I Am Spent in Almost Every Way

Ladies and gentlemen, I love you all dearly…well, most of you, anyway. But I find myself yet again feeling physically and emotionally drained for the multipleth time in the last several days.

And I find myself passing my typical midnight deadline with nary a word published. That shall not continue, I assure you. I LIKE having my posts ready to automatically publish at midnight. It’s neat and clean and predictable, which is virtually unlike me in every way now that I think about it.

And yeeeees, I’m going to talk about “it” again, and I’m not sure as I write this just how much I’m going to say about it. Suffice it to say that I have had more traffic to my blog in the last couple of days than I have EVER had before, and it’s all because of something that truly has nothing to do with me. At least not in any conventional way.

I don’t know why or how, but I somehow became a central point in the whole shitstorm nexus that has become the Fab/Turnbaby Event…because let’s face it, that’s what it’s become, an EVENT. It’s MORE than a happening, I fucking guarantee you that. I don’t believe that I have ever seen such monumental publicity and such ungaugeably huge fervor outside the mainstream media. And I’m not using hyperboles lightly here.

Yesterday, despite his earlier post that he’d be taking a hiatus for a while, Fab posted on his blog. You can read the post and the subsequent comments for yourself, of course, but to say that a huge brouhaha arose from that post is comparable to saying that a blue whale has a somewhat moderate pecker size.

I have YET to catch up on blogs from my 3-day Internet absence, so I’m sure I haven’t even touched the surface of what’s out there in the blogiverse. But from the posts I HAVE read, and the comments I’ve read, I am truly dumbfounded. TRULY. Most of all, I think I’m shocked and appalled at my own personal investment into the issue. I don’t know WHY I care so fucking much that I spent yesterday eating, breathing, and belching the Fab/Turnbaby twister.

I spent WELL OVER – and as Belinda is keen to say, I swear I’m not making this up, you can Google it – NINE HOURS on the phone in the last 24 hours. And that’s including my epic sleeping and nap schedule.

And yes, I took part in the comment storm on aforementioned post. I fully cop to it. I own my shit, no matter how nasty it may be. But I also maintain my stance. I back up every single word I have said about this matter, whether that be my blog posts, my comments to other blog posts, the radio show(s) that have come out the last several days…whatever. I stand behind my words, and I think I proved to a few naysayers that I have not said ANYTHING in ANY of those venues that I would not (and have not) said to Fab and Turnbaby directly.

In fact, I SPOKE with Turnbaby on the phone last night for over 2-1/2 hours. I will NOT be sharing the bulk of what we talked about because that wouldn’t be appropriate. I will say (and I think she’d be comfortable with me saying this) that she is incredibly upset and heartbroken. It is very clear to me (and I had no doubt about this before I spoke to her directly) that her feelings for Fab are sincere and earnest, and she still cares a very great deal for him.

I will say that the press release that was made on Blog Talk Radio was NOT Turnbaby’s doing. She went along with it because that’s what Fab wanted to do. It was there that they announced their engagement. That was on June 1, two weeks ago.

I will say that Turnbaby almost seems to care more about how Fab is doing than her own well-being. She loves him that much. In fact, she’s extremely upset about how people are seeing Fab, and how some people are ridiculing Fab…all this coming from a woman who has in the last 48 hours been called a harlot, a tramp, a whore, and many many worse things than that.

This is the part where I once again feel the need to state my position on something. (As if we’re all not fucking tired enough of my rhetoric to begin with.) These are REAL people involved here. They’re not play-time people, they’re not “The Sims.” Real people, real actions, real emotions. As always, I encourage and I welcome anything and everything anyone has to say. I mean it. You are always welcome at my blog and you’re always welcome to speak up. (Well, except for YOU, maybe.)

