I got back home late yeserday afternoon. Yes, I was selected for a jury. Yes, it’s over. Yes, I can talk about it now. Instead, I’m going to talk about something entirely different because I’m just fucking filled with emotion about a whole other set of drama.
All of this is now public, so I feel I have every right to talk about it. I’m pissed, I’m hurt, and I’m disappointed in someone I consider a friend. And unlike some others – and I’m not bitching or pointing fingers at anyone here, we’re all handling this in our own way – I’m naming names.
I’m talking about Mr. Fabulous. It’s now public knowledge (since he and Turnbaby MADE it public and brought us all into their situation) that he and Turnbaby left their spouses so they could be together. I’m not saying that’s the ONLY reason they were leaving their spouses. Regardless, they were divorcing their spouses and moving in together. Fab left Florida and moved to Kentucky to be with Turnbaby, just a week and a half ago.
A news story/press release on Blog Talk Radio announced their engagement, by the way. So they were going to get MARRIED. Fine. Like many other people, I wasn’t happy with HOW they went about all of this, but Fab is my friend so I was there to support him.
He moved there a week and a half ago. At some point, he did a major 180. He drove with Turnbaby back to Florida a couple of days ago. Fab was going to his divorce hearing (NOT with Turnbaby, mind you, she stayed behind in the hotel) and then he and Turnbaby were going to go on vacation. Fine.
Then this post appears on his blog yesterday, saying that he and MRS. Fab are back together. He’s taking a hiatus from his blog and the radio show to work on his home life. But WHAT THE FUCK? He leaves Turnbaby in Florida with no way to get back home?! Suddenly, he’s gone from being in “love” with Turnbaby, gonna marry her, to jilting her and going back to the wife?
I feel like I just finished watching an episode of “Dallas” when they had Bobby Ewing say that the entire last fucking season was a DREAM and never really happened. Pretend none of that shit ever took place. All those emotions you felt during that whole season? Yeah, throw those out because they never really counted. We’re back to the way things WERE.
Well, no we’re not.
Others have posted about this and/or commented on other blogs, saying we have no right to be upset. It’s not our place to judge. It’s about Turnbaby, Fab, and Mrs. Fab. Fuck that. I have a RIGHT to be pissed and disappointed. They involved everyone when they went public with their relationship. They asked us all to accept the situation and support our friends and most of us did just that.
So you can’t expect me not to have an opinion here. I think it’s incredibly shitty that Fab jilted Turnbaby, left her stranded in Florida, to go back to the woman he screwed over in the first place. I have no idea what his reasoning was. Clearly he was confused, clearly he’s hurting. I know he fights depression just like I do, but regardless of your mental state – short of having a psychotic break from reality – that does NOT justify shitty behavior.
How do you go from being in love with someone to dumping them and going back to your wife in less than a week and a half? Simple, you weren’t really in “love” to begin with. You do NOT treat people like this, you don’t treat ANYONE like this, but particularly people you “love.” Have some fucking courtesy and respect!
I’m far from perfect. It’s not like I’ve never hurt anyone. I have, and I’ve done some crappy things in my life. REALLY crappy things. But that shit is in my past. I’m an adult now. I’ve grown up (in certain regards, anyway).
I have a right to be angry and disappointed in my friend. I would react the same with ANY friend who pulled this utter bullshit. I would LOVE to know all the details, know what happened, know what changed all of a sudden, know when Fab knew that he was having second thoughts about Turnbaby, and when he knew that he was going to desert her in Florida. But I may never know.
As Jester said last night on his radio show, I feel that I am owed an explanation. If and when Fab returns to his blog – and I’m a might miffed, too, that comments were closed on his post from yesterday – I expect him to explain himself. Even if he never blogs again, I’d like an explanation.
I don’t HATE him. I don’t HATE anyone, actually. In fact, it’s a testament to how important Fab is to me that I’m THIS worked up about the whole thing. If he meant nothing to me, then I’d have no emotional investment. But I DO care.
Right now, I’m more concerned with Turnbaby and Mrs. Fab. These women have been put through the wringer in the last months, more than once. I feel really badly for them. And I hope Fab is okay. I hope he gets help because it’s clear to me he needs it.
Frankly, what he needs is to be ALONE for a while, to figure all this shit out, to figure out why he did what he did.
More than likely, I’ll be washing my hands of Fab for good. That’s not a threat or a guarantee, but short of him discovering that Turnbaby hacks up infants and makes soup out of them, I cannot overlook his shitty behavior.
I supported him throughout the whole affair. But I can only lean so far before I totally tip over. It’s going to have to be one hell of an explanation to make me come around on this.
