I Come Home to THIS?
I got back home late yeserday afternoon. Yes, I was selected for a jury. Yes, it’s over. Yes, I can talk about it now. Instead, I’m going to talk about something entirely different because I’m just fucking filled with emotion about a whole other set of drama.
All of this is now public, so I feel I have every right to talk about it. I’m pissed, I’m hurt, and I’m disappointed in someone I consider a friend. And unlike some others – and I’m not bitching or pointing fingers at anyone here, we’re all handling this in our own way – I’m naming names.
I’m talking about Mr. Fabulous. It’s now public knowledge (since he and Turnbaby MADE it public and brought us all into their situation) that he and Turnbaby left their spouses so they could be together. I’m not saying that’s the ONLY reason they were leaving their spouses. Regardless, they were divorcing their spouses and moving in together. Fab left Florida and moved to Kentucky to be with Turnbaby, just a week and a half ago.
A news story/press release on Blog Talk Radio announced their engagement, by the way. So they were going to get MARRIED. Fine. Like many other people, I wasn’t happy with HOW they went about all of this, but Fab is my friend so I was there to support him.
He moved there a week and a half ago. At some point, he did a major 180. He drove with Turnbaby back to Florida a couple of days ago. Fab was going to his divorce hearing (NOT with Turnbaby, mind you, she stayed behind in the hotel) and then he and Turnbaby were going to go on vacation. Fine.
Then this post appears on his blog yesterday, saying that he and MRS. Fab are back together. He’s taking a hiatus from his blog and the radio show to work on his home life. But WHAT THE FUCK? He leaves Turnbaby in Florida with no way to get back home?! Suddenly, he’s gone from being in “love” with Turnbaby, gonna marry her, to jilting her and going back to the wife?
I feel like I just finished watching an episode of “Dallas” when they had Bobby Ewing say that the entire last fucking season was a DREAM and never really happened. Pretend none of that shit ever took place. All those emotions you felt during that whole season? Yeah, throw those out because they never really counted. We’re back to the way things WERE.
Well, no we’re not.
Others have posted about this and/or commented on other blogs, saying we have no right to be upset. It’s not our place to judge. It’s about Turnbaby, Fab, and Mrs. Fab. Fuck that. I have a RIGHT to be pissed and disappointed. They involved everyone when they went public with their relationship. They asked us all to accept the situation and support our friends and most of us did just that.
So you can’t expect me not to have an opinion here. I think it’s incredibly shitty that Fab jilted Turnbaby, left her stranded in Florida, to go back to the woman he screwed over in the first place. I have no idea what his reasoning was. Clearly he was confused, clearly he’s hurting. I know he fights depression just like I do, but regardless of your mental state – short of having a psychotic break from reality – that does NOT justify shitty behavior.
How do you go from being in love with someone to dumping them and going back to your wife in less than a week and a half? Simple, you weren’t really in “love” to begin with. You do NOT treat people like this, you don’t treat ANYONE like this, but particularly people you “love.” Have some fucking courtesy and respect!
I’m far from perfect. It’s not like I’ve never hurt anyone. I have, and I’ve done some crappy things in my life. REALLY crappy things. But that shit is in my past. I’m an adult now. I’ve grown up (in certain regards, anyway).
I have a right to be angry and disappointed in my friend. I would react the same with ANY friend who pulled this utter bullshit. I would LOVE to know all the details, know what happened, know what changed all of a sudden, know when Fab knew that he was having second thoughts about Turnbaby, and when he knew that he was going to desert her in Florida. But I may never know.
As Jester said last night on his radio show, I feel that I am owed an explanation. If and when Fab returns to his blog – and I’m a might miffed, too, that comments were closed on his post from yesterday – I expect him to explain himself. Even if he never blogs again, I’d like an explanation.
I don’t HATE him. I don’t HATE anyone, actually. In fact, it’s a testament to how important Fab is to me that I’m THIS worked up about the whole thing. If he meant nothing to me, then I’d have no emotional investment. But I DO care.
Right now, I’m more concerned with Turnbaby and Mrs. Fab. These women have been put through the wringer in the last months, more than once. I feel really badly for them. And I hope Fab is okay. I hope he gets help because it’s clear to me he needs it.
Frankly, what he needs is to be ALONE for a while, to figure all this shit out, to figure out why he did what he did.
More than likely, I’ll be washing my hands of Fab for good. That’s not a threat or a guarantee, but short of him discovering that Turnbaby hacks up infants and makes soup out of them, I cannot overlook his shitty behavior.
I supported him throughout the whole affair. But I can only lean so far before I totally tip over. It’s going to have to be one hell of an explanation to make me come around on this.
And for those that are “laughing” about all of this, fuck you. It’s not funny that I feel duped. It’s not funny or appropriate to say “I told you all so.” It’s especially not cool that you don’t have open comments, and you require people to register with your blog just to READ the comments that have been left, and that your site registration is BROKEN to begin with, so I can’t register if I wanted to.