Where I DRAW THE LINE (here on MY space, anyway, which is the only place I can truly dictate the terms) is when it starts getting to be a personal attack. It bothers some people whenever there are “anonymous” comments on blogs, but that doesn’t bug me so much. It’s the NAMECALLING I don’t like. And I’m not saying I’m immune to it. I may very well have said something in anger, off the cuff, at times. But AGAIN…and this is from YEARS of way-too-much therapy…say how you FEEL and you can never be wrong. Start everything with “I don’t like” or “I like” or “I’m hurt” or “I’m pissed” or “I’m exhausted.” The “I Statements” really help keep things clear.

And I also want to say this. It’s one thing to slam a particular behavior or decision; it’s another thing entirely to slam a PERSON. To wish someone ill, no matter where you may stand on any of the myriad of issues surrounding this Event, is fucking evil. I seriously hope that those of you trolls who are laughing their asses off at this shit and sending vicious flaming emails to these REAL people get a case of crotchrot that breaks all of historical crotchrot records.

Turnbaby is NOT a whore. She’s not. I am a very good judge of character (most of the time) and I spent a LONG time with her on the phone last night. She’s not a bitch, though I have no doubt that I wouldn’t ever want to cross her, and she doesn’t deserve to be viciously and brutally beaten verbally.

And if you’re reading this and I’ve talked with you at all on the phone or on Jester’s radio show, I’m not talking about YOU. I’m literally talking about trolls, evil little beings that seem to feed on misery and sorrow as if it was the most scrumptious and glorious food ever created. YOU? Yeah, the closest I come to hatred? THAT’S how I feel about you. Go back to your holes and feed on some other lot, will you? And impale yourself on a large spiked and barbed section of rebar. And maybe get anally raped by satan from here until eternity, or until Oprah goes off the air, whichever comes second.

As for those of you that believe that everyone outside of Fab, Turnbaby, and Mrs. Fab has no right to be upset, and certainly has no right to express our feelings and frustrations and anger and every other emotion we’re going through…tough fucking shit. I respectfully disagree with you.

There’s a difference in my mind between readership and friendship. Most of you are READERS of Fab’s, let’s face it. I don’t put myself in that category. I am a fan of Pointless Drivel, yes, but I’m MORE than that. At least I FEEL like I am. I may be wrong about that. That’s in Fab’s hands. Regardless, I am far more emotionally invested in Mr. Fabulous – well, let’s say it, in BRAD, because there IS a difference between Brad and Mr. Fabulous – than a mere READER. I have conversed with Brad, I have exchanged many an email with him over the last several years, we’ve traded stories and blogging advice and he’s always been most kind to me regarding questions I have about Blog Talk Radio…we’ve been on each other’s shows. I wouldn’t do that with ANYONE…I mean, that there are a select few folks I can say that about.

But, dammit, I have feelings and you’re damn right that anything that’s affecting me THIS profoundly (no matter what the rhyme or reason of it) is GOING to be coming out my mouth or my fingertips, and very likely BOTH. However, unlike some people, I am (for the most part) rather cautious and judicious in my remarks. Because, yes, like it or not, my identity extends INTO my blog, into my emails, into my comments, into virtually every aspect of my online life. And because I want to be able to stand behind anything I’m quoted as saying, to say, “Yes, I said that, and I don’t regret it.”

Granted, I’m not always successful at that, but I truly try my best to live up to it. And when I fail (and I do, every day) I’ll always be the first to say, “I fucked up, I’m sorry.”

The shit train needs to stop. I’m not saying it’s going to stop today, or even any time soon. It will cease in and of its own volition, as soon as the next big drama in the blogiverse erupts. And then we’ll all be moving along to a whole new set of drums. After all the dust settles, then the Event will fade away. Except for Brad, Liz, and Linda. They’ll still be there, navelgazing and recovering. And yes, Liz’ spouse, too (I have NOT forgot about him, much as some people think).