And for those that are “laughing” about all of this, fuck you. It’s not funny that I feel duped. It’s not funny or appropriate to say “I told you all so.” It’s especially not cool that you don’t have open comments, and you require people to register with your blog just to READ the comments that have been left, and that your site registration is BROKEN to begin with, so I can’t register if I wanted to.
My thoughts are all over the place. I don’t even know that I’m making sense. Fuck it. The world freaking exploded yet again and I’ll survive. I always do.
Tomorrow I’ll blog about my jury duty because that irritated me, too. Grr.
Karl, this is the first time I’ve been here but I was reading about the uproar on other peoples’ blogs and thought I’d contribute.
I won’t say anything bad about Fab as I’ve never met him in person. I’ve “known” Fab a lot longer than many bloggers and was disappointed when he told me in an Email what was going on in his life. Disappointed because as someone who was cheated on, I just don’t think highly of those who cheat. I don’t know all the details behind his relationship with Turnbaby but the fact that they got to know each other behind their spouses backs has really bothered me. I wished him well but I was honest and told him I didn’t approve of the way he went about it. Most of all, I feel bad for Mrs. Fab who has probably been reading his blog all along since this all started and my heart goes out to her. I can only imagine the heartbreak she has had to deal with.
The day I found out about what was going on, I distanced myself from Fab and his blog. I’m sure he’s not a bad person and we ALL make mistakes but I just can’t in good conscience associate myself with someone who’s cheated and I won’t apologize for that. I’m not judging him, I’m just making my choices. I do wish them all the best because they all have many things to figure out for themselves.
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James – Quite.
Avitable – I know. Slightly embarrassing, but oh well. What’s done is done.
Delmer – Yeah.
Britt – Like I said, everyone is handling this in their own way. Your post is your post, and mine is mine. I’m actually a little miffed at myself for posting something so angry, but I don’t pull posts for any reason.
Amy – Thanks.
Zchamu – Nuclear, yeah.
ACG – Yeah, it’s always smart to wait a while between relationships, but I can’t say I’ve always followed that rule myself.
Hilly – I’m definitely talking about it. Maybe I shouldn’t, but oh well.
Coal Miner’s Granddaughter – Yeah, I tend to be a fixer, too. I don’t think this situation is fixable, though.
Sue – Well, Turnbaby has commented here already. She’s taking some much needed “me time.” I really hope she’s okay.
Blondefabulous – Confusing is a good way to put it.
Finn – I agree.
Willie G – agreed. I’m not saying that an explanation would satisfy me in any way.
Not a Granny – jury duty, eh? Enjoy it. I found the experience very interesting.
Frankie – she commented on this post. She’s at the beach, taking some time.
Sleeping Mommy – I can’t for the life of me figure out WHY I’m as upset as I am. Doesn’t seem rational.
Patty – I tend to agree with that, though I’m far from fully aware of all the details.
BFC – Yeah, I don’t know much more than I wrote about here, so who knows what will happen.
Lynda – Some alone time would really be warranted, I think.
Karen – Very true. I hope that EVERYONE is okay.
Robin – Thanks for commenting. I can’t explain why I’m so worked up about this. I need to sit down and figure that out.
Jessica – Agreed. You don’t do that to someone you love and care for.
Dragon – Yeah, I’m not linking to the post someone wrote to say “I told you so.” They get enough traffic already.
Cat – Turnbaby is spending time at the beach, not home yet.
Jester – I think different people handle things in different ways. Some are just staying mum about it, and I can dig that. Some put it all out there, and that’d be me. Most of the time. But to say that I SHOULDN’T feel the way I feel is crap.
Crys – Yeah, I don’t understand the mentality of people that laugh at the misfortunes of others. Won’t ever get it. Sad, really.
PocketCT – I don’t do cryptic very well, either.
Deb – Yep.
Turnbaby – Thanks for commenting here. I know I’m doing a lot of speculating, but I tried to just talk about MY feelings about it. Not sure how successful I was. I’m sorry for everyone involved and really hope you’re doing okay.
Kyra – Yeah, friends are friends, as far as I’m concerned…whether they be online or offline.
Hello – I’m not at all saying that I expect an explanation RIGHT NOW. I get the taking time thing, I do. May be weeks before anyone says anything, may be never.
HoosierGirl – thanks. Yeah, I’m fairly direct most of the time. Perhaps TOO much so.
Poppy – well said. I wish I knew why I was so worked up.
Martymankins – Oh yeah, I never would have posted about this if it had been a secret. I’m a good secret keeper.
Motley – I’m not saying Fab ISN’T a good guy. He is. But the best of us make fucked-up decisions now and again.
Brandon – Yeah.
Danjurus Kurves – Thanks.
Dan – It is a crappy situation, for sure.