My thoughts are all over the place. I don’t even know that I’m making sense. Fuck it. The world freaking exploded yet again and I’ll survive. I always do.
Tomorrow I’ll blog about my jury duty because that irritated me, too. Grr.
Filed under Bloggity Blog, Local Goings On, Weblogs | Comments (80)80 Responses to “I Come Home to THIS?”
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Wow… That’s quite the effed situation…
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Well said. Too bad you were too high last night to be that clear on the radio!!
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Wow.
The title had me tempted to say, “You leave the Internets to fend for themselves for just one day and things go to hell.”
Which is, I guess, how I’ll leave it.
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Well said Karl. Well fucking said.
All of it. I’m tempted to delete my entire fucking post and just repost this.
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You know what I love about this post? The fact that you really spend more time talking about how YOU feel than passing judgment and and pretending to be some moralistic whore.
Your post is the first one about this that I have read and thought, “He’s right, Fab does owe his friends an explanation.” and for all the reasons you mentioned here.
Thanks for showing some class and maturity in a situation where there doesn’t seem to be much.
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Holy motherfucking mother of god.
Well, that’s nuclear all right.
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I am coming to the party way late. I only knew that they were together and planning to marry because I listened to her show the other night. The background info is all new.
I do find it very interesting that the subject of her blog radio show on Sunday was about relationships – using the movie Sex in the City to show the negative self defeating behavior of women (not that I agreed) and their relationship as an example of a positive and productive way to communicate in a relationship.
I am curious (and NOT to pour salt in the wounds) if she still feels the reaction of Carrie (in the movie) after being jilted by Big was over the top or unrealistic or now can relate to the character in that moment.
Maybe I have been single too long or just too cynical, but I don’t trust that anyone out of a long term relationship less than 3 months really knows what they want or is even really available.
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I’m really commenting so I can subscribe and see what other people have to say, mostly because I totally am a voyeur but also because I am refraining from talking about it today. (Let’s see how long that shit lasts!)
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@ Hilly -
You wouldn’t be offended to find out there was a side bet going on that… Right?
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Karl,
I’ve always been a lurker here. This post? Made me subscribe. You said everything I’ve been thinking since yesterday afternoon. Fab and I aren’t best friends, neither am I bff with Turnbaby or Mrs. Fab. BUT. When you put all this out there and then turn away to leave us all out to dry… I just feel jilted. I’ve been jumping around here all day, wringing my hands, not knowing what to do because I’m a fixer. I try to fix everything wrong that comes my way. And it’s driving me absolutely bat shit that I can’t hug Turnbaby or Mrs. Fab and make it right. I can’t cook them comfort food and tuck them into my comfy couch for hours of Mel Gibson romance and ice cream. Fab? I love him too but I mainly just want to smack him and make him sit through 168 straight hours of Oprah and Dr. Phil, just because I know it would drive him nuts. And I weep, absolutely weep for Turnbaby and Mrs. Fab and I feel like you’re right on the money that Fab needs to be alone and figure out everything on his own for a while.
Whoa. OK. Stream-of-consciousness there. Thanks for saying what I couldn’t say, what I wanted to say.
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I didn’t know either of them, but I’ve been to Fab’s blog a few times in the past.
After finally knowing what the hub is all about, I am wondering… where is Turnbaby and is anybody going to help her?
I do agree that he owes his friends, his former supporters, an explanation, but don’t expect one. People who do these things don’t like to answer for themselves.
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Wow! Well said.
I came around a bit late in the game and the back story helped me understand a bit better.
Sigh…. the world just confuses me more and more every day…..
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I’ve decided to keep my opinions to myself on this because that’s what feels right to me, but it pisses me off to no end to that there are people who are judging everyone else for being upset.
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Wow. All I can say is WOW.
That much wanted explanation might bring some satisfaction… or maybe just more rage
What if we tried to help the wounded?
Just wondering.
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While I wasn’t a close “friend” of Mr. Fab, I did read him daily, commented etc. I was quite shocked to learn of the divorce, etc.
I don’t understand why people think that because this is the internet that friendships can’t develop and be just as close as those in the “real world”. In the “real world” if your close friends did something like this everyone would be upset, angry, wanting explanations. Why can’t you have those feelings here? Because it isn’t supposed to be real??
I did not know any of them that well. I do feel extremely bad for both Turnbaby and Mrs. Fab. Like Sue said, is Turnbaby still abandoned?
Oh and I’ve been called for jury duty next week.
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Ya know I remained blissfully unaware of all of this going on until today.
But out of it all even tho I don’t know her but where is turnbaby? Seriously?
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Well, that explained what the hell has been going on very nicely. Thanks for naming names Karl and putting it out there. Obviously it has upset a lot of people and while I don’t “know” either of the parties involved I feel like I sort of know them through other bloggers I read and converse with on a regular basis and seeing all those other people so upset and not having a clue as to what happened is disconcerting to say the least.