But here’s the thing: I KNOW Brad. I KNOW Liz. They are my only connections to this drama. I don’t really know the other parties involved…at *all*. So that’s why 99.9% of my comments are in regards to Brad and Liz. I am unqualified to speak of things of which I do not know. (Yes, I’m entirely aware that this is somewhat ironic, as I don’t KNOW a great deal of things surrounding the Event.) But what I DO know, and that’s mostly how I FEEL about this, well, THAT I feel qualified to talk about.

I just wish that the unintelligent people would shut the fuck up and leave those of us who aren’t and are trying to PROCESS THIS CRAP alone. And for the love of God, if you don’t want to READ the shitstorm, then shut off your damn computer and stay the hell away. Why the hell make yourself miserable?


I just realized that I can’t answer that question myself.

42 Responses to I Am Spent in Almost Every Way
  1. Karen Sugarpants
    June 14, 2008 | 9:20 am

    I’ve been avoiding it, really. I don’t know them well like you do, BUT it upsets me that you’re upset.
    I’ve said it before – I hope they all heal, and now, I hope you heal too. xo


  2. Blondefabulous
    June 14, 2008 | 9:31 am

    Well said sir.



  3. Cissa Fireheart
    June 14, 2008 | 9:36 am

    Wow Karl…..I had no idea you had emotionally immersed yourself so much in this. Good on you for sticking to your guns on your opinion/feelings.

    Me? I said it in a small paragraph on my blog on Thursday. I don’t feel that I need to really comment on it. It was a shock yeah, but unlike you, I didn’t have the emotional depth into things as you do. I know I don’t have to defend myself for having not said anything really, but that’s the truth of the matter. And honestly, your post almost makes me feel guilty for not saying more, but not entirely.

    I’ve known Brad/Mr. Fab for a while through the blogosphere, but not as personally as some of you folks around here, and so, honestly I don’t feel that I need to really say anything. To me, it’s not MY place. For ME to comment or whatever, past saying I hope everyone does OK and is healing, is where my personal involvement ends, for the moment. And that should be OK. Just like YOU, Karl, speaking your mind, is OK. Because you are closer to these people involved in this personal crisis. I’m just a fan/acquaintance.

    So there’s my 2 copper. It won’t buy much of things I am afraid, but it’s there nonetheless.


  4. Turnbaby
    June 14, 2008 | 9:41 am

    Thank you Karl. I’m so sorry that you are caught up in this and I hope you have a good day.


  5. Avitable
    June 14, 2008 | 9:49 am

    Once again, very well said.

    I understand that people need anonymity for different reasons, but the very second they start using it to be hateful and mean is the day that they become pathetic little (or big slobbering fat, in Donna’s case) trolls.


  6. Nina
    June 14, 2008 | 9:50 am

    I am sorry your turned out to be the hub of the crazytime. I know what it is like to drama-broker for a bunch of freaking out people, and it’s not fun at all. I hope this cools down for everyone, and very soon.

    That said, I was a “reader” and not a friend of Fab’s, but I stopped reading his blog right about the time the “Turnbaby is Fucking Fabulous” icons were posted. If I had been a friend, I might have been one of the people sending him all those tactful and concerned emails saying… um, are you aware that you might be really fucking up a whole lot right now? But I was just a reader, and I didn’t like what I was reading and so I stopped. However, since this new kind of badness started a few days ago, I have been reading the comments and trying to think of something helpful to say to everyone who is upset. Since I have been where you are, I keep thinking that surely if I were back there again I would be able to do it again with less anguish. The bitch of it is, I don’t have much good advice except this: it’s not going to last forever. Try to distance yourself emotionally as much as you can, and try to be there for anyone who is struggling to do that for themselves. I understand why you are upset and I understand why Fab is defensive. But time is going to straighten it out. You can speed up that process by deciding now whether you still want to be a friend of Fab’s after this. Or just a reader. Or neither. You can’t control Fab, but you can control your future level of involvement.

    Take care and try to have a better day today.


