On the Other Side of the Coin
I’m glad everyone got such a kick out of yesterday’s recap of TequilaCon. I’m still way behind on feeds, but I will get to everyone eventually. I also have a ton of new blogs to add to my feedreader, thanks to all of you entertaining bitches at TC. Last year I was smart and preloaded the feeds ahead of time so I could get familiar with all the people I didn’t know before showing up in Portland. This year? Yeah, not so much.
The blogroll needs serious revamping, too. Alas, it’s not likely to happen in the next week or so because I’m heading out to Dallas in the morning. I know, I’m still beat up from Philly - what the hell was I thinking? Oh, right. My daughters are in their last week of school and I wanted to see them before they took off for home.
At any rate, I hope you got your share of funny yesterday because today I’m talking about the more serious side of TC. It may be hard to believe, what after reading about my drunken hijinks, that I’m socially phobic, but it’s true. On the Meyers-Briggs scale, I’m an INFP. Google it if you don’t know what that means. Basically, I’m a major introvert.
If you were at TC last weekend then you very likely didn’t know how much I was struggling to keep that on the inside. I can put on The Show with the best of them. But on the inside, I’ll always be the awkward nerdy ugly socially inept outcast. There’s no amount of therapy that will turn that around. I’ve tried. I’ll continue to try, of course, but I know myself too well. I’ve done way more navelgazing than most people in my 41 years on Earth.
As I said in a recent post, I’m not looking for pity, not fishing for compliments. I will always have what I like to call a Permeable Teflon Skin (TM). That means the bad gets through but the good stuff always slides right off.
Shiny very eloquently wrote about this sort of thing and says it much better than I can. But I can so relate, dude, believe me. It’s nice to hear that I’m not the only one struggling with these things. Nevertheless, it FEELS like I’m all alone, the wallflower freak that people (out of niceness) feel the need to say hello to. Again, I’m talking about feelings here, perceptions, stuff that may not actually be happening outside my skin, but is still very real indeed because it’s happening in between my ears. That’s a scary place to be, in my head.
So to say that TC is a major undertaking for me is almost minimizing it. It’s downright terrifying to fly across the country to interact with folks I’ve never met before. Not as much this year, perhaps, as last year, but still a strong 7.5 on the Anxiety Richter scale.
Yes, it helps me a great deal to have people like Hilary and Britt and Adam along for the ride because (as Hilly says) they can operate as a home base of sorts, a safe haven from the onslaught of panicky feelings in a large group situation. Even though I’ve only known Britt and Adam for a relatively short period of time, I feel very close to them. Well, if not close, then comfortable. And everyone already knows how tight I am with Hilary.
But the thing is this: I go to TequilaCon to push the envelope. Hell, I tear the fucking envelope into shreds. I really don’t get out very much these days and could easily qualify as a hermit. So big social events like TequilaCon and BlogHer are truly cathartic and therapeutic for me. I’m forced to go outside my shell.
I guess that’s not entirely true. I mean, I could easily just sit on a couch or chair in the corner somewhere and feel a lot safer, but then what would be the point of me spending inordinate amounts of money when I could have just as easily stayed on my ass at home? Prexactly, that would be ludicrous.
Last year I did a rather poor job at mingling with everyone. I was able to latch onto Hilly and Dave, and it really helped a great deal to get there a day before the actual event, too. I had a crush on someone and glommed onto her, as well. As a result, I missed out on meeting a shitload of great people.
This year I committed myself ahead of time to not let that happen again. I set goals. I was dead set on shaking the hand of every single person attending. I also wanted to be not-so-clingy around Hilly and the people I knew already. I wanted to venture out away from my security blanket and make a sincere effort to hang out with every person there, if only for a few minutes at a clip.
And I think I succeeded, for the most part. Though I admit it took me more than a while to build up the courage needed to approach Sarah and Jill. I didn’t let my inner demons get the best of me, though. I eventually wandered up to Jill and said hello, grabbed a photo, and bolted. At least it felt like I bolted. She was very nice but probably thought I did a touch-and-go.
And Sarah? Oof, that took some testicular fortitude for sure. She’s like a photographic rock star, one of the first people I followed at Flickr. Drop-dead gorgeous and drop-dead gifted.
But I forced myself to meet my goals. I walked over to her on one of the many comfortable sofas at North Bowl and held out my hand. “Hi, Sarah, I’m Karl.” And she was gracious and warm and all the things I expected. When she said she knew ME? Whoa, unbelievable.