I’m not judging anyone here–the parties directly involved or the people supporting them or no longer supporting them. You have a right to your feelings and they have a right their’s. It’s just unfortunate that so many people have gotten hurt by this situation.
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Don’t know either of your blogger friends….but that is seriously screwed up. For one thing, he shouldn’t have gone public w/ his friends if he wan’t sure of things. And the women should both dump his ass…
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Some Dallas drama or mid life crisis? Time alone to figure out what he wants and the ladies to make up their minds, too, sounds like a good idea. Maybe neither of them want him when they get their heads straight. That really would be justice.
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I am not really going to say anything about the situation except that I agree with you, and I especially agree with the part about Fab needing some time alone.
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The whole thing is shitty, though I don’t know them very well. I hope all of them heal, especially the women in this situation.
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First time visiting, be gentle.
I adore Fab, I really do. I was getting to know Turnbaby and she seemed absolutely delightful.
I’m confused and any other time would be probably enraged or worked up but with a wedding in 10 days I’m kind of numb anyway.
I just wanted to say thanks for saying that, you said it well. I too would like to know why the whole blogging world was turned upside down.
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My heart goes out to anybody who gets jilted in that manner. I don’t know either of them, nor do I read their blogs, but that is a really shitty thing to do to somebody you allegedly love and care about. I’m not going ot judge the decision to go back to his marriage — that’s his choice — but at least have the common decency, out of respect for what you HAD with somebody — to see it through the right way (ie, put her on a plane home, first class, and make sure she is safe).
People are so entitled, arrogant, and unaccountable. It really boggles my mind sometime.
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People are finding this funny? What kind of person would take pleasure in this misery? Fuck them.
And, you have every right to be upset and angry. I don’t really know the players well but I was shocked and disappointed. These are your friends and their worlds are upside down right now. How could you not feel for them?
Thanks for expressing what a lot people are feeling right now. Well written.
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WOW. Well said. I hope turnbaby has gotten home alright….Terrible situation.
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I’m getting really fucking tired of all these allusions to me being on some moral high ground because I am calling a spade a spade.
All these posts flying around that only vaguely discuss what’s going on without links and names, and finally Karl puts it all in print.
If you have any doubt about the emotions that people are feeling about this situation, listen to my show from last night. Friends and supporters and those who are upset came together to discuss it in a mature way.
And if you weren’t there, and haven’t listened, shut the fuck up about what you think was or was not said on the air.
Thanks Karl. Wish you were here.
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I’m gonna lose my everlovin shit if my comment got eaten.
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hey. first time commenting here; thanks for this post.
morality is such a hot-button issue. who ought to do what and why, and then what they ought to do after that to appease the greater good of somebody or something. everybody has their own ideas and it’s not like those ideas are wrong, necessarily. but they rarely line up to what someone else is thinking.
i personally am reserving judgment on this issue, because i’ve personally made some pretty supreme mistakes in my past, mostly because i was jumbled and off course — but also because i desperately needed to change my life. i hurt people. i pissed off more than my share. still, i don’t regret all the pain or even the worst of the bad choices — because it brought me here to this place, and this place is right where i need to be. i also try actively to allow for flaws in other people. i try to remember that i, personally, when i did those things, wasn’t BAD. i wasn’t IMMORAL. i was just human, fucking my shit up. i thought i was doing what was right. perhaps that is poor consolation when such collateral damage is involved. who can say?
having said that, my biggest beef here is with the people presently taking the “i told you so” road, rolling their collective blog-eyes, laughing at the rest of us for having hearts or for being shocked. these people with their superior attitudes consider infidelity immoral, but apparently what’s immoral generally constitutes a relatively short list, given their behavior on average is about as despicable as i’ve seen in a long time.
they delight in slicing into others; they delight in the kind of mockery that borders on cruel; they delight in being snide and feeling better-than. these are the types of people for which the term hypocrite was coined, because they are sad, they are angry, they are shallow, and they are guilty in ways they would never admit, and ugly in parts they would never dare show. it’s just … sad.
so i try not to be like them. i try also to make allowances for people as individuals, and where they are in their lives, because that makes me feel better. i also tend to my own affairs, and keep my own counsel, and really really really try to know the people i let into the inner circle of my life. the rest of it?
well, that’s just life.
(i apologize for the length of this comment, which is damn near a post in itself. this is just obviously such an emotional topic.)
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So I have read things in the following order: cryptic blog post eluding to something happening, another cryptic blog post referring to activity yesterday, another mysterious puzzling thing about blog circles and blowups that it seemed everybody knew about but me.
I think there was someone I used to read that I stopped because of too many posts like this that I had a hard time following. It felt weird. After like the fourth one of these I was like geeze I hope this doesn’t continue. So thanks now I don’t feel so out of everything.