  7. Howard
    June 14, 2008 | 9:57 am

    Wow, Karl. Great post. I’m glad that while people are upset, there are some that also realize that these are indeed real people not some Internet characters. I wasn’t too aware of what was going and tried to keep it that way. It is their lives even if it was made abundantly public.

    What I’m really glad to hear is Turnbaby’s side of things.

    All I can really say is that I hope everyone heals quickly and that lives won’t be mixed up for too much longer.


  8. Hilly
    June 14, 2008 | 9:59 am

    Dammit, I was done talkng about this forever, fuck-o! And then you had to go and say this:

    “Where I DRAW THE LINE (here on MY space, anyway, which is the only place I can truly dictate the terms) is when it starts getting to be a personal attack. It bothers some people whenever there are “anonymous” comments on blogs, but that doesn’t bug me so much. It’s the NAMECALLING I don’t like. And I’m not saying I’m immune to it. I may very well have said something in anger, off the cuff, at times. But AGAIN…and this is from YEARS of way-too-much therapy…say how you FEEL and you can never be wrong. Start everything with “I don’t like” or “I like” or “I’m hurt” or “I’m pissed” or “I’m exhausted.” The “I Statements” really help keep things clear.

    And I also want to say this. It’s one thing to slam a particular behavior or decision; it’s another thing entirely to slam a PERSON. To wish someone ill, no matter where you may stand on any of the myriad of issues surrounding this Event, is fucking evil.

    Bravo! This is why we are best friends! Well, this and your giant penis….


  9. Secondhand Karl
    June 14, 2008 | 10:15 am

    Karen – thank you.

    BlondeBlogger – Lord, I spent far too much time writing that, but if I didn’t, I fear I would have imploded. Or exploded. Or both. It wouldn’t be pretty no matter how you slice it.

    Cissa – thanks. I’m truly surprised at my emotional level of involvement here. After I’m no longer sleep-deprived, perhaps it will occur to me just why that is. For now, I’m going on no sleep for the last 17 hours. Ugh.

    Turnbaby – I was happy to talk with you last night and appreciate you giving me the opportunity to do so.

    Avitable – agreed. When anonymous people start namecalling, well, that’s when I have trouble with the anonymous thing. Otherwise, I get it.

    Nina – good advice. I wish I had an emotional switch that I could readily flip because, just when I think I’ve given all I can give on the subject, I find myself all riled up yet again. *sigh*

    Howard – well said, sir.

    Hilly – Well, to be fair, when ISN’T a huge penis a big selling point? That’s right, I’ve got the brains, the looks, AND the junk.


  10. Sodapop
    June 14, 2008 | 10:43 am

    I think this was very well said and written. I have no idea why you’re so upset over this either, and it really doesn’t matter WHY you are. It just matters that you are. I hope you find the comfort you seek in finding the answers. I hope you heal soon.

    Brad was/is the first blogger I met in person, when I was still living in Vegas. The moment I met him, I knew we’d be friends for a long time. I love the man, dearly. I pray for his healing and that he finds the forgiveness inside himself. Which, I’ve told him in a private message.

    I don’t know Liz all that well. I talked to her once on Fab’s radio show. She’s always seemed like a very nice, pleasant person. My heart breaks for her right now. And it makes me angry when people call her names of any kind.

    Sorry for writing so much, I just had a lot to say I suppose :)

    I hope everyone who was affected from this, finds the healing they seek.


  11. Dragon
    June 14, 2008 | 11:06 am

    This post is why you are becoming one of my favourite places to visit online. Well written.

    Although, now you have me wondering exactly how big a blue whale’s pecker really is. :)


  12. Steve
    June 14, 2008 | 11:17 am

    Holy shit, I’m having flashbacks to high school where, drunk on Lucky Lager and Bartles & Jaymes, we’d speak for hours (sometimes all night) in very earnest, heartfelt terms about topics which were really none of our business.

