Karl.
Britt - After last night’s Laguardia experience, you KNOW you can trust me.
PocketCT - heh, glad I could make you spit out coffee.
NYCWD - You’ve NEVER BEEN?! WTF?
Blondefabulous - Your hubby worked a sex shop? That’s awesome.
Poppy - I’m a GREAT roommate. There was no WJP this time around. Plus if you sleep on the floor in an airport, I’ll stand there and act as blocker.
Avitable - I don’t listen to Stern these days. His schtick got old after a while.
Dragon - you’re welcome.
Martymankins - I wish we’d gone to the museum, but no.
Stephanie - I’ll see what I can do.
Patty - true enough.
SJ - Right??