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I was wondering what all the stink was about when I was reading Britt. All I can say is wow oh how the blogosphere turns….
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There are so many things I want to say. I’m so very touched by the kindness of so many people.
I want to thank you all for your kind words.
Karl there are some factual inaccuracies here. I’m just not up to fixing them right this second. And you don’t know what he feels. Other than that he is hurting as well–you just don’t.
That being said I agree that because so many folks stepped outside of what they would consider ‘right’ to support us that you do have a right to say “WTF?”
But please remember that we are people–with human frailties.
And to whoever ACG is–yes–I think Carrie’s behavior in the movie is juvenile. I think not attempting to find out and understand what is happening is immature. And you do not know enough about me or Fab or our relationship to speculate.
I couldn’t go back to our home in Kentucky just yet. I made it to the beach and am hoping some ocean time will help.
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@ turnbaby I don’t know you, but I am SO glad to see you comment here. Peace to you girl, here’s a virtual hug.
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Well, lately I seem to be really out of the loop on the drama. I guess I don’t know where I come down in any of this. I too didn’t even know they were together until a couple weeks ago (and I still don’t even know how that happened.)
But overall, I guess the lesson from this is that the blog community is a tight-knit group. People have real connections online, and maybe they don’t know how to deal with that effectively when the in-person life becomes intense? Maybe they forget that there is this whole other family out there, with feelings just as strong (and obligations, as well.)
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i just feel so sad for all involved. sad for different reasons. sad that turn was blindsided. sad that fab is so confused. sad that mrs. fab was hurt in the first place.
the entire situation is just terrible.
but i can’t be mad at someone for hurting so much that they don’t have the words or time for their blog right now. when i work out of town i barely have a spare moment to blog, i can’t imagine how i could possibly concentrate on getting my shit together and writing at the same time, whether i would be in fab’s or turnbaby’s shoes. i really can’t be mad at either of them for trying to focus on their life right now. honestly, i expect both of them to be writing when they get a grasp on what has happened. keep in mind, both of their lives just exploded. sure, they brought everyone into their happy loop, but they did it long after it first began. personally, i have no problem giving both of them time to bring us into the bad loop. i just want all three of them to heal. pain this deep sucks.
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holy fuck, lots of comments happened from when i started typing mine…
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Well, I’m kind of on the outside ring of all this. I was just starting to get to know Turnbaby, and I know Mr. Fab well enough to be (now cancelled) upcoming guess on his show, but I really don’t know what to say at this point. I agree with Amy, that your post was very well written. And I appreciate someone connecting all the dots for me….
I hope somehow it all works out for them. Seems like someone’s got some ’splaining to do….
J.
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To Turnbaby:
I apologize if you felt I was speculating or passing judgment on you, Fab, or your relationship. That was not my intention.
As with most post and comments on blogs, I was thinking and wondering “out loud”. I was struck by the juxtaposition of your last blog radio and the recent developments Karl wrote about.
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I have nothing constructive to say. I need time and space. I don’t know why this hurt me so much exactly, but it did.
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I’ve not read either of their blogs and am still fairly new to this blogging community, let alone new to this news, not knowing all that’s gone on leading up to this event.
Some may say it wasn’t your place, but this is what blogging is all about… putting yourself out there, explaining how you feel. Can’t hold back. And kudos to you for not holding back. It’s not like you were told to keep something secret then blogged about it. Public knowledge, regardless where it was announced, is for the public to explain how they feel about it.
Now I can go read Blogography’s latest post and hope it makes more sense now.
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People do strange things when they’re confused. And confusion abounds where feelings are involved. I’m not entirely surprised by this turn of events, I sort of expected something to go awry. Not because of who it involved, but just because it’s human nature for us to fuck up in an epic sort of way sometimes.
I haven’t been to turnbaby’s blog [though I've heard the radio show thanks to my madre], but I’ve been to Fab’s and he comes off as a good guy. Hopefully this confusion and messiness will straighten itself out and everyone involved will be… Content.
I say content instead of happy, ’cause I’m sure happiness is a long way off.
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Wow. That is all.
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Bravo to Karl for speaking from his own personal perspective!
Bravo to Turnbaby for remaining gracious in the midst of what I can only describe as a situation I assumed would become an inevitable train-wreck!
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Well done for sticking your head above the parapet and linking to what everyone is just alluding to.
I don’t know either well enough to pass any form of judgement, but it certainly appears to be a rather crappy situation.
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I have to be honest Karl, I knew what to expect from you today. Granted, I didn’t know exactly what you were going to say, but I figured on the tone being this way. So, I’d just like to address certain things you said here…
Clearly he was confused, clearly he’s hurting. I know he fights depression just like I do, but regardless of your mental state – short of having a psychotic break from reality – that does NOT justify shitty behavior.