    If I have some of the facts wrong, forgive me, but I’m not going to dig for more. So, I’ll just say this: To those out there giving these people shit for wanting to get married (at least, I think that’s what this is about), get a fucking life. Seriously. Unless he (or she) is an axe murderer or bigamist or something equally heinous, grow the fuck up and leave those people alone. Jesus christ. It’s none of our business. Best of luck to them, and I hope they live happily ever after.

    For the rest, I’m wondering why everyone else is so emotionally invested in this. I’m suspicious of it. Maybe I just don’t get it.


  13. sandra
    June 14, 2008 | 11:37 am

    I hadn’t heard about any of this, but I do agree that people should keep their commentary to actions, not a person’s general character. “When you ___, I ___, because ____” rather than, “you are a ____”.

    Anyway, hopefully the drama dies.


  14. Finn
    June 14, 2008 | 11:42 am

    I’m exhausted.

    Did I do that right?


  15. Dave2
    June 14, 2008 | 12:24 pm

    I pretty much said all I have to say about The Event in my comment over at Shelli’s Sentiments, but will reiterate here that when you put yourself out there on the internets, you invite other people to speculate and comment on you and what you write… and it isn’t all going to be nice. Anybody who thinks otherwise has no grasp on human nature.

    On my blog I’ve been called every name in the book and been trash-talked far worse than I ever have in real-life… and all I do is write about stupid crap and draw cartoons with monkeys! If you go personal on your blog, it’s going to GET personal, guaranteed. The internet practically begs for it.

    So, while I wholeheartedly agree with the sentiment behind your telling people to play nice and not get personal… it’s like shouting into a thunderstorm. The sad fact is that it’s unrealistic to expect people to play nice on the internet, and if you can’t take the heat you shouldn’t have a public blog. There’s really no other way of putting it. As much as I feel for everybody involved, they asked for it the minute they decided to let the whole world into their lives. The resulting nastiness should hardly be surprising.

    This is a serious wake-up call to bloggers that shouldn’t be ignored. Every one of us should fully understand what can happen… both the good and the bad… and decide just how much we can share with the world and still feel safe. Crossing THAT line is the real issue here, because it’s the only thing you really have control over. Everything else is an illusion that’s probably going to get shattered eventually.

    Wow. This is just like when Neo took the Red Pill in The Matrix!!


  16. Coal Miner's Granddaughter
    June 14, 2008 | 1:23 pm

    Dude, I can’t follow Dave’s comment. Shit. That was insightful, well-written, and amazing. Fuck.

    All I can say is that I’m done saying.

    And this whole salmonella in the tomatoes thing? I missed them on my hoagie this afternoon and now I must weep.

    (And spell-checker tried to correct hoagie to “hoarding” which opens up a whole other can of worms.)


  17. Kyra
    June 14, 2008 | 2:37 pm

    Just remember my offer, if you need a breath of non-drama air. ;)


  18. Belinda
    June 14, 2008 | 2:39 pm

    You know what would take your mind off all this? THE FROGS. Or a good toe-sucking. You know, whatever.


  19. John
    June 14, 2008 | 3:48 pm

    As only a “fringe” associate of the PRB, I don’t feel that I’m qualified to have an opinion on the events of the past few days. I only wish everyone involved peace and healing.


  20. BlondeBlogger
    June 14, 2008 | 3:49 pm

    (Quick note….that was Blondefabulous commenting above, not me)

    I agree with you on the hatred and namecalling. There’s enough pain going on here without having to add to it.

    No one has the right to judge. None of us are perfect. Both Liz and Brad are human. To call someone a whore, or to call anyone anything, just irritates me to no end.

    The last time I checked my morality handbook, judging others, calling names and hatred weren’t listed as good things to do to others. Maybe they have an older edition than mine?