NYCWD – Granted, this was a totally emotionally charged post. I get what you’re saying, and I wish I’d spent a little more time mulling things over before posting, I do. I am not condemning Brad for his actions. I’m PISSED at his actions. I don’t know why I’m as upset about this as I am. After all, Brad didn’t personally do anything to me. But I am upset and I got tired of seeing everyone allude to the obvious without just saying what the fuck is going on.
And yeah, it IS a different way of showing it. But it’s how I feel.
Adena – thanks. Yeah, I’m hurt, even though I’m not anywhere near involved in the situation. Can’t explain why.
Sodapop – Probably a wise move.
Glenda – I’m not bitching because he’s not blogging about this shit right now. I understand taking time away. But I hope that there will be an explanation at some point, whenever he decides to return.
Winter – thanks.
Geeky Tai-Tai – you’re welcome.
Trysha – exactly.
Jezebel – I get it.
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i love that you are passionate.
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I’m not in the loop here or anything, but I became curious when I read Britt’s latest post. And I’m wondering if you could tell me if these two people actually met each other in the flesh before they decided to leave their spouses and get married to each other? I guess what I want to know is did they have a real life romance going on? I realize it is none of my business… but y’all got me hooked on the story now.
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I’m so glad somebody finally had the balls to name names and clue us in to what has become a perfect storm brewing around the blogsphere. I kept reading posts about it but they were all crypic talking about people thinking they knew someone and having that person hurt them in some way. I needed/wanted the gory details.
If Fab is truly your friend he will eventually confide in you and clue you into why he did what he did. I can see why people feel hurt, especially Mrs. Fab and Turnbaby. People do crazy things when they think they are “in love” and don’t think about the consequences of their actions until it is too late.
I hope Turnbaby finds peace at the beach and gets home (wherever that ends up being) safely and I hope Mr. and Mrs. Fab work things out if that is what they want to do. Personally, I don’t think I could get over a thing like that but some people are very forgiving (saints).
Peace Out!
P.S. I love reading your blog but don’t think I’ve ever commented. I’m not part of the in crowd so I like to just peak in the windows.
P.P.S. Jury duty SUCKS!
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Because I know neither party well. I cannot really comment on the situation at hand. I will say this…thank you for not filtering. I come to blogosphere to get away from fakeness of rw society to read about what people are really thinking. I wish I filtered less on my own blog. Nice job.
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Hello – I suppose I am that.
Em – Yes, they met in person before deciding to get divorces.
MB – There is no “in crowd.” It’s totally a myth. Thanks for commenting, nice to hear from new folks.
Othurme – Perhaps I *should* have filtered, but screw it. I just couldn’t do it.
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Well said. I have so much more to say but can’t seem to form coherent ramblings right now.
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I appreciate the honestly Karl. Don’t have much to add. I do feel bad for every one involved. Sigh.
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As you well know, I don’t know the folks involved – but I thought this was a wonderful post because it was honest and straightforward. That’s a very impressive way to live because at least if you make mistakes it’s not from trying to hedge or manipulate or out and out lie to people. If you go too far and have to apologize later then so be it, but at least people know where you stand and know that what you’re saying is real.
There’s a lot of folks who go through their whole lives without ever doing that, without being that honest, with or for anyone. So don’t let anyone tell you that you ought to feel bad about being that way.
I’ll say this much: you have a right to decide who your friends are and who they aren’t. You have the right to define what “being a friend” means to you, without consulting anyone else’s definition of what it means first. Because you differ from someone else’s standard of friendship doesn’t make you a bad friend nor does it make their standard wrong. It means that you have different expectations and you’re either going to have to come to some agreement on a middle ground or walk away, because trying to force someone else to live by your own standards only ends up in tears all round.
And just because someone does something to someone else doesn’t mean that you can’t have strong feelings about it. I have two good friends who have been dating for years and I found out two months ago that one cheated on the other. Twice. And I was devastated because I loved, and still love, these people – both of them. It’s like a death, actually – the death of the happy, easy friendship and trust that we all had. So I suppose it makes sense to grieve that a little, to be angry about it and hurt. To feel like you’re losing something that you’ll never, ever be able to have back again…at least not as it was. Because it meant I was going to have to make choices and pick sides…or not and try to navigate the no-man’s-land between the two camps and damn it I didn’t want to do any of that. I just wanted things back as they were.
But that’s not how life works – there is no “reset button.” So all you can do is make the best choices you can and honest about what you’re doing and why…and pray that it all sorts out well in the end. And I hope that for all of you guys too.
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:::applauding:::
Brilliant post,Karl.
Well said.
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I like you better right now than I even did before. And yes, that’s saying something.
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Pixie – Thanks.