I don’t think anyone has tried to justify it… but perhaps aren’t so ready to throw someone under a bus. I also don’t think he’s seen anyone that says he has NOT had a psychotic break from reality.
I’m far from perfect. It’s not like I’ve never hurt anyone. I have, and I’ve done some crappy things in my life. REALLY crappy things. But that shit is in my past. I’m an adult now. I’ve grown up (in certain regards, anyway).
How did your friends treat you? Did they condemn you before hearing from you? Did they demand that you owed them an explanation for everything immediately? If they did… time to make new friends. Seriously.
In fact, it’s a testament to how important Fab is to me that I’m THIS worked up about the whole thing. If he meant nothing to me, then I’d have no emotional investment. But I DO care.
This is definitely a different way of showing it.
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I commented on this yesterday at the site you’re probably referring to….I’ve been registered there for years.
I just wish I was more emotionally invested in this. I didn’t really “know” either of them…I read only a couple times, and briefly. I never met either face to face, and I just know them by name and occasional comments by all you guys.
When I first heard about the affair, I was surprised, especially in that I knew they were both married. At the time it was a “Wow….I had no idea.” But, then felt inwardly bad for the ex’s involved. It REALLY sucks seeing your sig. other/spouse/whatever fall IN LOVE with another person. I speak from experience. I honestly think I’d be more okay, personally, if my sig. other went out and had mindless sex w/ someone. It hurts a hell of a lot more when you know emotions are involved. You feel more crappy, more insignificant. So, yeah…I felt bad for the other injured parties.
With that said, they (Fab and Turnbaby) once it was out in the open, threw this relationship in everyone’s faces. There were CONSTANT “I love you!!”s on comments, in posts, etc…so, I was honestly shocked when I heard about the whole ditching in Florida thing. There was that initial “What the Fuck??”….but, then….apart from feeling bad for Turnbaby, because GOD, that had to suck, and feel absolutely gutting…I got over it. Yeah, I want to know the details, because…hello, shameless voyeur….but, I wasn’t hurt, upset, or personally betrayed by the whole thing. Like I said, I DIDN’T “know” them.
So, I don’t want you to misinterpret what I said in saying that I didn’t understand why people were so hurt…people that weren’t directly involved in the whole sordid thing…because I don’t personally feel it. I was never laughing, or judging anyone for feeling that way. I just didn’t really understand. I have the whole aspect of standing back from the sidelines and looking at the whole thing.
And let’s be honest…people cheated. It wasn’t harmless flirting, or one off situations….it was a deliberate action to leave ENTIRE lives in the dust, screw who it hurts, to just live in the moment. And, how can you trust that? How can you trust that the situation wouldn’t just implode? And, sadly, it did. You know?
I get that you feel betrayed by a friend. I’m sorry for that, I really am.
I hope everyone gets through this okay. ESPECIALLY the respective spouses, and Turnbaby for the craptastic thing that happened to her.
Eesh…what a mess.
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While I’m right there in the confusion portion of this situation, I’m going with and agreeing with Dawg’s comment.
Everyone has a right to feel the way you feel and I won’t tell you otherwise, but I can tell you that from experience, the most “expectations” I put on people, the more disappointed I am in the long run.
Maybe everyone had Fab up on a pedestal because he just seems larger than life? I don’t know. But he’s human and he’s in a lot of pain.
As his friend, I may be confused and I was angry for what he did to Turnbaby and Mrs. Fab, I will not ask him for an explanation. If he feels he can share with me, than he will. Until then, I will sit here patiently waiting for my friend to come back.
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Not that I’m anybody to anybody, but I was never a huge fan of Mr. Fab anyways – I subscribed to him for a few weeks, figured out it wasn’t my type of “humor” and like any responsible blogger would do, unsubscribed. I only say this because even though I wasn’t the best fan of his, I still can’t agree with the sudden need for everyone to be “owed” so much from him.
I did lurk long enough to know about this whole situation though..and the sudden change of events. I guess it was a small “wow, really?” moment when I heard…but not much else. I really think this whole thing has been perpetuated into so much more than it needed to be…especially so much…so SOON. He put his shit out there, but I don’t think that means he owes anybody anything. Just like everyone “claims” they blog for their own sanity and such..I’m sure he did too.
The truth of the matter though, and I think we all know this, is that when the shit really hits the fan…you aren’t blogging about it. You’re in a deep hole of shit and trying to dig/swim/crawl your way out..not trying to put a post together so you can share your journey via blogging or twitter or whatever the hell else is out there. Seriously, I know we’ve all had “bad days” and post to relieve some stress, but the REALLY bad days..at least mine, I don’t even want to look at a computer, or anything else for that matter except for the back of my pillow!
So- I can’t blame the man and I think everyone should relax on wanting the full story just yet, and most of all, just chill out. It will all unfold in due time, and to force the issue over and over isn’t helping anyone.