    And I understand how you feel as far as this affecting you emotionally. I have known Brad for years as well and this has broken my heart. When your friends hurt, you can’t help but hurt with them. There’s just no getting around that fact.

    So…I totally get it. Because I’m right there with you as far as emotions are concerned. It’s been very draining.

    The only difference is I haven’t felt anger nor wanted an explanation. But that’s just me….I’m not saying that’s wrong…it’s just not how I’m feeling.

    My main feeling has been profound sadness and pain. I’m hurting for him and everyone involved.


  21. Caffeinated Librarian
    June 14, 2008 | 5:20 pm

    Let me tell you a story. I’ll try to keep it brief, but since I’m hardly ever that it might be too much to hope for here

    I dated this guy – we didn’t date long but, unbeknownst to me, he was playing very public footsie with his ex-girlfriend at parties attended by mutual acquaintances of ours. A week after we broke up, I’m getting ready to go to a party and I find out right before I’m to leave all about this and the fact that the two of them are also going to be at the party that night. A smart person would have, upon learning this, stayed home – but I didn’t for a whole lot of reasons. Chief among them was that I thought, “We’re all adults. I’m not interested in any drama and I’m fairly sure that I can behave in such a way so this doesn’t have to be a big deal.” Turns out I was very naive and instead got to spend the night trying to avoid watching them be all over each other while knowing that everyone there was watching me and watching them.

    I was pretty pissed about this and I let him know that in private afterwards (I was also hurt and humiliated, but that’s another story). I refused to talk about it with any else other than one of my close friends in the group because I didn’t want any part in the he-said/she-said crap and I felt it was my life and therefore no one else’s business. And I also thought that if I didn’t fuel the fire of gossip it would all die down faster.

    For the first six months I could not show up at any gathering of this group of folks without someone talking about “the event” or asking me this guy and what happened between us. A year after “the event” even people who barely knew me felt the need to give me information about what the guy was doing, what was going on in his relationship(s), etc., even after I asked them not to. It is now three (or is it four?) years after “the event” and there are STILL some people who were there that night who mention this guy or “the event” first thing when they see me. (Which is why I no longer hang out with that group of folks any more.)

    And none of my stuff took place online, where it could be hashed and rehashed and re-rehashed.

    I’m just saying, while I agree Nina that it will get better and it will get better much quicker for those of you who are the friends…I suspect that the four folks who it most intimately concerns will find this thing lasts a long damn time. But then, I have often wondered if maybe I didn’t make a mistake by not talking about it. Maybe if I had given my side of things early on people wouldn’t have had anything to wonder about or maybe my talking about it would have given folks an avenue to ask the questions and get the answers they wanted (without the thing having to drag on for years)? But then again maybe not. You’re probably damned it you do and damned if you don’t.


  22. Caffeinated Librarian
    June 14, 2008 | 5:48 pm

    That should be “agree with Nina.” All that time to correct and I still can’t get it right. *pft*


  23. LilMissSassyPants
    June 14, 2008 | 6:31 pm

    Realizing that I AM just a reader and the firestorm this may draw MY way…
    Why is everyone so concerned over Liz and Brad? They made a choice and it was a REALLY bad one. They are both adults. Who are MARRIED. To other people! What about their spouses? Who I’m sure are both terribly hurt in all of this.
    Inevitably, when you are married to someone, you are going to find other people who you are attracted (sometimes madly) to. That doesn’t mean that it’s okay to cheat on them! It doesn’t make you a nice or innocent person just because you got burned by your own bad decision.
    I realize that my being taken aback by this is a bit ridiculous. After all, I was once married before. I cheated on him. Many times; although that’s not what ultimately split us up. However, I am married again and I do take my vow VERY seriously and I stand aghast at ANYONE (man or woman) who cannot man-up and tell the person they made a PROMISE to that they just can’t carry on the way things are going BEFORE things reach the point of fucking someone else! People should at least respect their spouse enough for that. And if they don’t respect them, then why are you married to that person in the first place?!
    Regardless of if you are a Christian or not, breaking your vows is just not the right thing to do. It’s really pretty shitty and although I’m sure that this infraction doesn’t speak to who these people are, it certainly opens them up to many opinions; deserved or not.


