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Late, I know. Thank that bastard, Jester.
One of the more disturbing things about writing fairly “naked” here on the blog - and the very question of how much you share on your blog was addressed on Hilly’s show on Sunday - is when people you know offline find and read your blog.
Discovering that my mother read my blog wasn’t an incredible surprise (by any stretch). She really started reading it two years ago when she picked up one of the business cards I made up for BlogHer ‘06.
“What’s this?” she said, looking at the odd little cartoon man on the card. “SecondHand Tryptophan?”
“Oh,” I said, thinking SHIT! “That’s my blog.” Maybe if I just say it really fast she’ll skip over it and go away.
“A blog? What is a blog, anyway?” She’d heard the term in the newspaper before, but really didn’t know what blogs were.
“It’s like a web site, kind of.” OK, bye!
“You have a web site?”
Sure, doesn’t everyone? “Yeah. It’s my writing.”
“What do you write about?” she asked.
“Whatever. Anything. Everything. It’s like having a daily column online.”
“Huh,” Mom said, walking off and taking the card with her. What she was probably thinking, I imagine, was You can bet your ASS I’m looking at this as soon as I get near my computer.
So I KNEW she knew about it. But I pretended - as I continue to pretend - that she doesn’t read this blog. The moment she first left a comment on one of my posts, the illusion was shattered. But I made a vow then that I think was a wise choice on my part: I will continue to write my blog as if nobody I know reads it. That may not be the choice for everyone, but it’s the one that works for me.
It doesn’t bother me any more. It did, at first. But I really DO write as if she doesn’t know I blog. Otherwise, I might not say a LOT of shit I say. Or blog naked photos of myself online. All that while friends of hers gather weekly and have all SEEN my naked photos online. AND know me personally.
My niece, Lauren, has seen my blog. Obviously, she’s not looking at it every DAY or she wouldn’t have been surprised when I showed up to her house completely bald last week. But she’s seen it. And if you’re reading this now, Lauren, GO AWAY! UNCLE KARL USES WORDS YOU’RE NOT SUPPOSED TO BE HEARING. Or using. Course, you can’t use them until you HEAR them, which is why you shouldn’t be reading my blog. At all.
My dad knows about my blog, and so does my brother. Again, I have no idea how often they read it, whether they subscribe to the feed or what…but they know about it.
And now it is VERY clear that my twin daughters know about the blog. First of all, I told them about it when I visited them last month. And I set up the radio show with Alyson, which is linked to all over the place on my site and the BTR page. And I comment on the Alive Campaign blog, where I am AGAIN linked.
But yesterday, my daughter Ashley commented on my blog. I’m not providing a link to her blog because that’s her privacy to dole out. So now my girls are reading 2HT. It’s like my blog coming-out party or something. Yes, girls, Dad has a blog and he says “fuck” (sometimes a lot). I hope that’s not the same level of trauma you experienced when you first thought about your parents having sex…or worse, walked IN on them. But I realize it may come as a shock that I use profanity. Or blog naked sometimes.
Really, though, it’s all in the name of my art. *cough*
This is the nature of the blogging beast, however. When people you know find your blog, do you continue on with your blog, or do you pack up shop and find another anonymous blog to write?
I’m staying.
I’ve done my share of (relatively) anonymous blogging. It’s not for me any more.
What about you? Do your offline friends and family know about your blog? Does that change how you write? Or WHAT you write?
Filed under 2HT Mentions, 2HT Radio, Blogging, Weblogs |54 Responses to “How Naked is TOO Naked?”
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MY side of the family knows about my blog, and they have to hear me screech at them constantly “DID YOU READ MY BLAAAAAWG! GO READ IT!”
Hubs side of the family, except for one of his sisters, do not read it. And god willing, they never will, becuase the moment my mother in law got my URL i will close up shop.
I blog the same as I would even if he and my granny were not regular readers.
Karl, that takes a lot of balls. I’m suitably impressed!
