Roll, Roll, Roll Your Browser
I can’t for the life of me explain why some people actually give a shit what I think about, well, anything, really. When I wrote the post about “Why I Cannot Stand Your Blog” I got an inordinate amount of comments. Not just on the post, but in email, too. People asked me if their blog offended me, or hurt my sensibilities, or made me want to shoot random people in a mall.
My first imagined response is, “Why the fuck do you care what *I* think?” Hell, I’m just a dude. Just like with art – I recently went to the Dallas Museum of Art – I know what I like and what I don’t like, but I can’t necessarily tell you WHY. Some of my comments at the Dallas museum a couple of weeks ago included: “Blecch,” “I love the colors in this one,” and “while I can appreciate Jackson Pollack’s mental illness, that doesn’t change the fact that he sucks.”
I’m much the same way with blogs and web sites. Like most people, when I look at a blog’s design, I have a first impression. That could range from “Blecch” to “Oooooh” to “This is making my eyes bleed.” That said, blog designs really are starting to matter less than they used to thanks to the marvel that is RSS feeds. Even if you have an atrocious color scheme with an awful font on your blog, I can read it in MY feedreader and see it the way I want to see it…black text on a white background.
But the notion that what I think actually matters - to get back to the point – still freaks me the frak out. I’m just me. Who cares? Besides me, of course. But people do.
I’ve had some people in the last couple of months offer to change their whole blog DESIGN just for me. You’ve got to be kidding, right? We’re not even married and even if we were, I wouldn’t change MY blog design for you. Well, maybe if you offered me sex, but then I’d shoot a kitten if you offered me sex, so that’s not really saying much.
Now, most of the things I wrote about in the above post are actually common-sense. Don’t suck…well, duh. Make your text readable. No shit. Don’t truncate your feeds. Obviously. Granted, some of these are also personal preferences, but I can name at least 10 people off the top of my head that agree with the feed excerpts. In fact, they feel even more strongly about it than I do. I’ll drop people that truncate their feeds…but I ANNOUNCE it first. I even post comments on blogs that pull the truncating feeds shit, and I ask politely for them to change it. Most others just drop you, no questions asked.
Some of the other questions I get are in regards to my blogroll. How do I decide what blogs go on there? It’s really not complicated. Generally, I’ll add anyone to my blogroll in nearly the same mouseclick as when I add them to my feedreader. I don’t necessarily read everyone on my blogroll. It’s more a courtesy thing, putting people there that link to me, etc.
As I’ve said before, I used to use my blogroll as a starting point to read blogs every day. Click and visit, click and visit, click and visit. That was before I discovered feeds. Now I can go months without looking at my blogroll and it’s far too big to fit in one of my sidebars. (That’s what Karl said!) You want in my blogroll? You probably just have to ask. Is your link wrong? Just let me know, I’ll fix it.
Otherwise, just go to my blogroll if you’re looking for some new reads. I’m sure you’ll find plenty of them there.
Don’t forget today’s SecondHand Radio show with Dave! Showtime is at 5pm Eastern. Tune in, chat in the chatroom, call in to say hi, and revel in the awesomeness that is me and Dave. Last week we had 44 live listeners and 72 downloaded the show to listen to on their computers and MP3 players. Let’s see if we can up that, eh?
Now for a meme. Karen tagged me for one that I’ll do tomorrow. This one I saw from Delmer. Seems innocuous enough. The meme, not Delmer.
The Rules: You highlight the things you can do and you leave in normal type the things you can’t.
1. Give advice that matters in one sentence. (For example, stop truncating your feeds!)
2. Tell if someone is lying. (For the most part, yes.)
3. Take a photo.
4. Score a baseball game. (I could, but I don’t care enough about baseball to try.)
5. Name a book that matters.
6. Know at least one musical group as well as is possible. (I don’t know any of them THAT well, but I certainly have a lot of favorites.)
7. Cook meat somewhere other than the grill. (I can brown meat. That counts, right?)
8. Not monopolize the conversation.
9. Write a letter. (Wait, snail mail?)
10. Buy a suit.
11. Swim three different strokes.
12. Show respect without being a suck-up.
13. Throw a punch. (I’ve never been in a fight in my life. Well, not true. I totally punched my brother in the face and gave him a black eye.)