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I feel quite badly for everyone involved. Breakdowns of relationships are always tough. This is tougher than most. I don’t like to see people hurting and situations like this are never black and white. However, I’m just gonna subscribe to my own internal ethics here and not say any more about my feelings than I already have on my blog and Jester’s show.
Regardless of whether my personal opinion is the same or different from yours, I do admire how eloquently you expressed yourself, Karl.
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I could tell something was up the last few days, but I haven’t been able to read blogs. Thank you, Karl, for filling us in and being straightforward. I appreciate that, and I empathize. What a fucking mess!
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Well said, No one deserves to be treated that way.
I’m more of a lurker than a commentor (this is the site I most comment on), but to put everything out on the table like that and ask for people to understand, then rip the rug from under everyones feet. I could see how someone close would feel hurt and feel the need for an explaination.
Oh like sands through the hourglass…How the World Turns.
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Karl, this is the first time I’ve been here but I was reading about the uproar on other peoples’ blogs and thought I’d contribute.
I won’t say anything bad about Fab as I’ve never met him in person. I’ve “known” Fab a lot longer than many bloggers and was disappointed when he told me in an Email what was going on in his life. Disappointed because as someone who was cheated on, I just don’t think highly of those who cheat. I don’t know all the details behind his relationship with Turnbaby but the fact that they got to know each other behind their spouses backs has really bothered me. I wished him well but I was honest and told him I didn’t approve of the way he went about it. Most of all, I feel bad for Mrs. Fab who has probably been reading his blog all along since this all started and my heart goes out to her. I can only imagine the heartbreak she has had to deal with.
The day I found out about what was going on, I distanced myself from Fab and his blog. I’m sure he’s not a bad person and we ALL make mistakes but I just can’t in good conscience associate myself with someone who’s cheated and I won’t apologize for that. I’m not judging him, I’m just making my choices. I do wish them all the best because they all have many things to figure out for themselves.
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James – Quite.
Avitable – I know. Slightly embarrassing, but oh well. What’s done is done.
Delmer – Yeah.
Britt – Like I said, everyone is handling this in their own way. Your post is your post, and mine is mine. I’m actually a little miffed at myself for posting something so angry, but I don’t pull posts for any reason.
Amy – Thanks.
Zchamu – Nuclear, yeah.
ACG – Yeah, it’s always smart to wait a while between relationships, but I can’t say I’ve always followed that rule myself.
Hilly – I’m definitely talking about it. Maybe I shouldn’t, but oh well.
Coal Miner’s Granddaughter – Yeah, I tend to be a fixer, too. I don’t think this situation is fixable, though.
Sue – Well, Turnbaby has commented here already. She’s taking some much needed “me time.” I really hope she’s okay.
Blondefabulous – Confusing is a good way to put it.
Finn – I agree.
Willie G – agreed. I’m not saying that an explanation would satisfy me in any way.
Not a Granny – jury duty, eh? Enjoy it. I found the experience very interesting.
Frankie – she commented on this post. She’s at the beach, taking some time.
Sleeping Mommy – I can’t for the life of me figure out WHY I’m as upset as I am. Doesn’t seem rational.
Patty – I tend to agree with that, though I’m far from fully aware of all the details.
BFC – Yeah, I don’t know much more than I wrote about here, so who knows what will happen.
Lynda – Some alone time would really be warranted, I think.
Karen – Very true. I hope that EVERYONE is okay.
Robin – Thanks for commenting. I can’t explain why I’m so worked up about this. I need to sit down and figure that out.
Jessica – Agreed. You don’t do that to someone you love and care for.
Dragon – Yeah, I’m not linking to the post someone wrote to say “I told you so.” They get enough traffic already.
Cat – Turnbaby is spending time at the beach, not home yet.
Jester – I think different people handle things in different ways. Some are just staying mum about it, and I can dig that. Some put it all out there, and that’d be me. Most of the time. But to say that I SHOULDN’T feel the way I feel is crap.
Crys – Yeah, I don’t understand the mentality of people that laugh at the misfortunes of others. Won’t ever get it. Sad, really.
PocketCT – I don’t do cryptic very well, either.
Deb – Yep.
Turnbaby – Thanks for commenting here. I know I’m doing a lot of speculating, but I tried to just talk about MY feelings about it. Not sure how successful I was. I’m sorry for everyone involved and really hope you’re doing okay.
Kyra – Yeah, friends are friends, as far as I’m concerned…whether they be online or offline.
Hello – I’m not at all saying that I expect an explanation RIGHT NOW. I get the taking time thing, I do. May be weeks before anyone says anything, may be never.
HoosierGirl – thanks. Yeah, I’m fairly direct most of the time. Perhaps TOO much so.
Poppy – well said. I wish I knew why I was so worked up.
Martymankins – Oh yeah, I never would have posted about this if it had been a secret. I’m a good secret keeper.