My mom and my two best friends read my blog, but those are the only people I let read it. Occassionally, I’ll email an entry that I want my dad to read to him. But… mostly, only the people I trust with everything are allowed to view the contents of what I write. It’s caused some drama in the past, but overall… I’m glad they do. Sometimes, they get to see what I NEED to say, but just can’t bring myself to voice.
I don’t know if that makes much sense, but yeah. There ya go.
I share my blog w/family, friends and work associates and it provides solid boundaries that I not only respect but also prefer. I think it helps make me more the person I want to be.
Yes, I’m a prude. A proud prude.
My family is not that intuned to the blogosphere. Yes, they know I have a blog but don’t seem all that interested. Wait… should that be a sign or something? Crap!
Meh. I don’t care who reads it. Some nasty co worker already found it. After that, I could give a shit. On another note, I realized today that you’ll be here behind the Orange Curtain soon. I’m preparing to swoon.
I’ve shown my blog to a few people. My ex reads it sometimes. My friend James saw it and raised his eyebrows at the boob pictures. But I let out some nasty frustrations involving friends on my blog, and I’d lose a lot of friends if I had to explain some of those things. I guess it’s better that no one really reads it. For now, anyway. If there’s a post I want them to see, I’ll copy and paste it in a blog on myspace.
On a side note, I’m ready to catch my mom during her swoon fit once you’re here. Do you have smelling salts, by any chance?
Haha…funny stuff. And as far as people reading MY blog, I don’t care. It’s online..it’s public.. it’s their choice to read/not
I guess I kinda feel like you do lol
My brother and mother do. My sister doesn’t but she knows about it. My dad - no
I try not to think about who might be reading my blog when I am typing the words.
It’s after I hit the publish button and go back to read my post. It’s then that I think, “Oh Shit”.
I really struggle with having real life people read my blog. There are lots of things I would love to blog about but don’t, because it would have real life repercussions. There is something to be said for anonymous blogging for that reason, but unfortunately that train has long left the station.
I blog about my family, (Mostly the in-laws) because I KNOW they don’t have a computer and can’t see it, but if they did I don’t think I’d care. I especially liked the day I put a picture of my BIL dressed in his wife’s flowery robe and house slippers up on Davezilla….. ha ha ha that was so funny!
The first people I told about my blog were my friends - actually one of the reasons I even started blogging was because of them. I’m terrible about keeping up with long email threads and I hate phones, so this seemed to be a way to try to keep up with everyone. It’s funny - the folks I see the least are the ones who read me the most.
I also told my mom early on, although I had doubts about it before I did it. And now she’s on there ALL THE TIME - I’d even bet there are some folks who come by to read her comments as much as to read the crap that I write. So, needless to say, I won’t be blogging about my sex life or posting naked pictures of myself because even IF the idea appealed to me (and it doesn’t) just the idea of my mom reading that would be enough to make it lose any titillation value.
The people I haven’t told are the folks from work, with the exceptions of one or two people. I just don’t even want to go there…not until I have to, at any rate.
Wow. I think your exploits in Philly would be more traumatic than even walking in on you having sex.
I don’t publicize my blog, but at the same time I also no longer actively try to hide it. It is what it is… and it isn’t going to change what I write because that would be changing who I am.
I change for no one… but me.
Not even my mom.
Over the years I used to worry about someone IRL finding my site. Now not so much. I have learned to tailor my writing as to not use proper names, I don’t bitch about people, and mostly I know how to use my post levels if I tend to need to vent.
But I also don’t put 100% of my life on my site. I have 2 sites really, one that’s ELT and the other is for more personal insight for closer friends.
BTW I don’t even think my mom knows what a computer looks like and if she did in fact find my blog then I am sure she would cheer me on about somethings.
I have trouble with the whole thing. People know I have a blog. So, I walk a rather fine line with it. I behave. I don’t post any of the naughty pictures I might otherwise, and I generally toe the line on my language. Mostly. I think I’m worried about future employers even more.
My Mom, my Dad, my SIL, and some of my colleagues know about my blog. My Mom reads everyday. It’s definitely affected my writing and I often think about that fact. It’s hard for me to overcome that obstacle for some reason.
Does that make me a fake? Or just private? I don’t know.