14. Chop down a tree.
15. Calculate square footage.
16. Tie a bow tie.
17. Make one drink, in large batches, very well.
18. Speak a foreign language.
19. Approach a woman out of his league. (Silly, they’re ALL out of my league.)
20. Sew a button.
21. Argue with a European without getting xenophobic or insulting soccer. (I can argue with ANYONE without getting xenophobic and ESPECIALLY without discussing soccer.)
22. Give a woman an orgasm so that he doesn’t have to ask after it. (I don’t HAVE to ask, but I like to. I’m thoughtful that way.)
23. Be loyal. (I’m fiercely loyal.)
24. Know his poison, without standing there, pondering like a dope. (I assume we’re talking about alcohol here. Because I really don’t know much about actual poison.)
25. Drive an eightpenny nail into a treated two-by-four without thinking about it.
26. Cast a fishing rod without shrieking or sighing or otherwise admitting defeat. (I have never fished in my life. Ever.)
27. Play gin with an old guy.
28. Play go fish with a kid.
29. Understand quantum physics well enough that he can accept that a quarter might, at some point, pass straight through the table when dropped.
30. Feign interest. (I’m a champion feigner.)
31. Make a bed. (I was in the Air Force, remember? I can make a bed just fine. But I never make my own.)
32. Describe a glass of wine in one sentence without using the terms nutty, fruity, oaky, finish, or kick. (Usually, it’s something simple like, “Mmm, wine.”)
33. Hit a jump shot in pool.
34. Dress a wound.
35. Jump-start a car (without any drama). Change a flat tire (safely). Change the oil.
36. Make three different bets at a craps table. (I’ve never been to a casino, but when I do go – and I will – I won’t play craps. That’s just insane. I’m going to play something where I have a shot at winning, like poker.)
37. Shuffle a deck of cards.
38. Tell a joke. (A man walks into a bar and says, “Owch!”)
39. Know when to split his cards in blackjack.
40. Speak to an eight-year-old so he will hear. (“If you shut up, I’ll put on Spongebob Squarepants.”)
41. Speak to a waiter so he will hear. (“Yo, GARSON!”)
42. Talk to a dog so it will hear. (“Who’s a good boy that’s going to die a slow and painful death if he doesn’t stop digging in the back yard?”)
43. Install: a disposal, an electronic thermostat, or a lighting fixture without asking for help. (I couldn’t do a disposal, but I’ve installed an electronic thermostat by myself.)
44. Ask for help. (Yeah, because if I need to install a garbage disposal, I’m gonna need your help.)
45. Break another man’s grip on his wrist. (Kick him in the balls.)
46. Tell a woman’s dress size.
47. Recite one poem from memory.
48. Remove a stain.
49. Say no. (Unless the question is from a woman and sounds something like, “Karl, would you take off all my clothes and lick me from my head to my toe, stopping for a few hours between my legs?”)
50. Fry an egg sunny-side up.
51. Build a campfire. (I probably couldn’t build a fire if you provided me with lighter fluid and a flamethrower.)
52. Step into a job no one wants to do. (Particularly if there’s sex involved.)
53. Sometimes, kick some ass.
54. Break up a fight. (Without a gun? Probably not.)
55. Point to the north at any time. (Sure, give me a compass and I might have some luck.)
56. Create a play-list in which ten seemingly random songs provide a secret message to one person. (I’m an awesome mix-tape maker.)
57. Explain what a light-year is. (A light year is the amount of time it takes for the Energizer Bunny to travel for a year. OK, maybe you should unbold that one.)
58. Avoid boredom. (I write memes. Don’t you?)
59. Write a thank-you note.
60. Be brand loyal to at least one product. (Does The Internet count?)
61. Cook bacon.
62. Hold a baby. (I have twin daughters, remember?)
63. Deliver a eulogy. Without crying? I think not.
64. Know that Christopher Columbus was a son of a bitch. Your understanding of your heroes must evolve. (I have very few heroes these days. Call it growing up.)