Motley – I’m not saying Fab ISN’T a good guy. He is. But the best of us make fucked-up decisions now and again.
Brandon – Yeah.
Danjurus Kurves – Thanks.
Dan – It is a crappy situation, for sure.
NYCWD – Granted, this was a totally emotionally charged post. I get what you’re saying, and I wish I’d spent a little more time mulling things over before posting, I do. I am not condemning Brad for his actions. I’m PISSED at his actions. I don’t know why I’m as upset about this as I am. After all, Brad didn’t personally do anything to me. But I am upset and I got tired of seeing everyone allude to the obvious without just saying what the fuck is going on.
And yeah, it IS a different way of showing it. But it’s how I feel.
Adena – thanks. Yeah, I’m hurt, even though I’m not anywhere near involved in the situation. Can’t explain why.
Sodapop – Probably a wise move.
Glenda – I’m not bitching because he’s not blogging about this shit right now. I understand taking time away. But I hope that there will be an explanation at some point, whenever he decides to return.
Winter – thanks.
Geeky Tai-Tai – you’re welcome.
Trysha – exactly.
Jezebel – I get it.
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i love that you are passionate.
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I’m not in the loop here or anything, but I became curious when I read Britt’s latest post. And I’m wondering if you could tell me if these two people actually met each other in the flesh before they decided to leave their spouses and get married to each other? I guess what I want to know is did they have a real life romance going on? I realize it is none of my business… but y’all got me hooked on the story now.
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I’m so glad somebody finally had the balls to name names and clue us in to what has become a perfect storm brewing around the blogsphere. I kept reading posts about it but they were all crypic talking about people thinking they knew someone and having that person hurt them in some way. I needed/wanted the gory details.
If Fab is truly your friend he will eventually confide in you and clue you into why he did what he did. I can see why people feel hurt, especially Mrs. Fab and Turnbaby. People do crazy things when they think they are “in love” and don’t think about the consequences of their actions until it is too late.
I hope Turnbaby finds peace at the beach and gets home (wherever that ends up being) safely and I hope Mr. and Mrs. Fab work things out if that is what they want to do. Personally, I don’t think I could get over a thing like that but some people are very forgiving (saints).
Peace Out!
P.S. I love reading your blog but don’t think I’ve ever commented. I’m not part of the in crowd so I like to just peak in the windows.
P.P.S. Jury duty SUCKS!
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Because I know neither party well. I cannot really comment on the situation at hand. I will say this…thank you for not filtering. I come to blogosphere to get away from fakeness of rw society to read about what people are really thinking. I wish I filtered less on my own blog. Nice job.
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Hello – I suppose I am that.
Em – Yes, they met in person before deciding to get divorces.
MB – There is no “in crowd.” It’s totally a myth. Thanks for commenting, nice to hear from new folks.
Othurme – Perhaps I *should* have filtered, but screw it. I just couldn’t do it.
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Well said. I have so much more to say but can’t seem to form coherent ramblings right now.
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I appreciate the honestly Karl. Don’t have much to add. I do feel bad for every one involved. Sigh.
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As you well know, I don’t know the folks involved – but I thought this was a wonderful post because it was honest and straightforward. That’s a very impressive way to live because at least if you make mistakes it’s not from trying to hedge or manipulate or out and out lie to people. If you go too far and have to apologize later then so be it, but at least people know where you stand and know that what you’re saying is real.
There’s a lot of folks who go through their whole lives without ever doing that, without being that honest, with or for anyone. So don’t let anyone tell you that you ought to feel bad about being that way.
I’ll say this much: you have a right to decide who your friends are and who they aren’t. You have the right to define what “being a friend” means to you, without consulting anyone else’s definition of what it means first. Because you differ from someone else’s standard of friendship doesn’t make you a bad friend nor does it make their standard wrong. It means that you have different expectations and you’re either going to have to come to some agreement on a middle ground or walk away, because trying to force someone else to live by your own standards only ends up in tears all round.
And just because someone does something to someone else doesn’t mean that you can’t have strong feelings about it. I have two good friends who have been dating for years and I found out two months ago that one cheated on the other. Twice. And I was devastated because I loved, and still love, these people – both of them. It’s like a death, actually – the death of the happy, easy friendship and trust that we all had. So I suppose it makes sense to grieve that a little, to be angry about it and hurt. To feel like you’re losing something that you’ll never, ever be able to have back again…at least not as it was. Because it meant I was going to have to make choices and pick sides…or not and try to navigate the no-man’s-land between the two camps and damn it I didn’t want to do any of that. I just wanted things back as they were.
But that’s not how life works – there is no “reset button.” So all you can do is make the best choices you can and honest about what you’re doing and why…and pray that it all sorts out well in the end. And I hope that for all of you guys too.
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:::applauding:::
Brilliant post,Karl.
Well said.
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I like you better right now than I even did before. And yes, that’s saying something.
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Pixie – Thanks.