I did have the presence of mind to introduce myself to Cecily, as well, but in retrospect, I was so in awe of Sarah that I probably neglected my manners with Cecily.
I’m happy to say that I fulfilled my goals this year at TequilaCon. It wasn’t easy (thank God for Dave’s lanyards), but I believe I at least introduced myself to everyone there.
So it saddens me a bit to know that there are a few people who felt excluded Saturday night. I’m not mentioning names, but I’ve seen some posts where folks stated that TequilaCon was incredibly cliquish. I can understand the feeling, believe me, but in my mind nothing could be further from the truth.
Anyone who knows me and reads my blog knows how close I am with Hilary. And yes, I know more than a handful of the people that were there this weekend, but I DIDN’T know most of them the year before at TC 2007.
Everyone there is extremely approachable and friendly, warm and inviting, and more than happy to spend time with anyone else there. I purposefully stayed away from Hilary and Britt and Adam and a few others so I could foster new relationships. And yes, I’m sure that not everyone shared my mindset on Saturday. However, I would be shocked to learn of anyone there who turned away anybody that approached them.
TequilaCon is a unique experience. Most all of the people there I felt very comfortable with in short order. And most people are very likely adding all the people they met into their feedreaders so they can continue knowing them. All in the name of making new friendships, expanding our horizons, learning new things from new people.
I admit that part of me was irritated when I heard about this “exclusion” from a few people. That part of me said, “What the fuck?! If *I* can go out there and jump in the middle of the deep end, then ANYONE can.”
But the other part of me can really relate to feeling like planting my ass in a chair and not budging from that spot all night. It’s scary; for some of us, anyway. To those few people that felt left out, I’m sincerely sorry. It’s not my fault, don’t get me wrong. I know I did my best to make everybody feel welcome. I put myself out there on the ledge repeatedly, but it paid off in spades. And I’m positive that if you had done the same thing, it would have paid off for you, too.
TequilaCon is NOT an invitation-only event. In fact, there ARE no invitations. It’s totally word-of-mouth and all you have to do is drop by Jenny’s site, click on the TequilaCon link, and drop her a line to tell her you’re coming. And you don’t even have to do that, but once she puts you on the spreadsheet of attendees, you’re assured a lanyard from Dave, and that’s what helps you to mingle, and helps other people mingle with you.
I know these people. At least a good number of them. They’re honest and forthcoming and genuine. They WANTED to meet you, that’s why they were there. If there’s any clique associated with TC it’s that all of TequilaCon is one big clique. All of it. Everyone. Including you.
Once you make it to TC, you’re an insider like everyone else. That’s the God’s honest truth.
EDIT: This is NOT aimed at anyone in particular. And it’s not written in anger, either. I just re-read it and wanted to clarify that. I wanted the other introverts to know that you really are/were welcome.
Blogging Goodness AboundsI’m Packing Extra Boxers Just in CaseKyra Needs a Roommate for TequilaCon Filed under Blogging, Depression, TequilaCon, Travel |54 Responses to “On the Other Side of the Coin”
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First of all Karl, I totally came so I could finally meet you. You were a master mingler, and a master at other things too but that’s yesterday’s post.
I’ve heard about this clique issue through posts like this and I’m really surprised. It was my first time there and I talked to anyone and everyone who wanted to talk to me. I thought the whole crew was very welcoming and gracious. Some people just have issues and would rather put themselves on the outside so they have something to complain about. I have nothing to complain about. Can we do this again in June?
Okay, I really want to go to TC next year.
Uh, I confess that I’m much, much like you. On the whole socially introverted thing. I’ve been doing the writers conferences & such, trying to force myself beyond the comfort zone. It’s an ongoing thing, isn’t it? But it gets easier…
You’re much braver than I am. Even if I had the financial means to do so I would never fly to something like TequilaCon because I would feel so completely stupid the whole time. I always feel like the dumpy girl that no one wants to talk to. So kudos to you, darlin for even having the courage to just go.
Hmm, I felt a little awkward, but it was because people seemed to think I was really _interesting_, which I don’t really think myself. It was strange.
I dunno, I think some people just want stuff handed to them.
I too made a big effort to get around and visit with everybody… which was difficult, because I also wanted to spend time with my friends that were there. But, in the end, I had a great time, so it all worked out.