No one knows I have my blog. Not even my husband, who sits directly in front of me on his computer evenings.
I will keep it that way until the end of time. I don’t believe anyone would ever suspect that I, of all people, would have indulge in something as silly as having a blog.
I don’t think it’s silly. To me it’s vital. Since I’m not allowed to express myself openly and honestly (so far) to friends and family IRL, my blog is where I can go to be the real me. Without having any fear that what I am saying is/will hurt someone, or that I will/would be told that what I’m saying isn’t important, and that my thoughts and ponderings are important to someone: me.
For a long time I didn’t think I mattered. Now, I know I do. Sure, no one actually reads my blog. And that’s okay. I’m not writing it for anyone else but me. Truly.
Finally, having a blog allows me to dabble a bit in having a fantasy life. Not a fantasy life that would be harmful, mind you. But every now and then my imagination runs wild with thoughts of happiness, contentment, and that maybe, just maybe, I will pick up a few friends and we’ll talk about how to save the world.
My aunt, my cousin and another cousin’s wife all read my blog. It makes me a little uncomfortable and I think I do sensor myself a little bit. But for the most part I write as I always do and am just thankful it’s my extended family rather than my immediate family.
I am in a completely different situation. I started my blog(well, this blog) for my mom and family to read since I moved so far away. It was and is a way to keep in touch with them and let them know what is going on over here. I still don’t censor myself and write about what I want. However, my mom is completely cool. Like the Gilmore Girls kind of mom.
My mom reads it. My dad and step mom know about it, although I don’t know how often they read it. My brothers read it. And, apparently, a bunch of people from my hometown read it.
It hasn’t changed how I write. I think that’s easier to stick with when you are the same person on your blog as you are offline.
People who walk the line offline and use their blog to “vent” things they “couldn’t say” in real life? I think those are the ones who cling to their privacy and anonymity.
I don’t have those kind of boundaries.
Oh so you have gone to the heart of it today; piercing the delicate facade of blogger anonymity. As a fellow introvert, I blog as an outlet. As a means of finding a voice and a place to express the thoughts that I ponder and linger on in silence. For me, the fact that I put myself out where the public can see, and risk that those “in real life” have the same opportunity to read as anyone else is very stimulating. No one has ever called me out, and maybe I would change my mind if they did. But maybe I wouldn’t. I think for me that’s the whole point.
It’s all about stretching my boundries.
I know my family has seen it. I have cousins who read it and my brother’s boss reads it every day apparently. I have no problem saying anything on there - if they don’t like it, they can hit the “X”.
When I started my blog it was as a way to keep family and friends in the loop about how things were going with my son and (as of then) unborn daughter. (Hence the cringe inducing “newbabynews” name.) It’s evolved a great deal over time though and a lot of my family members who used to read it for kid updates no longer do. Now it’s just my parents, my brother, an aunt and a couple of cousins. And my mother in law. I pretty much never censor anything I want to say because of who’s reading except for the stuff I would like to say about my MIL. In the interest of peace I hold my when it comes to her but if she wasn’t reading I would blog about her all the time because, well, let’s just say our relationship is good blog fodder. In general though I just say whatever I want to say and don’t care who reads it.
Once upon a time I had a blog that was not anonymous. My mom, brother, long lost friends from high-school, and my husband all read it. Now, I am anonymous and nobody from my ‘real’ life knows about my blog. I am the same person on and offline either way. Everybody is multi-faceted and there are certain things I’m just not comfortable discussing with my mother. Those things might show up on the anonymous blog. It doesn’t mean it is any less me or that I’m hiding. I don’t have to share everything with everyone.
I think your attitude is great though, by the way.
In another blog life, I used my real name and my ENTIRE family read it. And I was cool with that. Until. Until one of my blog posts ended up on the back of funeral program for my uncle. Until my mother would e-mail asking me to write a post for her brother because “it would make him happy.” Until she started asking me daily, “Doesn’t Mister mind that you reveal so much?”
Now I blog under a pseudonym not because I want to be anonymous, but so my family can’t Google me.
“Or blog naked sometimes.”