Nat – I feel bad for everyone, too.
Caffeinated Librarian – thanks for sharing that. Yeah, it’s hard, but everyone will move on from this eventually. It just got me fired up.
Stephanie – Thank you.
Belinda – Wow, you must like me a lot!
Thanks.
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I’ve been reading quietly, but finally Caffeinated Libriarian said more or less what I was thinking. Pitch-perfectly.
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I think Caffeinated Librairian is right on the money. In fact, she said exactly what I’ve been trying to find the words for for a while now – what a great take on friendship.
Your honesty is refreshing, Karl.
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I’m not really sure why people feel sorry for Turnbaby. She and Fab knew what they were getting into. Sucks for them if it didn’t work out. They had to be aware of that possibility. What about the unwitting husband and wife whose lives got screwed up by all this because their respective spouses don’t have their heads on straight? And they had to read that.
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will anon please leave a name and not be a douche bag?
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karl, i am dying to know if you are gonna comment over at fab’s place today…
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Wafelenback – Yeah.
Suze – well, I’m honest if anything.
Anon – I agree. It’s not like I’m NOT thinking about the spouses involved. I am. And once you cheat – at least for me – it’s very difficult to regain trust. I can’t imagine taking someone back after they cheated on me. But that’s just me.
Hello – Now, now, be nice. I don’t blame anyone for being anonymous. It’s perfectly okay with me. As always, anyone can say anything they want here at any time. And I already commented, yeah.
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i’m not a fan of anonymous, sorry. it is your blog, but these are friends that are being talked about so i tend to get a little riled up.
you wanna spank me, karl? maybe then i will learn my lesson?
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Hello – It’s okay. I’m not a big fan of anonymous, either, but I get it. I just don’t want to make anyone feel unwelcome, even if they don’t want to sign their name to a comment.
I’ll totally spank you, though.
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karl – i knew you would, my friend!
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I’m extremely peripheral to this group and accordingly only knew something was up from Miss Britt’s post. It took about a minute amount of digging to figure it all out.
I’m sorry that there are four people out there who are really hurting right now, especially since two of them chose to go public and now all the dirty laundry is out there to a degree that someone like me can figure it out. My heart goes out to them.
We’ve all been involved in one or more ugly and uncomfortable situation(s), but for me, the piece that’s missing is: what about Turnbaby’s husband? Y’all are talking about TB and The Fabs, but what about him? Fab’s got issues, TB got involved, and everyone’s upset about what happened, but what about him?
Understand that I have just broken one of my Rules of Life and inserted my nose where it has no business, but it bugs me that no one seems concerned about him. All of them, all FOUR of them are injured and in pain. They made a mistake going public with such a volatile situation. We should all step aside and let them sort it out privately, where it belonged in the first place.
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Gwen – I can’t blame you for your perspective. It’s perplexing even to me why so many people are up in arms about this. I don’t KNOW why I’m so invested in it. It bothers me that it bothers me.
But it DOES bother me. Since you’re admittedly new to this particular circle of bloggers (if that’s what you want to call it), then yes, I can see why you’re shaking your head at the entire affair. I’M shaking my head at it.
The thing is, whether they want it to be or not, they MADE this a public issue by their own design. And you can’t uninvent the nuclear bomb. And when you literally INVITE someone to chime in with their two-cents’ worth, then really, can you be in the least bit surprised that people do just that?
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I completely agree with you, but it seems like they realized their mistake(s) and want to go underground to sort it out. Minus Fab’s outburst yesterday, of course, but doesn’t it seem like his inability to control his emotions and impulses is the root cause of all this whole mess?
Anyway, it just seems to me that the healthiest and most beneficial thing you could do for your friends right now is to stop “picking at the scab” and let the story and their shame fade out. I understand you are all hurt and want to sort out your feelings about the situation, but sometimes you have to set aside your own needs for the needs of others. Isn’t that what you would want if you were in their shoes?
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I just want to say that I’m very sorry for all involved. Matters of the heart are never easy and are often very hurtful. For all involved: the direct players as well as those on the sidelines.
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Gwen – Yes, that’s probably what I’d want. I’m going to try to separate myself from everything because I just cannot continue to invest myself so fully in this thing.
LilMissSassyPants – Exactly, thank you.
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[...] some terribly sad shit went down recently. Karl did a rather informative recap that you can read here if you so desire. If you don’t wanna jump away, the soap opera in a nutshell is that a friend [...]
I’m glad you’re not supporting him. I’m going through the same thing with a bastard husband who left me out of the blue – it’s tough to deal with.
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Ms. Florida – I’m not saying at all that I’m not supporting him. I think I can be angry with him for his actions and still be supporting him. In fact, that’s what friends do, in my opinion…call you on your shit. Whether or not we have a relationship after all this is done, I don’t know. But I think being supportive does NOT mean being all warm and fuzzy all the time.
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