I know I’m socially awkward, and I don’t expect that I am the only one who feels like that. I, too, sometimes push the envelope and go to things in order to prove to myself that I can. But the one thing I find as I get older is that I have this embarrassment about being poor. At my age, I should make more money and be able to go to these things. Meh. I’ll end up at something one day. I don’t think I’ll be afraid to come up to you and say hi because you share yourself so well here. But don’t expect anything but gibberish from me if I meet Dave because he looks like a god to me.
Thanks for this post, Karl. 
Jess Riley - I guarantee you a great time if you come next year. GUARANTEE!
Lady Jaye - I get it. I also guarantee you this: you will not feel like that at TC. I won’t let you.
Jifferswitt - You ARE interesting, you idiot.
Dave2 - Cannot imagine being you, dude. Expectations are sky-high for those that haven’t met you before. Me, I know you’re just one of those regular everyday gods. You rocked the mingling, I thought.
Winter - I totally understand. We’ll have to hook up in July when I’m in California for Hillython and BlogHer.
That is really awesome that you could breakout of your INFP self. I’m totally the same. Except. For the life of me, I can’t figure out how to do what you did. I fully admit to be completely incapable of it and wanting people to drag me into their world instead of opening the door for me to wander in on my own. I want things handed to me because I can’t bring myself to reach out for them.
I tweeted that you were my hero the other night and it wasn’t sarcastic AT ALL. I’m a new reader here, so I don’t know much about you. But one of the first images I saw of you was you in your Introverts Unite shirt just before TC and wishing I had one those shirts. Then to hear stories of you and by you about your weekend amazed me having not known much more than I read on your T-shirt. I honestly don’t think I could ever approach that. Nice job dude.
I have to say I’m quite suprised how many of ‘us’ there are. I commented over at Shiny’s that I’m exactly like this too. Coming down there Saturday night was a BIG deal to me. My husband couldn’t believe I wanted to go out, I rarely leave the house.
I am bummed to hear there is cliqish talk going around, I can’t say I didn’t see some of it, but it wasn’t cast in concrete. The few times I gathered the nuts to go up to someone (like I did you!) They were FANTASTIC, and very quickly made me feel at ease.
Thanks for showing us that it’s ok to feel this way, and it’s even MORE ok, to let loose and HAVE FUN. Cause boy did YOU have fun!
Thanks for being Karl! It was awesome to meet you.
I know my I (vs E) side would have taken over at something like TC unless I had an in. Setting up to room with you was my ploy to get a little comfy beforehand. Thanks Karl! Not only were you true to your word to introduce me around are, you an interesting roommate, and you made it so even though I proved a huge party wimp (leaving before pumpkin time) I don’t feel like I missed all of the late night crazies. I liked getting to know you in the sipping coffee of the bed time. Too bad the coffee in the room was awful.
Bubblewench - And I’m so glad you DID come up to me. That’s all it takes, really, even though it does seem monumental at first. Next year it’ll be old hat. You know a bunch of people now.
PocketCT - I loved hanging with you and rooming with you, too. I was happy to provide your “in.” I had one last year (Dave) and it helps a lot. And yeah, the room coffee was pretty bad. Next year I’m bringing my own. Still, you were a total sweetie making it every morning. Brain just doesn’t function right without it.
Introverts Unite shirt by Karl
If you call yourself ugly again, I will call myself fat.
I know it doesn’t really matter what I think, and that you’re talking about how you feel on the inside, and no amount of me or whoever else trying to convince you otherwise matters, but…
dude, you’re not ugly. Don’t talk to or about yourself that way. Self-fulilling prophecy, yo.
The only time I felt unwelcome at TC was actually when I was trying to talk to the person who said she thought everyone was unfriendly!
I sooooo wanted to be there and meet you! I’m glad you push yourself—it’s a good thing.
I can’t believe anyone is saying folks were unfriendly.
I think I’ve said this before somewhere, and I’ve been writing a post about it since the airplane ride home, but it’s worth saying again:
The best part of TC for me was watching people stretch themselves. That is amazing. And rare. And I hope you all are as proud of yourselves as I am of you.
TC can certainly be really frightening. I’m not necessarily an introvert, but I have been battling social anxiety disorder for more than a year now and I was completely terrified. So I pretty much spent the evening hiding behind either a pitcher of beer or one of those giant flower arrangements. BUT, I still had a blast, even though I wish I got a chance to meet more of you awesome people.
You make me blush, seriously!
Listen, we all felt this way to one extent or another. Some of us (YOU) were able to overcome it. Some of us (ME) kinda failed.