  24. zchamu
    June 14, 2008 | 7:41 pm

    This whole thing has got me thinking about several things. And the line that keeps bouncing around in my head is the following:

    If you see someone about to drive into a wall, do you tell them to stop?

    A very public extramarital affair and a very public breakup leave the spectators with a whole set of new murky waters to venture. There are those who will not condone infidelity and for whom their friendships with those involved are irrevocably over. And there are those who are 100% “live and let live”, and whose friendships with the parties are completely unaffected. And then there’s everyone else, who is displaying ranging levels of comfort or discomfort about the whole thing, and who are trying to figure out where they stand and what they feel.

    So my question in situations like this always comes back to: by remaining friends and being “loyal” and non-judgmental to someone who’s doing (or done) something that you strongly disagree with, are you really helping your friend? What’s more, are you being true to yourself? Where is the line between “Not my life, not my business” and “I see you doing something unhealthy, immoral, that will cause pain to people and I cannot simply let this happen?” Do we each as individuals have the right to say “I am highly uncomfortable with this and I will not accept, encourage or enable this behaviour, but I am still your friend?” Or is that pressing our beliefs, our morals, on someone else?

    Tough one.

    Now I need a beer.


  25. Winter
    June 14, 2008 | 8:12 pm

    Name calling and hypocrisy are at the top of my list of things that annoy me most. They are right there with passive aggressive behavior. I’ve seen more of these three things in the past couple of days than I have in 6 months of blogging. I’ve been shaking my head so much that now my neck is stiff and I need a massage. *sigh*

    I love your eloquence as usual, Karl. I take heart in the fact that I can come here and read how you feel about things, and even if I have a differing opinion (like when you do politics lol) know that it doesn’t impact how I see you as a person. That is because I never feel like you’re feeding me a load of bullshit, something else I’ve seen a lot of in the past few days in comments everywhere. And also because I feel that just because we might not agree on some things, you would never allow that to dictate whether or not you like me.

    I hope you get some rest and that you didn’t dream about the toe sucking fairy and frogs.


  26. Secondhand Karl
    June 14, 2008 | 8:42 pm

    Sodapop – well said.

    Dragon – I’m not sure about the whale’s penis size, but I dare say there aren’t any women out there requesting whale dildos.

    Steve – Yeah, as I’ve said, I don’t get it, either. I don’t.

    Sandra — agreed.

    Finn – perfect.

    Dave2 – indeed, sir. It is much like Neo and the Red Pill.

    Coal Miner’s – You need to come to Florida. Our tomatoes are certified salmonella free.

    Kyra – thank you very much. I actually got a very nice breath of fresh air last night on Jester’s radio show.

    Belinda – ROFL. The freaking frogs! I finally went over and listened to the damn things and you’re right. Those ARE zombie frogs.

    John – Yeah, I think most of us wish everyone well.

    BlondeBlogger – Sadness and pain. Yeah, that sums it up for many, I think.

    Caffeinated Librarian – Ugh, I’m so out of whack that typing your name required effort. I agree that we’re all damned if we do, and damned if we don’t. Such is the way of life much of the time. Thanks for sharing your story.

    LilMissSassy – Personally, I agree with what you’re saying. I’m rather staunchly against the cheating thing. And yes, I have thought often about the spouses involved. This whole thing has gone way beyond the question of adultery, though. Perhaps for some, that’s the ONLY issue. I get that. For me, it’s a lot more, though.

    Zchamu – Excellent questions indeed.

    Winter – Oh, how I enjoyed that show immensely. Glad you were there to join in on the fun.