65. Throw a baseball over-hand with some snap. (I can’t throw a frisbee, what makes you think I can throw a baseball?)
66. Throw a football with a tight spiral. (Or a football.)
67. Shoot a 12-foot jump shot reliably. (I don’t even know what the fuck this means. Is it hockey?)
68. Find his way out of the woods if lost. (Sure, with a GPS.)
69. Tie a knot.
70. Shake hands.
71. Iron a shirt. (I used to love ironing when I was in the Air Force. Now I do my best to avoid it.)
72. Stock an emergency bag for the car.
73. Caress a woman’s neck.
74. Know some birds. (I can show you “the bird” like you wouldn’t believe.)
75. Negotiate a better price.
There, now go forth and try it yourself. If you want. I don’t tag people.
Filed under 2HT Mentions, Bloggity Blog, Memes, Tech, Uncategorized, Weblogs | Comments (34)34 Responses to “Roll, Roll, Roll Your Browser”
Leave a Reply
I still don’t get your hatred for truncated feeds. I won’t drop them if I like their blog, and I can understand why people do it. Now advertisements in a feed is another thing completely.
Reply
interesting list of 22 items. it did stop at 22, right? I stopped there. Seemed complete at that point.
Reply
I wonder what it means if I can’t jump start a car or change a tire but I can change the oil… and the thermostat in the car. Not the one in the house. Meh. I won’t do that stuff anymore. I can afford manicures now, so manual labor is off my list. BTW #49 rocked. For #49 I would so do #61.
Reply
You don’t tag people? WHAT? Fine.
I’m so not having sex with you OR changing my blog design.
Reply
Wow Karl, you must have alot of pull then, if people are changing their own blogs and designs just because of you.
And I must be battin’ 0 for 2 with not only a truncated feed, but (Gasp) Grey and Dark Green lettering on a Black Background! (I’m wonderin’ when I’m gonna be kicked to the curb like a red-headed stepchild?)
I’ve been quite the Naughty Girl.
So Spank me!
In all fairness, as I’ve mentioned to you before, I have a rather good reason for my truncated feed, and none of involves purposely trying to send you over the edge, I swear!
~PainInKarl’sAssZZ
Reply
Why are all the blogs at the very top of your roll in a tinier font than the rest? Also, I’m offering you sex. Please change your design.
Reply
I have no idea what snapping a baseball or spiralling a football is. And a jump shot? WTF?
I think I’ll skip this meme, but I enjoyed your answers! ;o)
Reply
Jump shot is basketball.
I can’t believe you’ve never been to a Casino! Vegas, baby.
Reply
What is a truncated feed? I don’t mean to play special but if I can’t read the whole post in my feeder I’m to computer illiterate to care and I assume that that IS your post.
Well, not really, but c’mon. Do they just want me to visit the site, or what?
Reply
delmer rocks!
have to tell you, i was laughing out loud when we got to the sports section of this meme. you are too funny. as much as i love you, it would never work if you won’t watch sports with me.
p.s. even though i hate casino gambling, i have to tell you that craps is pretty much your best odds in the entire casino.
Reply
Ahh see, now I said I might change my blog design only because I *had previously been thinking about it* and your constructive criticism made me think perhaps the time to change was here….
I did change the colors BTW, hope they are better for you
but the design is essentially the same
Reply
I’m stealing this meme. But I’m changing the editorial commentary.
“Karl, would you take off all my clothes and lick me from my head to my toe, stopping for a few hours between my legs?”
Why don’t you get laid more?
Reply
Avitable – See, I CAN’T understand truncating your feeds. It defeats the entire purpose of feeds! I want the convenience of reading entire posts in my feedreader. It’s a time thing for the most part. You actually get LESS traffic to your blog by only listing excerpts in your feeds, because lots of people just mark that shit as read and move on. Rarely do I click through to someone’s blog through an excerpt.
ACG – Hmmm, what was #22 again?
Winter – you’ve got a deal, baby.
Karen – Dammit!
Greeneyezz – You’re dangerously close to the edge.
Iron Fist – I don’t know but it’s driving me crazy. Can’t figure it out.
Penelope – Apparently, a jump shot is in basketball. Who knew?
Whit – Ah, thank you.
Jan – That’s true of MOST people that only list excerpts, they’re hoping to generate more traffic to their actual blog. Some people do it for other reasons, like privacy or whatnot.
Hello – Oh, I’ll WATCH them with you. Just don’t expect logical commentary.
Cissa – Have to go check it out. Cool.
Finn – What’s getting laid mean again?