I really don’t think saying that some people knew each other is saying there was a clique. The only mention of ‘clique’ I saw were in comments.
Now lets all hug.
You done good. I’ve dealt with social anxiety disorder ever since I was a teenager and I know it’s no small thing. Honestly, just reading about other people’s adventures at TC and trying to picture myself in that situation got me feeling anxious because it’s not something I could ever see myself being confortable with. It sounds like you were a rock star though. (Maybe even a little too rock starish? Didn’t Little Karl get exposed at one point?) The point is, I know how hard that sort of thing is and I’m way impressed and proud that you pushed yourself out of your comfort zone AND had sucha great time.
I heard about TequilaCon a bit to late for me to arrange to travel. I probably would have had to force myself to mingle as well, or I would sit in a corner the whole time. It’s almost easier to hide behind the internet.
By the way, I am the same Myers-Briggs as you - INFP. I totally have been wanting your t-shirt the past three days.
I was also afraid of TC ‘08, as I am painfully shy. I was afraid that people would think I was too silly, too fat, not pretty enough, etc. I thought all the same thigns I think in all situations. I have come to “know” some bloggers thru their writing, and I think that we get to know each other almost better by reading and learning thoughts that might not be said “In real life”. I can see by reading posts, seeing pics, etc, that there were probably some of the most down-to-earth, warm people around. I am envious, and proud as well…proud that some of you introverts (UNITE!) did it…I wish I would have had the balls to do it.
I am in awe of you, darlin’. To push your personal boundries like that takes courage. And I gotta tell you — not having read you or known you before — I would have never guessed how hard it was for you. You are amazing.
I can be shy in large groups like that… I probably didn’t introduce myself to nearly enough people. But there’s always next year.
I’d be hiding in a corner, I admit it. But I’d also admit that is 100% entirely my own fault and responsibility - just as my not going this time was.
I’d be in the corner too. No honestly…I can’t see that I would even venture there.
Trouble with a bunch of “shy” people in one room…Your either “trying”…or afraid to try..and kicking yourself for it…
But lets face it, it’s hard to know “no one”.
I’m proud of you Karl…for most of it..Some of it made me blush…Boys are so silly.
It sounds like you guys had a terrific time! As an ENTJ, mingling isn’t usually a problem. But with a brother who has Asperger’s (and is as a result incredibly shy), I’ve always been sensitive to the introverts. As a kid, I found it infuriating when people would exclude my brother from anything because of his shyness and have, as a result, a visceral dislike of cliques. It’s a shame that anyone felt there was that sort of thing going on.
Overall, it sounds like you guys had a terrific time. Fun had by all.
Karl, you are my HERO. I wouldn’t even have gone to meet you all when Bossy came to town, except for a pep talk and a kick out the door from my husband.
You face the fear and do it anyway.
YOU ROCK, DUDE!
http://www.theledger.com/article/20080507/BREAKING/775435435
Looks like you guys got out just in time what with the handicapped parking and whatnot. I, on the other hand, only use my father’s parking tag at the Wal-Mart. I enjoy watching the old(er) people as I go skipping into the store.
Avitable - Yeah, I know you’re all about the happiness, but I hope you have a little insight now as to how hard it can be for some people.
Turnbaby - Well, nobody told ME that people were unfriendly. In fact, everyone I talked to was very warm and friendly. Maybe they were putting on The Show, too, but I didn’t notice.
Britt - Thanks. You rock the casbah. TC is definitely the place to stretch your wings. All sorts of freaks are accepted there!
Kat - Wish I’d known that. You really hid it very well, if that’s any consolation. Drat, should have spent more time with you lovely ladies.
Sarah - you’re totally blushworthy. Yeah, I know what you mean. I wanted to spend more time with you guys but I was afraid my facade would crumble at any moment. Next time for sure!
Jen - thanks. Yeah, wish I hadn’t slammed so many drinks so fast in order to get a buzz in order to knock down my social anxiety a few notches. I got way too drunk.
Lynda - Next time you can come and I’ll personally welcome you in. And I linked to the t-shirt earlier in the comments of this post. I’ll also put it in the blog tomorrow. They’re absolutely available.
Stephanie - shut the fuck up. OK, you don’t know me well enough to know I’m joking there. EVERYONE is accepted at TequilaCon. Didn’t you READ this post?