  27. Jessica
    June 14, 2008 | 11:32 pm

    Karl… I admire your need to defend those in need and stand by your friends… that is something that I tend to hold myself to… it is an act of loyalty, integrity, etc.

    That said.. I think you need to walk away from this situation. Your readers know your opinions, and the parties involved know your feelings… there is very little you can say now to impact the situation…

    (That advice comes from a place of love, from somebody who has — way too many times — stuck her neck out and gotten involved in situations that really have nothing to do with her).


  28. karla
    June 15, 2008 | 2:18 pm

    I just discovered this whole drama today. I usually just sit over in my little corner and live my life and only read a very few blogs (feel honored, you are one.) Anyhow, I have been moved from lurker to commenter on this issue, and all I will say is this:

    If you don’t want other people to comment/talk/blog about it, then don’t blog about it. I’m more of a blogger in the Dave2 sense, I censor myself HUGELY and leave an awful lot out. Mainly because I am too much of a pussy to put it all out there for everyone.

    Certainly an eye opening event.


  29. Caffeinated Librarian
    June 15, 2008 | 3:57 pm

    Dude. Use “CL” – everyone else does. ;-P


  30. Miss Britt
    June 15, 2008 | 4:27 pm

    You send me the names of the people who were calling her a whore.

    Right fucking now.

    I mean it.


  31. Dave2
    June 15, 2008 | 4:37 pm

    Last night I spent 15 minutes surfing every blog I could think of that might be commenting on “The Event”… I could not find one mention… not one… where somebody called her a whore, and yet I keep reading about it. I have no idea if this is happening in personal emails, or what, but it’s pretty fucking lame.


  32. Secondhand Karl
    June 15, 2008 | 8:40 pm

    Jessica – You’re very right. I DO need to step away from it. It’s not good for me.

    Karla – First of all, what an incredibly marvelous name you have! It is simply beautiful. Anyway, you’re right. We control how much of ourselves we put out there.

    Caffeinated Librarian – CL it is, then.

    Miss Britt – I don’t know their names. Mostly.

    Dave2 – Yes, it was in personal emails.


  33. Cheesy
    June 16, 2008 | 10:47 am

    ***golf clap***
    Well said! One small light at the end of this tunnel is I have found new sites to visit…I look forward to reading you..


  34. Secondhand Karl
    June 16, 2008 | 11:37 am

    Cheesy – Well, thank you very much. I’ve found some new people, too.


  35. mary
    June 16, 2008 | 3:45 pm

    I went and spoke my mind over at the fabs blog. This is the worlds biggest fucking soap opera unfolding via the intarwebs.

    I really need to get a blog going so you can stalk it!


  36. Secondhand Karl
    June 16, 2008 | 3:50 pm

    Mary – Yes, I saw your comment. It IS a huge soap opera.


  37. Lisa
    June 16, 2008 | 7:14 pm

    Karl, I’m sorry that this affected you so much but at least you expressed yourself as it affected YOU without putting yourself on some high morale horse.

    I have to say that although I have occasionally read Fab’s blog and Turnbaby’s blog but have seen them around the Internets, this entire thing is enough to make ME want to shut down the blog and say fuck it.

    I’ve seen so many people be so damn ugly that it just makes my heart hurt.


  38. Secondhand Karl
    June 16, 2008 | 9:41 pm

    Lisa – Makes my head hurt, too. I’m finished with it all. And don’t you DARE shut down the blog. There will be NO MORE COLLATERAL DAMAGE!


  39. HoosierGirl
    June 16, 2008 | 9:59 pm

    Great post. Turnbaby is lucky to have a friend like you.



  40. Secondhand Karl
    June 16, 2008 | 10:04 pm

    HoosierGirl – thanks.


  41. Todd
    June 18, 2008 | 7:43 pm

    This whole situation is batshit crazy.


  42. Secondhand Karl
    June 19, 2008 | 12:25 am

    Todd – Truer words were never spoken.


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