100 Things About Karl, Part Eight
Thanks to Jester for being my guest yesterday on SecondHand Radio. It’s always a pleasure talking to him and I can’t wait to meet the guy in person in July, when I have my annual Hillython in California. Oh, and BlogHer, of course, for which I won a free pass from Hakia.com. And ComicCon. And I hope to meet up with tons of other California bloggers, too.
Go to the SecondHand Radio link above to download last night’s show and listen to it. OR you can subscribe to SecondHand Radio through iTunes! Yeah, baby!
One other way to subscribe? With your feedreader!
Here’s the guest roundup for the next couple of months on SecondHand Radio:
- June 8: The lovely Hello Haha Narf from Midnight Cliff.
- June 15: My daughter, Alyson, along with the other members of the Alive Campaign. Go check out their site, and their blog, where they post every night about their incredible bicycle trip from Waco, TX to Anchorage, Alaska in 83 days.
- June 22: Lisa from Clusterfook, who is battling cancer for the third freaking time. Love this woman.
- June 29: BrittCon. Still not sure if there’ll be a show that afternoon, but if there is, it’ll be with Britt, Hilly, Hello Haha Narf, and others.
- July 6: Sarah Bloom from Sad and Beautiful World. Photographer extraordinnaire.
- July 13: Carly Milne, author of Sexology and other books.
- July 20: BlogHer. This is likely to be Hilly and I, recapping BlogHer and having fun in a 2-hour extravaganza.
- July 27: Jeff from A View from the Cloud.
I had no technical troubles last night with the show, but I will say that the new advertising Blog Talk Radio is utilizing is a huge turn-off. Now, whenever you go to a show’s page, these pop-over ads come up. You HAVE to listen to them for 20-30 seconds before they take you to the show’s page. Ugh. That shit sucks. I can see switching in the near future. They’ve ALREADY got ads up in the sidebars. Isn’t that enough?
OK, time for another edition of the ongoing 100 Things About Karl list. This is part eight. Six of these items appeared in a recent post (Six More Random Things About Me) and the other four are new.
- I hate when I write a numbered list of items or do a meme with many, many questions and then in the comments people refer back to the #’s in the list. Like “I so agree with #12 and cannot BELIEVE #46! I didn’t realize you could fit a #38 in there.” Because I have to go back and scroll up the page to see what the fuck they’re talking about. I realize it’s inherent with the situation…it IS a numbered list, after all, but that doesn’t make me hate it less. And I know you punks. You’re gonna do that number-referencing thing a lot in the comments now just because I said that.
- I’m a sit-down peer. I mean, I pee sitting down whenever I can. Unless there’s a urinal. I love urinals. They make me proud to be a man. Well, at least HAPPY to be a man. So yeah, there you go. I like sitting down when I pee. Does that get me any closer to getting some pussy? I mean, I’m just about a woman, already! I’d make a great lesbian.
- So apparently when I’m really really drunk. I mean BEYOND drunk. The kind of drunk where you masturbate in front of women that you’re not sleeping with and may have just met, THAT kind of drunk. When I’m that kind of drunk I pee in places that aren’t exactly meant for that sort of thing. I mean, they’re not even receptacles of any kind. This has happened on two nearly-public rugs. But those aren’t the ONLY times I’ve found myself naked and standing or in this case sitting in urine. Oh no, they most certainly aren’t. You’d think that these might be perceived of as life lessons and that I wouldn’t drink that much ever again. But you’d think wrong. It’s very, very RARE. But it happens.
- I am by nature very non-confrontational. I don’t like to see people arguing, particularly when it’s a really heated argument and there’s namecalling and hairpulling going on…even in a virtual sense. I’m a “calm the waters” kind of guy. I want everyone to get along, to play nicely with one another. I’ll even go so far as to try and placate the screaming heads. Don’t get me wrong, it IS possible to get my hackles up in a knot (or whatever the hell hackles do when they’re in an excited state). I DO have a few buttons and they can be pushed. But they’re few and far between and you have to try really hard to push those buttons. Still, I can bust words with the best of them. And I will. Maybe.