Reply
Uh, I’ll get in on that action with you and Vahid and offer myself up for a threesome of you please change that strange part of your blogroll that he mentioned
.
Also, gonna say what I always say…I am floored that people actually heed your
bitchingadvice and really go out of their way to change things. You ARE the law!Reply
“You’re dangerously close to the edge.”
*Reaches over and very softly blows into Karl’s ear, wondering if that soft force would be the one to push him, over the edge and into the abyss*
;p~
~LivingDangerouslyZZ
Reply
I don’t know if my blog design bothers anyone else, but it annoys me. I haven’t been able to come up with something I’m really happy with yet, but I can’t afford to pay someone to create a design that will make me wet myself with excitement either.
Reply
Hilly – argh, I don’t know how to fix that.
Greeneyezz – Ha.
Stacey – I think your design is fine, though I understand the itch to change it.
Reply
I think you inspire people to want to change. To be better. You’re the kind of person that makes people go out of their way to make YOU like THEM. I don’t know why it is; some people just naturally evoke certain urges in other people.
It could be a lot worse, right?
I was wondering what the “TBD” meant and why my journal was listed under it but I didn’t want to ask.
And I have to wonder the same thing Finn was wondering! I got a tingle just reading that… and yes, I may be just be a horny bitch that hasn’t gotten laid in two months… but seriously? There are few things sexier than a man who is willing to go the extra mile to please their partner.
Reply
I had to quit reading in the middle of truncated fields. I don’t even know what you’re talking about, and apparently you’ll be happy knowing I don’t really care.
Reply
Amber, you haven’t gotten laid in two months? How is that even possible? It’s been nearly a year for me, but I’m a dude. Women just have it waiting in line for them, don’t they?
Caron – Truncating feeds just means that they only list excerpts of their posts in the feeds instead of the entire post.
Reply
I love your WHy I Hate Your… posts. They make me feel all warm and fuzzy until I get about half way through them then I always spot something I am doing in them… And then I get afraid that you will never visit again. See this? Fear of losing more readers.
Reply
[...] dark day. A meme. Stolen from Penelope at It’s Me… Penelope , who in turn stole it from Karl at Secondhand Trytophan who in turn stole it from Delmer at What’s a Delmer Look Like? – is this enough [...]
Bec – you losing readers? Nevah!
Reply
Well, I don’t really care what you think, so there!
No – I do care. Please like me. Please like me!!!
Haha
You are just too cool, Karl. Too damn cool…
Reply
Sybil Law – finally, a woman who gets me!
Reply
-“Why the fuck do you care what *I* think?” – because your opinion matters dude. lol
Feeds don’t bother me. If it is full great, if not cool too. If I find it interesting in the first few sentences I will click, if not then I don’t. I actually didn’t know I had a truncated feed until a friend told me so I fixed that. I am, however, a master at using the “more” feature on my blog posts, but only after a day or two and only after I have posted a new entry. It just makes it look cleaner. (except my post today. It was just really fracking long!)
Reply
damn, I messed up my blog url again. lol Once again, something else I have mastered.
Reply
DaDuck – Very rarely does an excerpt trigger my “I gotta see this post!” reflex.
Reply
>>“Why the fuck do you care what *I* think?” Hell, I’m just a dude.<<
You’d make a lousy cult leader with an attitude like that.
Reply
Delmer – That’s very true. Now go and drink your Kool-aid like a good boy.
Reply
#22 is the hot one.
Reply
You’d rather read raw XML than my meticulous formatting?! WELL! See if I format any posts for you anymore. DUDE!
Sorry about missing you in Lauderdale Karl. I thought about contacting you before my trip but I knew time was going to be short. I have a classmate who LIVES in Ft. Lauderdale and only contacted her after the fact (and she’s HOT…not that you aren’t, but…) so please don’t feel too bad.
And I wasn’t even man enough to attempt the Man Meme.
Reply
John – Ha, I do admire your meticulous formatting when I stop by to comment. It’s so very, very meticulous. I’ve said that every time I visit, I’ve said, “His coding must be very, very meticulous.” Because it is. It’s SO very, very meticulous.
Reply
?????????? ?????????? ??? Wordpress 2.6.2, ????? ??? ????? ?? ??? secondhandkarl.com.
??????? ?????????)
Reply