Finn - Yeah, I put on a great act when I have to. Don’t knock yourself…like I said, I was only so-so at the mingling last year. But now you know a bunch of people…except for the extra people that will likely show up NEXT year.
Kyra - I keep telling you, I’ll take you under my wing just like I did Black Belt Mama. Come a day early, hang out with me and a smaller group, get to know them, and then you’re much better off the next night. I would NEVER let you shiver in the corner, baby.
Wendy - TONS of people came by themselves, honest. I came by myself last year and the only person I knew when I got there was Hilly. Do think about it for next year. It’s so much less stressful than BlogHer.
Steve - yeah, so I’m sure you get it, since your brother has aspergers. But even the extroverts need time to recharge their batteries.
Little Miss Sunshine - I almost didn’t go, either. I didn’t even know who Bossy WAS. Really went to meet Britt and Adam. Glad you were there, though. It was a great night.
Queen Lynn - Ha!
Oh, I saw the link when I read through today. Thanks! Just thought I would let you know that I think it is awesome!
Perception is really the only thing that matters.
Intentions are nice, but its the perception that people carry.
The more I read, the more I am bummed I didn’t know this was going down. And it wouldn’t have even involved the expense of a plane ticket or hotel room.
ACG - Shit, that’s deep. Wish you’d known about it, too. We had a number of people who dropped in last minute from the Philly vicinity.
Thanks… I usually only make profound statements after drinking… and I am at work so of course I’m not drinking.
I have no impulse control and you’re INFP. After a couple of hours of doing tequila shots we would have either landed in the ER or handcuffs.
Talk nerdy to me, baby. Had I been there I would havee latched on to you. Also, we would have mad out. Have you missed me a little?
I have been reading your blog for a short time. I have been keeping up with TC over the weekend because I truly wanted to know how to start mingling with people like you and me. I am sure if I went I would have definitely been a wall flower. I am painfully shy and I constantly worry about what people think of me. You have done an amazing job of hiding your insecurities and I so wish I could just take that leap.
I typically have to make an effort not to be hermit. It’s not that I stay home and do nothing — I just go out and do things by myself … take long walks, long bike rides, go to movies, etc.
I don’t always make an effort to talk to people because I think they want to be left alone. Generally speaking I’m trying to get over that … at TC I figured people came to talk and meet others so they deserved whatever ramblings it was I spewed their way.
Yeah - it was like no one even saw me or something!
Just kidding - I wasn’t there.
But I wanted to be!
And next year I will…
Good post!
Kyra Sutra - Holy crap! Were you on Mars or something?
Mindy - I’m a wallflower by nature. I fight it. Takes a lot of work to retrain the brain. Still, when a handful of people squealed with delight and I discovered it was because of ME? Surreal.
Delmer - You’re way cool to talk to, but I think you’re hermitish for different reasons than I am. Cannot believe I haven’t been reading you before now. Well, not counting this week because I’m woefully behind adding people to my feeds. And reading feeds. *sigh*
Sybil Law - Thanks. You’d BETTER be. I swear I ought to be getting commissions.
Or making out while handcuffed
“But on the inside, I’ll always be the awkward nerdy ugly socially inept outcast.”
Here’s the dirty secret that some of us can admit to, but most of us don’t… we all feel this way. Even the most famous and gorgeous of people, if pinned down and stripped of their designer bullshit, would cop to the same thing. It’s what makes us human. And humble. And a pleasure to be around when we’re not mired in ego trying to hide it.
Part of me really wants to make it to a TequilaCon (you know, in this lifetime). But first I would have to work on being in a room with more than two people without freaking out. I’d better start practicing.
I am a bit on the shy side too. I admire you guys for putting youselves out there. Part of me is afraid of these events, I’ll admit. What if they hate my blog… What if they hate me…
Anyway good on you for facing the fear.
Stacey - But, but, but - you’d get to meet ME!
Nat - The truth is that lots of people there haven’t even read my blog and the Tequilacon spreadsheet (which Jenny compiles every year of all the attendees and their URLs) is the first they’ve heard of me. If even then. It doesn’t matter. It’s about meeting the people you read, yes, but it’s also about meeting people you HAVEN’T read. I discover new blogs every time that I can’t believe I wasn’t reading until now.