- I love having people – well, women, to be more precise – play with my hair. Love it. That’s why I love getting my hair cut, someone plays with my hair for 15 minutes. It’s like that old game 15 Minutes in the Closet…but with less tongue. I love when a woman plays around with my hair, sometimes going into a scalp massage, other times scratching my scalp playfully with her nails. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrroooooowwwwwwwwllll.
- I love design shows. Trading Spaces? Love it. HGTV? Awesome. I won’t actually turn those shows on, but I’ll watch the living hell out of ‘em if you turn them on for me.
- I hate Junebugs. They’re stupid beetles with wings. Seriously stupid. They fly for these tiny little jaunts and then land (most of the time) on their back, where they viciously kick their legs and try to turn themselves back over. They spend the bulk of their lives on their backs, much like Lindsay Lohan and Paris Hilton. I often flip them over to save them, but then within 60 seconds they fly again and land on their back…again. Stupid.
- My favorite part of the Sunday newspaper are the ads for Best Buy and Circuit City. Any ads containing gadgets and computers, actually, which also includes Office Max and Office Depot. Yes, I like a few of the comics/funnies, but the first thing I go to are always the ads. Not that I have any money to spend on gadgets, mind you, but still…
- I hate NASCAR. Any car races, for that matter. They’re stupid. I will never understand the fascination some people have for watching cars go around and around and around hundreds of times. How is that a sport? It’s DRIVING. In CIRCLES.
- I don’t waste time in the bathroom. Not even for number two. I don’t understand people that take 30 minutes to take a shit, bringing reading material or iPhones or whatever. Listen, I wait until I have to take a dump, then I go into the bathroom, do my business, and get out. Five minutes, tops. Everyone else seems to treat shitting like it’s a casual stroll in the park.
33 Responses to “100 Things About Karl, Part Eight”
Leave a Reply
The more I read your blog, Dave’s blog, and my first favorite, Delmer’s blog, the more I really really really want to go to Tequilacon. And I just misspelled Tequila. Dammit.
I was going to do #’s here, but then -I- had to scroll up and I lost interest when I lost what I was talking about. Der.
Reply
Sue – Oh, yes, you MUST do TequilaCon! And I’ve lost interest, too.
Reply
I’m the same way with the sunday paper, it reminds me of looking through catalogs when I was a kid and circling what I wanted santa to bring me.
Reply
You had to bring up the hair stroking thing again, didn’t you? ;o)
I also absolutely agree about spending time in the bathroom – you either need to go or you don’t – don’t fuck about in there all day!
Reply
You sit down to pee?
My opinion of you is forever changed.
Reply
So…your daughter is going to be on?
Interesting…
Reply
You still get a newspaper? I didn’t know anybody still did that.
Reply
I still get a newspaper too! Where else would you find coupons?
Reply
Coupons are all online now.
Reply
I don’t shop online, and I don’t have a printer.
Reply
Well, the printer would definitely be a problem. But the coupons are for in-store – every coupon that you find in print is available online, plus many others that you’ll never see in the paper.
Reply
I always say the exact same thing about NASCAR. And I’ve “saved” a few Junebugs in my time, only to see them on their backs again two seconds later. And the way they fly right into you? Are they drunk?
Reply
I have the same problem with numbered lists that you do. I don’t remember what I put for numbers! It drives me crazy.
Oh, and I totally agree with you on #4. I am exactly the same way. (Sorry, you were right. I just had to.)
Reply
I share your befuzzledment over NASCAR. Huh?
And also, I’m just like you with #10. In and out as fast as I can. Mike was putting lighting in the outhouse at the cottage on the weekend and said “I’ve perfectly aimed it so it will light up a book when you’re sitting there” like it was a selling feature. My response? “Dude, it’s an outhouse. I barely take time to wipe my ass I want to get out of there so fast…” (But, perhaps that was TMI).