Nat – I feel bad for everyone, too.
Caffeinated Librarian – thanks for sharing that. Yeah, it’s hard, but everyone will move on from this eventually. It just got me fired up.
Stephanie – Thank you.
Belinda – Wow, you must like me a lot!
Thanks.
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I’ve been reading quietly, but finally Caffeinated Libriarian said more or less what I was thinking. Pitch-perfectly.
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I think Caffeinated Librairian is right on the money. In fact, she said exactly what I’ve been trying to find the words for for a while now – what a great take on friendship.
Your honesty is refreshing, Karl.
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I’m not really sure why people feel sorry for Turnbaby. She and Fab knew what they were getting into. Sucks for them if it didn’t work out. They had to be aware of that possibility. What about the unwitting husband and wife whose lives got screwed up by all this because their respective spouses don’t have their heads on straight? And they had to read that.
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will anon please leave a name and not be a douche bag?
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karl, i am dying to know if you are gonna comment over at fab’s place today…
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Wafelenback – Yeah.
Suze – well, I’m honest if anything.
Anon – I agree. It’s not like I’m NOT thinking about the spouses involved. I am. And once you cheat – at least for me – it’s very difficult to regain trust. I can’t imagine taking someone back after they cheated on me. But that’s just me.
Hello – Now, now, be nice. I don’t blame anyone for being anonymous. It’s perfectly okay with me. As always, anyone can say anything they want here at any time. And I already commented, yeah.
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i’m not a fan of anonymous, sorry. it is your blog, but these are friends that are being talked about so i tend to get a little riled up.
you wanna spank me, karl? maybe then i will learn my lesson?
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Hello – It’s okay. I’m not a big fan of anonymous, either, but I get it. I just don’t want to make anyone feel unwelcome, even if they don’t want to sign their name to a comment.
I’ll totally spank you, though.
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karl – i knew you would, my friend!
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I’m extremely peripheral to this group and accordingly only knew something was up from Miss Britt’s post. It took about a minute amount of digging to figure it all out.
I’m sorry that there are four people out there who are really hurting right now, especially since two of them chose to go public and now all the dirty laundry is out there to a degree that someone like me can figure it out. My heart goes out to them.
We’ve all been involved in one or more ugly and uncomfortable situation(s), but for me, the piece that’s missing is: what about Turnbaby’s husband? Y’all are talking about TB and The Fabs, but what about him? Fab’s got issues, TB got involved, and everyone’s upset about what happened, but what about him?
Understand that I have just broken one of my Rules of Life and inserted my nose where it has no business, but it bugs me that no one seems concerned about him. All of them, all FOUR of them are injured and in pain. They made a mistake going public with such a volatile situation. We should all step aside and let them sort it out privately, where it belonged in the first place.
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Gwen – I can’t blame you for your perspective. It’s perplexing even to me why so many people are up in arms about this. I don’t KNOW why I’m so invested in it. It bothers me that it bothers me.
But it DOES bother me. Since you’re admittedly new to this particular circle of bloggers (if that’s what you want to call it), then yes, I can see why you’re shaking your head at the entire affair. I’M shaking my head at it.
The thing is, whether they want it to be or not, they MADE this a public issue by their own design. And you can’t uninvent the nuclear bomb. And when you literally INVITE someone to chime in with their two-cents’ worth, then really, can you be in the least bit surprised that people do just that?
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I completely agree with you, but it seems like they realized their mistake(s) and want to go underground to sort it out. Minus Fab’s outburst yesterday, of course, but doesn’t it seem like his inability to control his emotions and impulses is the root cause of all this whole mess?
Anyway, it just seems to me that the healthiest and most beneficial thing you could do for your friends right now is to stop “picking at the scab” and let the story and their shame fade out. I understand you are all hurt and want to sort out your feelings about the situation, but sometimes you have to set aside your own needs for the needs of others. Isn’t that what you would want if you were in their shoes?
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I just want to say that I’m very sorry for all involved. Matters of the heart are never easy and are often very hurtful. For all involved: the direct players as well as those on the sidelines.
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Gwen – Yes, that’s probably what I’d want. I’m going to try to separate myself from everything because I just cannot continue to invest myself so fully in this thing.
LilMissSassyPants – Exactly, thank you.
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I’m glad you’re not supporting him. I’m going through the same thing with a bastard husband who left me out of the blue – it’s tough to deal with.
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Ms. Florida – I’m not saying at all that I’m not supporting him. I think I can be angry with him for his actions and still be supporting him. In fact, that’s what friends do, in my opinion…call you on your shit. Whether or not we have a relationship after all this is done, I don’t know. But I think being supportive does NOT mean being all warm and fuzzy all the time.
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