I’m the same way in social situations, I get really uncomfortable and clam up and avoid people. I was actually nervous to go up to you since I’d seen your blog before, so you were somewhat “blog famous” to me! I wasn’t as brave as you though, since I literally knew no one there I generally stuck with a few people. But those people were completely new to me, and even though I’d just met them we clicked, which made me feel like I accomplished something. That’s what I like about blogging, people can really get to know the real you, which makes those friendships so much stronger over time! I’m hoping to keep up on a lot of new blogs now so that if I make it to TequilaCon next year it’ll be even better!
Permeable Teflon Skin (TM). That means the bad gets through but the good stuff always slides right off. That is totally me. Is there a way to cure it? I am in therapy, too.
As for Sarah and Cecily? I was totally the opposite. I have known Sarah forever and she has helped me through some really rough times. But, to me, Cecily is like Dooce is to some people. She was one of my first reads. To me, she is a real icon of blogging. I feel like I gushed over her so much that I may have hurt Sarah’s feelings.
Of course, that could all be between my ears, too. I think I totally get you, Karl. I try to fit in, but never quite feel like I do.
I rate your TequilaCon interactions as an EPIC WIN, Karl. Just so’s you know.
it never in a million years would have dawned on my extrovert self that others, who just so happen to express themselves so well online, might not be as outgoing as i am. karl, you did great. i’m proud of you. before tequilacon i was crushing on you bigtime, but you totally sent me over the edge after meeting you.
xoxo, becky
You’re fucking brilliant, Karl. Will you be my therapist?
Next year, I’m going to overcome my initial shyness by approaching all the shy folk hiding in the corners. But … what if they don’t like me and won’t talk back?
Shelli - I suspect TequilaCon is the beginning to a cure.
Iron Fist - thanks, dude! Great hanging with you, as expected.
Hello - Aw, thanks. It’s one thing to express yourself online…totally different to do it offline, though.
SJ - Sure, I’ll be your therapist, though it might mess you up more than it helps. If other people don’t like you tell ‘em to screw off.
OK, I need some serious advice on the invert problem. I’m a middle school math teacher. Once in a great while I’ll ask the kids to come to the board to write an answer (that I am sure they have correct) on the board. I have a few students who will cry so that they don’t have to walk up to the board. I was the same way in elementary school. My middle school (junior high) teachers made us stand in front of the class and recite poems that we had to memorize. (I even had to say ‘bosom’ in the poem Evangeline.) It basically cured me from the ’scared so much that I might pee my pants’ problem. Should I stop insisting that the students write an answer on the board? They don’t have to say a word. Thanks in advance for the help.
Meeting you would make it worth the anxiety attack and possible permanent emotional scarring.
Stacey - Aw, you’re such a sweetheart. The check’s in the mail.
“it FEELS like I’m all alone, the wallflower freak that people (out of niceness) feel the need to say hello to. ”
Dude, I could have written that myself. High five, INFP brotha. It always amazes people when I tell them I am an introvert, as apparently I do a really good job of not showing it. If I actually get out there and start talking to people, I am pretty good at carrying a conversation. But oh, the effort it takes to actually get me OUT there is gargantuan.
As a result, I’m still uncomfortable at places like BlogHer. Even though I love it and think they’re wonderful events, I have a really hard time with them because - again, exactly like you said - the good bounces right off me, and every bad (or perceived bad) sinks right in. If I meet someone and they’re wonderful and lovely, but then I see them sitting and laughing with a group of people later at a social event, approaching them is basically impossible. I was probably the only person at the rooftop reception last year in Chicago who wasn’t talking to anybody for the longest time and instead was just hanging out taking pictures of the lake and the city, because I just had no idea how to walk over to a table and say Hi, I’m Shannon, can I sit down and have fun with you? The potential for rejection is far too overwhelming, far too frightening. Unless I get a really positive reaction from someone, I feel like I’m an intruder and I extract myself as quickly as possible.
So I guess my point of all this is - clique is the wrong word for it, but at any event there are always self-forming groups of people who can be perceived as being self sufficient as a group. There is nothing wrong with this: in fact, it’s exactly what everyone wants to have happen, it’s called “fun”. Whenever I am on the inside of one of these groups, I really make a point of trying to be welcoming to those who approach, because I know how tough it is to be the approacher. Not everyone does make that effort, and I do wish more people would.
I love your last point: when you’re in, you’re just in. You have nothing to prove anymore. I need to remember that.
The first year I went to BlogHer I was liveblogging the event, so it forced me into the mix of things rather quickly. But it also kept me busy since I had to act professional to a certain degree; thus, I had a need to be there.
If you ever make it to TequilaCon I’ll show you the ropes.