*SNORT*
Girls, your daddy loves you, but look away if you see skin. It’s for the best.
Funny story…woke up this morning (after the comment I left u last nite) to find a comment on MY blog from my boyfriend’s mom! She’s really been getting into the Alive Campaign & comments on their blog FREQUENTLY so I guess she followed one of MY comments to MY blog. Hmm..almost makes me wish I hadn’t said “I don’t care…” yesterday, but not.
I did warn my boyfriend that his mom ’stumbled upon’ my blog that happens to have pix of us partying (she’s hardcore anti-alcohol). I told him I can’t be liable for what is said/posted. I mean I can’t control whether or not she happens to STALK my page in the future, right?
Anyway, I’m going to try not to think about it. It’s OK, just surprising. Not that I would say anything mean about her or the rest of my boyfriend’s family because I genuinely like them and we get along great…I just know she’ll disapprove of some things. lol
My family knows that I have a blog (That’s why I was warned profusely about the dangers of internet predators before TC!) None of them read it or have the remotest clue to what it is called.
A few select friends know about it and read sporadically. (The moms of the kids know so that I get permission when posting pictures) I don’t post about them so they are all cool with it and they laugh when they visit.
I wouldn’t change anything anyway. It’s my blog-fuck em if they don’t like it.
My mom and dad read my blog. My sister use to. My brother knows about it. My husband reads it every few weeks. I know my parents have given the address to a few aunts and cousins.
I tend to censor myself because of this. It’s really hard to blog something and have your mom say, “Oh, don’t forget. Family in Holland reads your blog. But you haven’t said anything wrong yet” or have your husband say, “I really wish you didn’t blog about that!”
I’ve just recently taken the leap and to date I’ve kept it safe. I’ll have to see where I go with it.
Blogging naked…hmm. I don’t think my co-workers would approve.
My finace reads my blog… more proof reads it (”those words don’t go together… doesn’t make sense”). A few of my friends read my blog.
I know my daughter reads it sometimes, so whatever I write out there isn’t a big deal for her to read. Nothing she doesn’t already know and the older she gets, the more she will understand the revelations she didn’t understand before.
I don’t know if I want my family reading my blog, especially my sister. She’s very Mormon and while we get along ok, her view is always through the eyes of a church I no longer attend, which doesn’t sit well with her. Not to mention, posts like “I’m A Liberal” with all of the details on how I stand with my positions, would send her over the top.
My sister-in-law is the only person that may grasp the ability to understand my writing. She’s religious, but she knows the outside world, too.
Both of my parents have passed on, but I doubt either of them would go out to the blog. My mom never really used a computer on a regular basis and wasn’t all that hip to the web.
I’ve learned that as I get back into the writing world, I can’t let anyone hold me back, even my sister and her judgmental mindset.
Bluepaintred - It’s not beyond me to ask people that know about my blog whether they’ve read a particular post. But it’s kind of rare.
Amber - that makes total sense. Yeah, I find that I have more of a voice online than off. I like that.
Whall - Yeah, there are definitely things I WON’T blog about, but I don’t think the things would change much if I didn’t have family reading. There are a number of things I keep off of the blog.
Mindy - Good for you. Course, I’d be seriously looking at IP addresses. Heh.
Winter - Swoon? Over ME? You just want to rub my fuzzy head.
Motley - That’s probably the way to go. Post pictures and things to Myspace and whatnot to keep close friends away from the REAL blog.
Ashley - Like I said, it’s YOUR privacy, so I leave that up to you. As long as you know you’re findable when you comment, I’m perfectly okay with whatever you want to do.
Your EMAIL doesn’t show up for anyone else, by the way. Just your blog URL.
Libragirl - Does it change how you write?
Bucky - Yeah, I can see that. That happens to me, too, sometimes. I don’t ever pull posts, but I HAVE on a few occasions pulled a sentence or two.
Zchamu - Yeah, that train left the station for me LONG ago.
Blondefabulous - It’d be nice if some people didn’t have computers, but how would I ever get in touch with them then?