Reply
Tori – Ah yes, the old Sears Wishbook days…
Penelope – Exactly!
Britt – For the better, right?
Mr. Fab – Yep, on Father’s Day.
Avitable – Yep, I still enjoy the newspaper.
Sue – It’s true, coupons are all available online.
Finn – They’re totally drunk, those Junebugs.
Lynda – Ha ha.
Suze – Yeah, reading material has no place in the bathroom as far as I’m concerned.
Reply
I still get the newspaper too and ALWAYS look at the Circuit City/Best Buy ads to see what I can’t afford to buy. Screw the food that’s on sale…let the kids starve. What gadget can I finagle into my budget?
Dude cuts coupons…with his big gigantic glasses that make his eyes look like bugs. It’s HYSTERICAL.
If we were neighbors I would so make you watch HGTV in high definition with me because NO ONE will watch with me.
Reply
Are Junebugs the same as Stinkbugs?
Reply
Lisa – eating is so overrated. I’ll totally watch HGTV with you. And no, Junebugs are not the same as stinkbugs.
Reply
i use my bathroom visits as reasons for privacy. my three rugrats are NOT allowed into the bathroom, and my husband can’t drive me nuts if i’m doing my business…but truth be told, i could be out of there in 30 seconds or less
Reply
Ali – Privacy in the bathroom is priceless.
Reply
I’ve been known to sit so long on the toilet reading something that my legs go numb and I almost collapse when I try to stand up. Then I have to dance around trying to get my circulation back while I’m wiping myself. Hmmm, TMI perhaps?
Reply
You mean I can’t refer to the numbers in your list to comment to this one..?
Bugger! I’ll have a shower instead… a hot steamy one..
Reply
i’m remembering the whackin it, jackin it and peeing on the floor incident, then thinking about you sitting down to pee. and now i can’t quit giggling.
Reply
So, dude. Today…in the mail…received nicely hand-addressed envelope (upside down; I like that). Inside was a Second Hand Karl business card, but NO BUTTON! What is the meaning of this?
Reply
Jeff – WAY too much information.
DutchBitch – enjoy that shower and think of me.
Hello – Heh, it is pretty odd.
Jennifer – What?! No button? Seriously?
Reply
I haven’t seen a Junebug in years. When I was a kid, my mom used to tell me they would stuck in your hair and you would have to cut them out. So that’s my fear of them, even though it’s been years since I’ve even seen one.
And I don’t get NASCAR either. Bring me go-cart racing, or 20 episodes of Jackass and I’m a happy camper.
Reply
Seriously…must be like when I go to the fridge and can’t remember what I was going to pull out…you write out an envelope, stick in a nice card and note, stamp it, and forget why you did it all in the first place!
Reply
I used to spend hours in the bathroom with a book just purely because it was the only place with a lock on the door, and I could be guaranteed to be left alone. Oh the joys of shared houses. Otherwise, yep in and out.
Ooo, do you get Grand Designs over there? That is the best design show around. It’s Grand! (Yep, crap joke but it’s 20 past 1 and… no excuse…)
Reply
I don’t understand the appeal of NASCAR either. If you really want to know who wins, why not just tune in for the last lap? It’s not like anything tremendously exciting happens before then. How many left turns do you really need to see?
Reply
Martymankins – Well, Junebugs are all over the place here.
Jennifer – I apparently do that all the time.
Bec – Haven’t heard of that show. I’ll have to look and see if it’s on here.
Stacey – Exactly!
Reply
I also love it when people play with my hair. It instantly soothes me. I thought I was the only one who hated junebugs. Who knew.
Reply
I am with you on #3 on your list…oops, sorry…forgot about #1
Even though I generally make it to the urinal/toilet, there are times when just being stupid drunk forces you to pee in a crazy place.
Like the corner of my hotel room. Yeah…I’ve done that. I still don’t understand why.
Reply
I cannot hang out in the bathroom. Ick. And I used to love NASCAR but now I put it on when I want to nap. It puts me right to sleep.
Reply