Dear Panera Bread Bastards

Dear Panera Bread Bastards:

Allow me to introduce myself. I’m the guy who left your bakery/cafe (1760 US 27 N, Sebring, Florida) yesterday afternoon around 12:45pm. I’m the guy who will NOT be back to your eatery. I’m the guy who’s posting this shit all over the Internet. Well, all over my blog, anyway.

You screwed up and you screwed up royally. Was my food bad? Absolutely not, it was delicious, thanks for asking. I had the Mozarella and Portabella panini and it totally rocked. I also got a soft drink and a large coffee, since I planned on being there for a while.

Instead, I left roughly 30 minutes after I got there, without even filling my coffee cup. Want to know why?

Because YOU MADE ME LEAVE. That’s right. No one forcefully grabbed me by the arm and shoved me out the door, but they might as well have. You cut off my fucking wifi Internet connection after 30 minutes! What the bloody monkey’s uncle is THAT shit about?!

30 minutes? I was in the middle of doing important things, I’ll have you know. Suddenly, my email dies in the middle of Internet limbo, a slow and painful death, because Panera Bread is rationing the fucking wifi! How is that FREE wifi? Seriously, I want to know.

And don’t try to feed me the crap line that it’s “prime time” during lunch time, or that it’s for the good of all the other customers. There were THREE other people using computers while I was there. Yes, I checked. And yes, I can just about guarantee you that three other people left angry, just like I did.

There is no excuse for cutting off my Internet connection after such a measly amount of time. None. Even if I’d been there for two hours, there’s no excuse. You want to be like Starbucks and charge people $10/day to use the Net? Fine, be like Starbucks. I don’t go there any more, either. But don’t go advertising “free wifi hot spot” when there’s no such thing anywhere in Panera Bread Co. Free is FREE, unlimited use, idiots. Not rationed, not limited…that’s UNfree.

You fucked up. I’m a great customer. But I don’t care that your bagels are yummy and your sandwiches are divine. I refuse to eat anywhere that treats me so shabbily and callously.

Multimedia message

Guess where I’m at right now? That’s right, I’m at Brewster’s Coffeehouse right across the street from your precious new Panera location here in Sebring. They don’t have sandwiches, but they have great coffee. AND they don’t limit use of their wifi. And they’re a locally owned coffeehouse. They were here long before you were, and long before the new Starbucks that’s right next door to you.

And I’ll be here most days from here on out. Good luck getting a clue.

Kiss my ass goodbye,

Karl Erikson

64 Responses to Dear Panera Bread Bastards
  1. Sun
    October 18, 2009 | 1:05 pm

    FYI – log this.
    Panera Bread in Nashua, NH on Sunday, 18th Oct 2009 between 10am – 12pm, abruptly disconnected the internet with message: “Your 30-minute session limit has been reached.” and I believe it bcoz of the table / space usage and NOT the Wifi. The smaller the Panera location and more crowd causes this to happen.

    Reply

  2. Secondhand Karl
    October 18, 2009 | 2:47 pm

    I can see that, but on that particular day there was only me and a couple of other people using the wifi. Not many people at all in the restaurant.

    Reply

  3. Rob
    December 22, 2009 | 12:26 pm

    Some of us are smart enough to walk across the street or override the Panera settings. Don’t be so childish..you are getting free service and bemoaning it while people like me are perfectlly fine with it given that we know that Panera is a business not a non-profit. Hint: LIBRARY has internets.

    Reply

    Secondhand Karl Reply:

    You found my blog by searching for “override panera session limit.” Uh huh, you’re totally fine with it.

    Reply

  4. Bryan
    August 2, 2010 | 5:39 pm

    Actually, it depends on which provider uses. The Panera I always go to has unlimited timing, while the new Panera across town has the 30 minute limit. Yes, it’s stupid. Just find a different Panera.

    Reply

  5. urock
    August 3, 2010 | 9:24 pm

    I love you! Thanks for the rant, I also will no longer frequent Panera due to their new policy. The same thing happened here in Pittsburgh.

    Reply

  6. dantheman
    September 8, 2010 | 11:38 am

    So, has anyone figured out how to get around the 30 minute restriction. I have tried various simple techniques to no avail, but there has to be a way. It certainly seems that the 30 minute limit (especially from 11-1:30) is becoming a popular Panera policy…

    Reply

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