C.L. - I suppose if I was working, I’d probably keep my blog secret from those folks. But it’s really easy to find my blog. Google my name and it comes right up. Hell, type my name.com into your browser and it forwards to 2HT.
NYCWD - Very true. Girls, do NOT read about Tequilacon here. It’ll only serve to warrant you therapy.
Frankie - Yeah, I don’t use a whole lot of actual names when it comes to discussing my offline life. But that’s more about THEIR privacy, really. I won’t talk about my love life (not that I have one at the moment), either.
Kyra - Wait, are you holding back naughty pictures?! Send them to me posthaste!
Pixie - Doesn’t make you fake at all. Private? Sure, to an extent.
Mattie - I can relate to what you’re saying. I once chose to remain anonymous for a while. Turned out to be more work for me than I liked, though. I prefer to be “out there” so people can get to know the real me. Plus, it’s just hard for me to compartmentalize.
Lady Jaye - Yeah, I can see how that would be a bit easier, having the extended family read it as opposed to immediate family.
DaDuck - that’s cool.
Britt - “It hasn’t changed how I write. I think that’s easier to stick with when you are the same person on your blog as you are offline.” Yeah, you hit the head right on the nail. Or something.
Willie G - Yeah, it’s about stretching for me, too. Just like going to big gatherings.
Avitable - Somehow I would have been surprised if you’d said anything to the contrary.
Jen - That makes it so hard, when your relationship is actually interesting and great blog fodder.
Em - No, I get that. Here’s how I describe it…everything on my blog is true, but not everything that’s true is on my blog.
Finn - Makes perfect sense to me.
Poppy - thanks for the disclaimer.
Ashley - And welcome to the blogiverse! Ha. That’s funny.
Metalmom - You go, girl!
Lynda - Screw the family in Holland. Like you’re ever going to meet them, anyway! Heh.
Linda - Well, it’s not for everyone, that’s true.
Martymankins - Yeah, that would be difficult if I had family that was so against my belief system. But I’d probably just tell them, “If you don’t like it, don’t read it.”
I had to shut my blog down due to the drama that occurred with the real-life relationships. So I’m on the other side of the fence, I would rather keep my worlds apart.
Like George from Seinfeld said “worlds colliding”
Oh you know me, I’ll stay through whatever I find out. There are people reading my blog now that I don’t particularly want reading it but what am I going to do? Leave? Oh hell no!
And I’m still me 100%. Maybe one day I can be me at 134% but until then, I suffer for my art ;).
great post….
I’m off to get off
seemy blog
I meant see my blog post LOL
Ha! I have met them several time.
Honestly, I think the comments my mom makes are more about my mom than about the family. They are pretty liberal there.
Periodically someone will tell me they’ve found my blog or someone from high school or college will e-mail and tell me they’ve found it. And then I’ll have a moment or two of worrying about what it was I’d recently been writing about. Luckily, my odd crap will typically have some not-odd stuff on either side of it and I’ll feel OK about what people might have read.
My mother went for a long while without commenting and then, on the phone, told me she was still reading. “And blushing, and shaking my head, but keeping quiet.”
My family knows about my blog and chooses not to read it (surprise, surprise). My friends don’t know about it. Either way, I don’t care. My blog is anonymous but I don’t say anything I don’t mean and I would stand by every word I have said if anyone from my normal life ever read it. The blog is anonymous because I don’t want my employers to find it, but even if they did, I would get over that, too.
I have family members who read me, my mom and my 16 year old, to name two. I try to write what I want, but I do sensor myself somewhat because of my 16 year old. Or I tell her that she “best skip this post” or she’ll be sorry. I’m finding that more and more of my family and my husband’s family reads my blog. I try not to think about that. I guess they have a choice to make when they read me, do they really want to know what I am telling about myself or not. And if they don’t, there’s a little red X at the top right of the screen…
I started my blog because I needed to find out how much I was/am willing to publicly reveal about myself. So, sometimes I know I push family members’ comfort levels with things, but for me that’s sorta what it’s all about.
I think more people in my offline life know about my blog than know my surname. Luckilly, the family doesn’t read it as they think this whole blogging affair is just that side of nutso.
I censor myself like crazy when it comes to tales about the people in my life. If I do talk about them I usually get permission or approval beforehand. I keep thinking of starting an anonymous to offline people thing so I could do thins like Hilly’s venting post all the time!
HRT - I did that, keeping the worlds apart. It does make things easier in some respects.
Hilly - Yeah, there’s really no way to keep all the undesirables away from the blog. Not without expending a great deal of energy, anyway. It’s easier (as far as I’m concerned) to just say, “This is me. Here I am. Come one, come all.”
Charlene - You’re getting off on your blog? Wow, I’ll be there momentarily!
Lynda - Ah, so you’ve met them. That’s a little different, then. Heh.
Delmer - I’d much rather KNOW that my immediate family is reading it, than NOT know.
Nina - Yeah, the employers thing is important. I’ve been fired for my blog, so I get what you’re saying.
Shelli - With you all the way, babe.
Jennifer - Agreed. I rediscover myself all the time.
Bec - Yeah, it’s funny how few surnames I know of people I read on a regular basis.
When I was diagnosed with cancer, again, it just didn’t matter anymore. Since I really don’t know what the future holds for me I didn’t want family and friends to feel that they were missing a part of me so when they asked for the address of the blog, I gave it to them. Just yesterday my mom asked for it and I told her to read the disclaimer first before she read anything.
I realized that at first it was changing my writing and holding me back but I wrote about it and released that anxiety. Now I’m back in the saddle!
I think I just had an Aerosmith moment…I’m back…I’m back in the saddle again.
God, I’m such a rock bitch.
Lisa - You are a rock bitch, baby!
So far I don’t think anyone I “know” has found me…other than my online family … If the kids have read it I am pretty sure that their thoughts that Mommers is a wench would be vilified!
Cheesy - It’s a whole new game now that my daughters are reading my blog.
so if your daughters are reading, and they are, you are gonna censor yourself? seriously? or what does “it’s a whole new game” mean?
i am trying my hardest to not have my family read my blog. a few cool cousins is one thing, the entire family to completely different! other than that, i guess i don’t mind who reads.
As someone who blogs under their own name, but never really approaches personal honesty about anything in my immediate life, well, I am just sort of topless… and since I am a dude, well, that isn’t a big deal really.
Granted I am not popular enough online or in real life to worry about people reading my blog who I wouldn’t want to.
I was “outed” right before karate class started a little over a year ago. I was horrified. Now, I just deal. The other day, one of my Mom’s best friends told her how much she and her son love my blog. WHAT? I had no idea.
I guess if I want to get fabulously rich and famous from this blogging business, I’ll have to just deal.
I have a separate blog for my family news. I created that one first, but I felt I needed my own space. Especially as I bitch about my MIL on one and she reads the other. It is more that both blogs have completely separate functions. Very, very few people have access to both. My new blog is pretty much off-limits to people in know in my every day life. But there are a few bloggers I have gotten to know and gotten friendly with that I feel comfortable letting them see my family blog.
I scrapped blogs in the past when I discovered that coworkers found them. I’m pretty sure that no one I know in real life reads my current blog. I don’t know how I’d feel if they were regular readers. Would it affect my writing? Probably.
Is it weird I can’t be myself with people I actually know?
Very interesting.
I don’t think anyone I know reads my blog. I’m pretty frank on it, but I said it, so if they happen upon it, so be it.
Food for thought, though.
Hello - No, I just meant that it’s a whole new world now that they’re reading the blog. I’m not changing a thing.
MC - I think you’re well-read. You might not be DOOCE popular, but then again, who is?
BBM - If I get rich from my blog, I’ll totally give out better prizes on Freaky Frakkin’ Friday.
Not Afraid to Use It - Pretty smart, actually, having two blogs. You can easily distract people from the REAL blog, that way.
Stacey - Well, it’s a little strange to ME, but then, look who’s talking?
Michael - Hi there! Always nice to see a new face. Yeah, I never went out of my way to point out my blog to family or friends, but I don’t discourage it, either. If they ask, I’ll tell them about it.